Of all the things that had happened today, this was the best, and that wasn’t saying much.
Yes, I had to be careful that the damn thing wasn’t going to try and stab me with its tail, but soaring over the rest of the beasties in the feeding frenzy below was far nicer than trying to traverse it on foot. I wouldn’t have made it ten steps, Boomy or not.
Up here, though, I felt like nothing could touch me.
“I have to say that you’ve got it better than all those below you…” I paused. “What’s your name, anyway?”
“Jim.”
I was expecting “Gravelor” or “Croseidon” or something like that. Not “Jim.”
“I’m Ian, Jim.”
“Don’t care.”
“Right. Well, anyway, I was saying that you’ve got a pretty decent gig up here, Jim.”
“Glad you think so,” he replied as we turned a sharp corner that revealed another two manticores flying toward us.
“Uh…Jim…who are they?” I asked in an almost casual tone.
“My fellow rulers.”
“That’s not good for you, Jim,” I said.
“For me?”
“Well, you do want to get back to those three humanoids, right? These guys are your competition, no?”
“Shit,” Jim said with a growl. “You’re right. Use your projectile launcher on them.”
“It’s called a gun, Jim.”
“Don’t care. Kill them.”
I had to think about this for a second. If I pulled Boomy away from Jim’s head, he could easily stab me with his tail before I had time to reengage. On the other hand, if the other flying manticores got much closer, they’d rake me off Jim anyway, and probably kill him in the process.
Fortunately, I always carried a spare gun, just in case.
I took it out with my left hand and stuck it on Jim’s opposite temple.
“I have two of these, Jim, so don’t get any ideas.”
“You’d better kill them fast,” Jim said almost desperately.
I fired Boomy and struck the first incoming lion-beast right between the eyes. It dropped like a lead balloon, falling with a splat on the ground below. The feeding frenzy that ensued was horrific.
The second flier hesitated at seeing this, keeping its distance.
“What is this devilry, Jim?” it said while casually flapping its wings.
“He’s my new…friend,” Jim replied.
“We’re friends now?” I whispered with a laugh, thinking it unlikely that Jim and I would ever end up out at a pub throwing back a few beers.
“You know the rules,” the other manticore said. “All food is communal, friends or not.”
“Of course I know, Cleo,” Jim replied with a venomous voice. “With Chelsie out of the way, though, you and I can set new rules. Ones that are befitting of the winged manticores, not the lowly walkers.”
The names that these things had were simply too human. It kind of weirded me out. I’d met a few people over the years who didn’t fit their names, but this was insanity.
“What do you have in mind, Jim?” Cleo asked.
“We shall become one,” Jim replied, maintaining his position. “Our rule will be done with the power of six rows.”
I assumed he meant rows of teeth, seeing as there weren’t any rowboats around.
“You are proposing marriage?”
“Out of convenience only.”
“Yet it still requires copulation,” countered Cleo.
“I am aware,” Jim said back.
Cleo frowned while studying him. She appeared completely baffled by Jim’s suggestion. It was clear there was no love between them.
“But I thought you were only interested in male manticores, Jim?”
Jim’s altitude dropped enough to cause me to constrict my legs around his waist.
“Why does everyone think that?” he asked. “I’m not gay. I just haven’t found the right mate.”
“Until now?” Cleo said, looking dubious.
“I marry for purpose, not love.”
The two continued flapping their wings for a few quiet moments.
I honestly couldn’t care less what ended up happening between the two of them. My bigger worry was that the dragons were bound to be coming through any second and then the shit was going to hit the fan. Once they spread the word as to who they truly were, Jim would recognize my ruse and do his damndest to end me, even at the expense of his own life.
“Fine,” Cleo said finally. “We have an arrangement. Now, let us dine on this human together.”
“I think not,” I said, raising Boomy and pointing it at her. “You already saw what I did to your third-wheel manticore. I have no problem making my wedding gift to you be a similar fate.”
“Do not fire at her,” Jim said over his shoulder quietly. “It will only cause two of those below to morph into fliers.”
I glanced down at all the hungry faces.
“What?”
“There must be no fewer than two rulers, though three is preferred,” Jim explained. “If you kill Cleo, two more will rise in her place and we will have another battle to contend with. If Cleo and I marry, then we will supersede the law of three and may rule together without the third manticore.”
“Only if we copulate,” Cleo reminded him.
I felt Jim bristle at the thought. Maybe he was only into dude manticores? Not that I gave a shit one way or the other, but it just went to show that power was more important to him than his personal preferences.
“Let’s go, Jim,” I said, tapping him on the temple with the smaller gun as I kept Boomy trained on his new fiancée. “I need to get to the next level fast.”
He swerved and headed toward the exit, covering the distance quickly as Cleo flew alongside us.
There were only a couple hundred feet left to go when a rumbling sound rippled through the manticores below.
Another ten seconds and I’d be home free.
“What is the bustle of noise?” said Jim as he continued his descent. “Something has the flock worried.”
Five seconds.
“Dragons,” said Cleo.
Three seconds.
“What?”
One second.
“Dragons have entered the area.”
