by Gina Kincade
He does. His mouth’s partially open. Behind his pants, his erection is growing. His breath is even faster.
I take off the camisole, even though I think he likes it, but I want to be naked with him.
And I want him naked too.
I walk forward, but he stops me, a palm out.
“Let me look at you.” His voice is surprisingly quiet. Strained-sounding, but soft. Awed. He bends to his knees in front of me, carefully holding my hips. His head is even with my breasts, but he bends his neck, his forehead on my upper-stomach. “I worried I’d lost you.”
“I worried I’d lost you.”
He glances up, shaking his head. “You never have to worry about that, Asha. You got it. You have my heart.”
Leave it to the big man to say something that makes me crumble inside, that makes me feel humble, and hope I’m good enough for what he’s giving me.
“And you have mine.”
He leans his forehead against me again. “Do I?”
I lower to my knees quickly, holding his cheek. “I’m so sorry I haven’t said it before now. But, yes, Ian. I—I’m falling for you. You have my heart. I’m yours if you’ll have me.”
He kisses me. His smooth skin against my breasts. His tattoos under my hands.
When he pulls back, he’s smiling. “And I’m yours.”
I wrap my arms around his neck. “Mine.”
“Damn straight.”
I think we both meant to kiss each other sweetly and try to take our time. But suddenly, with my bare breasts against his flesh, I can’t stand the fact that he still has his scrub pants on. He takes off his boots and pants with my help and I’m hovering over him on the floor. I straddle him and try to lower myself onto him when he catches me.
“Not on the floor, baby.”
I’m not sure how but he’s picking me and himself up off the ground. He’s so strong.
“But I don’t mind.” I’m in his arms while he walks to the bed.
“I do. I’m not going to have our first time be on the floor. There’s plenty of time for floor sex later.”
“Promise?” I ask as he sets me on the bed.
He lies next to me, nodding. “Yeah.”
I have a hand in his hair, the other on his chest, loving that I’m touching him again. “We’re going to have sex, Ryder.”
He frowns. “I’m going to make love to you.”
I arch closer, my breasts touching him again. “How do you know exactly what to say? I get more and more turned on with everything you say.”
He smiles, takes me by my hips and turns us so I’m straddling his waist. “Luck?”
I push against his big chest, lifting myself so I’m sitting on him. “I doubt that. I think it’s because you’re perfect.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m going to ruin that image then.”
“Yeah? How are you going to do that?”
He latches on to my nape, pulling me down for a hard kiss. His mouth is urgent, his body too. His hand is on my breast, caressing, finding my nipple and rolling it between his thumb and finger. He’s moaning and starts rocking his hips.
I pull away, letting him kiss down my neck as I reach behind me, straining then finding his cock. He’s so hard. So big. From where I’m sitting, this odd angle, I can’t quite take him in my hand, but I rub up and down, trying to time it to his thrusts.
After he licks around my nipple and sucks it in, I moan.
“Asha…sit on my face.”
I look down at him. “What?”
He doesn’t answer but takes me by hips again, adjusting his body so his head is between my legs. After wrapping his arms around my thighs, he urges me down. I’m watching him as I lower. He licks my clit, and I whimper. He licks and licks until I start to rock my hips against him.
“Ryder…this isn’t ruining my perfect image of you.”
He chuckles which feels really good against my sex.
“Oh, baby…”
He moans and his tongue is back on me, laving, lapping.
“Mmm, more.”
His finger traces my opening.
“Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.”
He inserts the tiniest bit of his finger and I’m suddenly crazy, rocking against him, lowering myself, taking his finger deeper.
I think he inserts another finger because I’m feeling stretched and it feels so good. “Ryyyyyyydeeeeeer.”
Is that another finger? I’m so full, almost to a point where things feel too much, almost overwhelming, but with every lick of his tongue it goes away. There’s only pleasure pulsing through me, such intense pleasure. Beautiful.
