by Liz Isaacson
Then she got in her car and set it on a course south, back toward the one place she never wanted to go again.
Her legs felt numb and she had to go to the bathroom something urgent by the time she pulled into her mother’s driveway. Only a dim light shone from somewhere within the house, and her mom’s car wasn’t in the garage.
She called, “Mom?” as she entered, but no one answered. The house was empty, and Holland sent a prayer of gratitude heavenward for the opportunity to be here alone, even if only for a few minutes.
Half an hour later, her mom entered the house looking tired and worn. “Sweetheart,” she said as Holland rose from the couch where she’d been texting Elliott.
“Mom.” A fierce rush of love and missing filled Holland as she hugged her mother. “How’s Lisa?”
“Fine.”
“The baby?”
“It was a healthy baby boy. She didn’t even hold him.” Emotion choked her mother’s voice, and Holland finally allowed her tears to overflow.
Her mom released Holland and moved into the kitchen where Holland had made coffee. “I know it’s silly, because I’ve been pushing her toward adoption since the day we found out she was pregnant.” She poured a cup of coffee and added a heaping spoonful of sugar to it. “It’s harder than I thought it would be. That’s my grandchild.”
“I know.” Holland put her hand on her mom’s shoulder. “Did you get to meet the couple?”
She nodded as she sipped. “Lisa and I chose them together. They were so emotional, so grateful, so wonderful. Lisa didn’t want to see them.” She exhaled and Holland led her to the couch so she could rest. “I met with them for a few minutes in the waiting room.”
Holland didn’t know what to say to comfort her mom, to drive away the worry lines around her eyes.
“So tell me something good,” her mom said. “How’s Gold Valley? Maybe I should come visit my sister.”
“You should,” Holland said. “Aunt Wendy would like that, and you need a break from…everything.”
Her mom managed a weak smile and patted Holland’s knee. “Anything new with you?”
Holland’s mind spun, and she took a moment to wipe her eyes dry. Should she tell her mother about Elliott? It certainly was “something good” for Holland, but she wasn’t sure if her mom would view it the same way. After cuddling with Elliott in church today, she was actually surprised Aunt Wendy hadn’t already texted her sister about the relationship.
“I met a man,” Holland said in measured beats. “His name’s Elliott, and he’s a cowboy at a ranch up the canyon from town.”
“Hmm, a cowboy.” Her mom’s eyes sparkled with excitement.
“He’s great,” Holland said.
“How long have you known him?”
“Not long,” Holland hedged. She definitely didn’t want to tell her mom about the before-the-first-date kiss.
“Did you know your father worked at a ranch for a few years?”
Holland swung her gaze to her mother’s. “No.” She smiled and giggled. “He did?”
“Three years, I think. Then we met, and I told him I wasn’t keen on marrying a cowboy. He quit the next day and started at the vocational school within the month.” A fond look crossed her face, and she stared past Holland, almost as if she could see a younger version of her husband, experience that time in her life again.
“I like my cowboy,” Holland said.
“It’s not an easy life,” her mom said.
“I know that.” But Holland didn’t, not really. She knew Elliott carried a measure of exhaustion with him, but she had no idea what he actually did to become that tired. “Mom, how long did you know Dad before you knew he was the one for you?”
A thoughtful look crossed her mom’s face. “I knew really early. A few weeks, probably. That’s why I mentioned the part about the cowboy to him.” She grinned and smoothed her hair down. “When he quit and started school, I knew he felt that same powerful something between us.”
A week ago, Holland wouldn’t have understood what that “powerful something” was. But she did now. A healthy dose of fear flowed through her.
Sure, she’d spent years planning her dream wedding, looking at dresses, imagining what her bridesmaids would wear. Nowhere had her visions included a black cowboy hat, but now that was all she could see.
“Well, let’s get to bed.” Her mom exhaled heavily as she stood. “We’ll have to get back to the hospital in the morning.” She set her coffee mug on the kitchen counter, and Holland followed her down the hall to the guest bedroom where she’d already stored her suitcase.
She hugged her mom goodnight and closed the door behind her, leaning into it, thoughts of a country cowboy wedding parading through her mind. It was late, and Elliott had likely gone to bed. He’d said she’d woken him when she’d found herself home alone and had texted him.
He had an early morning, but Holland couldn’t help experimenting with the wording of a text. I love you, Elliott.
She stared at the letters, her tears now borne from happiness instead of sorrow. She dropped her thumb to erase the sentiment. It was too soon to say such things, and they shouldn’t be sent in a text anyway.
The blue conversation bubble shot above the area where she typed, and her heart seized.
Instead of deleting the message, she’d sent it. All four words, just gone into the textosphere.
And she couldn’t unsend them.
Chapter Seven
Elliott woke to the sound of pounding on his cabin door. He bolted upright in bed and worked to free his feet from the blanket. He slept in gym shorts and nothing else, so he took a moment to grab a T-shirt from the floor on his way to the front door.
He wrenched the door open to find six cowboys standing there, wide smiles on their faces. Ty stood in the front, with Jace—the owner of the ranch—right beside him.
