by K. A. Hobbs
“The nurse said to come in.” I mumble, closing the door.
“Come sit down, Carter.” Carmen smiles.
I notice she’s sitting up now and her hair is brushed, she looks more awake and less sick. I feel ridiculously happy about that. I take a seat next to her and listen to the end of the conversation. The doctor goes over what has already been said and then continues. She tells us that the surgery went very well and that everything that needed to be carried out, was. Carmen will be staying for a few days until she gets over the surgery. After she’s discharged, she’s given strict instructions to rest; no heavy lifting, no strenuous activity.
“You’ll need to let your body recover but providing you feel up to it, you can resume your normal sex life in a few weeks.”
I look at Carmen who looks embarrassed, I also make the mistake of looking at her Dad who looks mortified that this has been mentioned.
“We’re not… Carter isn’t…” Carmen trips over her words, blushing furiously.
“We’re not together.” I finish for her.
“Oh, I do apologise, I assumed. I’m very sorry.”
“There’s no need.” Carmen coughs.
“As I was saying, you’ll need to rest, recovery from this kind of surgery can take up to twelve weeks. You’re not able to drive for at least eight weeks so I hope you have someone who can chauffeur you around.” she smiles.
Carmen laughs and the sound is the best sound in the world. I don’t even think about it, I wrap my arm around her and gently pull her to me a little more. She doesn’t stop me, in fact, she snuggles closer and rests her head on my shoulder.
“I’ll be back to check on you later, if you feel sick or the pain gets any worse, just buzz for a nurse, you’ve got plenty of painkillers on your chart. For now, lots of rest.” she smiles before she leaves the room.
“Did you hear?” I tell her. “Lots of rest.”
“I’m in bed, I am resting.”
“We’re going to go sweetheart, you look exhausted, Carter is right, you should be resting.”
“Okay.”
“We’ll be back tomorrow, the nurse said there aren’t visiting times as you have your own room.” her Mom smiles.
“Can we bring you anything tomorrow?” her Dad asks leaning down to kiss her.
“I don’t think so, if I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”
I walk Beth and Will to the door and say goodbye, Beth gives me a hug and when she pulls back she takes my hands and looks at me.
“Thank you for being there for her, Carter. It doesn’t matter to us how long you’ve known each other, you clearly care for our daughter and she for you. She smiled when you came back into the room, she’s happiest when you’re there.”
“I do care about her.”
“I can see that,” she smiles, then kisses my cheek. “You’re part of the family now, Carter.”
Will shakes my hand and walks with his wife out of the ward. I head back to Carmen’s room and she’s fallen asleep. I settle back in the chair and close my eyes too. When I open them, she’s just watching me, a little smile appears when she sees I’m awake.
“Are you watching me sleep?” I tease her.
“I might have been… You don’t snore?”
“Don’t I?”
“No. I’ve noticed before. Strange, I thought all men snored.”
“I’m not most men, clearly.” I grin.
“I see that.”
“How’re you feeling?”
“I hurt, Carter. I need something for the pain, I’m trying to fight it, it kind of reminds me I’m still alive, but I need something now.”
“Don’t fight it, not now, just recover, you’ve plenty of time to be a warrior, Carmen.”
I press the call button and wait for the nurse to come in, they sort Carmen out while I go to the bathroom and when I come back, she’s looking more comfortable and isn’t frowning anymore.
“You should go home, I’m okay. I promise.”
“I’m not going anywhere just yet, it’ll be a long night. I want to stay here if you want me to?”
“Of course I do.”
“Fancy watching a movie? I’ve got your laptop down here.”
“Depends what it is?”
“Well I was going to let you choose…”
“Then it’s going to be girly.”
“I can cope. Do your worst.”
I set the laptop up on her table and pull the chair over so I’m sitting at the top of the bed. I open iTunes and select movies, she has a lot of movies on here, some even I wouldn’t mind watching. She doesn’t choose one of those though, she chooses Twilight.
“It’s only because you’re in hospital I’m allowing this.” I tell her as it begins.
“No it’s not. You’re that guy.”
“What guy?”
“The guy who will watch whatever the girl wants, the kind guy, the guy who looks after and protects those he cares about.”
“You’re right,” I smile squeezing her hand. “Now, shush, it’s starting.”
She laughs and I make a promise to myself to make her laugh as much as I can.
When the movie finishes I look at the time, it’s six-thirty, there’s no way I’m going to get home by seven. I text Lex and tell her, I’ll let her know when I’m back. I stay with Carmen while she tries to eat some crackers, she manages a couple of mouthfuls before she pushes them away feeling too sick to eat. The nurse gives her some anti-sickness in her IV and suggests she tries to get some rest.
My cue to leave.
“I’ll be back in the morning, if you need anything, phone me. I don’t care what time it is, okay?”
“Okay…” she blinks and tears roll down her cheeks.
“Hey, no tears, it’s all okay. You did it.” I kiss her forehead and wipe away her tears.
“I did.” she nods, more tears falling down her cheeks.
“Do you need anything before I go?”
