by Gina Kincade
She opened the door again and stepped out. His gaze raked up and down her barely covered form. She swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around herself.
"My… uh… underwear is in the top drawer."
"Huh? Oh, yeah." He opened the drawer and pulled out a white lacy thong with the tags still attached. "I uh… I mean… these are uhm… nice."
Her cheeks heated as he crossed the room and held it out. Her fingers slid over his while taking it from him. He ran his thumb over her knuckles and tingles shot up her arm. Warmth spread inside her and he took a step forward. She backed up and hit the wall.
His fingers still cradled hers and she swallowed hard. He stopped inches from her; his body radiating so much heat, she wondered why he needed a sweatshirt.
His hand ran up her bare arm raising goosebumps on her skin. She stared at his hard chest, unable to move. Fear trickled down her spine. It'd been a long time since she'd let anyone touch her. Sure she let friends hug her, but that was all. Alarm bells rung out in her head and she fought a sudden wave of nausea. This was Griffin. Her Griffin. Images flashed into her mind but she locked them away.
He leaned in and smelled her hair. A rumble escaped his chest that made her knees go weak.
"Dakota." His soft, gentle voice caressed her entire body like warm lotion.
He pushed her chin up, making her look at him. Her heart pounded like a drum circle beat at the yearly Pow Wow. She was okay. She was in charge. She could stop any time she wanted to.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye and he brushed it away with his knuckles. He loomed closer, his lips mere inches away. The fragrance of his skin, so familiar it was like it was a piece of her. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. To feel his weight on top of her.
No. They couldn't. If they went there again, she would lose all control and everything she'd fought to become over the past year.
"Griffin. We shouldn't."
His lips danced softly over hers. Tingles lit up her spine and her wolf howled and then roared to life. A dominant scent rolled off Griffin and she pressed her lips to his, sucking in his warm breath. His taste sent a ripple of need coursing through her. Sensual memories flooded her. The feel of their bodies joined. Making love under the stars the first time before he'd gone to boot camp.
Griffin ran his hand up her leg to her hip and grabbed onto her. His lips parted and he coaxed her tongue with his.
She shouldn't do this. She shouldn't.
But her resolve broke and she leaned into him. Every line of his body so familiar it was like going home.
He cupped her face with both hands and she dropped her panties then wrapped her arms around his waist. He kissed her with long languid kisses, just the way she liked them. He placed kisses over her cheek and down her neck, stopping just below her earlobe. She sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed his firm rear. He leaned against her harder, and even through his clothes, she could feel he wanted her.
"Dakota. I've missed you so much."
He nibbled down her throat as his hand roamed over her breast atop the towel. He squeezed lightly and panic gripped her tight, like an invisible hand, crushing the air out of her.
"No," she whispered. "No. No!"
She pushed him off her. Dread and fear swooping over her like a shadow, fuzzing her vision.
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"
She sucked in a breath and fought to keep her wobbly legs from giving out. She wanted him, heavens above she wanted him, but something inside wouldn't let her. She couldn't.
He moved toward her again and ran his fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to do that. I didn't–"
"No. It's fine."
He stared at her, confusion and desire mixing on his face.
She swallowed hard and tried to calm the anxiety that threatened to consume her.
A phone rang in the other room and he looked over his shoulder.
It rang again.
"That's my work phone. I have to get that. I'm still on call."
She nodded and he dashed from the room. She closed her eyes and pressed the back of her skull into the wall behind her. She had to keep it together. She was in control. She could do this. She wanted this.
"Hello?... Yeah… I'm on my way." Griffin hung up the phone and grumbled in the other room.
Dakota wrapped the towel around herself tighter and sat on the bed. Griffin's footsteps strode toward her and she pushed herself up against the headboard.
He raked his hands through his hair and gave her a sheepish smile. "Hey… so, I have to go."
"Yeah. Of course."
He crossed to the bed and sat next to her. "I'm sorry–"
"No. I get it. I'm used to it." The words tumbled from her mouth so naturally that they surprised even her.
"Right." It was obvious he hadn't meant leaving her. "I should be back by morning but it's possible I won't be back until tomorrow night."
She searched for something to say, something that would break the horrible tension between them. "Do you have class?"
"I do. Which is what makes trying to get all this done even harder."
She gave him a tight smile. "I know you can do it."
"Thanks."
They stared at each other for a minute. Questions loomed all over his face like warpaint. Again, he didn't ask them.
"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow."
He nodded and then got up and headed out of the bedroom.
Dakota breathed in deep and shook her head. What were they getting back into?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Griffin continued to check the vitals of Mrs. Mills of 23487 Wilfred St., who'd had a mild heart attack. They pulled up to St. Luke's and his partner Jose opened the back door of the ambulance. They removed the gurney while a group of doctors and nurses rushed up to take over. He rattled off her stats without even thinking about them and with a curt nod she was wheeled off, through the emergency room doors.
"How are classes going?" Jose hopped into the ambulance to check supplies and pick up the trash.
"Slow."
