He didn’t want to let go of her hand. She could have easily refused to help or told him to go elsewhere—like to blazes—when he had asked for her help. Instead, she’d agreed, even without an explanation. “Don’t leave yet. You don’t know it all. I owe you that much,” he said, releasing her.
Hesitating, she settled in the chair again. “It would help me if I knew more, especially about Shawn’s parents.”
He leaned against the edge of the desk. “I guess it would. But I’ll warn you, it’s not a very pretty story. It could have been worse, though. That’s what I’ve always told myself.”
“You have no idea just how bad things are for some.”
Nodding, he wondered how to start. Where to start. Sifting through fourteen years of memories, he decided. “I’ve been responsible for Shawn since the day he was dumped on my doorstep more than fourteen years ago. My brother, Tucker, left home when he was fifteen. He was rodeo-crazy. Not that most everyone in this family isn’t,” he added when he saw her expression. “Shawn’s mother couldn’t have been more than seventeen when she stood on the porch that evening with a six-month-old baby in her arms. I can still hear her saying, ‘I can’t take care of him no more. He’s Tucker’s boy. And from what Tuck said, you’d do right by him.’”
“Oh, goodness!”
Tanner tried for a smile. “I was thinking something a little stronger at the time. Before I had a chance to realize what was happening or ask about Tucker’s whereabouts, she handed me the bundle and disappeared. I become a substitute dad to my six-month-old nephew. If it hadn’t been for Aunt Bridey, I figure the poor little guy never would have made it through those first few years.”
“How much of this does Shawn know?”
“Only that his mother left him with us.”
“And his father? Where is he?”
Tanner stared down at his hands, resting on his thighs. “I don’t know. We haven’t heard from him since the day he left. So, you see, I don’t have a lot of answers.”
“Have you tried to find him?”
“Every chance I’ve had. He must have left rodeo, because no one has seen him for years. If he’s even still…” He shook his head, unable to finish. Taking a deep breath, he let it out. “Shawn’s a natural-born bronc rider. He’s got potential, real potential. With a little self-discipline, he could be a champion a few years down the road.” If only he could put a stop to the boy’s wild streak. The way things were going, that would take a small miracle. He looked at the woman across from him. Was Jules the small miracle they needed?
“But you were so young. Why did you take on raising a baby?” she asked.
“I didn’t know anything about his mother and when I learned later, I wasn’t willing to give him back to her. I was more concerned with finding my brother.”
“But still…”
“Family take care of their own.”
“Tanner…”
“I know what you’re going to say.” He leaned forward, meeting her gaze. “I was of age. My lawyer and the court agreed I should have custody, partly because Bridey was here to help.”
Jules nodded. “What about Shawn and rodeo? As I understand it, you don’t want him competing.”
“That’s not it. He’s a member of NHSRA, but he’s been lax with his schoolwork. His grades have slipped. He’s been hanging around with some older boys, who aren’t in school and aren’t good role models, and that worries me. When he gets his grades back up where they should be—and he’s a smart kid, so he can do it—he can compete again. Those aren’t only my rules. They’re the rules of NHSRA.”
“He told me about that. But I think you need to tell him what you just told me about his mother and how he came to live with you. All of it. Let him know you’ve tried to find your brother. He needs to hear it.”
Tanner stood, pulled off his hat and raked his hand through his hair. “All I can do is tell him what I know. If you think it will help.”
Jules stood, too, and placed her hand on his arm. The warmth of the contact and of her smile made his insides melt, and it was all he could do not to touch her. “I know it will help,” she said. “I’ll be around until after Beth’s wedding if either of you need someone to talk to about it.”
“Thanks,” he said, the word sounding like a bullfrog’s croak. He was relieved when she dropped her hand and turned to leave. He wasn’t accustomed to the feelings she aroused in him. He didn’t know what to do about them, and he didn’t know if he even wanted to do anything.
But there was still one thing he could do and needed to do. He’d offered her a proposition, and she’d upheld her end of it. Now he needed to do the same.