I’m rocking against him and realizing my orgasm is calling out to me, so I heft myself away from his tongue and fingers, scurrying down his body.
“What are you doing, babe?” His voice is rough, just the way I like it. “I wasn’t done.”
“It’s time.”
He sits up a little, wiping his mouth. “You sure?”
“I need you, Ryder. I need you so bad.” And I do. My breasts ache to be against his chest, my stomach against his, my pussy ready for him.
I’m finally back down to his erection, taking it in hand.
“Wait. Wait.”
I look up, frustrated he would say this. “Please, Ian.”
“Baby, kiss me first.”
I smile and reach up, pressing my tongue against his lips. I’m inside him, thrusting and frantic, my need for him making me nearly want to growl.
He kisses the shell of my ear. “Get me wet. Slide your pussy up and down my cock.” He adjusts himself then lowers me to sit on him.
I moan and start to grind. “So good.”
He finds my clit and circles around it, making me rock even faster.
“So, so good.”
“Yeah, baby.”
I open my eyes and look down at him. “It’s good for you too, right? You’re not just saying that.”
He stops me and kisses my nose. “I would never just say that, Asha. This is so good for me. I just hope I can last long enough. But if I don’t, we can do it again.”
“Oh-ho-ho, we’re doing this a lot.”
He smiles and kisses me sweetly. He’s tender and gentle and he’s making me fall in love with him. Not because he’s a considerate lover. But because he’s him. He’s Ryder. He’s sweet, kind, funny as hell, intelligent, and such a beautiful man. And all mine.
He caresses my breast, my clit, and I sit up on him. I feel so good. I can’t help but touch myself. I cup my other breast, run a hand through my bun, removing all the bobby pins, letting my hair go wild and free.
And I can’t wait one second longer.
“Now, baby,” I moan. “Please.”
“You do it. And stop if it hurts.”
I smile down at him as I take his cock. Still looking at him, I lift up. He’s looking at me. Only my eyes. I’ve made his length slippery but I hold firm and find my opening, still looking at him. He’s circling my clit when I lower myself. I’m amazed at the sensation.
“Oh.”
He smiles.
I lift up and down and try it again. “You’re inside me,” I say gleefully.
He winces in that “I don’t want to argue with you, but…” kind of way and glances down his body, so I do too.
I don’t have even two inches of him inside. I have another nine or more to go.
“Well, that’s disappointing.” I sigh. “I thought we were having sex.”
He sits up, holding my hips still, ensuring he’s not deeper in me. “We are, baby. And it’s good.”
I roll my eyes.
“You made noises like it was good.”
“It is. But—”
“Then let’s keep doing it.” He smiles and kisses me. Holding my hips, he lays down again, hiking me higher on his stomach. “Kiss me and rock into me. You’ll take more as you’re ready.”
“How do you know?” I ask as I lean forward, hovering over him.
I laugh and we end up kissing. He pushes his hand between us again and starts rubbing against my clit, and I kiss him with more heat. I rock into him, feeling so full, so stretched. Then I rock away. I rock into him and rock away. Every time I feel like he’s too much, I pull away a little. Then I try again and it feels good. It feels so good.
“I love this,” I whisper as I make my way to his ear then kiss and lick his lobe. When I bite, he gasps and grips at my hips, pulling me down.
He’s deeper now. There’s a slight awkward feeling inside me. Not painful. And awkward might not be the correct word, but uncomfortable isn’t right either. It’s just really different.
“Sorry.” He tries to pull out, but I push my hands against his, stilling him.
“No. Let me adjust.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
Every single one of his words of concern fills me, like he is. Suddenly it feels good. Pleasure is radiating through every pore of mine, desire in my veins. My sex feels like it’s glowing. That might sound weird or even gross, but it’s like what Ryder and I are doing is divine. Spiritual. And so sexual. He’s a part of me now.
And I know I’m a part of him.
“It feels good, Ian. So good.”
