One year later our living arrangement is working out great, but our love lives are still a train wreck. He’s casually dated off and on over the last year, but it’s never turned into anything serious. His job takes up a lot of his time making it almost impossible to have a love life. Girls are needy and don’t like trying to date a man who’s married to his job. With Vance that’s exactly what it’s like. He pretty much works seven days a week because even on his days off he’s working on cases.
I’m working part time as an assistant to the CEO of Ryan’s Publishing House. For now, I’m running around collecting the woman’s dry cleaning and walking her little dog every hour. I keep telling myself that it’s only temporary. One day I’ll be a senior editor for the biggest publishing house in New York City. Until then I’ll continue to do the Starbucks runs and pick up doggy doo doo.
Vance offered to use his father’s pull and get me a better job there, but I refused to be handed a job only because of who I know. I only want to get a job because I earned it by busting my ass and proving I deserve it. Thankfully, he understood I appreciated the gesture but had to refuse.
I’m blessed to have him in my life and to be able to call him my best friend. Especially with everything that’s happened with Sara and Jake. I use to think that Sara, Vance, and I would be friends ‘til the end, but sadly that isn’t the case. Even though I never once said a thing to Vance about his friendship with Sara, he immediately removed her from his contacts and all social media. He said if she could betray me like she did, that she didn’t deserve his friendship.
Vance was the first person I texted the second my butt hit the seat in the cab last night. I was so hurt and angry. I needed someone to vent to. He was busy, of course, so he couldn’t really talk since he was working. The second he walked through the door, he pulled me into his arms and let me cry the tears I needed to get out. Once I got that out of my system, I felt a hundred times better. Now today I’ve moved on from the hurt stage to the angry stage. Hence my long ass blog post ranting about Jake and Sara.
I wouldn’t be so hurt if it was anyone else, but my best friend that I trusted completely. I feel so betrayed. I’m grateful I have Vance. At least I know no matter what he’ll always have my back and be there whenever I need him.
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t sometimes wonder what if when I think about Vance and I. We work so well together as friends that I sometimes wonder what life would be like if we moved our relationship in that direction. But as quickly as the thought enters my mind, I always push it straight back out.
He’s like my big brother. He doesn’t see me that way. He views me as his little sister he has to protect from the fuck boys of Manhattan. Which I have to let him know he’s failing at miserably. He hates every single guy I date, which in the end I see why because every relationship ends badly. Either we simply don’t connect, they get too possessive and I can’t deal with that shit; they get jealous of my relationship with Vance which is a deal breaker for me.
I will never be forced to choose a man over Vance.
He’s my best friend, and if I’m with a guy he needs to accept that. Yes, we live together, and no we don’t have wild animal sex every single time they leave my house.
And yes that is exactly a response I gave a guy six months ago when he accused me of sleeping with Vance when he wasn’t here.
I think deep down the main reason I’ve never acted on my feelings toward Vance is because of my fear of failure. Every single relationship I’ve ever had has sizzled out within six months’ tops. I cherish our friendship too much to risk destroying it. That’s what would happen if we hooked up and then our relationship would end up crashing and burning. We’d never be able to go back to the way things were. No matter how hard we may try. So the only option is to sit back and suck it up no matter how hard it is watching him date other girls. It’s the life I chose to hold onto the friendship we have.
For me, I’ll stick to my book boyfriends.
Chapter Three
I’m officially in a food coma! Thanks to all the junk food Vance bought me I’m going to have to hit the gym extra hard next week. Right now he’s working; it’s a Saturday and I have the entire apartment to myself to do what I do best.
Read.
I have my favorite sweat pants on, the bun on top of my head looks like a bird tried to make a nest in it, and I have chocolate ice cream stained onto my tank top, but I don’t care. The only way I’ll be moving off this couch is if Vance rolls me off because I am that comfortable and that full.
With no boyfriend to impress, I have zero reasons to get off this couch and out of these clothes. My book boyfriends couldn’t care less about how I look because no matter what they’ll still brighten my afternoon with their overly sweet one-liners and their porn-star skills that burn up the digital pages of my Kindle.
My Spotify playlist is on shuffle and filling the living room with the sexy voice of Sam Hunt while I get lost in this completely enthralling story. If I don’t need a bathroom break and no one texts my phone, I’ll finish Perfectly Imperfect within the next hour. Nothing is more thrilling yet heartbreaking as watching the percentage of your book read crawl toward the 100% mark.
The sound of the door opening to our apartment is the only thing that pulls me out of the story. Lifting my head up, I peer over the back of the couch toward the front door. Our loft is a wide open floor plan with the kitchen, living room, and dining room all flowing one into the other. Our bedrooms and bathroom are the one rooms separated by walls.
As soon as Vance’s face comes into view as he walks through the doorway dressed in his suit and badge hanging off of his hip, a smile spreads across my lips.
“Hey, you. How was work today? Catch any bad guys?”
