“Like what?”
“The truth is… For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can finally breathe. You’re a breath of fresh air for me. We have fun together. It’s effortless and carefree. We’re effortless and carefree.” Stepping around me, his strong, warm hands cup my cheeks. “Kenleigh, I love you. When I came here this summer, I had no idea that not only would I fall in love, but that I’d find my best friend, too. You accept me, faults and all. I’ve told you about my past, and yet you still chose me. You chose to let me into your heart and make it my own. I have never had anyone put as much faith in me as you have.”
Speechless. That’s what his words have rendered me. No coherent thought comes to mind as he drops his hands from my face and envelops mine in his own. “Our love is what fairy tales are made of. Romance novels that have their happily ever after, that’s the kind of love we share. It’s something that most people dream of finding. We’re lucky we did. I once thought I had it all… I thought I was happy. Now, I realize I lived in the dark and not in the light. I was a shell of a man. I didn’t know what real happiness was until I heard your laugh. I didn’t know what true light was until I saw you smile. I didn’t know how to breathe until you told me you loved me, too.” He drops down on one knee, and I watch wide-eyed as Wes pulls a black velvet box out of his jeans pocket. My breath catches when he flips the top open. A large, princess cut diamond sits atop a platinum band encrusted in small tiny diamonds along the sides. “I don’t want this to be some summer love. I don’t want us to leave here and always wonder what might have been, what could have been. I know with everything in my soul, Kenleigh, that I will only ever love you. Please make me even happier than you already do, and marry me.”
Tears flow freely now. The happiness written all over his face, crushes my soul when I realize that I’m about to shatter his heart. The velvety texture of the rose petals sticks to my knees as I kneel down in front of him. “Wes, I love you more than you will ever know. Like you, I didn’t plan on meeting my soul mate when I came here this summer. I didn’t even believe in soul mates until I met you. There’s been this hole in my heart for so long, but now it’s filled, thanks to you. You did that. You gave me peace,” I whisper. When he goes to speak, I shake my head to stop him and take a deep breath. “But… I don’t need a proposal. We can make it work. Somehow, someway.”
I watch as a myriad of emotions flicker in his eyes. Love and joy turn into hurt and confusion. But the one I dread seeing the most, the one I know will become permanent—hate. “What are you trying to say, Kenleigh?”
“Never in all my life did I think I would be lucky enough to find someone as wonderful as you. The past couple of months mean more to me than you will ever know.” I sniff back the tears, because I know I am breaking his heart, the same heart he gave freely to me. “I don’t this want this summer to end, but more importantly, I don’t want us to end.”
I turn my head away from him. My hair sticks to the rogue tears that continue like a torrential downpour on my face. “But?” he grits out through clenched teeth. His grip tightens around my hand, encouraging me to go on.
“I can’t marry you. I love you, yes, but I’m too, we’re too—”
“You can’t, or you won’t marry me?” he asks, cutting me off in a hard tone.
My face falls. I cannot bare to see how much he will hate me after this. “I can’t. Not right now,” I whisper on a shuddering breath.
“Well then…” He trails off, dropping my hand on my lap. I lean back on my heels and slowly lift my head as I watch him stand. With a hand on his hip, he runs the other through his blond hair, hair that I love to run my fingers through, hair my fingers will never feel again. “Isn’t this just fucking perfect? I confess my love to you. I give you my heart, not just half, but the whole damn thing. For what? To propose to you and be fucking rejected?” he asks. His gaze drops to mine as he laces his fingers behind his neck. “Is this what you wanted?” A single tear escapes his eye as his gaze holds me captive. “To hurt me?”
“No! I w-would never want to h-hurt you. I love you. If you would j-just listen to m-me—” I stammer through my sobs.
“I don’t… I don’t want to hear it. I thought we wanted the same things.” His voice is hoarse as he wipes away more tears that have broken through the barriers of his long dark eyelashes.
