by Sabrina Kade
If I wasn’t so busy punishing myself, it would have never come this far.
I wouldn’t have secretly seen this as a way for Hujun to show his love.
“Ellis,” he rumbles before Phoebe pushes him aside.
“Leave her alone,” she snaps.
I’m humiliated. Beyond humiliated. Hujun looks devastated, and for reasons I’ll never understand, Drazal seems upset. Hujun’s eyes shift to anger as he takes him in.
“I told you, brother, you push too hard.”
“Hujun, I was simply doing as you—”
“Stop,” I interrupt them. “Please. I’m sorry. Hujun, Drazal has nothing to do with this. Though he certainly didn’t help. And Phoebe,” I push her away, “this has nothing to do with Hujun. This is about me. It was wrong for us all to come here.”
“Ellis, let me explain,” Drazal starts, but quickly locks his lips together when Hujun and I shoot him annoyed expressions. Phoebe darts back close to Drazal, but she looks as confused as ever.
Hujun is the first to break the tense silence. “You are worth it, Ellis. Why do you speak of yourself like this?”
Why? Because it’s all true. I’m not worth all this trouble. And as relieved as I am to have Hujun taking my advances seriously finally, I don’t want him to think he has to kill for me. Blood doesn’t have to be shed for me to love him. Suddenly, I’m sick to my stomach, and I crumble over, retching into the grass. My heart rate picks up, and I’m worried I’m going to have another panic attack.
Notworthitnotworthitnotworthit.
“I’m not worth any of this,” I mutter as everyone huddles around me. “I’m not worth it.”
“You must stop this,” Hujun says. “We must—” he stiffens, and I can feel him looking at Drazal and Phoebe, but for once, the two of them are silent. “I must explain, Ellis.”
“No,” I mutter, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. Whatever excuse you’re about to spout at me. I’m not worth it, Hujun.”
I feel the darkness coming, but Hujun’s mouth is still moving.
He’s saying something, but I can’t make it out, and instead, welcome the darkness.
It’s chilly, just like the air on this part of Hethdiss.
CHAPTER NINE
Hujun
Not worth it. Not worth it? My anger threatens to boil as the pathetic heap of a woman I care so much about continues to doubt herself. After all this time. After everything that happened the night before, after everything I’ve done up until this exact moment, Ellis still believes she is not worth the trouble. I am so furious I can hardly stand it. She weeps, but my body will not move to comfort her. I don’t want to comfort her. I want her to stand on her own and be the strong woman I know she can be. I can protect her when she needs me. She does not need to act like this.
Still, I long to hold her. Perhaps this can be salvaged.
I flicker my annoyed expression up at Drazal, who stands there with a perplexed expression.
“I warned you not to push her too hard,” I say in a low hiss. “All you said… it was too much, brother.”
He continues to look incredulous as though I am the one to blame. Perhaps I am, but I cannot allow those negative thoughts to seep through. Right now, more than anything, I need to be focused. Ellis is starting to shift out from her ball of pity, but her pale-haired friend is incredibly upset.
“What do you mean you pushed too hard?” she snaps as Ellis stirs. “What the hell are you two talking about?”
“That is none of your concern,” I hiss, but Drazal steps forward.
“Stop, brother. She is not to blame.”
“True. It is you who pushed her too hard.”
“That’s what I was told to do!” he yells.
“Who told you that?” Phoebe squeals. “Seriously, what the hell is going on?”
“I will explain later,” Drazal says, shaking his head. “I should have never agreed to this.”
“Agreed to what?”
“It is nothing. I will tell you later,” Drazal says.
“Which is it? Now or later?” she screams.
“Ugh, please stop screaming.”
All of the voices fall silent once the bundle in my arms starts to move. My Ellis. Even in her fears and worries, she is beautiful to me now. I am not sure how I was able to avoid her beauty for so long, but now I can chastise myself for not falling into her beauty like the deepest black hole sooner. She groans loudly and immediately pulls away from my grip, rubbing her head.
