by K. A. Hobbs
“They’re the same as Jack’s.”
“No,” I kiss his neck. “They’re really not.”
“I fell for you in that red dress,” he breathes. “Every time I saw a flash of red, even now, my heartbeat accelerates and I’m flooded with the memory of you walking across the room, the split showing your brown leg that seemed to go on forever, when you walked.”
“You in your suit,” I remember, closing my eyes. “You looked incredibly gorgeous, I enjoyed having you sit next to me during dinner entirely too much.”
“I knew I was sitting next to you,” he grins, moving back and reaching down for my hands. “I saw Jack and Josie… Well… Let’s not get into that… They told me and I couldn’t wait to sit down.”
“That night, that’s when I fell in love with you and I didn’t even realise it. We spent the night talking, you made me hot chocolate and when I had to say goodnight, or good morning to you,” I grin remembering we didn’t go to bed that night. “I prayed it wouldn’t be the last time I got to stay up all night with you.”
He doesn’t speak, he just moves my hands to the back of his neck and steps closer, bringing our bodies together. We’re still fully clothed but it’s the most delicious feeling in the entire world. He’s firm and soft at the same time, he’s warm and he smells utterly delicious. I feel guilty having these thoughts, then I remember, I’ve admitted how I feel, I’ve told Carter I love him, these feelings are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.
“Can I…” I lose my nerve and close my eyes.
Everything seems such a big deal with Carter, after the many times I’ve pulled him close, just to push him away in the morning, I want him to have no doubt that this is what I want.
What I’ll always want.
“Can you?”
“Can I undress you?” I whisper.
“Yes,” he smiles. “Yes.”
My hands shake as I bring them from around his neck and to the top button of his navy blue shirt, the button that rests in the hollow of his throat, the hollow I’ve dreamed of kissing. When I release, I do just that, I lean closer and press a kiss there, he groans low and deep in the back of his throat and I curl my toes into the carpet beneath my feet. His eyes are hooded as I slowly release each button, revealing inch by perfect inch of his body to my hungry eyes. I’ve seen him without a shirt so many times, I’ve been pressed up against his skin many times too, but this is different.
“You’re perfect.” I tell him, as I push his shirt off his shoulders and to the floor.
“So are you, can I?”
“Yes.”
I turn around so Carter can lower the zipper on my dress, I feel his fingers brush the naked skin of my back as he lowers the zip and I inhale, an electric like current running up my spine and to the tips of my fingers and toes. My knees almost give way when I feel his lips on me, kissing a soft trail from the bottom of my spine to just between my shoulder blades.
“Step out of it.”
I do as he asks, stepping out of the blue dress and discarding it to the floor. I turn around and face him and I can’t help the flip my stomach does at seeing him look at me. His gaze lingers on my breasts for a fraction of a second longer before he pulls his gaze away to look me in the eyes again.
“You’re so beautiful, will you come here?” he holds out his hand and I take it, letting him pull me to him and then it happens.
Our bare bodies connect and we both groan at the feeling.
Bare skin on bare skin, warm, soft to firm.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything so unbelievable in my life.
When Carter’s mouth captures mine, I lose myself to his kiss, with tentative movements, I move my lips against his, I caress his tongue when he boldly slips it inside my mouth. When his hands grip my hips, I slip my hands between us and find his belt, unbuckling it and pulling it free from his trousers. He moves back a little and pushes them off his hips, stepping out of them. We’re all hands and mouths then, neither of us able to get close enough to one another. His hands are firmer, more sure, mine are less bold and I notice, still shaking. He notices too and pulls back.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, kissing my knuckles. “We don’t have to do this.”
“Yes, we do. I want to, I just… It feels like a really big deal, Carter. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before.”
“It’s okay, we’ll go slow.”
I walk us both back to the bed and lay down, crawling backwards as Carter climbs over me. I unclasp my bra and throw it to the floor as he pushes his boxer briefs off his hips to join it. All that remains are my knickers and I realise why I’m in no hurry to remove them.
They’re hiding the scar.
Once they go, I’ll be exposed and vulnerable.
“You’re beautiful, I adore every inch of you, you don’t have to worry.”
He understands, without me having to tell him. He removes them and quickly fills their absence with kisses, trailing his soft lips over every inch of the sensitive skin above my pubic bones and across one hip to the other. The act is so intimate, so gentle, it has tears filling my eyes before I can stop them. Worried Carter will think he’s doing something wrong, that I don’t want this, I blink them away and when I look back to him, he’s watching me, a small smile on his face.
“It’s okay.”
“I know.” I half sob. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why—”
“You don’t have to explain, it’s okay, I know.”
Carter crawls up so he’s holding himself over me, we just look at each other, like we can’t quite believe that this is happening.
After all this time, after everything that’s happened.
I’ve never felt like this about anyone. It’s not just a physical attraction, it’s much, much deeper than that. I can spend all day with him and yet, when it comes to falling asleep, I miss him, I lay there thinking of all the time I’m missing out on sharing with him. Sleep just seems too pointless when I could be spending that time with Carter.