“Yes… Walter.” she whispers shyly.
“He’s here?”
“Of course he is, he’s in my bag.” I pick her bag up off the floor and sure enough, there he is, sitting there looking at me.
“You know,” I tell her, sitting Walter on her chest. “You’re in good hands with him here. You’ll be absolutely fine. And if you’re not, phone me. Any time, I mean it.”
“I will. Thank you, Carter.”
“Nothing to thank me for. I’ll see you in the morning, get some sleep.”
I walk straight out and don’t look back, I know if I do, we’ll both cave and she needs her rest. I get a taxi outside the hospital and give them our address. When I’m close to the apartment, I text Lex and let her know I’ll be ready in an hour. I let myself into the apartment and it’s eerily quiet. I head to the bathroom and strip out of my clothes, the heat from the shower helps wash away the day and some of the tension. When Lex knocks, I’m ready. I step out of the door and she’s standing there smiling at me. As she usually does, she leaps into my arms and gives me a hug.
“Are you sure she’s okay?”
“Positive. She’s incredible.”
“I know she is.” she smiles as she pulls back.
“So where are we going?” she asks as she links her arm with mine.
“There is a pub around the corner that Harry said serves good food.”
“Let’s go to the pub Harry suggested then.”
We walk the short distance and when we step inside, it’s warm and busy. We both look around and find a vacant table, Lex heads over and I follow, she sits down and looks at me expectantly.
“What?”
“You’re getting the drinks, right?”
“Yeah, it’s on me, what do you want?”
“I want a beer.” she grins.
“You never drink beer.”
“I’m in a pub in London, Carter, I’m having a beer.”
“Okay, you’re a weird little thing you know?”
“Yup.
Go get me my beer.”
We both settle on a burger and fries and it has to be said, as much as the English suck at pizza, they’re pretty good at burgers. I don’t fail to notice Lex keeps checking her phone.
“Who are you expecting to call?” I ask, drinking the last of my beer.
“We’re not here to talk about me.” she huffs.
“We’re not here to talk about either of us.”
“Still…”
“Something’s wrong. What is it?”
“Tyler…”
“Tyler? What about him?”
“I miss him, like not just a little, like my heart hurts miss him.” she sighs.
“Lex…”
“I know, he left and he didn’t tell me when he came back… Why am I still so hooked on him then?”
“First love?”
“It’s much more than that. It’s like… He’s the one I’m supposed to be with, Carter. I can feel it.”
“Lex, I love you, but I think you need to realise, he doesn’t think the same.”
“Jeez Carter, don’t dress it up will you.” she scowls at me.
“I’m not saying it to upset you, I’m trying to stop you from hurting. I think Tyler’s moved on… You should too.”
“And if he hasn’t and you’re wrong?”
“The only way to be sure is to speak to him… When you get home, go see him, ask him and if he tells you what I just told you, you owe it to yourself to move on too.”
“It sucks.” she frowns, resting her head in her hands.
“It does.” I ruffle her hair.
“I best be getting back, Mom and Dad want to do the museums tomorrow,” she fakes a yawn. “Then some Jack the Ripper walk at night. I mean, seriously Carter? I’m going to shit my pants!”
“Dad will protect you.” I laugh at her.
“Thanks for the dinner big brother.” she kisses my cheek as we stand outside waiting for a taxi.
“You’re welcome,” I put my hand out and one comes to a stop in front of us. “I’ll see how Carmen is tomorrow and let you know if you can visit.”
“Please, send her my love!” she calls before she closes the door to the taxi and it speeds away.
I walk the short distance home and let myself in, suddenly exhausted. I head to my room and fall onto the bed still fully clothed.
I’m asleep in minutes.
I’m awake and sitting up when Carter comes in the next morning. The night was a long one, one filled with pain and sickness, of fear and yet at the same time, of hope. I’ve got through the first hurdle, I know I have lots more in front of me, but I’ve cleared the first one and I have to admit, I’m rather proud of myself. When he steps into the room, that damn smile on his face, everything seems a little easier again.
“You’re awake.” he beams at me.
“I have been for a while, I even managed a cup of tea and a slice of toast.” I tell him proudly.
“Well done,” he smiles kissing my cheek, “How do you feel?”
“Gross. But okay,” I reach out my hand and run my fingers along his jaw. “You haven’t shaved.”
I don’t add that, with the stubble on his jaw, he looks more gorgeous than he usually does.
“I wanted to get here and see you were okay, I’ll shave later,” he tells me pulling up a chair. “I saw Lex last night.”
“How is she?”
“Worried about you, she wants to come visit, I told her I’ll see how you feel.”
“I’d like to see her, she can come whenever she likes, she can help me fix my mop of hair.”
“I can do that.”
“Can you? Do you have any idea how to plait hair?” I ask him.
“Yes actually, Lex taught me.”
“Well, let’s see then.”
I sit forward with Carter’s help and he gets my hairbrush out of my bag. He’s gentle as he brushes my long locks, he surprises me by giving my head a little massage before he starts to plait my hair for me.
“One or two?”