“You guys are seriously too loud, you know that? I thought we were supposed to be quiet.”
“That was in the dilewiler territory,” Drazal explains, letting his cruel demeanor slip away. “We should be alright—”
“Things are never alright so long as we’re in the outsider’s territory, Drazal.”
“Perhaps they are not outsiders to me,” he hisses back.
I roll my eyes. “This is ridiculous.”
“Shut the hell up,” Phoebe squeaks. “And someone please tell me what’s going on.”
I snarl. No. I can’t have her spouting this nonsense while Ellis is upset.
“Quiet, woman,” I say to the pale-haired one. “We must move forward.”
“To what?” she sneers. “To whatever crazy plan you two have come up with? Am I the only one who’s left out?”
“There’s no plan,” Drazal tries to say to her in a soothing tone while shooting me a look of death. “Hujun, I am no longer confident this is going to work. Perhaps it would be best if we returned home and gathered our heads.”
“No. We stay.” I glimpse at the skies, knowing there is not much daylight left. “We cannot go back. We discussed this.”
“Discussed what?” Phoebe squeaks.
“Will you please get her to stop moving her mouth?” I ask Drazal with a hint of annoyance and impatience I cannot cover up.
“Hujun, stop,” Ellis says, rising into a full standing position. “Whatever’s going on, maybe Drazal’s right. Maybe this isn’t going to work today.”
She doesn’t know. I never bothered to tell her the extent of my plan. All she knows is that I plan to kill all who have hurt or scared her. She does not know the time and effort it took to create this opportunity.
She says she wants to be by my side, but she is quick to run away. There is only one way to stop her from diving into the mental darkness, and as much as it pains me, she has left me with no other alternative.
“Did I hear you say you are not worthy, Ellis?” I keep my voice low and detached.
She is surprised by the change, stiffening as I rise to a standing position as well. Her eyes narrow, no doubt taking in the massive height difference that used to make us uncomfortable at first, but now we are alright with. But not now. I am looming over the human, doing the only thing I do as well as kill.
Intimidate. I have to send her away. It is the only way to keep her safe now.
“If you truly believe you are not worthy, you are free to leave.” I brandish my hand toward the dilewiler territory. “Go. Run back to the lairs and cower there until the rest of us return.”
“Hujun…” Her voice cracks as though it’s in pain. “You don’t mean that.”
“I told you he’s an asshole,” Phoebe says.
“You never said that,” Ellis says.
“Well, I’m saying that now.”
“Brother,” Drazal says, coming close. “You don’t mean what you speak.”
“I have never meant anything more,” I sneer, looking down at Ellis. “Cowering and crying, saying you are not worth all this trouble. There is nothing more unattractive than a woman who does not believe she is worthy. A Sidyth woman would never speak or act as you are now. I must say. It is disappointing.”
Her shoulder bunch together.
“I know these words pain you, Ellis, but you must hear them. I am…” I steal a glance at Drazal and Phoebe before dealing the final blow, “… I am tired of all this weakness, Ellis.”
>
Her eyes water as Drazal stiffens behind me. Phoebe rushes ahead and starts pounding on my chest with weak fists, but I can only stare down at Ellis. My Ellis.
“Brother,” Drazal says in a strangled voice.
“You’re a cruel bastard,” Ellis says, wiping hard at her eyes to prevent the tears from falling. But it is too late.
“Are you leaving or not?”
She doesn’t answer, spinning on her heel and not even thinking about the terror she’s running toward. She will be safe so long as she does not—
“Are you out of your mind?” the pale-haired one screeches, pounding me harder on the chest. I can barely feel her attacks, but I am annoyed by them. I seize her hands, holding them above her head, but she continues to cry and wail. “How could you say those horrible things to her? What’s wrong with you?”