“I do. Just not r-right…”
“Save it. I can’t do this. I love you, but you just broke my fucking heart. I don’t care about your reasoning. When it comes to love, that’s one fucking emotion I do not fuck with.” He sneers. His hands fall from his neck as he walks around my slouched form—away from me, from us.
My chin drops to my chest, my hair falls around me, shielding me from his hurtful words. I try to take deep breaths as sobs consume me, but all I can do is gasp for air as he walks away. In the distance, I hear his voice one last time. “Goodbye, Kenleigh.”
Right now, I know that last statement just sealed our fate, and a deep gaping hole will be left in my heart forever.
I don’t know how much time passes, but I know Wes left. He didn’t just leave me; he left our memory behind too. I remember hearing the screen door to the house slam against the wooden siding. Not long after that, I heard his truck start and his tires squeal, taking him to where, I don’t know. I wish he would have given me the opportunity to explain, but he didn’t, and I can’t blame him. I shattered his heart. Now, I’m left here with a million ‘what ifs’ running through my mind. I knew my rejection of his proposal was going to hurt him, but didn’t he see that it hurt me, too? If I‘d had an inclination that he was going to ask for my hand in marriage, maybe I would have thought my answer out differently. Maybe I would have said yes. Just as the image of tears running down his face hits me like a ton of bricks, another round of uncontrollable sobs hits me.
Warm, consolatory arms wrap around my shoulders as Mrs. Sandy’s scent engulfs me. “It wasn’t supposed to end like this.” My words come out muffled as Mrs. Sandy presses my head against her chest.
“I know, Dear. I know,” she whispers against my hair.
“I love him. I do. I never meant to hurt him.” Another sob breaks free, and I’m left trembling with the fear that I will never see him again.
“Oh, Honey, we all know that. And he loves you, too. But sometimes… Sometimes, we have to learn what the best parts in life that we’ve been missing are. It could be a love like you’ve never known. It may be the biggest regret you’ve ever made. Hell, it might even be your time here on this ranch. What I’m trying to say is… You never know what’s missing in your life until it’s gone.” My head lifts from her chest as she cups my tear stained cheeks in her hands. Her sapphire irises search mine. “And sometimes, we have to lose the most important, most valuable things so we can fully appreciate what we once had.”
“I don’t know what to do. He didn’t let me explain. He wouldn’t let me explain.”
“Listen to me. Nobody ever said love is easy. It’s hard work. Really hard work. But if you put in the time and the effort, love can also be the easiest thing you’ll ever experience. I know you two love each other; even a blind fool can see that. Have faith, Dear. Everything will work out like it’s supposed to.”
A huge part of me knows she’s right, but there is a small part of me doubts her words. “But what if it doesn’t?”
“Then it was never meant to be. Only you can decide your destiny. Only you can decide where your happiness lies. And if it’s not with my boy, then you can look back and say you once had a summer love that most people never find, that most people wish on shooting stars to have,” Mrs. Sandy whispers, her eyes glossy from unshed tears. She removes her hands from my face, lifts my hands, and while helping me stand, says, “Now come on. Let’s get you inside.”
I let her lead me out of the barn, away from the best, worst, and last memory of Wes.
Boxes are scattered all over the place. Some lie sideways where I’ve tossed them on the
floor, others lay strewn about haphazardly on my desk, and a couple sit on my bed. I can’t be here one more second. Carelessly, I throw my books, laptop, sheets, clothes, and whatever else I have in the boxes that lay all around me. Yesterday, I went to the admissions office and decided to take a leave of absence. As soon as I withdrew from my courses, I started to pack. After I spoke with Brantley yesterday morning, I knew what I had to do. I needed to breathe again.
