by Gina Kincade
She'd gotten no more than a couple hours sleep all night. Between the pain, the coughing, and Griffin coming in every hour to silently check on her, she was as tense as ever. She wondered if this was how she would have felt, day after day, if he'd let her stay. If she'd put up a fight and told him this was her house too. If she hadn't quietly packed her bags and left without a word. Would this have been their life? Silence between them. Tension thick as a NY steak. Him sleeping on the couch, her crying alone in bed, begging him to forgive her. No. For the first time she realized that her leaving was for the best.
Over the past year and a half, she'd spent days dreaming about being home again. Hours hoping, he would call and talk to her. Weeks in absolute despair, wondering if she should end it all. How had she not envisioned this? Because she'd expected him to be different. To listen to her. But that wasn't Griffin. He was all black and white. There was right and wrong, on and off, but no in between. There never had been. It was one of the things that had made him such a great Marine.
Unable to go back to sleep, she hopped from the bed and went into the bathroom. Her vision dimmed and she grabbed onto the sink for support. A headache stormed through her mind like thunder and her stomach growled. How long had it been since she'd eaten? She'd had tea but that was about it in the last eighteen hours.
Blinking several times, she focused on the faucet until her vision cleared. She located a spare toothbrush in the emergency box she'd left under the sink and ripped it open. A bottle of ibuprofen stared at her from the counter top. The desire to take two, or four, or six, coursed through her. She picked it up and placed it in the medicine cabinet, out of sight.
She berated herself for the weakness that still ran through her. No. She sucked in a breath and looked herself in the eye. She'd resisted. It was a win.
"One day at a time. Just one day."
A bark sounded from the back yard and she headed for the sliding door while brushing her teeth. She opened it and Bowgie bounded inside, running straight for the front room. He sniffed every surface and then jumped up on the couch and curled into a giant ball.
Dakota walked back to the bathroom and made a mental list of all the things she needed to get done. She had to go to her apartment first. If what Dr. Stevenson had said was true, there would be little to nothing left but she had to see. She wanted to go to the bank, the store, and she had to call her boss. Then, depending on the state of her bank account, she needed to find a new place to live, new clothing, new furniture, appliances and… and… and… She rinsed out her mouth. She was starting over. Again. The difference was, this time she really was starting with nothing.
Dakota walked back into the bedroom and checked the clock. It was only nine a.m. Her stomach growled again and glanced at Bowgie as she headed to the kitchen.
"When was the last time you ate?" She walked over and plopped on the coffee table in front of him. He licked her face and she scratched his ears. "Poor baby. You were probably so worried about me." She squished his face and kissed his nose. "I don't know what I'd have done if I'd lost you. Come on."
Together they walked into the kitchen. A note stood on the counter.
Left for class. Be back in an hour and a half. Help yourself to whatever you need.
G-
She opened the fridge. The sparse shelves stared at her. At least he had eggs and bacon.
***
Griffin walked out to the quad after class and was struck by all the sights, sounds, and smells of the college. As a Blood Born werewolf his wolf was always near the surface. Able to shift at will, he knew nothing different. But even Blood Born wolves couldn't deny the call of the full moon. And the days leading up to it heightened everything.
He pulled out his phone and hit speed dial.
"Griffin?"
"Hey, Caleb." He walked across campus toward his Jeep.
"How are things?" asked his older brother.
How were things? Things were totally screwed up. That's how things were.
"Manageable," he replied.
"That's better than most then."
True. "I'm gonna be comin' up for the full moon next week and wondered if your house was finished enough for me to crash a couple of days."
"Water runs. Still no electricity though. You might be more comfortable at mom and dad's."
Griffin couldn't stay with his parents. It was his dad's opinion, as pack Alpha, that it didn't matter what a mate did, once you were mated, you were mated for life. The bond could never be broken. You worked through crap together.
"Yeah… Dad and I are still on the outs." Griffin crossed between two buildings and headed toward the parking lot.
"So I take it you told him about the divorce."
"I'll tell him when it's finished." He could practically hear Caleb shaking his head.
"Have you turned the papers in yet?"
Griffin took a deep breath. "Not yet."
"You know Griff, I don't get into your business."
"Which is why I like you so much." He pushed the button on his keychain, unlocking his Jeep.
His brother chuckled. "All I'm going to say is, you've had those papers for months and you haven't turned them in yet. Think about that."
Which was exactly what he'd been doing the last month. He jogged to his Jeep and opened the door.
"Have you seen her?"
Griffin threw his bag on the passenger seat and leaned back. In his gut he knew this was the real reason he'd called his brother, but he still wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "She spent the night."
"Really?" The incredulity in Caleb's voice dripped over the phone line.
"Not like that. Her apartment caught on fire and she ended up in the emergency room. Apparently I was listed as her next of kin so they called me. She didn't have anywhere else to go so I let her stay."
"How very generous of you, considering it's her house too."
"Don't."
"I'm not trying to start anything. I'm just sayin'."
"I thought maybe she'd been cooking drugs or something, but it was her neighbor’s fault apparently."