Jim stopped about ten feet above the ground.
“Dragons?” he yelled and then spun his head back at me. “You said they were humans!”
I licked my lips.
“Technically, Jim, I said they were humanoids.”
Jim roared so loud that I nearly dropped Boomy.
“Kill him,” he commanded as I dived off his back an instant before his tail would have struck me.
I hit the ground with a roll and dived into the darkness that led to the stairwell and scrambled down until I passed the halfway point.
“Son of a bitch,” Jim was yelling from the top of the stairs. “I cannot believe I was fooled by that stupid human!”
“Great,” said Cleo. “I’m marrying a moron.”
Chapter 21
I’d made it to the level of greed. This could be a good thing or a bad thing.
I had money on my person, but it was Overworld money. Still, if I could somehow position it as being precious because it wasn’t available for use on this plane, maybe the goblins who ruled this level would let me through without a fuss.
That was the good thing.
The bad thing was that dragons were known for having jewels that goblins drooled over.
I had to get there first.
Fortunately, the flying manticores known as Jim and Cleo were on this side of level three. Now, I knew that dragons can fly too, but there wasn’t enough overhead in any of these circles to allow for creatures that big.
In other words, I had an edge.
Two, actually.
You see, I knew how to deal with goblins. They were greedy, sure, but they also were easily convinced if you showed strong bravado and adopted a New York accent. I�
��d learned this when Chief Michaels—the guy who ran the Las Vegas PPD when I started there—had me ride with him to take down a small batch of goblins who had somehow escaped the Netherworld a number of years back. I was ready to go in with guns blazing, but Chief Michaels had me put the gun away and showed me how to handle goblins properly.
It was time for that lesson to pay out.
I stepped out into the light and found a bustling group of goblins all working tables, selling stuff to each other, and doing what they do best: haggling.
“Hey, buddy,” I said in my best New Yorker accent to a goblin who was walking by, “come over here.”
He stepped over and scanned me from head to toe.
I scanned him right back.
His face was pointed and wrinkled, laced with creases that surrounded a set of dull, angst-ridden eyes. His ears were pointy and long. All in all, he was what you’d expect a goblin to look like. Except for one thing. He was wearing a suit. A nice one, too. In fact, it was so nice that I nearly asked him who his tailor was, but I caught myself while remembering the situation I was in.
“Nice shoes, pal,” the little guy said, “but you ain’t got on no jacket. You’re unfinished, yeah? Can’t walk around like that in this world or you’ll be eaten alive.” He tsk-tsk’d. “They’ll see you comin’ a mile away, Jack.”
“It’s Ian, not Jack,” I countered, “and I’d argue that it’s the man who makes the suit, not the suit that makes the man.”
“Good argument,” he replied with a satisfied nod. Then he wiped his nose and said, “Whaddya want?”
Here’s where I had to be careful.
He couldn’t know that I had a couple of dragons after me or he’d definitely hold me up and collect a reward. Dragons may be ruthless but, as Claire had pointed out, they would follow the agreed upon rules and precepts they’d set up for their subjects. That meant Claire would be willing to pay for my capture.
“Heading down to level five,” I said, whipping out a twenty. “You’ll get one of these now and three more when we get to the other side, if you lead me there.”
“Human money ain’t worth nothin’ here.”
I stretched the bill between my hands and held it at eye level to him. “It ain’t?”
He swallowed.
“Get me to the other side double-time and I’ll even give ya one of these babies.” I pulled out a fiver and showed it to him. “Can’t find these easy in the Overworld. They’re rare, I tell ya.”
It wasn’t true, of course, but he didn’t know that.
“How rare?” he asked, studying the bill carefully.
“Only a hundred of ‘em in existence.”
His eye twitched.
“I’ve also got a one here,” I said, showing him a green bill with George Washington’s face on it. “It’s the only one you’ll ever find.”
He licked his lips. “Is that why it has the number one on it?”
“You got it, pal,” I replied before tucking all the money back in my wallet. “Obviously you’re no dummy.”
“That’s true.”
“So, whaddya say? We got a deal or what?”
He squinted and rubbed his chin as if he was thoroughly considering things, and this is when I channeled Chief Michaels.
“You know it makes sense, pal. Every second that swings past is a second wasted.” I then stood tall and leaned away from him. “Of course, I could just snag one of these other enterprising—”
“All right, all right,” he said, looking perturbed. “Let’s go. But keep up with me, I don’t want to have to drag you along.” He stopped and spun on me. “And no wise guy moves or I’ll gut ya, see?”
For a guy who only came up to my waist, he was somewhat intimidating. But I met his glare with one of my own.
“A deal’s a deal, pal,” I stated as if it were written in stone. It wasn’t. I was more than happy to kick him in the nards and run like hell, should it come to that. But he didn’t know it. “When a Dex shakes hands on something, it means somethin’.”
With that, the goblin blew his nose into his hand and held it out for a shake.
This was the equivalent of little kids spit-swearing. Ah, yes, that age-honored ritual of spitting in your hand, waiting for the other kid to do the same, and then shaking on an agreement. Honestly, it made me wonder how far we’d truly evolved from monkeys. I suppose we didn’t throw shit at each other when irritated. We did worse, but at least there wasn’t shit involved…usually.
