When he didn’t answer, she turned back. He still sat on the sofa, but now with his arms spread across the back, one boot propped on his knee and a stubborn glint in his eyes.
“We need to let your folks know where you are,” she told him as she reached for the phone.
“Go ahead, but tell them I may not be back for a while.”
Her finger froze on the button, and she jerked her hand up to stare at him. “Excuse me?”
“I’m not going to leave until you come with me.” His voice held the stubborn quality she knew so well.
“You can’t do that.”
He glared at her, his eyes a steely gray. “Watch me.”
Jules wasn’t sure what to do, but she knew his family would be worrying about him soon, if they weren’t already. Dialing the number she’d never meant to memorize, she held her breath and waited for someone to answer.
Please don’t let it be Tanner.
“Rocking O.”
She let out her breath when she recognized Dusty’s voice. But she detected worry in his brisk tone. “It’s Jules. Shawn is here in Wichita with me.”
“Thank God.” His weary sigh proved his relief. “Hold on, Jules.”
In the background, she heard voices, none of them Tanner’s. In spite of praying he wouldn’t answer, she couldn’t deny she wasn’t disappointed.
“You’d better send him on home, Jules.”
“I will. I only called so none of you would worry.”
“Thanks. We appreciate it.” Silence filled the moment. “Come on back with him, Jules. It’s time to put Tanner out of his misery.”
“He’ll get over it.”
“Doubt it,” Dusty replied evenly. “I don’t think you have any idea what this has done to him.”
“I think I have a clue.”
“Nearly everybody he’s ever cared about has run out on him. First his mama. And not once, but twice. His daddy up and got himself killed while looking for her. Then Tucker left. Tanner isn’t going to come after you. For one thing, the man has too much pride. He’d rather live with a broken heart. So if you’ve been expecting him to call…”
She glanced at Shawn before answering, knowing he was listening to every word. “I don’t expect anything, except that he’ll go on riding broncs until he gets himself killed, too.”
“If you’d just—”
“It won’t work, Dusty,” she said, stopping him. “I’m not going to watch him get thrown or stomped or anything else. I can’t sit by calmly and watch the man I lo—” She stopped and took a breath, realizing she’d almost admitted she loved Tanner. “I can’t watch a man die or be left with a broken body. You were the one who told me to get out if I couldn’t take it. I should have done it sooner, before…well, before it went too far.”
“I was wrong,” he said. “I based it on my own experience. It was a different situation, and my wife and I were just kids. You’re nothing like her. Once committed to somebody, you wouldn’t let anything scare you off. Tanner’s the same way. That’s why I can’t understand any of this.”
She had no answer for him. He was right about her. But although she’d committed her heart to Tanner when she fell in love with him, it was best for both of them if she went on with her life and he went on with his. In time it would only hurt both of them more if she returned.
“I’m sorry, Dusty.” Her voice wavered, but she hoped he realized things couldn’t be any other way.
Shawn stood and faced her. “You’re as stubborn as Uncle Tanner. I never thought you were a coward.”
While she absorbed the blow his words had dealt, he glared at her. She was trying to think of something—anything—to say that would help him understand, if only a little.
Her breath caught when she heard Tanner’s voice in the background on the phone—the voice that had haunted her, waking and sleeping, for three months.
“He’s at Jules’s place,” she heard Dusty say.
“Give me the phone.”
Jules gripped the receiver and attempted to calm her rampaging heart. What would he say? Would he tell her—
“Let me talk to Shawnee, Jules.”
Opening her mouth to answer, she shook her head, unable to say anything to him, and held the phone out to Shawn. “It’s Tanner.”
He took it from her, but shot her a look meant to wound. “Uncle Tanner—” His frown deepened. “I just wanted to—” The determination in his eyes dimmed as he listened. “Yeah. Okay. But don’t you want to talk to…”
Frightened at the thought of talking to Tanner, Jules took a step back. She couldn’t risk her heart again, but even more, she couldn’t bear to see him hurt again, not in a rodeo and especially not by her.
