by Melanie
Harry paced the quarters, stopping to look over the Doctor's shoulder every once in a while to check readings even the Doctor had trouble deciphering. While the young ensign had held vigils like this over his accident-prone best friend before, this one was the worst. His youthful face seemed to have aged a year for each of the past nineteen hours since he had been told of Tom's problem.
B'Elanna did not appear to be much better. Over the past hour she had edged as close to Tom as she could without touching him. Given her Klingon ridges, her brow could show no signs of furrowing as those of Harry and the other's did but her eyes showed her concern to a degree more than enough to compensate for any impossibility of biology.
"Something is happening to Commander Chakotay."
Everyone tensed at the Doctor's announcement. Was the worst case scenario coming true? Was what had happened to Tom happening to Chakotay, too?
"He's coming around," the Doctor answered their unasked question.
The Commander slowly opened his eyes. His large hands ran over his face then fell back to his lap.
"Well?" B'Elanna prompted anxiously.
"I wasn't allowed to see him."
"But he is okay. You sent word to him to come back."
Chakotay reached for her hand and squeezed it. "B'Elanna-"
"No. Give me that. I'll go get him."
His hand prevented her from touching the meditation aid. "You won't be allowed to see him either, B'Elanna. He's there until it is over."
"Until what is over?" Kathryn asked him.
"I don't know exactly. All my spirit guide would tell me is it is where he must be for the moment and when he is through he will return to us." Knowing if she heard he was in danger, B'Elanna literally would fight him to get to the akoonah and to Tom, Chakotay kept quiet about the chance he might not survive.
"Through with what?" B'Elanna demanded.
"I wasn't told."
"Chakotay-"
"His guide will help him, B'Elanna," the Captain soothed, moving around the coffee table and crouching next to her, a hand finding the distraught woman's shoulder to give it a squeeze. "He'll be okay."
Chakotay did not correct their assumption regarding Tom's guide's location. "I saw your spirit guide, too, B'Elanna," he said instead. "It was there with his."
This seemed to calm her a little. It was as though she felt better knowing Tom was being protected by something connected to her, no matter how repulsive she found that something. Her brown eyes found her beloved's face again.
Harry, looking more relieved himself, came over and gently touched her hair. The pair glanced at one another as Harry took a seat next to her. Two of their hands intertwined and said nothing, watching their friend.
The Captain on the other hand stared intently at Chakotay. She rose and gestured with a tilt of her head for the Commander and the Doctor to join her in the corridor. As they exited, Neelix assumed her spot to the other side B'Elanna, taking her free hand in his.
"You said you weren't allowed to see Tom," Kathryn stated once the doors were closed.
Chakotay nodded.
"But you saw Tom's spirit guide and B'Elanna's."
Again affirmative assent.
"They aren't with him, are they? He's all alone there. That's why you could see them but not him."
A third nod.
"What really is going on there, Chakotay?"
"I don't know," he sighed. "There is this forest that apparently appeared when he did and I got some very bad feelings from it. While I wasn't allowed to go there, I could hear him screaming every once in a while. I waited for him to come out, but after awhile... I couldn't take the screaming anymore."
"It appeared when he did," the Doctor mused.
"Yes."
"If you and Mr. Paris actually were on some other plane, it is possible this 'forest' is a physical, or in this case metaphysical, manifestation of his inner demons. You said his reasons for undertaking this-" he gestured to the closed cabin door- "was to find inner peace."
"That's more my explanation than his. He never really gave me a straight answer as to why he wanted to do this, but I think that is at least part of it."
"Then it is likely his past troubles are the root cause of his current ones."
"So your thinking is that when he comes to terms with his past he'll be able to leave there?" the Captain questioned.
"If he can," Chakotay muttered to himself. When he realised he had the attention of the other two, he explained. "If he can come to terms with it. My spirit guide was talking in terms of 'if he survives' and 'it is dangerous,' meaning the forest. I've never heard her talk like that before."
"Surely you have to remember this is Mr. Paris we are talking about here," the Doctor reminded them. "There have been some... bad patches in his life. It would only be natural for his demons to be horrific."
"But he usually does not confront them, merely pretends they don't matter to him, which we all know is not the case," the Commander reminded them.
"I still wonder how much of his remaining there because of the device," the EMH mused. "We've all seen the scans of it. There *is* something wrong with it. The energy readings from it are far outside of its acceptable perimeters and show no signs of abating."
Kathryn picked up on his train of thought. "So your thinking is the malfunction in it could cause Tom to be stuck there, indefinitely, regardless of whether he wants to confront his demons or not. Like a programme caught in an endless loop."
"But the akoonah was fine the last time I used it," Chakotay repeated the same statement he had been making since the Doctor's first examination of it and Tom.
"That was the last time, Commander," the EMH chimed in with his part of the argument. "Any number of things could have happened between then and now.