I feigned snorting into my own hand and then, with bile building in my throat, shook his.
“What’s your name?” I asked as I proceeded to wipe his snot off on the shoulder of his suit. “Not a fan of doing business with people I don’t know.”
“Renny,” he said. “Renny Pache.”
That was better than the manticores, anyway.
“Good to meet ya, Renny,” I said and then motioned ahead. “Lead on.”
Chapter 22
Of all the levels I’d been to thus far, this one I could get behind. Everybody wanted something out of everybody, sure, but there was an air of complexity to it that was different from the levels above.
These people had a moral code. Not a great one, mind you, but one nonetheless.
They sought the deal, and that meant something.
I doubt they had any compass regarding the classic example of it’s-a-good-deal-if-everyone-comes-out-happy, of course. Hell, I’d bet Renny would sell me out in two-shakes for a better gift, regardless if the purchaser was a dragon or a werewolf. Goblins only cared about the better deal. They’d probably take living over gold, but that’s because it was the best of two choices. If I remembered correctly, they even had a saying that talked about the logic of it. Something about how ten gold and dead means you only get ten gold, but no gold and alive means you could bust your hump and make way more than ten gold. It was basic math. But if death wasn’t on the table, my dollar bills would pale in comparison to what Claire had up her sleeve, and you know damn well she’d have something to trade.
Renny was a fast little dude. I didn’t have any trouble keeping up with him, but since every goblin within sight was wearing a suit that was similar to his, I could see the potential of looking away for a second and then accidentally following the wrong one.
That’s when I saw the smear of snot on his shoulder.
The bile came back and I wished for a squirt of hand sanitizer.
Anyway, fact was that he’d been tagged because of my hand-wiping move and that made him easier to spot.
“Hey, big boy,” said a particularly grotesque goblin who was wearing a pink nightie. “Want to come to my room for a…sample?”
“I…uh…”
Renny grabbed my wrist and dragged me away.
Okay, so “dragged” is a strong word. I would have leapfrogged ten or twenty of these little creatures had Renny not come to my aid.
“Keep your eyes on the prize,” he said. “I got a meeting in twenty and I don’t want to be held up on account of you trying to score some love-time, got it?”
“Got it,” I replied, wondering if he actually thought I would have been interested anyway.
“Hey, pal,” said another goblin who stepped in front of me, effectively blocking my path, “you need something? How about a nice radio?”
“Radio?”
“Back off, dicknose,” Renny said, giving a shove to the other goblin. “This one’s already got a deal going with me.”
“Okay, okay,” said Dicknose, which I hoped wasn’t really his name. Although, to be fair, that was probably a fine name down here. “Just trying to make a living.”
Renny guided me to a spot on the side where there weren’t any tables.
“Look,” he said, pointing at me, “quit staring at all the tables and wares, yeah? I told ya before that I got a meeting to get to.” He pulled out a watch that was affixed to a gold chain. “We’ll be there in two minutes if you can keep your head in the game.”
/> I held my hands out in apology.
“You’re right, pal,” I said as a bell rang. “Let’s go.”
He grabbed my wrist and held me in place. I was actually surprised by his strength.
“What’s going on?”
“Raid.”
“You have roaches down here?”
Renny’s brow furrowed. “What?”
“Never mind,” I said, realizing it was a lame joke. “You guys get raided?”
“Only when something is out of place,” he answered while looking around. Then he slowly turned and looked up at me. “Or someone,” he added.
Shit.
“Okay, Renny,” I said, dropping to his height, “I’m going to level with you. There are three dragons chasing me.” I cracked open my billfold. “I’ve got a whole bunch of bills in this wallet if you’re still willing to get me to those stairs.”
His eyes glittered.
In a dull voice, he said, “I could probably get jewels for turning you in.”
I then pulled out Boomy and stuck it in his side.
He nodded slowly.
“Better to live and get more gold, than to die with only a little bit,” he said as a goblin who knew the motto well. “All right, I’ll do it. Put the damn gun away, though. I don’t like working like that.”
The problem, as I saw it, was getting through the mass of goblins who were trying to spot what the hell was going on.
I stuck out like a sore thumb, too, being that I was much larger than even their staunchest specimen.
But that’s when Renny did something I couldn’t have expected.
He pulled out a large red card and held it high.
“VIP coming through,” he shouted. “The alarms you’re hearing are for this VIP. Clear the way, ya mongrels!”
The goblin crowd parted faster than a satyress’s legs at an orgy.
We got to the stairs without a fuss, but now I was concerned that Renny was going to get screwed over even worse by the dragons. I probably shouldn’t have cared, but that’s just the kind of guy I was.
“Aren’t you going to get in a lot of trouble for helping me?”
“Nope,” he said, holding out his hand for payment.
I handed over the bills, as promised.
The Ian Dex Supernatural Thriller Series: Books 1 - 4 (Las Vegas Paranormal Police Department Box Sets) Page 38