“All right. I’ll meet him outside in ten minutes,” Shawn said after taking a look at his watch. Replacing the phone in the cradle, he turned to Jules. “I guess I’ll head out. A friend of Dusty’s who lives here in Wichita is going to ride home with me, then go visit family in Oklahoma City.”
The look of defeat and disappointment nearly broke down her defenses, but she refused to give in. It seemed everyone wanted her at the Rocking O. Everyone but Tanner. But then, even if he’d asked her to come back, she couldn’t. Not as long as he continued to ride broncs. “I’m sorry, Shawn. I wish things were different.”
Sad, blue-gray eyes looked into hers. “Me, too.”
Speech was beyond her, so she merely nodded.
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded, wrinkled envelope. “I found this in the trash.”
Jules took it from him and stared at her name and address on the front, written in a bold, strong hand. Tears clogged her throat.
Shawn leaned forward and kissed her cheek. “I’m gonna miss you.”
Choking back a sob, Jules nodded again. Not only had she fallen in love with Tanner, she loved his family. Shawn would never know how much she’d miss him, too.
With a wistful smile, Shawn turned to leave. The quiet click of the door closing behind him echoed in the room.
Jules stared at the door. She wished with all her heart that she could have asked him to take her back to the Rocking O with him. If she had, maybe…Shaking her head, she closed her mind off to the possibilities. Even if she thought she could get used to Tanner’s career, one thing stopped her. Tanner had his pride. He might not want her, no matter how many others thought he did.
Her gaze fell on the envelope Shawn had given her. With fingers that trembled, she opened it and pulled open a single sheet of paper.
Darlin—
There’s a plane ticket to Las Vegas waiting for you at the airport and a pass at the hotel to get into Finals.
Please.
Tanner
WITH LESS THAN three hours to go before his first ride in National Finals Rodeo, Tanner wandered through the lobby of the MGM Grand feeling lower than he had since his accident. They’d all been worried a few weeks earlier when Shawn had taken off in the ranch pickup. Certain he was somehow to blame for Shawn’s disappearance, Tanner had been ready to call the authorities. At least it had taken his mind off Jules. Until he’d walked in to find that Shawn had gone to her place. Dumb kid. He’d only wanted to help, but it had been the last thing Tanner needed. He hadn’t been able to talk to her. He should have, but there was nothing he could say to change her mind. She couldn’t accept that he would continue competing, and he wouldn’t give up his dream of riding for the championship. But somehow, without the woman he loved, it didn’t seem nearly as important as it once had. A part of him had died when she walked out of that hospital room.
He’d always thought he understood what being lonely meant. As a small boy, he’d lost his mother to the lure of rodeo excitement. He’d gotten through it, grown to be a teenager and lost his father. Three years later, his brother had vanished. But none of it had been like the loneliness he felt now without Jules.
He approached the front desk to leave a message for Rowdy and heard Dusty hail him. Finishing
his business, Tanner joined his friend.
Dusty gave him a friendly slap on the back. “You look mighty grim. Let me buy you a drink.”
“Thanks,” he answered, shaking his head, “but I’ll pass.”
Taking his arm, Dusty steered Tanner across the lobby to one of the hotel bars. “Then come keep me company. Although I don’t know if I want to look at your sour face.”
“That’s fine,” Tanner said, starting to pull away. He didn’t have the energy to keep up appearances. He’d done enough of that with his family.
“No, no.” Dusty swung him back around and they stepped into the low-lit room. “There’s somebody I want you to meet.”
Just what he didn’t need, but Dusty could be as belligerent as a stuck cow at times. Tanner gave a shrug and reluctantly followed. One drink wouldn’t matter. And after he’d finished his ride, he’d spend the night in his room, maybe with a bottle. Feeling generous, he decided Dusty could join him. Both of them had been badly burned in the past.