He snorted. "What did you expect working this job at the same time?"
"I don't know."
"How much longer do you think you can do both?" His partner jumped back out.
Not much.
The emergency bay doors opened and he was met by Cassie's bright smile.
"Hey!" She walked up and planted a kiss on his cheek. Her touch made guilt flush his skin. "I thought you were off."
"I got called back in."
She nodded. "Me too."
Jose slapped him on the back. "I'm gonna go get the gear so we can head out."
Griffin nodded. Surprisingly, seeing Cassie didn't bring him the same warm peace he'd gotten used to over the last few months.
"Do you want to get together for a drink tomorrow night?" she asked. "Or maybe we could stay in and watch a movie?"
His gut clenched. He didn't want to hurt Cassie. She was amazing. But his connection with Dakota couldn't be denied, even though she had pushed him away, just hours earlier.
"Dakota still hasn't found a place."
"Oh. Well we could do it at my house."
He nodded. He had to figure things out. He refused to be betrayed again, but he had to make sure this would be the last time he severed the tie with Dakota.
"Yeah, you know I'll probably be exhausted from the double shift so maybe we should wait and go out on Friday."
Disappointment etched her face. "Sure."
Her expression was like a punch in the gut. No. He wasn't going to do this. He wasn't going to hurt her. Cassie was a good person. Stable and kind. That's what he wanted. Not the emotional tornado that was Dakota.
He pulled Cassie close and hugged her. The feel of her body soft and warm and her scent completely different from Dakota's.
He kissed her head. "Friday. Okay?"
Jose rolled back out with the gurney and pushed it into the ambulance. Cassie backed up and s
miled.
"Friday."
"Six o'clock?" He pointed at her.
"Sounds great." She waved and turned away.
"Come on," Jose called. "We got another one."
Griffin sucked in a deep breath and headed back into the cab. This was getting too complicated. He hopped into the passenger seat. He had to decide. Was he stupid enough to chance the pain that Dakota brought with her? Or was he going to allow himself the normal, boring, everyday life of someone like Cassie?
Dakota spent the next day looking online for a new apartment and talking with her insurance company. Thankfully she had great coverage, due to Griffin’s military background.
When he came home that night he looked haggard. He dropped onto the couch and sighed.
"I made some pasta if you want some."
He looked over at her. "Thanks."
Nervousness skittered over her skin like caterpillars. She needed to tell him the truth. To explain what had happened the night before. "How was your day?"
"Fine."
She bit her lip and nodded. "I looked for an apartment today."
"That's good."
His words were like a slap to the face. She kept her breathing even and refused to show her disappointment.
"I'm gonna have Scott drive me over to see it tomorrow."
"I can do it."
"I'm not a child to be protected you know? I can do things for myself. I've been doing them for myself for a while now."
His jaw worked hard. So much for the kissing last night. Good thing it hadn't gone any farther, since they seemed to be right back where they'd started.
"I'm gonna go watch some TV," she said.
"Sounds good. I have to catch up on schoolwork anyway." His voice came out cold and distant.
She walked back into the bedroom. It was obvious that, whatever had happened between them the night before, was nothing more than a moment of weakness. For both of them.
"This is it." She pointed to the duplex on the left.
Griffin pulled the Jeep to the side of the road and looked around. "It doesn't look nice."
She shrugged. "It doesn't need to be nice. It needs to be affordable." She got out of the car and walked across the burned out grass yard to the front door of the first unit. Griffin stood stoic with his arms crossed his jaw working like a car crusher. He’d been in a bad mood ever since he'd gotten home the night before. He hadn't said more than a dozen words to her.
She knocked on the unit door and waited. The tan paint was peeling in the corners of the building and the eggshell colored front doors were faded from hot Idaho summers.
A heavyset blonde, with her head shaved on one side, answered the door. The scent of smoke wafted out.
"Can I help you?"
"Hi. I'm Dakota. I called about seeing the unit for rent."
The woman looked her up and down and then grabbed a key by the door and handed it to her. "It's that one, across the way. Bring the key back when you're done."
Dakota nodded and gave a smile before waving and stepping off the cement doorstep. Her shoes crunched on the dead grass as she strode to the available unit and put the key in the lock.
"At least it's quiet," she said.
"It's too close to the college. It may be quiet now but on the weekend this will be partysville."
She snorted. "Partysville? Okay grandpa."
Dakota opened the door and got her first glimpse of the place. The deep green and yellowish Berber carpet squished underfoot and the faint smell of smoke made her wrinkle her nose.
"It smells in here," said Griffin.
She shrugged. "I'll get used to it."
The front room was small but there was space enough for a couch, a television, and possibly a coffee table and chair. It was more than she needed. She walked into the adjoining kitchen. The old lemon linoleum was so faded she couldn't tell what the original pattern had been and the green Formica counters were dated, like everything else, but it wasn't chipped. The honey brown cabinets were original and wood, which was a surprise.
"I could cook in here okay."
"Not a lot of room for two people."