"You know she never did any of that crap right? Yes, she may have taken drugs but she was never a dealer or anything. Is Bowgie okay?"
Griffin gripped the steering wheel. "When was the last time you talked to her?"
"About a month ago. She sounded like she was doing pretty good."
He knew Caleb and Dakota had always been tight. But he hadn't realized just how tight until then.
"You two talk often?" He tried to keep the bite out of his voice.
"You know it isn't like that with Dakota and me. She's my sister and I love her. The same way I love you little brother."
Yes, Griffin did know that. Man it was insane how much this crap with Dakota was still messing with his head, even after all this time.
"How long is she staying?" Caleb asked.
"Hopefully just today. She got a concussion and needed someone to stay with her."
"Is she okay?"
"She'll be fine."
"So if her place burned down, where's she gonna go?"
"I don't know. Maybe her new boyfriend's house."
Caleb snorted. "I don't detect a hint of jealousy in your responses."
Griffin growled deep in his chest.
"I'm not taking sides on this. I care about you both. And I can tell by your growl you're done talking but just think about what I said. You've sat on those papers for over six months. You went to her when she needed you and you brought her home to take care of her. Somewhere inside you know you still love her. And if you do, don't you at least owe her a chance to explain what happened? If for nothing other than piece of mind when you finally turn in those papers."
Caleb was the most level headed of all the men in his family. Dad was hot tempered and his oldest brother, Logan, was off in his own world. Griffin was also prone to bouts of anger and jealousy, but quiet and even-temper
ed Caleb was only known to show his Alpha side when protecting his family.
"I'll let you go," said Caleb. "You're welcome to stay with me next week. You know there are always extra beds and blankets at my house."
"Along with canned food."
"I happen to like canned food."
Griffin chuckled. "Even I don't believe that lie."
"Griff, if she doesn't have anywhere else to go, maybe you should suggest Dakota come home to Wolf River. It would be good for her to be near her pack again."
"Yeah, maybe. I'll see ya."
Griffin hung up, turned on his car, and backed out of his spot, but Caleb's words hung in the air. Why had he taken so long to turn in the divorce papers?
Griffin pulled into the drive an hour later and stared at the house. Just knowing Dakota was in there brought him a mix of anxiety and peace. He'd picked up his phone to call her, to make sure she was just okay, over a dozen times in the past months. He wasn’t happy with her but it didn't mean he wanted to see anything bad happen to her.
He grabbed his bag, the supplies he'd picked up, and headed to the front door. Barking from the backyard pulled his attention. That wasn't going to fly. The neighbors would complain for sure.
He walked through the door and dropped the bags on the couch. "Dakota, Bowgie is barking his ass off," he called.
There was no answer.
"I stopped by the store and got you a few things to wear. Some pajamas and stuff. And I got you some food from The Wave. Vanilla Coke and a burger and fries. Extra pickles and grilled onions."
Outside the sliding glass door Bowgie jumped and barked. When he spotted Griffin he started scratching on the glass.
"No way man." Griffin dropped the bags on the couch and stomped to the back door and slid it open. "Okay, you and I need to come to an agreement mate. There will be no scratching, no barking–"
Bowgie jumped on Griffin's chest almost knocking him over. Griffin pushed him off.
"And no jumping up." He went to pet the dog and it bounded toward the gazebo. A pair of legs, wearing gray sweatpants, lay on the unfinished pad.
He ran out the back door. "Dakota?"
Bowgie barked and ran in a circle. Griffin rushed forward and turned her over.
"Dakota?"
She moaned and blinked her glossy eyes.
"Dakota? What happened? What's wrong?"
"My head," she moaned.
"Did you take something? Is it drugs?"
Her eyebrows scrunched together and she blinked rapidly then her eyes focused and she pushed him away, anger etched in her features. Bowgie nudged her with his nose and licked her face. She nuzzled him and clung to his fur with one hand, getting to her feet.
"No dickwad it isn't drugs. It's my head."
"What are you doing out here?" Anger tinged his voice. He glanced around to see if any of the neighbors were watching.
"I came out to see the stupid gazebo and then everything started spinning and I fell down apparently."
"So it isn't drugs?"
She swore loudly. "Why do you keep jumping to that conclusion? Seriously? Am I that terrible of a person? Can you only think the worst of me now?"
She stormed off toward the house with Bowgie in tow.
"What choice do I have? I haven't seen or talked to you in over a year."
She rounded on him and stomped back. "And whose fault is that? You kicked me out."
"What did you expect after what had happened?"
She stared at him for a minute and then held up her hands. "You know what? You're right. Just forget it. This was a mistake. I should never have come here."
She turned and headed into the house. Part of him wanted her to go. Wanted her to walk out the door again and keep walking so he could turn the divorce papers in and be done with her. But Caleb's words floated back to him.
He followed her into the house.
***
Dakota stared at the front door. It was a good fifteen miles to her apartment. She had no shoes, no phone, no money, and her head was splitting. How was she supposed to do anything in this condition?
"Tell me." Griffin's voice came out calm.