“What’s goin’ on?” Elliott asked, still trying to thread one arm through his shirt the right way. He looked at Archer, who surely had to get up before the sun to be standing on this porch at this hour. “Arch?”
“We’re here to offer you the job of general controller,” Jace said. “Ty thinks you’re the man for the job. Caleb, who’s done it in a pinch, said so too.” He looked at Caleb, who ran the agricultural side of the ranch.
Confusion mingled with surprise and a hint of pride. “The general controller? I didn’t even know Nels was leaving.” He glanced at the older cowboy who’d been sitting behind the desk in the administration lodge for years.
“I just found out yesterday too,” Jace said, following Elliott’s gaze to Nels. “Retiring, and he wants to do it soon.”
“My wife is ready to get that RV and travel the country,” Nels said. “I think you’d be great behind the desk, Elliott.”
“So what do you say?” Ty asked. “It’s primarily desk work, but the hours are better.”
“You’ll still be on the weekend chore rotation,” Jace added.
“And you’ll have to deal with the public more,” Archer added.
Elliott wasn’t deterred by any of that. He had a couple of questions, but he didn’t want the committee on his porch to hear his selfish thoughts. He could ask Ty in private. Or Jace.
“You’d have more time for Holland,” Archer said. “Or, you know, Precious.”
Both, Elliott thought. He wanted to know if he’d make more money and if he’d have to share a cabin. Nels didn’t live on the ranch—maybe Elliott wouldn’t be able to stay.
Committee or not, he needed to know. “Terms?” he asked.
“It’s better pay,” Jace said. “And since you’re single, you can stay in your cabin.”
He leaned against the doorway. “What if I find myself not single?”
“Told ya it was serious,” Archer said, glancing at Ty.
“He’s been dating her for a few days,” the foreman shot back.
“Boys,” Jace said. “Don’t hound the man.” He looked back at Elliott. “If
you get married, we’d have to evaluate our housing. I’ve got a new man coming next week, and I was going to put him up with you.”
The air left Elliott’s lungs. Of course Jace wouldn’t let Elliott live alone, not when there were new cowboys that needed housing. “What’s his name?”
“Gordon Escariot,” Jace said.
Didn’t sound like a cowboy name at all, but Elliott kept that thought to himself. “I’ll take the general controller job.”
Archer’s face burst into a smile. Nels’s did too. “Great,” the older man said. “So you’ll be working with me for the next couple of weeks, and then you’ll be ready to take over.”
The cowboys disbanded one by one until only Ty remained. He hooked his arm over Elliott’s shoulders and went into the cabin with him, asking, “You got any coffee on?”
“It’s five-thirty in the morning. I wasn’t even going to get up for another hour.” He moved into the kitchen and started filling the coffee pot. “Is that how you do things around here? Bust down cabin doors early in the morning?”
“It was Archer’s idea.” Ty grinned like it was a great idea, and Elliott rolled his eyes. “So you and Holland really are serious, huh?”
“I suppose,” he said, though he knew they were. Knew he didn’t go around kissing women the very first night he’d met them. Knew there was something strong between them that had burst into existence the first time he’d seen her. Knew she felt the same about him.
Ty scoffed. “You suppose. You lookin’ at rings yet?”
Elliott thought about the wedding things he’d seen on Holland’s phone at church yesterday. “I barely know her mom’s name.”
“You kissed the woman the very night you met her.”
“That wasn’t a kiss.” Elliott enjoyed the percolating sound of the coffee pot getting ready to produce the liquid caffeine he needed to make it through days that started this early. He rolled his eyes at Ty, but the idea of looking for a diamond ring for Holland plagued him.
Stuck with him after Ty left with a knowing smile on his face. Tantalized him as he pulled up a chair to Nels’s desk and took notes on what the general controller did. Enthralled him as he walked back to his place for lunch.
His phone was ringing when he entered the cabin, and he immediately tried to think of the last time he’d seen it. The sound came from his bedroom, and Elliott realized he’d left it there that morning after his rude awakening.
The light blinked from the dresser, and Holland’s face sat on the screen. He swiped it on at the last second with a “Hey, Holland.”
“Elliott,” she sounded relieved.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I’ve called a couple of times.”
“I left my phone at the cabin,” he said. “Because I got a new job, and I was a little excited this morning.”
“You got a new job?” she asked.
“Yeah, Jace just promoted me to general controller.” He tried not to sound so proud of himself, but he couldn’t help it. “More money. Less outdoor work. Shorter hours.”
She wore a smile in her voice when she said, “That sounds great, Elliott.”
“It is great.” He went into the kitchen in search of bread and peanut butter. “So, tell me how everything went with your sister.”
“Lisa is great,” she said. “She’s recovering well, and she should be able to go home later today even.”
“Wow, that soon?”
“She had the baby in the morning yesterday, so it’ll have been almost two full days.” She sighed. “I saw Brenda and Jordan from down the hall, and I ducked in here to call you.” Her voice dropped with every word she said. “I just can’t face them alone. My mom went down to the cafeteria to get lunch.”
“So they really are still together.” Elliott wasn’t really asking.
“I guess so.” She sighed. “So you haven’t looked at your texts yet?”