The Captain raised a hand to silence them. "Gentlemen, this speculation is getting you nowhere. Doctor, keep monitoring Tom's readings. Commander, go to Engineering and see if Mr. Carey has made any progress deciphering the readings from the akoonah and your quarters. I have to go to the Bridge and relieve Tuvok and see if the scans of the ship and surrounding space have uncovered anything. I want to know the minute anyone has any answers or-"
There was another blood curdling scream from inside Chakotay's quarters.
"Neelix to Doctor. You'd better get back here."
The trio rushed back into the quarters to find Neelix and Harry leaning over the monitoring devices and alternating glances between the displays and Tom. B'Elanna remained on the floor beside Tom almost in tears. Her fists were white knuckled in an effort not to reach out for him. The Captain immediately knelt next to B'Elanna to put an arm around her.
"Doctor?"
Ignoring Chakotay's unasked question for the moment, the EMH stared at the readouts, entered a few commands then grabbed a tricorder and walked over to begin scanning Tom. "His readings spiked well into the dangerous levels," he finally answered. "Now, however, it appears they are falling rapidly."
"Falling rapidly?"
He closed up the tricorder. "Yes. Towards acceptable levels."
"You mean he is coming around?" B'Elanna whispered, raising watery eyes to his.
He gave her a slight, reassuring smile. "Yes, Lieutenant. I think he might be," he murmured softly.
She returned the smile as best she could.
-------
When at last all was quiet beneath her, she finally dared to breathe. Having had their revenge, the last two had ceased their attack and merely stood over him. Up in the tree, she had escaped their notice and, though she still was in the dark regarding the reason for their anger, she was grateful to have been overlooked by them. If only the poor wretch below could have said the same.
Silently, already fearing she knew the outcome, she watched as he painfully tried to haul himself away from them. The two Cardassians followed, smirking triumphantly.
-------
Near dead, Tom dragged himself towards the sunlight he saw peekin
g through the thinning foliage. He did not know how long he had been trying to reach that promise of safety -- he had blacked out more times than he could count while trying to get there -- but it felt like it had been hours.
*Why are you bothering to do this?* Gul Camet asked him. *Just give up now. It would be so much easier.*
He took a shaky breath, considering it for a nanosecond.
Camet took advantage of that nanosecond of indecision. *You can't make it. You don't deserve to make it after everything you've done.*
That condemnation was enough to convince him.
Shakily extending his right arm, one remaining functioning appendage, he wrapped bloodied fingers around an exposed root. He flexed muscles so exhausted they had ceased screaming out for relief long ago and mutely did his bidding as best as they could. Slowly, a centimetre at a time, he pulled his broken body forwards through the thick humus which comprised the floor of the forest. Slowly towards the light. Slowly towards the promise of freedom.
-------
"Doctor to Captain."
The Captain straightened from consulting with Harry's replacement at Ops. "How's Tom?" On her trip up to the Bridge not four hours ago, she had overheard enough of a conversation between two crewmembers to realise everyone on board knew, at least in part, what had happened to Tom Paris. 'And we thought we'd been so careful to keep it all private,' she had thought at the time. Now, knowing it was useless to try to hide any of this anymore, she openly asked for an update.
"His readings have levelled off. They now correspond more closely with those Commander Chakotay has exhibited when he was meditating this earlier."
"So no distress."
"None.""And the readings from the akoonah?"
"Normal, too," Joe Carey's voice joined the conversation. "I can't explain it. Only a few hours ago it was going crazy, but now, nothing. I've completed another scan of it, the Commander's quarters, and the surrounding sections above and below. There still are no strange energy emissions or anything which would explain what's happened. Everything is identical to the last time I took the readings, except akoonah is reading as functioning normally now. We'll have to dismantle it and do a further inspection to be positive, but frankly I don't think we'll find anything."
"Mr. Carey, it sounds like you have another explanation in mind."
"Well, Captain, the equipment doesn't seem to be at fault. There is nothing in the surrounding area of the ship that is reading as abnormal. Commander Chakotay performed the same ritual only two weeks ago without any ill side effects. Ops still hasn't found anything out of the ordinary in this area of space, has it?"
Harry's replacement shook her head.
"No," the Captain answered for her.
"So, Captain," Carey continued, "that only leavesLieutenant Paris."
"All readings were normal at his last physical," the Doctor insisted. "I am at a loss to explain how it could be him."
Sensing an impending argument, the Captain nipped it in the bud. "Doctor, keep monitoring him and contact me the moment he wakes. Mr. Carey, the moment he does wake I want the akoonah dismantled and checked out. Understood, gentlemen?"
"Aye, Captain," Carey answered.
"Of course, Captain. Doctor out."
Returning to their consultation, Kathryn mirrored the relieved smile of the young crewwoman bent over the Ops console. Life would be able to get back to normal soon, they both hoped. As normal as it got in the Delta Quadrant anyway.
-------
Tom lay there on the edge of the thick grass, breathing shallowly. After his exertions his lungs demanded he take deep, gasping breaths to fill them. His crushed ribs, on the other hand, told him not to every time he tried to oblige his respiratory organs. So he lay there hardly breathing, in a crumpled heap, finally free of the forest, yet not free of his pursuers.