Setting his keys and badge inside the wooden bowl beside the door, he shrugs off his jacket and gets to work rolling up the sleeves of his shirt before taking long quick strides toward the couch. Within seconds he’s beside me and plopping down onto the sofa. Sinking into the cushions, he runs his hands over his face revealing the exhaustion that has set in after working a twelve-hour day.
I grab my phone beside me pausing my music as Vance makes himself comfortable.
“Instead of boring you with the details of my day, how about we talk about yours?”
I raise my eyebrows in response as I set my Kindle down onto my lap and stare over the top of my bent knees down the couch at him. “My day was so eventful. I slept in, which felt amazing, ate the last of the cinnamon toast crunch…sorry not sorry.” I giggle before continuing, “And read all day, only getting up for pee breaks. It’s been fantastic.”
A heart-stopping smile spreads across his lips causing his one single dimple to appear in his right cheek. “How many of those reading hours were spent with your current fictional boy toy rocking your world? Curious minds want to know.”
“That’s for me to know and you to never find out. I don’t kiss and tell.”
Flicking at my big toe, he narrows his now puppy dog sad looking eyes as a small pout appears on his lips. “You’re no fun.”
Grabbing the remote, he turns on the television and toes off his shoes before kicking his feet up onto the coffee table. Scrolling through the DVR list, he turns on the latest episode of Game of Thrones. It’s our nightly routine. I read, and he catches up on the never-ending list of shows he has on the DVR until we both decide to finally give in to sleep and head to bed.
“Speaking of fictional boyfriends, my blog post has blown up. My friends have been sharing it in book groups and even some bloggers I’m friends with shared it. You wouldn’t believe how many people admitted to be in a similar situation to mine. They’re fed up with dating and agree the best option at this point is to give up on real men and commit to the fictional ones. At least this way we save ourselves from getting our hearts broken. That is unless the authors are a real bitch and decide to kill them or something. But thankfully that rarely hap
pens.”
I watch as he pulls up something on his phone and nods his head at me as I speak. Suddenly his jaw falls open and he whips his head at me. “Holy shit, Christi. Did you see the views your blog post has? It says like two-thousand shares! It’s gone viral in less than twenty-four hours.” His thumb scrolls down his screen as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Some of these comments you’re getting...chicks can be fucking brutal. You girls look all sweet and innocent, but damn. Remind me to always stay on women’s good side. I don’t want to end up with a Carrie Underwood ‘Before He Cheats’ kind of ex smashing the hell out of my car.”
Glancing up from my Kindle, I smirk as I try to hold back my laughter. With some of the girls he’s attracted I’m shocked one of them didn’t do something crazy to him or his precious Charger.
“I thought that Shelby was lying when she texted me this morning telling me that she noticed it a few times on her feed just over the last few hours. I posted it in one of the book groups I’m in, and we ended up discussing the train wreck romances we’ve all been through. I was shocked to hear how many other women use books to escape their shitty love lives. At least now I know I’m not the only one who’s tired of finding nothing but slimy toads instead of Prince Charming.”
“I can’t for the life of me understand what the fuck is wrong with these dickheads. I don’t understand how these guys are so damn oblivious to how amazing you are. If I was them and had a girl like you…” He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair, messing up the short locks that are sticking up on top of his head. “I’d be thanking God, Buddha, or my lucky rabbit’s foot, I don’t care…that I was lucky enough to call you mine.”
Damn, it’s as if Kane in the freaking book I’m reading just leaped out of my Kindle and plopped down on the couch where Vance is now. Ball scratching, beer guzzling, hot-headed cop Vance, is sounding like a romance novel hero all of a sudden.
Twisting my face into a look of complete shock, I furrow my brows and purse my lips. I point my left hand overly dramatic toward myself and joke, “Me either because I’m one hell of a catch.”
My phone begins going off beside me causing both Vance’s and my eyes to shoot down to it. Immediately I see Sara’s name lit up showing her trying to call. “This is about the twentieth time today she’s tried to get me to talk to her. I already had to block her Facebook because she wouldn’t stop messaging me earlier begging me to hear her out.”
“It’s a shitty situation. I never would’ve in a million years thought that she’d do something like this to you. If she doesn’t stop blowing up your phone you have two choices: answer the phone and hash it out with her, or block her number and go on with your life.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I pick up my phone and power it off before tossing it back down onto the cushion. “I’m going with option number two. I said all that needed to be said last night. I’ve washed my hands of her and Jake.”
Climbing to his feet, I watch as Vance walks toward our small kitchen, opening the refrigerator and grabbing two beers out of it.
Turning to face me, he closes the refrigerator door and flashes me a playful smirk. “I think this situation calls for one of these.”
He twists the tops off, tossing the caps into the trash can before rejoining me on the couch. Leaning toward me, he holds the beer out with his left hand while using his right hand to bring the bottle up to his perfect lips. I don’t know if it’s from reading this book all day, talking to other readers about hot sex scenes in books earlier today, or the fact that my boyfriend boned my best friend, but I want to rebound with my hot best friend sitting beside me. Suddenly I feel as if the room is twenty degrees hotter.