"Well then, I guess it's a good thing I only have Bowgie."
She walked out of the kitchen, brushing past him as she headed to the other side of the unit. There were two bedrooms. One slightly bigger than the other and a small bathroom, with a tub and shower.
She nodded. "I think this will work. It'll be nice to only have one neighbor and a small backyard area for Bowgie. Maybe I can plant a small garden or–"
"You can't be serious." His voice held a disdainful note.
"Serious about what?"
"You can't stay here. Come on. Let's go." He headed for the door.
"Uh… I'm sorry. When did I give you the impression that you could make decisions for me?"
"Well someone needs to. Look at where you'd move if I didn't look out for you?"
"Excuse me?" What the hell was going on?
"I mean, look what happened the last time I left you to make decisions for yourself."
"Whoa. Hold on there cowboy. Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? In case I missed something you haven't wanted to be a part of the decisions I make for a long time now."
"Yeah and whose fault is that?"
Oh my gosh, were they going to get into this now? "I screwed up and made a mistake, but it was you who kicked me out."
"Yeah, screwed up being the operative words."
His words slapped her so hard that her wolf snapped and growled.
"Oh yeah, that's right Griff, let's go back to that shall we? Oh wait, we didn't. We’ve never even talked about it, all you did was kick me out!"
"What did you expect?"
"I expected you to give me a chance to explain. To see that yeah, I'd made a mess of things but I was willing to work on it. You threw me away like trash."
"You trashed our marriage. You saw what cheating did to my nana. You were there and watched it kill her. Kill my father. Kill me. How could you do that to me?"
Anger seeped through her and she stepped up to him. "You're the one who trashed our marriage when you threw away six years together. For what? A sweet human?"
"Don't talk about Cassie."
"Oh, yes. Right. Cassie. I bet your life with her will be full of contented nights and quiet days. No worry about her getting out of line or making a mistake or two. No worry that she'll ever try to challenge you, or do something for herself or think of anything other than putting you first, ever."
"At least Cassie has enough respect for the sanctity of marriage to agree that we shouldn't sleep together until the divorce is final."
A gasp caught in her throat. She didn't know he'd even had the papers drawn up. Words piled up on her tongue, waiting to be spewed out. She swallowed hard.
"Well, I'm glad she's so perfect. I'm sure the two of you will have a wonderful human life together." She stormed outside and waited. He stayed inside for a minute before exiting and heading to the car.
She turned in the key and told the manager she'd think about it. They drove back to the house in silence. He got out of the car and went into the house while she sat in the Jeep, not wanting to go inside.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't stay in Boise knowing that Griffin could come around the corner any minute with Cassie at his side and a cute, chubby human baby in a stroller. She couldn’t bump into him at the mall, or in the park, or at BSU. Before this, all she'd wanted was to accidentally bump into him. To have him see what she'd done for herself. What she'd become. But now he had, and he still couldn't see past what had happened.
She pulled out her phone and called Scott.
"This is Scott."
"Hey. It's Dakota."
"What's wrong?" His voice held concern.
She laid her head back on the headrest. "I went to look at that duplex and it didn't go well."
"It's fine. We'll find you a different place."
"Yea
h… I'm thinking maybe something farther away might work better."
"Like Meridian or Nampa?"
"No. Like Utah or Oregon."
"Out of state?"
"I know. You're worried I might lapse. I'll be far away and out of my comfort zone and things could go wrong."
"No. I wasn't thinking that at all. Dakota, I saw you the first day you came to NA and I drove you to your first therapy appointment. I know where you were and I know how far you've come. I know that you still struggle but I also know you've done an amazing job at pulling yourself back together. It isn't that worry for you. I’ll just be sad to see you go."
His words warmed her deep inside. She didn't want to leave either. But she'd hung onto the hope that Griffin would come around. That he would somehow learn to forgive her. It was obvious he still loved her, but he was just too far past trying to make it work between them.
"Take a day to think about it," said Scott. "If you want to go I know of a group called the Night Shift. They help relocate shifters in need. I'll text you their information. Ask for Tate. He'll take care of everything. They're good guys. If they find you a place I know you'll be okay."
"All right."
"But please, think about this before you decide. You've built a life for yourself here. I'd hate to see you let that go."
She did too. But maybe a fresh start, in a whole new place, would be better.
Dakota waited the next day, until Griffin left for class, before placing a call to Tate at the Night Shift. She'd taken Scott's advice and had spent the whole night weighing her options, but she couldn't get past the words Griffin had spoken to her. He didn't even see how he'd given up on their relationship, and she'd been through enough therapy in the last year and a half to know they'd never get beyond this if he couldn't admit his responsibility in their separation.
"Night Shift, this is Tate, are you in immediate danger?"
"Uh… no."
"Is someone chasing you or hunting you?"
Hunting? There hadn't been hunters in Idaho in decades. "No."
"Who is this, please?"
"My name is Dakota. I'm in Boise and Scott Wylan gave me your number. I need to get out of state. My apartment burned down and I am looking for a fresh start."