“Six cowboys nearly collapsed my house at five-thirty this morning to ask me about the new job,” he said. “So, no, I haven’t looked at my phone at all today.”
“Oh, um.”
Elliott waited for her to say what she needed to say. She’d never seemed to have a problem telling him things. She’d been open about her relationship with Jordan, emotional when she detailed her dad’s quick demise due to colon cancer, enthusiastic when she spoke of her college training and her physical therapy job.
“Holland?” he asked.
“I sent you something last night,” she blurted. “It was an accident, and I didn’t mean to send it. I was just sort of…I don’t know what.”
“Well, what did it say?”
“Oh, I can’t say it out loud.”
“You sent me something you can’t say out loud?” Elliott smiled out the window at the horizon. “Wow, Holland. I can’t wait to look at it.”
“No, you should just delete it.”
He couldn’t seem to get his knife spreading peanut butter again. “I’m not gonna do that,” he said. “I’m totally intrigued.”
She exhaled like he was a petulant toddler, which elicited a laugh from Elliott. He got the sandwich made as she said, “Fine, but just know it was an accident.”
“All righty.” He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed.
“I have to go. I’m sure Brenda will have me paged soon.”
His heart went out to her. “Hang in there, beautiful. Just a few hours, right?”
“I’m hoping for six thirty-minute increments.”
“And then you’ll call me again,” he said. “So I’ll be counting down the increments too.” He’d told her about his thirty-minute increment life, and she hadn’t made fun of him. Hadn’t asked why he had to segment his life in order to live it.
And now that he had her and a new job, he wondered if he really needed to partition his life so much.
He remembered that he had a new cabin mate coming next week, but living week by week was better than half-hour by half-hour.
“Okay, I’ll call you soon,” she said.
“Sounds good, Holland. Love you, bye.” He hung up and picked up his sandwich to take another bite, his voice rebounding around inside his head.
Love you, bye.
Love you, bye?
He froze mid-chew. Had he really just told her he loved her? He groaned as he put his forehead on the table, the words still reverberating through his ears.
So it was a slip. It was what he said to his mother when she called. It was meaningless.
He lifted his head, his appetite gone as he flipped over his phone to check her text. He honestly had no idea what she could’ve sent that she couldn’t say out loud.
He only had one text from her. Two missed calls, but one text.
I love you, Elliott.
His breath left his body. Those four words weren’t a Love you, bye slip. They were life-changing. They were something deliberate she’d thumbed out and then sent.
“She said it was an accident,” he said to the partially eaten peanut butter sandwich. But why would she have typed such a message at all? How was that an accident?
He pushed away from the kitchen table, abandoning his sandwich but taking his phone with him.
Fear filled him. Starting with his father’s accident, he felt like his whole life had been turned upside down. Five days. He’d met Holland five days ago. Was it insane to love her so quickly?
It was definitely pure insanity for her to love him.
Elliott burst from the containing walls of his cabin and headed for the stables. He didn’t care that he had a full afternoon of general controlling ahead of him. He needed to take Precious up into the mountains and figure things out.
Figure out why he thought he wasn’t loveable.
Figure out how Holland could possibly have made a mistake with those particular words.
Chapter Eight
Love you, bye.
Anxiety ate a hole through Holland. It had been gnawing since she’d sent that text the previ
ous evening. She wasn’t sure how she’d fallen asleep at all, but she had.
And now she had to face her sister knowing that Elliott had seen her accidental text. What would he think? Would he call her back right away? And what had he meant by Love you, bye?
It was said so flippantly, Holland didn’t think he even knew he’d said it. He didn’t really love her—and she didn’t want him to say it like that if he did. She really wanted him to call her back, and she checked her phone to make sure she had service in this wing of the hospital. She did. Her phone didn’t ring.
At least her mom had caught her in the hall and given her one of the paper bags full of food. “We can really eat this in Lisa’s room?” Holland asked.
“Yep. I even asked the nurse.” Her mom slid her a glance. “Have you seen Brenda yet?”
“Yes.” Holland sighed. “I ducked into a closet so I wouldn’t have to face her and Jordan alone.” Holland didn’t want to see them at all. Ever. Just thinking about them set her back in her progress toward a happier, healthier future.
Hang in there. Elliott’s encouraging words rang through her mind. Thirty minutes, she told herself. Just get through the next thirty minutes.
“Lisa and I will be your buffer.”
“I’m still gonna have to talk to them,” Holland said as she pushed the button to enter the maternity ward.
“Lisa will tell them to behave,” her mom said. “She pretty much laid down the law for Brenda’s visit.”
“She did?” Holland thought of her youngest sister, usually the shy one half a step behind everyone else.
“She did. She said she would already be going through a lot of turmoil, and she didn’t want Brenda causing problems.” They approached Lisa’s room, and Holland’s steps slowed automatically.
Her mom entered first, and Holland slipped in behind her. “Food’s here,” her mom said, and Brenda turned from Lisa’s bedside, a wide smile on her face.
Holland stepped behind her mom and put her bag of food on the counter. Jordan lingered across the small hospital room, the bed between them, which was just fine with Holland. He met her eye and looked away quickly, a small triumph for her.