by Kathi Macias
Chapter 14
As the final chords from the pipe organ filled the old stone sanctuary and the tall, dark-suited minister took his place behind the pulpit, Kate peeked over at Jason, seated directly to her left. She had been so sure he would be bored to death by now, squirming anxiously on the hard wooden benches and kicking his feet as the seemingly endless church service dragged on. Instead, he sat perfectly still, his brown eyes open wide, as if he expected something wonderful to happen at any moment.
He’s doing a lot better than I am, she thought. I feel so uncomfortable, so...so hypocritical. I can’t even believe I’m here. How did I ever let myself get talked into this?
She glanced at Mark, who sat on the other side of Jason, his arm stretched out across the back of the pew, not quite touching Jason’s shoulders. Kate realized with a start that if Mark’s arm had been that close to her own shoulders she wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on anything else. Jason, however, acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world to be sitting there between the two of them, with Mark’s arm resting behind him in a protective, almost proprietary, manner. Almost as if we were a family, Kate thought, immediately shocked by her unbidden comparison. Blushing furiously, she quickly turned her attention back toward the front of the church.
As the pastor reviewed the announcements for the week, Kate was aware of Mark’s parents, seated next to her on the right. Without turning her head, Kate could see the soft folds of Laura’s rose-colored dress, and then the navy blue pants of Jake’s suit directly beyond Laura. A large, leather-bound Bible lay open on their laps between them.
I’ll bet it’s the same one I saw at Mark’s house on the Fourth, Kate thought. A distant, vague image of her parents, so very long ago, teased her memory, calling up a feeling of nostalgia and...something else. But what? Kate couldn’t put her finger on it, but it made her even more uncomfortable than the church service itself. She immediately dismissed the thought as a childish memory, one not worth pondering or mulling over.
I should never have agreed to come here. Shouldn’t even have considered it. I wouldn’t have, if it had been Mark who called. After all, I’ve turned him down for church before. But Laura…how could I refuse her? She was so warm, so sincere. And when she explained that this would be our last chance to get together before she and Jake leave to go back to California tomorrow...
Kate realized then that the minister was reading from the Bible. Laura and Jake seemed to be following along. She looked again at Mark. He, too, had opened his Bible to the book of Isaiah and was pointing out the scriptures to Jason.
“For your Maker is your husband,” the minister read. “The Lord of hosts is His name.”
Kate’s eyes opened wide. What was he saying? She had certainly never heard anything like that in the Bible before.
“For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit....”
Kate caught her breath. Was he speaking to her?
“For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you.”
No, it couldn’t be. She knew very well that God had forsaken her—and not just for a “mere moment,” either. But “with great mercies I will gather you”? What was that supposed to mean?
“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed.”
Kindness? Peace? Kate took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. Defiantly, she thought, I can’t remember God ever showing me any kindness. And as for peace...
“All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.”
Her defiance melted. The minister had her attention now. Jason. Was he talking to her about Jason? Even if she had no peace, was it possible that her son could somehow find it?
“In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you.”
Fear? Terror? The memories of the phone calls, the break-in, the sense that someone was following her, all swept over her like a flood. Each time she thought she had been able to block them out, the memories would return, triggered by a word or a sound.
I could stand it, she thought, if it were just me. But the possibility that someone might hurt Jason... What was it the minister said? “Great shall be the peace of your children.” Dear God, is it possible? Do I dare hope?
She shook herself. No. Don’t be a fool, Kate Ames. Have you forgotten everything that life has taught you so far? As soon as you begin to depend on anything or anyone other than yourself, you lose it all. Everything! And Jason is all you’ve got left.
She reached over and laid her hand on her son’s leg. Jason didn’t seem to notice. My son, she thought. My responsibility. No one else’s. Just mine.
She refused to allow herself to listen to any more of the minister’s words. She had been right. She should never have come to church. She should never have brought Jason. It was wrong to encourage his relationship with Mark...or even with God, for that matter. Why set him up for inevitable pain and disappointment? He would learn those lessons of life soon enough.
By the time the service had ended and they had made their way outside, Jason was complaining about being starved. “I could eat a horse,” he declared. “Two horses!”
“Well, Partner,” Jake laughed, “I don’t know of any restaurants around these parts that specialize in horse-burgers, but I’ll bet, if we try real hard, we could find something to fill up a hungry boy like you.”
Jason smiled up at Jake. “I like it when you call me Partner,” he said. “My grandpa used to call me Sport, like my mom does.”
Jake tousled Jason’s dark hair. “Every boy needs a good nickname,” he said. “Why, Partner is what I used to call Mark here when he was about your size. I guess it was because everywhere I went, I’d look down and, sure enough, there he was, right beside me—just like a partner’s supposed to be, right?”
“Right,” Jason agreed, walking along between Jake and Mark as they headed out to the Thomases’ blue Cadillac. “And I think it’s time for all us partners to go get some grub.”
They were still laughing as they climbed into the car—Jason, of course, sitting up front with Mark and Jake, Kate in the backseat with Laura. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Kate closed her eyes and leaned back against the plush leather seat. And great shall be the peace of your children.
The words echoed through her mind, drowning out the laughter and conversation around her. All she could think of was, Is that a promise, God? Do I dare believe it? Do I dare take a chance and trust You, the way Mark and his parents so obviously do? Or is all of this just another one of Your cruel, sadistic jokes?