As they moved away from the doorway, the light grew dimmer. Dusty led him toward a dark corner, and Tanner grew suspicious. “Where’s this person you want me to meet?”
“Just over here.”
At a corner table, Tanner caught a glimpse of a female figure. “No, thanks,” he said, stopping in his tracks.
“Aw, come on, cowboy. It’ll do you good.” Dusty chuckled as he propelled him toward the table. “There’s a pretty little lady over here who’s been dying to meet a real champion bronc rider.”
Tanner didn’t want to meet any woman, but he knew Dusty too well to try to back out of it. They walked closer, and Tanner could see her. He stopped again, this time unable to move.
Head down, the figure at the table might have been unrecognizable except for the black hat on a head of long, blond hair, and skin that glowed like alabaster, even in the darkness.
His mouth went dry and his mind went blank. He knew those hands, too, clasped in front of her on the table. They’d caressed his face, loving and tender, and stroked him in the midst of lovemaking.
With a nudge from Dusty, Tanner moved, putting one foot in front of the other, and his gaze never left the crown of that black hat and the hammered silver band around the base of the crown. His heart cried out for release, but he refused it. He would face the pain seeing her again might cause. There was always the chance his mind was playing tricks on him. He’d lost count over the past three months how many times he’d thought he’d seen her, only to realize it wasn’t her.
Before he reached the table, she lifted her head. His heart stopped in midbeat, then kicked into overdrive, thundering in his chest.
Jules.
Green eyes, cool as a mountain forest, raised to meet his and snagged his soul. A soft smile slid across her kissing-perfect lips before it sputtered.
Dusty prodded Tanner’s immobile body forward to the table and leaned down between them. “I’ll leave you two alone,” he said with a knowing glance at each of them.
Tanner gripped the back of the chair in front of him like a lifeline, unable to stop staring at her. Three months had done things to her he’d never imagined possible. When he’d seen her last, in his hospital room, she’d been worn-out. But it didn’t compare to the exhaustion he saw now, even in the dark corner. It cut him deeply to think he might have caused it. If he’d talked to her, tried to explain how he felt about everything, maybe neither of them would have gone through what they had. From the look of her, he was certain her life hadn’t been all roses, any more than his had. If he’d only told her how he felt about her. But he never had. He’d been too focused on getting to National Finals.
But she was here. Right here in front of him. It meant something. And he knew he had to work fast before she vanished again.
His wits scattered to the other three corners of the room, leaving him with no thoughts, until the memory of the first night they met drifted into his mind. Forcing himself to move, he touched the brim of his hat, his arm feeling like an anvil. He pried his tongue from the roof of his mouth to speak the only words he could think of.
“Evening, darlin’.” They came out sounding as rough as old barn wood.
A smile flitted across her face, and she inclined her head the merest inch. “Mr. O’Brien.”
His legs wobbled beneath him like a newborn colt’s, and he quickly pulled the chair out and sat on it. Words tumbled into his mind, colliding, but he couldn’t speak.
She looked down and then back up again. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
Puzzled by an apology he couldn’t comprehend, he impulsively reached out and took her hand in his, gaining courage and strength from her touch. “For what?”
Her eyes closed and she shook her head. “Everything.” Opening them again, she looked away. “We’re just so different.”
Courage grew with determination. “That’s what makes us special,” he told her. “We complement each other. I know what you give to me. I hope I give you something in return.” He watched her throat work, and the simple show of emotion gave him more courage. “You’ve filled places in my life I never knew existed, darlin’. When you’re not around, I can’t breathe.”
“When you…when that bronc stepped on you, I thought I’d lost you.” She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. “It was too much, Tanner. I couldn’t do it any more. My accident and your dad…”
He squeezed her hand. “It’s not the same, darlin’. My dad was…well, he was a different man, a troubled man. Do you think I’m crazy enough to go out there in that arena and do what I do if I didn’t know that?”