“Sure?” He shakes his head. “If I hurt you, I’ll—”
“I’m not hurting.” I smile. “It’s so—fantastic.”
I rock my hips, taking a little more of him and pulling back. More and less. More and…more. Closing my eyes, I focus on the way he feels inside me, how the friction is so sweet, so pleasurable, how beautiful this feels.
“Ian…this is wonderful.”
“Good, baby. I’m so glad.”
I open my eyes and look down. “Are you sure this feels good for you too?”
He shakes his head. “No. It’s so much better than wonderful. You feel like…like you were made for me. Like we were meant to do this.”
“Oh,” I whisper, his sweet words falling into my heart, making it shine.
I’m shaking as I kiss him and keep rocking. I’m taking more and more of his length. There’s a gradual sense of being completely filled by him. I have to look. I’m too curious.
Lifting a little away from him, I glance down at my body.
“Oh my god. You’re really inside me now.” I glance up, ecstatic. “We’re having sex. Real sex.”
He smiles and nods. “Yeah, baby. I’m inside you.”
“I want you on top now. I want to know what that feels like.”
He swallows, looking nervous, slightly shaking his head. “I don’t know. This is so good.”
“You won’t hurt me.”
“But I can.”
I blink. “I’ll tell you if you do.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want you to have to tell me that. Ever.”
I caress his cheek, wanting to comfort him. None of my romance books features a man like him. A man not willing to hurt me. Not even a little bit. So I’m not sure what to do. I thought men accepted the fact that they could hurt a woman during sex for the first time. I mean, sure, physiologically there’s not really a good reason why. It’s more of a cultural thing, where it’s expected for a virgin to bleed. But most women have a lot of their hymen worn away by the time they’re adults. Or if they have a septate or cribriform hymen, their gynecologist can help them so menstruation, tampon use, and even sex can be pain-free. Yeah, it’s a cultural thing for virgins to be in pain their first time. And it’s so ubiquitous I assumed Ian would be okay with the possibility that pain might happen.
Here’s this huge, hulking man. A man’s man, he’d be called. An alpha. Doctors follow his orders. He’s intimidating and tough. And he won’t hurt me. The thought of it is tearing him up, I can tell. It makes my heart—oh, my heart—aches with how happy I am.
I smile down at him. “You won’t hurt me because I’m too turned on. Everything you do is so good. I’m so close to orgasming but I want to feel your weight on me, what it feels like with you thrusting inside me.” He’s not quite convinced, so I tack on, “Please.” I rock against him again. “Please.” I lift up and settle down on him. “Oh god, please.”
He growls and grabs me by my hips, rolling us around, making me giggle in glee, especially when he’s over me, looking down at me, his massive shoulders the perfect perch for my hands.
He lowers to an elbow, not moving but takes his finger and is back to circling around my clit, making me arch my head back, moaning. He’s not moving but kisses one of my breasts, making me arch my whole back. Soon I’m rocking against him, not able to control my hips, needing the friction, the feel of him moving inside me.
He’s making it so my orgasm is closing in, making everything feel even better. That’s when he, finally, thrusts. He’s matching my rocking motions, but his cock is moving so much more than anything I can do.
“Oh, Ryder.” I clutch at him, lifting my legs, which makes it almost impossible to keep rocking against him, but he’s taking over the rhythm. “Oh god, that’s so…yeah…so good.”
“Yeah?”
“So good, baby.”
He finally smiles, and I lift my legs more. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I’m just going on instinct, like our first almost-sex time. I have to hold one of my thighs, pulling my knee close to my chest. He adjusts so I can rest my calf on his shoulder, while he’s still thrusting and it’s so good. This is why people get addicted to sex. This is why people want to have sex so much. This is why. This is so fucking good.
“Ian…”
“Yeah, baby.” His voice is strained. “You close?”
“Hmm-mm. You?”
“Just holding on until you come. You feel so good, Asha. You feel so good.”