The past two weeks have been hell. I thought rejecting Wes’ proposal was the right decision. I’ve tried to call him so many times. The first time, he picked up, and I tried to explain why I did what I did, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Now when I call, I’m sent straight to voicemail. And now more than ever, I know I made the biggest mistake of my life. I remember his baby blue eyes so full of love and compassion, and the easy smile he wore. All of that was for me. When I told him no, his beautiful, light blue eyes became empty and dark. A smile no longer graced his handsome face. Instead, a sneer full of loathing replaced it. I did that to him, and it haunts me every, damn night. Sometimes I wake up sobbing and breathless with an unbearable ache stabbing me in the heart.
I walk around like a zombie, going through the motions of day-to-day life. I hardly eat. I barely sleep. I refuse to speak to anyone with the exception of Brantley. I’ve talked to him a couple of times since I left Serenity Falls. He asked how I was holding up, and I broke down completely. I told him how bad it hurt just to breathe. That every time I thought of Wes, what I did to him, how much I hurt him, it broke me more and more. He did his best to calm me down and told me to take it day by day, that eventually the hurt would go away, but I can’t help but think that maybe he’s wrong. Mrs. Sandy has called a few times, but even those calls I’ve refused to answer. I have listened to her voicemails, but haven’t called her back. I know it’s wrong to ignore her. She knew how upset I was when I left, but I realize that she’s still Wes’ mom, and she’s hurting for him, too. Who would not hurt for their child?
With only one thing left to put in the last box, I pick it up and drop down to sit on the edge of my bed. It’s a picture of my parents and me. The last picture we ever took together. We sat on the couch, watching The Goonies, eating popcorn, and drinking root beer floats. With my mom on my left and my dad on my right, we all squeezed in to get a picture. As soon as I clicked the on button the camera, I felt both sets of lips on my cheeks. My mom had the most amazing set of green eyes. They were as dark as just found emeralds. Her short hair was as dark as mahogany, and her skin was this flawless, alabaster color. My dad had a rich, deep tan from working outside, a tan that I was lucky to inherit, dark brown hair the color of melted chocolate, always cut short, and the most amazing, piercing, blue eyes, eyes that I swear could see through anyone’s bullshit. My eyes close, and for just a moment, I let myself remember the day before they died. The day we took this picture.
My mom asked me as we sat out by the lake in our Adirondack chairs at our summer home, “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?” Sometimes we have discussions like this. I know my mom wouldn’t trade my dad or me for anything, but I think that she looks back and wishes she had done more with her life.
“Right here, Momma,” I reply with a lazy smile.
“Out of anywhere in the world, this is where you would choose to live?”
“Mmmhmm. I love it here. This is home,” I answer as I look out over the placid lake. There’s not a cloud in the sky. “Why? Do you and Dad wanna move?” I ask skeptically.
“No. No, we’re not moving. Sometimes your dad and I feel bad because we live in such a small town. There aren’t a lot of opportunities for you here.” She shrugs her shoulders as she continues. “Home is wherever you want it to be. It can be a place where you feel safe, loved, and cherished. It’s a place that makes you happy. Whether you decided to live here in Conroe for the rest of your life, or move away to bigger and better things, just remember that home can be anywhere.”
As I gently place the picture frame in the last box, and tape it closed, I whisper, “Momma, I found my home. Now, I just have to hope that my home will want me back.”
My phone rings loudly throughout the empty room. I sigh when I see Aunt Brenda’s name flash on the caller id. I answer on the second ring. “Hello.”
“Hey, Honey,” she chirps.
“Hi.” I know I sound depressed, but damn it, I am, and I’m sure she can detect it in my voice.
“What’s wrong?” Her tone is no longer cheerful, but worried.
“Everything. Wes and I had a huge fight, and he left,” I answer with a broken voice. Tears begin to well up in my eyes as I lay back on my bed.
“Okay. Start from the beginning, and tell me what’s going on?”
I do as she asks. I cry my way through describing to her the most romantic proposal a girl could ever ask for. I tell her about how I told him no, and how he would not let me explain my reasons behind it. Then I explained how he left without another word.
“But you’re back at school, right?”
“Yeah. I’ve been here for two weeks.”