“No.” Her lips trembled.
“I should be the one apologizing for not taking the time to explain things to you. I expected you to understand everything about rodeo. I take all the blame for it, darlin’. Can you forgive me?”
“Only if you can forgive me. I let my fear rule my life, all my decisions. But you’ve helped me learn an important lesson.”
“What’s that, darlin’?”
Her smile was soft and gentle, touching his heart. “I learned that caution is only good when used wisely. I didn’t do that. I ran away from the one thing that made me happy because I was too cautious and wasn’t willing to take a risk, and I was afraid of the risks you took.”
“Life is full of risks, no matter who you are or what you do.”
“I understand that now.”
“I need you, Jules. Will you stay with me?”
When she didn’t answer immediately, panic gripped him, and he knew he needed to say the things he’d left unsaid before. “Nothing is as important to me as you, darlin’. Not bareback bronc riding. Not the buckles I’ve spent my life working for. We can leave here right now, darlin’, and I’ll never—”
“You have a rodeo. An important one.”
“You’re more important.”
“No, Tanner,” she said, her smile returning. “My love for you is stronger than my fear. I won’t let you quit. Not now. Not when you’ve come so far.”
“It doesn’t matter, darlin’. You do.”
“It does matter, Tanner. It matters to me.”
Tanner could hardly believe it. He knew how much courage it took for her to say that. “All right, but you don’t have to go to the arena if you don’t want to. I can understand that. And you need to understand that I’m not going to ride broncs forever. Another year, maybe two. If I don’t make it to the top, I’ll know it isn’t meant to be. But I have to try. I want you with me. I need you with me.”
“I need you, too,” she answered, her voice soft and husky. “I’ll stay with you, and I’ll watch every ride until you don’t need me anymore.”
Emotions rolled over him, flooding his heart and mind. The urge to laugh and cry and shout to the heavens filled him. But he hadn’t finished.
“Nope. That’s not good enough.”
Her eyes widened, and she tried to pull away, but he held tight to her hand. “You’ll have to marry me, darlin’.
It’s the only way I can be sure it’ll be forever.”
“Tanner O’Brien!” she gasped, and then her smile lit the dark corner. “Is this a proposal?”
Aching to hold her, he stood and drew her to her feet. Wrapping her in his arms, he gazed into the green depths of her eyes. “I love you, Jules Vandeveer. Will you marry me?”
Her eyes danced with love. “Yes, darlin’.”
Epilogue
“Thank you all for coming today to honor this year’s National Finals Rodeo bareback riding champion!” Mayor Shinley’s voice filled the Desperation, Oklahoma, football field and brought the crowd in the stands to its feet. When they quieted, he continued, “After competing professionally for sixteen years, he competed for the first time last year in the NFR and came home with fourth place. This year he returned to the NFR, took it by storm and gave those of us who watched on television and those who were there a thrill a minute. Please show how proud we are of Desperation’s own Tanner O’Brien!”
Jules’s heart filled with pride, and she leaned down to say, “Pay attention now, Wyoming. Your daddy’s out there with the mayor.”
The tiny bundle in her arms gurgled back at her, oblivious to the noise and lights. His bright blue eyes brought tears of joy to Jules’s own.
Jules’s parents, in the row behind her, added their own cheers to those of the townspeople. Sheila Vandeveer leaned over, still applauding. “We’re just so happy for both of you, honey,” she said.
“He’s an exceptional athlete and a great young man,” Schulyer Vandeveer, her father, added.
“I’m so glad you could be here today,” Jules told them. “It means so much to both of us.”
Rowdy leaned across Shawn, sitting next to her. “Jules, he’s getting ready to say something.”
She struggled to stand with the others. Bridey, on her other side, reached for the baby. “Here, give him to me. You can’t see, and you’re going to miss it all.”
The Rodeo Rider (Harlequin American Romance) Page 17