That only made him even more surly. He knew he was being a bit unreasonable and hard to get along with lately. He also didn’t much care. It was hard to lose himself in a hard day’s work when it just gave him even more time to think about Cass and how much he missed her. How he let her leave without telling him what was wrong. How he should have pushed harder to keep her. What if she’d just wanted him to fight for her and he hadn’t? Eli didn’t have answers to any of it, but all he knew was that he was miserable without her and life on the ranch didn’t feel as calming as it used to. It was missing something.
Or, rather, someone.
He threw his hat down on the kitchen table and ignored the cross look that Maria sent in his direction. “I’m a mite sweaty at the moment, Maria. Can it wait?”
“No,” she told him in a firm voice. She flicked his hat to the side and then patted the seat at the table across from her. “Sit. Now.”
He scowled in her direction but did as he was told. She was the closest thing he had to a mother, and even if she was a little pushy at times, he liked her well enough. Maria didn’t often insist, so when she did, he supposed he should listen. “What is it?”
“You haven’t been yourself since we got back, mijo.” She took his hand in hers and patted it. “You’re unhappy. It’s like you don’t enjoy being here anymore. I see the restlessness in you again. Remember when you first got here? You were such a sulky boy, fresh out of the army with a chip on your shoulder.” She gave him a gentle smile. “And then one day it fell off and there was such joy and peace on your face. You loved being a rancher and it showed. I don’t see that in you anymore, and it worries me.”
“I’m fine.” He wasn’t, but he also didn’t want to worry Maria.
“Mmhmm. You’re a bad liar.” She patted his hand again. “Look, I know what it’s like to miss someone. To not feel whole when they’re gone. It just gets worse and worse every day that you’re apart from them. I get that.” She leaned back and studied him. “That’s why I’m leaving.”
Eli frowned. “You’re what?”
“I’m leaving. I already turned in my resignation to Mr. Price’s people. They’re giving me a retirement package, which is very generous, and I’ll be gone by the end of the month.”
“You’re leaving?” he echoed, surprised. Maria had been working at this ranch for over twenty years. Her husband had been one of the cowboys until he’d passed, and she’d stayed on even after her daughters moved away. He thought she’d always be a fixture here, like the mountains in the distance, unchanging.
But that was unfair of him, wasn’t it? Just because he didn’t want things to change didn’t mean they were his to decide. Maria was getting older. Her hair had gone from deep black to salt-and-pepper gray in the last few years. There were creases on her face that he didn’t remember seeing, and the hands calmly clasped on the table were worn and wrinkled. But still, he asked, “Why?”
The maternal smile she gave him was sweet. “My Cristina is pregnant with twins, remember? She’s got two young babies already, and my other daughter isn’t close enough to help her out. I’m going to move in with Cristina and help her with the babies. Cook and clean and control her life instead of the lives of a few cowboys for a change.” She chuckled. “It’ll be nice to fuss over a few girls instead of a bunch of messy boys.”
Boys. Like they were ten-year-olds. He gave her a reluctant smile. “It won’t be the same without you.”
“I know.” She shrugged and her eyes looked a little misty. “I’ll be sad to go, but I miss my daughters, and my grandbabies. They need Abuela around to spoil them. It’s time, I think. I’m not getting any younger, and being around the little ones over the holidays made me realize how needed I am. I hope you understand.”
“I do.” He understood what it was like to feel needed by someone you loved. He understood what it was like to crave that. Eli forced a smile to his lips. “Ranch won’t be the same without you. Guess we’ll have to get used to Old Clyde’s cooking.”
The look on Maria’s face turned a little smug. “You won’t. I hired someone else to take over house duties here at the ranch. I’m going to train her for a week or two before I go, but it’s already been approved by Mr. Price’s people.”
He arched an eyebrow. She’d already gotten a replacement and hadn’t talked to him or the others at the ranch? That struck him as a little . . . strange. “You did?”
“I did. She definitely needs training but she’s got the right attitude.” Maria laughed, and when the doorbell rang, her eyes lit up with an expression he could only define as glee. “There she is right now.”
The entire situation seemed mighty convenient.
“Why don’t you come with me, mijo? Say hi?” The look on Maria’s face was downright calculating.
A feeling of dread built in his stomach. Eli had a sneaking suspicion this was a setup on Maria’s part. That she’d hired some pretty, useless little thing for them to moon over. That she wanted to try to heal his broken heart. Thing was, he didn’t want it healed. He didn’t want anyone but Cass. And she’d made it clear that she didn’t want him. “Maria, I don’t think—”
“Don’t think, mijo. Just come with me.” She stood up and grabbed his hand, trying to drag him to the front door. And because Eli was a pushover for Maria, he went, reluctance in every step. As they crossed the living room, he noticed Frannie was at the door, wagging her tail. Her puppies whined and yapped for their mother, but Frannie kept her nose to the door, obviously smelling the stranger on the other side.
The housekeeper was all smiles as she opened the front door. “Hello and welcome!” she called out to the woman standing there, then looked back at Eli smugly, waiting for his reaction.