“Now you’re just getting fancy.” I laugh.
“Well?”
“One is fine, Carter.”
I’m rather impressed with the results, Carter is a man with talented hands it seems. When the thought enters my head I blush like a teenager and he looks at me funny. When the doctors make their rounds, they’re pleased with how I’m doing. They encourage me to try and move a little today and eat and drink as normal then the IVs can be removed. I assure them I will.
“Megan sent me a photo of a sleeping Henry, look.” I hand Carter my phone and the adorable photo she sent me last night.
“He’s so tiny, isn’t he?”
“He is.” I grin.
“I can’t believe how natural being a Dad comes to Harry.”
“I can, he likes to pretend he’s all big and tough, but you didn’t see him in Oz when he fell for Megs. He’s a soppy guy really.”
“How did you all meet?”
“Megs, Josie and I were out one night, Jack and Harry were there too. Megan took an interest in Harry from the very beginning but she was seeing someone.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, the guy was an idiot though. Josie hated him and encouraged Harry all the time.”
“So who got together first? My brother and Josie or Harry and Megan?”
“I think Harry and Megs? But I don’t know, Josie used to keep things to herself a lot, so you could never really be sure.”
“She’s guarded with her feelings isn’t she?”
“She’s not so much now… She has reasons to be though, she’s so strong, like the things she’s had to deal with, I couldn’t do it.”
“Jack told me about her parents, they sound like assholes.” he scowls.
“They are, how can you turn your back on your daughter? Josie is amazing, she’s there for everyone, always. They don’t deserve her.”
“Out of Megs and Josie… Josie will be the one to kick your ass when you tell them,” he smiles. “I love that girl.” he chuckles.
“She will, I know this,” I laugh, I can’t help it, then I wince. “Okay… No more laughing.”
“Do you need some pain meds?”
“I’m trying not to.”
“Carmen, I get you’re trying to be strong, but not right now, when you’re recovered you can. Not the day after surgery, okay?”
He stands and heads out the door, returning two minutes later with a nurse who checks my chart and gives me some painkillers. They are so strong I’m feeling sleepy soon after. I lay my bed back a little and Carter pulls out one of the magazines I brought in with me.
“Do you mind? I feel so bad going to sleep while you’re here.”
“Carmen, close your eyes and sleep, I’m going to read this fine piece of literature.”
I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
Out of everything in the world, Carter is the best medicine.
While Mum and Dad visit, Carter goes to get lunch, when I mention I really fancy some strawberries, he tells me, he’ll bring me some back. Seeing I’m a little more awake today and smiling, Mum and Dad seem happier.
“I sent Megan and Harry a card and present for baby Henry.” she tells me.
“I’m sure they’ll love it.”
“They do love it and she phoned to ask us round for coffee.”
“That’s nice, you’ll fall in love with Henry.” I smile.
“She’s going to ask questions sweetheart, I think you need to work out when you’re going to tell her and Josie.”
“I have thought about it, next week, I’ll feel a bit better then, I’ll get Megan to come to the flat and I’ll tell them both.” I tell her.
The thought of having to tell my best friends about what I’m going through… After I’ve already had the surgery, fills me with dread. Carter is right, they are both going to be mad, and I don’t blame them, I would be too. But I also know, after they’re done being hurt, they will understand why I did it.
“I’m glad,” she smiles. “Now, shall I help you freshen up?”
“That would be great,” I smile. “Thanks Mum.”
Four days later I’m discharged with a huge bag full of all my different tablets, strict instructions to rest and an appointment with my cancer nurse for the following week. Carter insists on pushing me down to my Dad’s waiting car in a wheelchair and he also insists on carrying me up to the flat when we get home. As much as it bothers me to need someone as much as I need Carter right now, I feel completely safe in his arms. He settles me on the giant sofa that’s now been delivered and covers me up with my fluffy white blanket.
“What do you need?” he asks, sitting next to me.
“Nothing right now, I promise to tell you if I do.”
“Okay, well… Here’s the remote, watch whatever you like. I’m going to set up alarms on my phone for your pain meds and then, I’m going to make a start on dinner.”
“We don’t need an alarm, Carter. I’ll take them when I need them, please relax.”
“Are you sure? The nurses said you shouldn’t go too long between taking them.”
“Carter,” I hold my hand out and he places his in mine. “I’m okay. Relax.”
“Okay.” he nods, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing my fingers.
“Now, I’m going to watch some mindless TV… Can I please have some water?”
“Coming right up.” he grins.
After dinner, we sit and watch Forest Gump, it’s one of Carter’s favourites and he does the guy thing and quotes lines throughout. When my eyes cannot stay open anymore, Carter carries me to my room.
“I can walk you know.”
“Well, I’d like you to rest, you’re exhausted.”
“I need my pyjamas, can you get them for me?”
“Actually… I have something for you,” he grins. “Wait here.”
He disappears and comes back two minutes later with a present in his hands. He places it on the bed and sits next to me.
“Can I open it?”
“Of course you can.” I pull off the paper and laugh when I see what it is.