They were inside of him now. He had not realised that fact until the last of his body had slid out of the shadows and the feeling of their presence had not receded as expected. They remained with him. He could feel them inside of his head. He could hear them taunting him through their spokesman, Camet, telling him he would never be rid of them now, they were there to stay, there was no escape. As if he possessed the strength to even think about trying to run from them.
Slowly, he became aware of a sound off to his left. At first it sounded like the beating of giant wings. Moments later there was a soft rustling of something moving towards him through the grass. Eyes still closed, he whimpered softly. He desperately wished he could curl himself into the foetal position for protection, but that action had not protected him the last time and he no longer could move anyway. Crushed in body and spirit, he had no strength left to defend himself from this new enemy and he seriously wondered if were worth while to try.
Downy feathers brushed his cheek.
A soft call somewhere between a coo and screech was made near his ear.
Then nothing except soft, near silent breathing which certainly was not his own.
Tom's eyes opened. Given the awkward angle of his head's position, he found himself staring slightly up into a pair of amber eyes. 'An eagle,' he slowly realised, taking in the rest of the head before him. 'He was looking at an eagle.'
*That is the form in which I appear to you.*
Stunned, Tom thought the torments he had endured had finally had driven him insane. He could swear he heard it speak to him.*You are not insane.*
He opened his mouth to speak. All of the screaming he had done earlier had left his vocal cords too raw to produce little more than a brief squawk more appropriate to one of his companion's species than his own.
*Don't speak. Rest.*
There was another beating of wings and rustling of dry grass then a second, much smaller bird appeared. It hurried over to the eagle. The two exchanged a quick look before the newcomer stared down at Tom. As the other bird had done, she touched his cheek with her head then settled down next to her mate to watch over him.
*This is the companion of the one you think of as your mate,* the eagle explained. *There was great concern for your survival. We are glad you did not disappoint us.*
'My spirit guide?' Tom wondered, knowing the bird would continue to read his thoughts.
*That is what some call us.*
'I do have one.'
*Yes.*
'I still have my soul.'
The eagle moved a little closer and covered Tom's head with an extended wing. *Badly battered and bruised, but yes. You can't lose that, no matter what you may do or is done to you.*
Tom merely sighed, closed his eyes, and blacked out once more.
-------
*Will he live?* she asked the birds, stepping out of the forest herself.
The two regarded her for a moment, curiously.
*Yes. Who are you?* the falcon asked.
She crouched next to the man and brushed damp and bloodied hair away from his forehead. *A searcher who has looked for someone for a very long time.*
Chakotay's companion walked up to her and stared, first at her then at the young man. *Is he the one you seek?*
She considered this for a moment. *I am not certain, but I believe so. He certainly looks like him. And he does have the strength of will I was told he possessed. I will know better when he awakes. I cannot approach him directly. Not until I am certain of his identity. Can you ask him about what just happened? I need to know.*
*We cannot press.* the wolf responded. *He must tell us only what he wishes to tell us. To attempt to force him to say more than he is prepared to say might convince him to say nothing.*
*I understand.* Rising, she looked at each of them in turn then at the other animals who were beginning to arrive. *He must not know of me, in case he is not the one I seek.*
They all nodded.
*Good. He will need water when he awakens. Is there some nearby?*
Two of the newly arrived animals -- a brown bear and a racoon- volunteered to fetch some and departed together while a
ll but the woman settled in to wait.
*I think it would be best if he did not see me when he awakens.* she told them and pivoted to return to the forest only to discover it no longer was there. *Where did it go?*The animals looked at what now was meadow once more. From their body language, she could tell they did not know either.
Frowning in confusion, she headed instead for the large tree the birds had so recently vacated.
-------
"B'Elanna?"
The woman opened sleepy eyes to look up into Harry's face. "Is he-?"
"No, he's still gone." He helped B'Elanna into a sitting position on the couch. "I thought the Commander told you to get some rest, too."
"I was."
"In your own quarters.""I couldn't leave him, Harry."
Harry felt a little guilty. Unlike her, he had followed orders and left for a nap in his quarters. It was not that he did not feel as strongly about Tom as B'Elanna did. Tom was his unofficial big brother and official best friend after all. He still felt selfish, though, for having chosen the comfort of sleep in his own bed over remaining here on vigil as she clearly had. "The Doctor says he is out of danger now, B'Elanna."
"*Probably* out of danger," she corrected.
"Okay, probably out of danger. You've been here over twenty-seven hours now. You need sleep all the same. Proper sleep, not accidentally dozing off for a minute or five here and there."
"When he is better."
"B'Elanna."
"When he is better."
He knew from experience that there was no arguing with her tone. Sighing, Harry sat and put an arm around her shoulders. Smiling a little, she leaned her head against his shoulder to wait.
-------
The next time Tom opened his eyes the eagle and falcon still were with him, but now a wolf and a cougar sat behind them. They too stared down at the prone man.
*How do you feel?* the wolf asked.