He remained in place, stiff with disbelief.
The new “housekeeper” standing on the doorstep was a young woman, all right. She had dark, curly hair that tumbled around her shoulders, and big blue eyes a man could get lost in. She stood on the doorstep with a small suitcase clutched to her chest, and her face lit up as Frannie bounded out to greet her. “Hi, girl,” Cass said softly as she bent down to pet the fluffy white head. “Look at you! I missed you!”
It was Cass.
His Cass.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
She was here. She’d come back. He didn’t know what to think. Hope surged in his chest, even as he tamped it down. No sense in hoping for something that might not be. She might have come back because she liked the mountains, not him.
But damn, she looked pretty. The scar on her forehead had softened to a faint pink line, and she was wearing a hint of makeup, her lips glossy and pink, her eyes bright. She wore a plain black peacoat that didn’t look warm enough for January Wyoming weather. Typical city girl.
And he couldn’t miss the longing in her eyes as she gazed up at him. He imagined the same longing was in his own eyes, because he’d been dreaming about her day and night . . . and now she was here. His heart tripped.
Maria cleared her throat, and he realized he’d been staring at Cass, devouring her with his gaze without saying a word. He clenched his jaw, trying to think of something to say. Eventually he settled on a firm nod and her name. “Cass.”
“Ay,” Maria said, shaking her head and throwing up her hands. “Stubborn fool. I’m going to go and feed the chickens. You two catch up.” She headed away, muttering something in Spanish.
Eli probably should have said something about that, or chided her for her matchmaking. But all he could do was stare at Cass as she stroked Frannie’s head and gazed up at him with her big, sad eyes.
“I came to get my puppy,” she said after a moment, and then flushed. “I mean, among other things. I know she’s not old enough yet, but I thought I’d throw that out there. I was hoping the offer still stood.”
“Of course it stands. I don’t change my mind.”
She swal
lowed hard and straightened. Bit her lip, and he wanted to groan at the sight of her small teeth tugging on that plump pink mouth. “About anything?”
His throat felt tight. “I never changed my mind about you, if that’s what you’re wondering. It was you that changed your mind.”
She gave him a pleading look of longing, hope in her gaze. “What’s funny is that I didn’t change my mind. I still wanted to be with you . . . I just couldn’t. Not when I thought I was that person.”
“What person?”
“It’s a long story.”
The blood roared in his ears and his heart raced. “Is this your way of apologizing?”
“I’m pretty terrible at it, aren’t I?” Cass looked chagrined.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve been thinking about what I’d say for days and now that I’m here, I can’t seem to make the right words come out of my mouth.” She swallowed hard. “I know I messed up. I should have talked to you, but I didn’t think you’d want me. Not after what I’d found out.”
“Found out?” He wanted to cross his arms over his chest and scowl at her. He wanted to storm in frustration at how angry and betrayed he’d felt when she left. How worried he’d been over her. How he’d replayed their last few days together in his head, over and over again, wondering what he did wrong to make her leave him behind after what they’d shared. He’d never stopped loving her, but he was frustrated with her. Instead of letting him help her, she’d run away, crying. He was still haunted by that.
“I thought I was . . . a bad person.” Her expression fell. “And that I’d lied to you.”
He didn’t care about any of that. She was here. She’d come back. That was all that mattered. “And have you changed your mind?”
“Changed my mind?”
“About loving me?”
“No, never. But—”
Eli took the suitcase out of her hands. “Then the rest doesn’t matter.”
She let him take it, a bewildered expression on her face. “But, Eli—”
He turned and went inside. He had a mind to take her suitcase and lock it up so she couldn’t leave again. Of course, that’d mean he’d have to take her keys, too, but with a few kisses, Cass would forget all about them. Then he wouldn’t let her leave again until . . . well, ever. No, he amended. She wasn’t a prisoner. He wanted her to stay because she wanted to stay. Because she loved him and wanted him as much as he wanted her.
He needed her to want him back. The realization was a hard lump in his chest and he stared down at the suitcase he’d taken from her. He turned around and offered it out. “Did you want this back? I can’t keep you.”
“I’m really confused right now, Eli. I need to explain myself. Why—”
Eli shook his head. “Just tell me why you came back.”
“Why? I thought that was obvious. I love you.” The words caught in her throat, and her beautiful eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I love you and I hate that I left. I didn’t want to. I wanted you more than anything but I didn’t feel like I deserved you.”
“Deserved” was a stupid word, he decided. All that mattered in love was showing up for the other person. And trying again even when you knew it might be hard. Here she was, her heart in her eyes, asking him to give her another chance.
He loved her. Nothing today had changed that. He carefully set the suitcase down and turned to Cass. She gazed at it, confusion in her eyes.
So he picked her up.
She yelped in surprise, and Frannie barked in unison. The puppies near the fireplace whined and yipped, joining in with their mother’s call.
“Not now,” Eli told them as Cass wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m taking my woman to bed.”