“I must agree, brother,” Drazal says, taking Phoebe out of my grasp. He’s as slow and patient as ever, but Phoebe is enraged, breaking away from his grip and rushing back up to me. I’m momentarily distracted by her wild frenzy and Drazal’s attempt to calm her down, so despite the worries blooming in my chest, I help him calm the pale-haired woman down. But she’s breathing hard, glaring at me as though I’m one of the original women of the fatherland.
A monster. A devil. A terror.
Perhaps I am.
“Don’t touch me,” Phoebe hisses at Drazal as he pulls her away from me. “And you!” she sneers. “I always worried you were a bad one. I didn’t want to believe it. If you really wanted Ellis, then you should have just told her, and then we wouldn’t even be here, I bet. And now look what you’ve done, asshole! She’s heading straight into the woods where those elephant beasts are, and you’re just standing here calling her weak.”
“She will be fine,” Drazal starts, but then his eyebrows furrow as he looks behind me and into the distance. “Brother? Where is she?”
“Probably maneuvering her way around the forest. There’s no way she’s going to head directly into the forest.” I slowly turn around, expecting Ellis to be cumbrous in her movements, doing everything she can to avoid the dilewiler territory, but coming up blank, I spin back toward Drazal. “Where is she?”
“I don’t know!” Drazal says, abandoning Phoebe to join me in my search of the valley. “I think I see her prints in the overgrown grass…” he trails off and spins at Phoebe. “Did you see her?”
“I saw her,” she sneers. “I’m the only one who cares about her.”
Stupid, annoying, arrogant human.
“Where did you see her?” I snarl.
“What do you care?” She turns toward me and then to Drazal who only continues to watch the woods with a worried expression I do not care for. The scales on my neck stand on end. “Why do either of you care?”
“I care…” I start to advance on the pale-haired human. My anger continues to rise. This human… her neck could easily… “Where… did you see her… go?” I ask in a low voice, trying to keep it from shaking. Part of me wants to sprint in a random direction, screaming Ellis’ name at the top of my lungs and tracking her scent as best I can, but I know this territory is full of dilewilers and outsiders. I cannot risk running around blindly. This human saw where she went. “WHERE IS SHE?” I roar impatiently.
“Hujun,” Drazal says. “Keep your temper.”
I ignore him. How can he ask me such a thing? I wanted to draw the outsiders out but losing track of Ellis was never part of the plan. And now she’s gone and my only chance of finding her lies in this stupid, pale-haired human. I want to rip out Drazal’s throat for defending her. He is right, of course, I need to keep my temper. And, after all my talk about pushing Ellis too far, I am the one who spouted the words that sent her running.
“Where is she?” I crouch in front of Phoebe like she is a sprog. “Tell me, where did my Ellis run?”
Her eyes widen, and she swallows hard. I have slipped in my cover by calling her mine, but I cannot take back my verbal slip. I am enraged. Afraid. Impatient. I resist the urge to shake her violently, demanding her to tell me where she is but with Drazal right behind her, I cannot. He will attack, and I cannot waste time or his life when Ellis is in the woods with dilewilers ready for a feeding.
Everything that could have possibly gone wrong has, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I underestimated her. My Ellis. That was my biggest mistake.
I underestimated her lack of confidence in herself. I underestimated how much Yayk’s actions hurt her.
Worst of all, I underestimated her spirit.
Of course, she has run away from me. I am the one person she turned to. And I called her a coward.
I was never supposed to lie to her.
She says she is not worthy, but it is I who is not worthy of her.
I’m about to ask Phoebe one more time where my Ellis has run off to when a high-pitched screech hits my ears. Instead, it is not a screech. It is a feminine roar.
I spin toward the sound.
“She ran to the woods,” Phoebe stammers as a second scream pierces the air. “She ran to the woods.”
I do not have any more time to listen to the frightened ramblings of the pale-haired one. I cannot wait for Drazal either, dropping everything I own and sprinting toward the direction of the sound. My Ellis. The scream is the same as the one she makes at night when she has terrors in the Gathering Room. None of the other women can comfort her. They offer sweet words, but that is not what Ellis craves in times of fear.