“I thought that was your plan all along, to return to school?”
“It was, but not anymore. I’ve tried calling him again and again, but he doesn’t answer. My life never felt complete until I met him, and now I feel so broken and empty, Aunt Brenda.”
“Listen to me. Calm down, okay? Take a couple of deep breaths and hear me out,” she says slowly. I take a couple of deep breaths as I try to regulate my breathing. “Are you calmed down now?”
“Yes.”
“All right. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but your parents met and married really young. Your mom was eighteen and right out of high school, and your dad was a freshman in college. They met and the next thing your grandparents and I knew, they were married. Honestly, I think they only dated for six months.” She chuckles softly through the phone while I sit here in shock. My mom and dad never went into details about how they met, and I never thought to ask. “Your grandma and grandpa were furious at them, at the situation as a whole. They told your parents they were too young to be married. But I think the real reason they were so pissed was because your parents eloped. Your mom called me from a payphone right before they did it. When she told me what they were doing, I wanted to protest against it. Hell, I mean, I didn’t want to miss my only sister’s wedding, but she didn’t let me get a word in. Your mom went on to tell me that she and your father loved each other, and she knew your grandparents wouldn’t approve.”
“Wow,” I breathe out.
“You didn’t know about any of this?”
“No,” I answer, shaking my head even though I know she can’t see me.
“Well, you do now. But what you need to understand is that the type of love your mom and dad shared is the same type of love you and Wes share. It’s written on your faces, in your body language, just like it was with your parents. If they were alive, they would tell you to go for it. A love, the type of love you and Wes have, isn’t something that comes around very often. If you don’t go after him, you will always wonder, and wonder turns into regret. And Honey, life is too short for regrets.”
She’s right. If my parents could see how much I love Wes, and how much he loves me, they would stand behind my choice to accept his proposal. I thought I wanted to find Wes before, but now, the urge to find him just magnified by ten.
“So, what are you going to do?” she asks, breaking me from my spell.
“I’m going to go to him, and all I can hope for is that he’ll take me back. He will take me back, right?” I ask, scared now that I think of it. What if he’s really done with me, with us? What if I’m not wanted? What if he’s already seeing someone else?
“I can’t answer that, Honey. Just remember what I said about wondering and regret. You’ll never know unless you try.”
“Okay. I’m gonna do it. I’m going to fight for us and see where it takes me.” I shoot up off the bed
and square my shoulders as my grip tightens on the phone. Determination surges through me like never before.
“Good. Now, go get your man, and I’ll talk to you soon. Be careful and know that I love you.”
“Thank you and I love you, too,” I reply as I hang up.
I look around at the small room that has been my home for the last year. Now it’s just an empty space with two beds. A part of me feels awful that I never gave my new roommate a chance. One night, she walked in from a long night of partying, and saw me in hysterics. She tried to help me, console me, but I pushed her away. Jenna told me that I could tell her what was wrong, but I snapped and told her there was nothing she could do for me, to leave it be. And she did. After that night, she’s barely spoken a word to me. When she realized that I was making no attempt to be her friend, or even acknowledge her, she quit trying to reach out to me all together. I wish now that I had the opportunity to apologize to her. I know she meant well.
With one last glance around the room, it’s time. Time for me to go home.
Just as I exit onto the interstate, Run by George Strait filters in through my speakers, and the lyrics alone have tears pricking the backs of my eyes. I think about the night that Wes led me into the barn. I love how he always wanted to surprise me with something. I love how, no matter how many times I would ask where he was taking me, he wouldn’t give in. But what he had planned for that night, I wasn’t prepared for. Images of red and white rose petals scattered all over the breezeway floor assault me. The soft, amber glow of candlelight bouncing off the barn walls pulls at my heart. The smell of honeysuckle mixing with the warm, humid, summer air invades my senses. “How did I walk away from the best thing that has ever happened to me?” I ask quietly to no one but myself.
Serenity Falls Page 27