“You—you are?” Cass gave him an astounded look. “Don’t you want to hear my apology? My reasons?”
“Go ahead and give ’em to me,” he told her, even as he headed down the hall to his room. Sly Maria was feeding the chickens, he knew. She’d probably linger out there for at least an hour to give them privacy. Smart woman. The other cowboys wouldn’t be in until dinnertime.
That gave him and Cass a few hours of alone time. Good.
So he listened as she told him all about the phone, and getting more pieces of her memory back, and some creep named Ken who made her think terrible things about herself. Made her think he was her boyfriend when he really wasn’t. And how she’d felt awful at the thought of cheating on him and had left because she didn’t feel worthy of his love. By the time she finished her confusing explanation, he’d carried her to his room, shut the door behind him, set her on the bed, and was taking her boots off her feet.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well what?” Eli glanced up at her.
“Do you understand why I left?” Her gaze pleaded with him.
He slipped one boot off of her foot and then went to work on the other. “Cass, I’ll never understand why you left instead of talking to me. But if you had your reasons, you had your reasons. What matters to me is that you came back.”
“But, Eli—”
He shook his head. “No buts. You realized you made a mistake and came back. Why did you come back?”
“Because I love you—”
“And I love you, too.” He set her foot down and then moved forward until his stomach was pressed against her knees as he knelt before her. He put his hands on her waist and gazed up at her beautiful face. “And I’m gonna make mistakes. You’ll make more mistakes. But the point is that you came back.”
Her eyes gleamed with tears. “I never wanted to leave.”
“Then don’t. Don’t leave. Next time, talk to me and we’ll work it out.”
“I didn’t think you’d want me. The real me I thought I was.”
“I understand that. But running away from the problem didn’t fix it. All it did was part us for a few weeks. And I’m a selfish bastard because I missed you something awful, and I want to keep you at my side forever.”
She sniffed. “I love you so much, Eli. I want to be here forever. When Maria offered me the job, I took it. I didn’t care if you hated me forever. If I could just be around you, it’d be worth it.”
“And that’s why you’re crazy, Cass.” He got up and sat on the edge of the bed next to her, cupping her face in his hands. “As if I could hate you forever. I can’t even hate you for a single day. You’re a good person, no matter what you might think. If you had told me all that nonsense about being a cheater, I would never have believed it. That’s not the kind of person you are.”
“But you don’t know me—”
“Don’t I?” He leaned in and kissed her. “I know you’re a terrible cook. I know you get distracted easily.” Between each sentence, he nipped at her pretty mouth. God, he’d missed her. “I know you steal the blankets when you sleep. I know you love Christmas. And I know you have a soft heart when it comes to animals.”
“And cowboys,” she added, breathless. She parted her lips and tilted her face up, waiting for the next kiss.
He slicked his tongue against hers in the next one, teasing her just a bit more. “That’s right. And you have a strong sense of right and wrong. Of hope. You’re an optimist, and you’d never do all that stuff because it’s not in your makeup. It’s not who you are, and I fell in love with you. The heart of Cass, not the trappings. I don’t care what your job is or how much college education you have. That doesn’t matter to me. What matters is you.”
“I love you,” she whispered. “How can you be real? How are you so very good to me?”
“Because I love you, too.” He gently kissed her again, a sweet brush of lips against lips. It felt so good, so right to have her in his arms again. “And it took guts to come back here and confess how you felt, Cass. That says more than you’ll ever know.” He paused and studied her. “So is Cass short for Cassandra?
Or something else? I remember you wondered.”
Her smile was beautiful. “It’s Cassandra. Nothing strange. Just plain and simple Cassandra.”
“I like plain and simple.” He rubbed his nose against hers, because he wanted to rub all of himself against her. “And I’m glad you came back, even if it was just for your puppy.”
She blushed crimson. “That was just the excuse I was going to use if you didn’t want to see me. I spent days trying to think of a way to be near you even if you didn’t want to see me again. I had a couple of different ideas, but the puppy one was the one I was hanging my hat on. Plus,” she continued shyly, “I really wanted her. Not as much as I wanted you, but if I couldn’t have one, maybe I could have the other.”
“You can have them both,” he told her, and pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You can have everything you want, all you have to do is ask.”
Cass smiled up at him, her expression beautiful and as full of hope as he remembered. “Will you be my Christmas present again, cowboy?”
“This year and every year,” he promised. He pushed her back into the bed, mouths locked in a heated kiss. Her hands tore at his shirt, and it was clear she was eager to undress him. He wanted her naked, too. It had been weeks since he’d made love to her, and he craved the feel of her body. “I should probably shower, Cass. I’m sweaty—”
“Later,” she murmured between kisses. “You can shower later.”
All right then, later it was. But if she didn’t want to let him go long enough for him to shower, he was going to take the lead so his girl wouldn’t have to get her mouth on his grimy skin. He was going to put his mouth on her instead. “Undress,” he told her, leaning back and tugging off his shirt.
All I Want for Christmas Is a Cowboy Page 23