She hated to ask. "If you'll just give me a ride to my old apartment I'll be out of your hair."
"Dakota. I'm asking you now. Tell me about the drugs."
She closed her eyes and dropped her head. She'd wanted to tell him right from the beginning but he wasn’t willing to listen. But now, a year and a half later, he was. Why? Bowgie whined and she looked over to see him rifling through several bags from a pet store. Bowgie pulled out a bone and lay on the floor chewing it.
In the bags she spied a leash, bowls, dog food, toys… and some women's clothes too.
She turned her gaze and found Griffin sitting calmly on the couch, his eyes round with sincerity.
Damn. He'd done something nice for her, and Bowgie. But she couldn't tell him everything… She wasn't ready. He needed to know but she couldn't tell him. Telling him everything would only bring back her crippling guilt.
"Why?" she asked. "Why do you want to know? Will it make a difference? Or will it just clear your conscience?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not, but I want to know what happened while I was in Afghanistan."
At least he was being honest. She supposed she owed him the same. In NA they taught her to make amends. This was part of it. If she wanted to heal and move forward, if she wanted him to do the same, she had to tell the truth. At least as much as he was asking for. He was asking about the drugs. That she could tell him.
"All right.” She took a deep breath. “When you left, I missed you terribly."
"You always did."
"Yes, but that time it was more intense. We hadn't been in Boise long. I didn't really know anyone. Our family and pack were far away. I got lonely and bored. At first I couldn't sleep well. Then, as time went on, I couldn't sleep at all. The bed was too big without you and your side was cold when I'd turn over. The sheets had lost your scent and…" She blew out a breath. "So anyway, I started taking something to help me sleep. But then I was sleeping all the time. Day, night, it didn't matter. I couldn't stand it. I tried to stop taking the meds but then I was back to no sleep at all. So I started taking something to keep me up. Sleeping pills at night. Other stuff to keep me awake during the day. It was working great, until it wasn't."
She stepped over the back of the couch and slid down onto the plush cushions. Grabbing one of them, she put it in her lap, twisting the fringe around her finger.
"I don't know when it happened exactly but I met some people at a bar. They were human but nice. Friendly even. We started hanging out. Movies. Barbeques. It felt good. It felt like I belonged again. Then one night I saw one of them take something. They asked if I wanted to try it. I did. That was the last day I had true control over my body. I didn't realize that just a few steps in the wrong direction would ruin my entire life."
"Is that how you met Scott?"
She looked up at him, perplexed, but what he wanted to know was written all over him. He wanted to know if it had been Scott that had gotten her pregnant. Anything she said would just be thrown back in her face and she didn't know if she could handle that— if either of them could handle that. They were just now starting to talk.
"Scott is my sponsor, Griff. We met a year ago, when I started NA." She pulled her necklace from under her t-shirt, showing him the medallion. "He got wind that I had started the program and took me under his wing. There aren't many werewolves that succumb to addiction. But, he had, a long time ago. He offered me protection within his pack. Yes, he's a bitten but he's a good man. And he's my friend. Nothing more."
They stared at each other for a long minute. Questions creased his brow. Questions he'd never asked. Questions she didn't want to answer… but maybe it was time.
"Griffin–"
"Clean and sober huh?" He shut her down with a quick change of the subject.
"Not even an aspirin for ove
r a year. I go to meetings Mondays, Wednesday, Fridays, and occasionally on Saturdays, from seven to nine, at the Methodist church down on Warm Springs."
He chewed his bottom lip for a minute. "That must suck with how much your head must hurt."
"You have no idea."
"You said you were outside, looking at the gazebo and you passed out?"
"Mildly dizzy. The pain intensified and then I fell."
"Maybe we should go back to the hospital. Get you checked out."
And just like that, the conversation was over. It was probably a good thing. She wasn't ready to tell him the rest. Not yet.
She stood. "I need to get to my apartment. I need my wallet and phone and–"
"They said the apartment was destroyed."
"Well, I'm hoping my purse is still sitting by the front door. Otherwise I'm gonna have a hell of a time getting a new license and credit cards and everything."
"I still have your birth certificate and our wedding certificate in the file in case you need them."
Of course he did.
"Come on," he said. "I'll drive you. You shouldn't drive in your condition."
"Don't you have work?"
"Yeah, but it's not for another six hours. I'm sure I can get you to your apartment and back again before that. I got you some food and stuff. It's in the bags. I wasn't quite sure of your size now but I figured a medium would fit."
He scratched his head and his cheeks deepened a shade.
"Thank you." She picked through the items and chose a t-shirt with a pair of cut off shorts and some flip-flops.
He stared at her for a minute and she thought he might say something.
"I'll be right back," she finally said.
Minutes later she came back out and tried to flatten her hair while Griffin picked up the leash and tried to clip it to Bowgie's collar but the dog growled and moved to Dakota's side.
"Bowgie leash."
The Akita trotted over, took the leash from Griffin and she clipped it to his collar.
Unease wafted from Griffin like steam off a cup of tea. It was obvious Griffin still wasn't ready to move past what had happened between them, but at least he was trying.