As I reach for the beer, our fingers graze and I feel my body tingle from the contact. The sparks have always been there between us, but I’ve become a pro at ignoring it. Pretending it doesn’t exist. Whenever my mind starts running wild with crazy thoughts of being with Vance, I immediately remind myself why we can never happen. Instantly those feelings crawl back deep inside of my heart to a secret place that I can keep them safe and hidden from myself and especially from him.
After talking with Vance about Jake and my decision to stay single for a while last night, I laid in bed trying to fall asleep but Vance’s joke about me being a serial dater bounced around inside of my head.
I thought about it, and he’s right. I can’t remember a time where I was single for more than a few weeks. I rarely dated in high school because I was shy and focused all of my time on my academics. My parents could never afford for me to attend a university like NYU on their salary, so I knew my only option was to bust my ass and earn a scholarship. Which I did but because of that my social and love life took a back seat.
Not long after I met Vance, though, my social life blossomed as did my dating life. I started attending college parties and meeting new people. Before long I found myself being pulled into the whole dating scene. He was going strong with Brynn at the time and I was trying to get over my crush on him, so I used other men to help me do just that. I think I have been subconsciously even more adamant about having a boyfriend since their wedding was called off.
Vance on a good day— hell even a bad day, can make any girl’s panties disappear with the simplest smile and husky hello. Add to that him then being single makes his natural swagger and ability to make a woman fall over herself when in the presence of him damn near impossible to resist him.
It doesn’t help that he likes to stroll around the house half naked on any given day—worse yet stroll around in his freaking uniform with his badge screaming: ‘look at me I’m not only sexy as fuck but I also come with a pair of handcuffs’, seriously! The guy is like a walking Ken doll with kinky accessories.
All the Barbie’s in the land are clawing at each other with their overly pink finger nails over who he’ll cuff first.
Every girl wants Vance. Even the ones who like to play hard to get end up in his bed. It’s simply a given. No one can resist him.
All except me.
Lord knows it ain’t been easy. Now I find myself suddenly regretting my decision to swear off men. I can’t go back on it because now this stupid blog post has blown up and gone viral. I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours going on and on about how all a girl needs are a great collection of toys and steamy books to be happy.
As I lay here on the couch trying to read but finding my eyes betraying me and watching Vance as he gets sucked into his television show, I can’t help but find myself trying to find one single flaw in the man. It’s impossible. I don’t think he has a flaw…other than being the only guy on the planet I can’t be with.
The guy is like the perfect book boyfriend all of my friends wish for. He’s sweet, funny, caring, and from the praises I hear through our bedroom walls, the man’s a god in the bedroom.
And he just so happens to be my best friend.
I was instantly friend zoned the second we met and there simply is no way of getting out of that. He sees me as his sweet and nerdy best friend. I can’t even come close to competing with the girls he dates even if I tried. They all look like they’ve jumped off of a Time Square billboard and stumbled straight into his arms.
Me in my skinny ripped jeans, ballet flats, and my plain Jane blonde hair that only has two styles: messy bun or straight because I have hair that refuses to be styled. I’d look ridiculous on his arm attending his father’s over the top ritzy parties at his fifth avenue apartment or home in the Hamptons.
I’ll forever be introduced as his friend, Christi. Never his girlfriend. Because of that I’ve tried so hard to find a guy to love me and fill that part of me that still is hung up on Vance.
As long as I am distracted by dating other men it leaves me no time to start falling for him again. He’s made it very clear when things with him and Brynn blew up and they went their separate ways that he wanted to be single for a while. Have time to focus on himself and his career. That doesn’t mean h
e hasn’t been getting laid though. I’ve seen my fair share of women trying to do the walk of shame out of here unnoticed on more occasions than I’d like to recount.
Now I’ve decided to swear off dating all together—so that means I won’t have a man to distract me from the ridiculously hot best friend sitting not even a foot away from me.
I take a long sip of my beer as I try to force the thoughts buzzing around inside my head all over again into the back of my mind. I for one can’t afford a place in this city by myself on my minimal salary. So I for no reason whatsoever can even play with the idea of Vance and me. The risk far outweighs the reward…no matter how ridiculously hot that reward may be.
I force my eyes to focus back onto my Kindle so I can get lost in the romance of the story. I can tell I’m going to be really flying through this reading list over the next few weeks.
Especially if my heart keeps speeding up in my chest the way it is right now as Vance sinks further into the couch and gently pulls my feet that I just had bent and resting beside him, onto his lap. Simple gestures that never affected me over the last few years are suddenly sending my head reeling and my heart racing.
Chapter Four
Vance
Finding out that Christi finally dumped that jackass, Jake, made my damn year. That guy was a major tool. She deserves way better than some douchebag who can’t respect her enough to not act like a fucking scumbag and sleep with her best friend.
She’s done nothing these last few weeks but work or stay glued to her Kindle. I’ve tried to get her to come out with some of our friends several times, but she’s turned down my offer every single time. She’s used the excuse that she wants to avoid obnoxious drunk men falling all over her. So instead of joining us at the pub down the street from our apartment, she spends her weekends curled up on the couch with another book.
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