“Before you go…” he said, bringing her to a halt. She turned to look at him, her hand on the iron door handle, a question in her eyes and one eyebrow raised. “Come back on Friday. I’ll have Bridey fix up something special for supper, and I’ll fulfill my part of the proposition.”
He was surprised she didn’t put up a fuss about it and insist he tell her, but he was pleased, too. “Late afternoon? Three or four?”
“I think I can work that in,” she said with a wide smile, and then she was gone.
He thought about the night of the Fourth of July celebration, when he had almost kissed her. A part of him wished they hadn’t been interrupted, but another part told him it had been a good thing that Beth and Michael had chosen that moment to return home. He didn’t know where he was going where Jules was concerned. He only knew she was different from any other woman he’d ever met. Cool on the outside, caring on the inside. A walking contradiction, and an intriguing one, too. Maybe he’d learn more on Friday.
JULES ARRIVED at the Rocking O ranch on Friday at three-thirty. She reasoned that Tanner had said between three and four, so three-thirty seemed like a good compromise. She valued promptness, one more good habit her parents had instilled in her.
She also liked people to be perfectly clear about their intentions, but she had no idea what Tanner was planning. Suspecting Bridey was an excellent cook, she looked forward to being a dinner guest. And she hoped to have the chance to visit the horses, so much so that she’d dressed in jeans and a T-shirt. Now that she knew they were kept in the barn where she and Tanner had talked, she wouldn’t be as jumpy. She’d thought about it and decided that this might be her best chance to take that first step in overcoming her fear of riding.
“Jules, come see the new foal!” Shawn shouted to her as soon as she parked her car and opened the door to climb out.
After closing the car door behind her, she walked toward him. “A filly?”
He nodded as she caught up with him near the white barn. “Yes, and she’s going to be a beauty. Come see for yourself.”
Following him into the barn, she spied Tanner farther down the aisle leaning over the door to a stall. She hated to acknowledge the way her heart skipped faster at the sight of him, but denying it would be foolish. It was something she would have to deal with.
“Thought I heard a car drive up,” Tanner said in greeting. “What do you think of the new addition?”
Jules stopped beside him and peered over the chest-high wooden barrier. “Oh, she’s beautiful! You were right, Shawn. What a lovely color, too. Chestnuts have always been among my favorites.”
“So you do know a bit about horses,” Tanner said.
“Some.” She prepared herself to dodge questions and was grateful when someone at the door of the barn shouted Shawn’s name.
Shawn groaned. “Figures.”
A stocky older man, with a definite bow in his legs, walked toward them. “You got one more chore, boy,” he said to Shawn. “After that one’s done, you’re free to chitchat with the lady here, but not before.”
Jules heard Tanner’s quiet chuckle. “You should’ve known he’d come after you, Shawn,” he said in a low voice to his nephew. When the man reached them and stopped, his balled fists on his hips and a glare for Shawn, Tanner stepped forward. “Jules, I’d like yo
u to meet Rowdy Thompson, our ranch foreman and a perennial thorn in Shawn’s side. Rowdy, this is Jules Vandeveer, Beth Anders’s friend from Kansas.”
Rowdy raised a hand to touch a finger to the brim of his hat, but barely met her eyes. “Nice to meet you, ma’am. Now if you’ll excuse our young friend…”
“Go on, Shawn,” she told him. “I’ll be here for a while. At least until after dinner.” Expecting Rowdy to be pleased with her encouragement, she was surprised to see him glower at her. And then she realized she had used the term dinner, instead of the less formal supper. “I can’t wait to see what special supper Bridey is fixing,” she added, hoping to redeem herself in Rowdy’s eyes, at least.
Rowdy’s response was a grunt as he turned and started for the door. Shawn followed with a wistful backward glance at his uncle.
“We’ll wait for you, Shawn,” Tanner called after him. Turning to Jules, he shrugged. “He was excited that you were going to be here. Why don’t I show you around while he finishes watering the cattle?”