That’s how this came about, Carter sleeping in my room. At first, it was because I couldn’t get out of bed on my own, but when I got stronger, when I didn’t need him to help me anymore, he still slept next to me, peaceful and content. I discovered, we always have something touching, sometimes it’s only our fingers, but the feeling of having him with me gives me more comfort, more peace than anything ever has or could.
Life is strange, how can something so beautiful come out of the ugliest of things? How can I have found the one person I’m supposed to be with in my darkest time? Whoever sent Carter to me, I want to thank them, I want to tell them that without Carter by my side, I would have given up, I would have let the disease ravage my body, I would have given up when all I could feel was pain.
He is the light I need.
The warmth I feel.
He is my strength.
My best friend and now he’s my lover.
My everything.
“Make love to me, Carter.” I whisper.
“I love you.” he murmurs back before he kisses me.
“I love you too.” I whisper back.
When I wake up next to Carmen a few hours later, for a few brief seconds, I expect her to push me away, to tell me this isn’t what she wants. Then I realise that isn’t going to happen, that last night changed everything. I watch her sleep and everything inside me fills with the most profound happiness. Last night, we both confessed how we feel, both took the first step into the unknown, it wasn’t scary, it was right. I reach for my phone and silently take a photo of her sleeping, the light from the lamps beside the bed casting the most perfect golden glow around her.
There aren’t words for how I feel right now, it’s just feelings, feelings I think I’ve waited my whole life to feel. Everything in my life before seems meaningless and insignificant compared to how I feel when I’m with Carmen. I understand how Jack and Harry feel now, I understand why they don’t see any other women, because when you�
��ve found the one who completes you, no one else matters. As I’m watching her, her eyes flutter open and a soft, sleepy smile tugs at her lips.
“You know it’s creepy to watch someone sleep?”
“Get used to it, I’ve been doing it since the very first time we shared a bed and you’ve never realised.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m better than okay,” I reach out and caress her cheek with my thumb. “Are you?”
“I’m completely and utterly happy right now, everything feels right, I feel… Beyond happy and safe.”
“Good.”
“Why are you so far away?”
“I’m right next to you.” I chuckle.
“I know but we’re not snuggling, can we please snuggle?”
Who am I to say no?
I roll closer and pull her warm, soft, naked body to mine. The heat radiating from her has my body coming to life and I feel her grin against my chest.
“I think naked snuggles with you are my most favourite thing in the world.” she yawns.
“I know they’re mine,” I pull her a little tighter to me. “You’re tired, sleep.”
I kiss the top of her head and within minutes she’s breathing softly, fast asleep.
I wake up and I’m alone in bed, it takes my suddenly racing heart a few minutes to calm down when I remember it wasn’t a dream. Ten seconds later, Carmen comes into the bedroom holding two cups of coffee, she’s wearing absolutely nothing except the shirt I was wearing yesterday and the sight makes me grin like an idiot.
“Good morning, Carter.” she grins, handing me my coffee.
I watch as she places her cup beside the bed then unbuttons the two buttons she has done up and drops the shirt to the floor, before climbing back into bed next to me and snugging right up close.
“It’s freezing out there!” she shudders.
“I can tell.” I tease, running a finger over her nipple.
“You can tell Christmas is on its way.”
“Hey, no talk of Christmas yet, we have Thanksgiving to arrange first.”
“We don’t have Thanksgiving here, Carter.”
“Well, you do now Jack and I are both here, we’re going to be celebrating Thanksgiving and we’re going to watch the game.”
“Oh, are we?”
“Yes. Get used to it, if you’re going to love an American, you’ll have to do American things,” I bring her face up and kiss her. “Do you love an American?”
“I really, really do.” she smiles up at me.
“Good, because I really love this English girl.” I grin.
“So that means, you’re going to have to do British things,” her face lights up. “Like have fish and chips and mince pies at Christmas and Christmas pudding! And all the cold leftovers on Boxing Day.”
“We don’t really have Boxing Day. Plus, Jack’s birthday is the day after Christmas Day so it’s always about Jack.”
“His birthday is the day after Christmas?”
“Yeah.”
“That must suck! Everyone is getting presents and no one is thinking about a birthday.”
“It was always the opposite in our house, Mom kept all the Christmas decorations in the front room and the kitchen was always decorated for Jack’s birthday. After that she’d move some in but her and Dad always made sure he didn’t hate his birthday.”
“Your Mum and Dad are amazing, aren’t they?”
“They’re the best,” I agree taking a sip of my coffee then recoiling. “You made instant.”
“It was cold! I wasn’t going to wait around out there for your coffee machine to heat up, and anyway, this tastes just fine.” she takes a sip of hers and sighs.
“It really doesn’t, but I’ll slum it this once.”
“So, what do you want to do today?”
“Our first day as a couple,” I grin kissing her. “What do you want to do?”
“Well, I need to start my Christmas shopping.”
“So shall we go shopping?”
“You’re a guy who just asked if we should go shopping?”