She needs me. I am her protector.
I can barely focus as I break out into a sprint, feeling Drazal trailing behind me. I can only hope he’s keeping the pale-haired one close to him. If the dilewilers are confused in their frenzy, they may attack anyone carrying an interesting enough scent, including them. But I do not care. I would not care if the entire planet became seized with plague. I only care about Ellis.
Ellis and her soft, determined eyes.
Ellis and her shaky hands.
Ellis my beautiful teardrop of perfection.
The trees darken the forest as I run into the cavern, staring up at the talas. If the dilewilers are around, they are safely watching me from above. I hiss loudly, daring them to come at me, but dilewilers are not as simple as they try to make themselves come across. That is all a part of their plan. In reality, they can be reasoned with. They know they can be defeated if their prey does not care about finesse when it comes to killing.
I certainly do not care.
I hiss more loudly, watching the trees as I dart forward, and I can hear Drazal and his noisy human bumbling behind me.
“Ellis!” The hiss erupts from my throat as I scan the area. Her fear scent is strong here. I am close. “Ellis—” I stop in my tracks.
She is there. Only a few steps ahead of me, but she is not alone.
Outsiders.
The hiss in my throat becomes mangled with need. A need for her. A need to kill them. A need to claim her. So many fearsome emotions hit me at once when I see Ellis standing before me. A few dilewilers are observing absently from the trees, ready to pick off the scraps at the end of this fight.
And there will be a fight.
Luckily, it’s only two.
Two outsiders.
Two sets of yellow eyes watch me curiously, tilting their heads to the side. They are like me. Sidyths who chose exile but did not choose Prince Korben. Filth left over from the dividing and now here trying to claim something they did not earn. They want my Ellis. For pleasure, I am not sure, but I cannot think of that now. Their respective hands rest on her trembling shoulders, looking larger than life behind her frame, and I am reminded once more just how small and fragile she is. I should have never allowed that pale-haired human to distract me. The outsiders were waiting.
“Ahh… Hujun,” one of the traitors spews from his mouth. He’s grinning, and like me, he’s appropriately dressed for the chillier weather.
I recognize him, but I do not say his name
in my head. I don’t want to think about killing a name, I am here to kill a traitor. An outsider. One who thinks they can put their hands on what I should have rightfully claimed as mine weeks ago.
“We were wondering if you would arrive to grab this one.”
“It’s them,” Ellis squeaks. “I recognize their voices.”
“No talking,” the other, shorter and stockier one grumbles, slapping her behind the head. Ellis bulks forward but manages to keep her footing, and I start to move forward, but the taller one proceeds to put himself between us.
He quickly steps in front of Ellis, completely blocking her from my view. “Let’s not be hasty. This is merely one human, Hujun.”
“Give her to me,” I hiss. I am not in the mood. Two outsiders? Only two? I sniff the air, wondering if this is a trap of some kind, but when I find no other scents other than dilewilers and Drazal and Phoebe, I prepare to attack. It will not be a pretty fight, but it will be an easy one. How could they think they would be able to stop me?
Or perhaps, they figured I would not care.
After all, Ellis is only a human. A Human Whore. They assumed I would not care.
The thought angers me.
I swallow hard and fall back on my haunches, and the two outsiders look at me with surprise.
“Surely, you don’t mean to attack—” one asks, but the words die in his throat as I lunge.
“Move!” I roar at Ellis as she staggers away, and I start to attack the outsiders. They swipe at me, sloppy in their movements, not used to fighting. It would not surprise me if they have not been training in their time since the dividing, and this leaves them easily exposed to my attacks despite the clothing on their bodies. They must have had them shipped from the fatherland.
Am I too late?
I cannot think of that now. The dilewilers are getting excited, letting out their shrill calls now that food is about to be served fills the air. There will be more coming. Mothers are wanting to feed their young. Unmated ones are looking to impress their females. These two outsiders will provide plenty of meat, but not enough to satisfy more than several families. But they will get the scent.