With a smile she didn’t feel, she followed him, wishing she hadn’t been the cause of a problem, but it had been Shawn’s responsibility, and there was nothing she could do. “How many horses do you have?” she asked as he led her outside.
“Nine, last count. The new filly makes ten.”
“That’s quite a few. All quarter horses?”
He nodded and pointed out a group of the animals in a nearby pasture. “We’ve done some breeding for cutting and rodeo, both. Good horses bring good money where cowboys are concerned.”
“I’m aware that quarter horses are the staple of ranching. I’m more familiar with Thoroughbreds and warmbloods, but a horse is a horse, and you have some real beauties.”
When she looked up, he was studying her closely. “Then you do know quite a lot about horses,” he said. “Tall horses, both breeds. About sixteen hands?”
Jules realized she’d said too much, piqued his curiosity. There was no way out of it now, but there was only so much she would tell him. “Some are smaller,” she went on as if the subject was nothing, “but on average, most of those used for jumping are at least fourteen, but sixteen is better.”
“Jumping?” His smile was wide, as if he’d discovered a treasure. “Taller can jump higher?”
She was relieved when he didn’t ask how she knew and was able to laugh at his assumption. “No higher than shorter horses, really, but when you’re ten or twelve years old, those jumps don’t look nearly as high if you’re on a tall horse.”
“I’ve never looked at it that way, but I see what you mean.”
Feeling even more relieved, she relaxed—until she saw Shawn leading three horses from the other side of the barn, all of them in full western gear and ready to ride. Apprehension slithered up her spine.
“I guess you’ve figured out my part of the proposition,” Tanner said to her as Shawn approached.
Speechless, Jules had to force herself to speak. “Yes, I see, but—”
“They’re not jumpers,” he said, taking the reins of one horse from Shawn and holding them out to her, “but I think you’ll find this horse a good mount.”
She took a step back and felt her chest tighten. It hit her quickly, as it always did—that heart-pounding fear that overcame her and kept her from taking the step that could hopefully end the fear once and for all. “I…I…can’t. I’m so sorry, but I can’t.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shawn’s shoulders droop, his disappointment clear. Even knowing that, she couldn’t do what they expected.
Tanner handed the reins back to Shawn, and when the boy walked slowly to the barn with the horses, Tanner turned to her. “You just don’t like cowboys or horses, do you? It’s a shame, because Shawn was really excited about doing some riding with you.”
He’d kept his voice low, but Jules didn’t miss the disdain in it and had no choice but to defend herself. “That’s not true. Cowboys have nothing to do with it. It’s just that…” She stopped and took a breath, hoping to slow her galloping heart. “I love horses! But I can’t ride, Tanner. I just can’t.”
When she started to turn, hoping they wouldn’t hate her for running away, she felt him touch her shoulder. “Maybe you could explain?”
Unable to say more, she shook her head. But when she saw the look on his face, she knew he deserved at least some explanation. “I had a riding accident when I was a girl.”
He looked at her as if waiting for more. “That’s it?” He pulled off his hat and raked his fingers through his hair. “I can understand, but like you said, you don’t hate horses or even cowboys. Maybe if you just—”
“No,” she said. “I have to do this my own way, in my own time.”
“You know, they say if you’re thrown, you should get right back on.”
To Jules, it was her former trainer talking, and she barely heard Tanner’s words. Her trainer had pushed her too hard and too fast when she hadn’t felt ready. She had never been able to stop blaming him for her accident, knowing her nervousness had played a big role in her horse’s refusal at the jump.
Shaking her head, she took a step back, but Tanner continued, “We can help, Jules, if you’ll just let us. We won’t let anything—”
“Stop pushing me!” she heard herself shout. When she realized she had, it was too late.
Chapter Five
The lunch crowd at the Chick-a-Lick Café was as big and noisy as usual. It had long been the gathering place for everyone in Desperation, from the time it opened for breakfast early in the morning, to well after suppertime.