He adjusts my other leg to be on his shoulder and the noises coming out of me are so loud and sexual. I didn’t know I could make noises like this. But I can’t help it. This feels so, so good.
My orgasm is threatening, but I have to ask him something, even though this could be, perhaps, the worst time in the world.
“Promise me, Ian. Promise me that we’ll do this again and again. I want to do this for—I want to do this forever.”
He smiles, looking down at me. “Oh yeah, baby. We’re doing this for a long time to come.”
“A few weeks won’t be enough. I need months.”
“Fuck that. Years and years, and I still won’t have my fill of you.”
I smile while I’m shaking, trying to stall my orgasm. “Deal.”
He actually chuckles while he’s still thrusting. “I lo—I—Jesus, you make it so I want to say things to you. Things I shouldn’t say this early on.”
“If you say it, I’ll say it back.”
“I shouldn’t say it now. Should wait for a time when you know I mean it.”
“Maybe I want you to say it now. Maybe I’ll know you meant it.”
He lowers his head beside mine on the pillow, groaning, his thrusts getting harder and faster. “Asha…baby…oh god, Asha.” He keeps repeating my name. Until he’s trembling all over. He lifts and looks down at me, his face red and tense, veins standing out. “Asha, I love you.”
And I orgasm. Just like that. While I’m spasming, I utter, “I love you, Ian.”
He groans and I feel his cock contracting, something warm and wet inside me. He’s coming. He’s jerking and thrusting and getting even redder while he holds his breath and keeps looking at me.
“Love you,” he whispers and collapses on me, kissing me in a frenzy, barely letting me say I love him too. After a long moment, his kisses turn sweet.
He releases my legs and I wrap them around him, locking my ankles behind his back, folding my arms around his neck, holding as tightly as I can.
You know the greatest part about making love to Ian? I don’t feel normal. I don’t. I feel worshiped and cared for, adored and admired. I feel gorgeous and more beautiful than ever before. I feel like I can trust a man. I fee
l loved. And I love him.
This was so much more than sex. This was Ian and his giant heart that healed mine.
Ryder
Northern Cheyenne Fourth of July Powwow in Lame Deer, Montana
She sees me.
Asha’s dancing in her pink suede dress, the elk’s teeth rattling, her hair in two long, long braids to her waist, and she smiles.
I love her. So fucking much.
I’m in the crowd of men and children who watch the women dance. She’s with Lona, dressed similarly but her dress is blue, and Bit is trying to learn the steps. Asha laughs at something her sister says, and my heart is beating so hard against my ribs. They dance in a huge circle in the dry grass, the sun beating down on all of us, making us sweat and glisten. Yellow rays capture my girl, they radiate a halo around her, all white and lavender, making her look as angelic as she really is.
She’s mine. She lives with me now, and I’ve talked about marriage a lot. She always smiles and says how great it sounds. So I spoke with her brother then her father. I took clandestine trips to Lame Deer and met with the elders. I asked if she could be mine for life. And all of them are in on the big secret.
I’ve never been to a powwow. Asha’s right, I had no clue how the drums would beat into me, beating through my skin and into my bones. My heart. I didn’t know I could eat so much fry bread. And I didn’t know I could ever be this happy.
My sister’s moving here with Neil. Asha says she loves me every day, and I no longer feel like I’m fucked up inside. I don’t know if it has something to do with Asha or if I simply outgrew the need to feel like a fuck up. Yeah, it probably has a lot to do with Asha.
The drums and singers stop and an elder is given a microphone.
I glance at Hon, who’s smiling at me, giving me one of his big grins that settles my nerves.
“That’s your cue, man,” he says.
As the elder speaks, someone is translating in English, so everyone can understand. The old man with gray braids is talking about how two people can find love. He nods at me and I approach Asha, shaking, hoping to god she’ll think what I’ve done is romantic and say yes. The crowd erupts with clapping and cheers as I get closer to the woman I love, her dark eyes huge, one of her dainty hands over her mouth.