“I need to do Christmas shopping too. Plus, I need to go and see Doug about a job.”
“What kind of thing are you after?”
“Anything right now, Harry says Doug is the man to talk to and he’ll want to help, I mean he helped with us getting this place didn’t he?”
“I still can’t believe you sorted this all out for me.”
“I can, I loved you then.”
“So shopping and lunch out?” she asks excitedly.
“Yes. After…”
“After?”
“After I make love to you and we take a shower together.”
“Oh?” she grins.
“Carter, come on in.” Doug smiles as he shows me into his office.
“Thanks for seeing me, I know you must be busy.”
“I have lots of people working for me, they can hold the fort as it were. Harry mentioned you’re looking for work?”
I take a seat across from him and nod.
“Yeah, anything really. I’d just like to be earning some money and doing something, now Carmen is better, I’m not needed and I’m not one for sitting around.”
“How is she?”
“Great, all clear and feeling good.” I can’t help but grin.
“And you two are…?”
“Together, officially.”
“Glad to hear it,” he grins. “So work? You’re skilled in manual work, not looking for an office job, am I right in thinking that?”
“Well yeah, back home, I worked on the building side of things, but honestly? I’ll try anything.”
“Well, you’re in luck. Sophie and I are looking to have some work done on the house, extending and so on. Is that something you could do?”
“Really? Yeah, I mean, I’d need some help but that’s exactly the sort of thing I can do.”
“After that, I’m sure we can find you something to do. We helped Jack.”
“So I hear, is Jonathan really trusting him to manage Coopers?”
“Yes,” he chuckles. “He’s really good at it actually, Jonny says he’s picking it up quickly. So, are you free to come over at the weekend? Talk through plans and ideas with Sophie?”
“Absolutely.”
We make a time and Doug gives me his address, telling me to bring Carmen along too if I’d like and that Sophie and Abigail would love to see her. I thank him for his time and head out to meet Carmen in the coffee shop just around the corner from Doug’s office. When I approach, she’s on the phone laughing with someone. The look of happiness on her face has me wanting to run to her and scoop her into my arms, I mentally slap myself before I remember, I can now, I don’t have to hide how I feel.
I walk in and right up to her, without even thinking about it, I kneel down in front of her and in the middle of the packed coffee shop, scoop her into my arms and kiss her. The phone drops from her hand and crashes to the floor, a surprised gasp leaves her lips and she grabs hold of my shoulders.
“What was that for?” she asks breathlessly when I set her back down in her seat.
“Because I can,” I grin. “Lunch?”
“I think you dropped this.” an older lady says, tapping Carmen on the shoulder and handing her back her phone.
“Thank you,” she smiles. “I was taken by surprise.”
“So I see, lovely young man you have there, you’re very lucky.”
“I know,” Carmen smiles at me then holds her phone to her ear. “Sorry Jose! Carter just got here, I’ll phone you back in a bit, but lunch and shopping sounds great, we’ll steal Megan too.”
I sit down and just watch her, something has happened to her overnight; she’s carefree and happy. She’s relaxed and smiling and every single one is reaching her eyes. I’m not egotistical as to assume the change is me, but my admitting I love her, has clearly had some impact on her. She finishes her call and puts her phone away before turning to look at me and
smiling again.
“What would you like?” I ask her.
“Right now? You.”
“Well, you’ll have to get that to go.”
“Can I get it with chocolate sauce, marshmallows and whipped cream?” she grins at me.
“Ummm,” I choke. “I think… Maybe…?”
Damn.
Where has this Carmen been hiding all this time?
“I’ll just have a ham and cheese toastie for now then… And a vanilla latte.”
“Comi—” I stop myself and change what I’m about to say when she laughs at me, “You got it.”
I walk to the counter and pick out what Carmen asked for, opting for a BLT for myself, I grab two bags of chips and place our drinks order adding a chocolate chip shortbread to it knowing she loves them and hoping maybe she’ll share. While I’m waiting for our drinks my phone rings, Mom is calling.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Hello sweet boy, how are you doing? How’s Carmen?”
“She’s great, Mom,” I smile as I look over at her, “We’re well… together.”
“Finally, I knew it would happen.” she laughs down the phone.
“How are you and Dad? Lex okay?”
“We’re all fine sweetheart, I was just phoning to see what your plans were for the holidays?”
“I don’t know… I haven’t really thought about it yet. It’s weird enough not being home for Thanksgiving this year.”
“I know…” she sighs. “But you’re in love and you’re starting your life there, we’ll all miss you though.”
“Can I get back to you? Maybe Carmen would like to see how the Manning’s do Christmas?” I say hopefully.
“I really hope she will, with Jack and Josie just getting the house, they won’t be coming back. I wouldn’t expect them to, not with Josie being pregnant.”
“I’ll ask Carmen and let you know and hopefully… I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Okay, look after yourself and that beautiful girl of yours. Send her our love.”
“I will, Mom.”
“Bye darling.”
Our orders are ready then and I carry them over to Carmen. She looks at me like she heard everything I just said, even though there is no way she could have.