Trying his best to ignore the chatter and clatter around him, Tanner looked up from helping his aunt into a chair to see Jules and Beth entering the café, and he wondered what he should say. The last time he had seen Jules had been at supper a week before, and the conversation had been strained. He had pushed her over the edge about riding, even though he’d only meant to help, and then he hadn’t known what to say to her. Even after a week, he still didn’t know how to tell her how sorry he was and how much he still wanted to help.
Bridey must have seen the two women at the same time, because she waved them over to the table. “You two come join us,” she said. “There’s plenty of room for two more.”
When Jules looked his way, Tanner nodded, but a weak smile was all he could manage. Not that he wasn’t pleased to see her, but he didn’t know how she felt about what had happened.
“We can find another table, Bridey,” Jules said, “but thank you.”
“And just how long do you think you’ll have to wait for that?” Bridey asked. “There’s not an empty table in the place. No, you just sit with us. We’re more than happy to have you both join us. Tanner can bring two more chairs.”
Looking around the crowded café, Tanner wondered how he was supposed to do that. Every seat in the place was filled. With luck, he did find a spare chair at a table in the corner, and then one of the kitchen crew brought another from who knew where. Placing it on the opposite side of the table from Jules, Tanner settled onto it just as Darla, their waitress, arrived to take their order.
“Is the special still available?” Bridey asked.
“If you hurry,” Darla answered. She looked harried. “Cook’s trying to keep up, but for some reason, everybody in town decided this was the day to stop in for lunch. I’ve been running myself ragged since eleven, and it doesn’t look to let up real soon.”
After they’d each placed their order, they caught up with news and greeted friends and neighbors, until their food arrived. Tanner was pleased that he could then turn his attention to his meal, instead of trying to make conversation, most of which was centered around Beth’s upcoming wedding.
“It was supposed to be a small ceremony,” Beth was saying.
“Not in Desperation, Beth,” Bridey said. “You know that as well as anyone else. Once you’re a part of the town, everybody expects to be included in your most important events. Just wait until you have a baby!”
Beth laughed. “I think I’ll hold off on that for a little while. I’m just glad Michael is from Geary. I doubt someone from a big city would understand.”
Tanner glanced at Jules, who seemed to be agreeing. She also seemed to be having a good time. Bridey had noticed how quiet she’d been during supper the week before and mentioned it to him when Jules had gone home. She’d also given him what-for when he explained what had happened. Bridey didn’t cotton well to poor manners, and she considered what he’d done to be none too good.
“I’m finding I enjoy small-town life,” Jules said. “I spent a lot of time at Beth’s family’s small farm as a girl, but we rarely went into town. Desperation has so many nice people, and it’s clear they all love Beth.”
“Nothing not to love,” Tanner said, finally able to offer a real smile. Now all he needed to do was apologize to Jules. But he still thought she was going about her fear of riding the wrong way. If she stayed around long enough, he was sure he could help her get over it.
“Why, thank you, Tanner,” Beth said, blushing. “I’ve been meaning to ask when your next rodeo will be. Is it close by?”
“I leave the day after tomorrow for Pretty Prairie,” he answered.
“Kansas?” Jules asked.
He nodded. “Maybe you ladies can make it?”
Beth shook her head. “I wish we could, Tanner, but there are so many last-minute things to do for the wedding that we need every second we have. If it wasn’t for Jules, I don’t know how I’d get everything done. I can’t believe it’s just over a week away! And you’d better be there, rodeo or no rodeo.”
Wadding his paper napkin into a ball, he tossed it onto the table. “Oh, I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss the professor getting hitched for anything.”
Darla came by to refill the tea glasses and turned to Beth. “Your wedding is the talk of the town. If you need an extra pair of hands for anything, give me a call. I’m free of an evening.”
“Thanks, Darla,” Beth said. “We may do that as the day gets closer. So much to do, so little time.” She added a sigh, but it came with a big smile.
The Rodeo Rider (Harlequin American Romance) Page 7