by J. A. Owenby
“How do you know?”
“Been there. My dad.”
“Jared mentioned him, but only about your mom. He hurt you too?” I asked. My stomach turned at the thought.
“Yeah, all of us.”
I bit my lip. “Me too. My mom,” I said.
“Makes sense. It usually starts at home and then when you leave, you tend to find someone to take their place. I’ve stayed out of relationships the last few years. I don’t want to make that mistake.”
“That’s probably the smartest thing I’ve had someone tell me.”
“We left Minnesota after Mom died and came here. The one thing Jared insisted on was that we train. He swore that no one would ever hurt us again.”
“He sounds protective.”
“It goes both ways. Just like you, we got into training and worked our asses off. We moved up in belts quickly, made friends with other black belts, and began to feel safe again.”
“I hope I can do the same.”
“Just keep at it.”
We were interrupted by our food being brought out. It was only five thirty, but I was starving. I needed to plan my meals better if I was going to continue to train.
“You like it?” Tiffany asked.
“It’s so good,” I said around a mouthful of food.
Tiffany laughed and took another bite. She acted as hungry as I felt. “Don’t let my brother bring you here,” she said between bites.
“How come?”
“He orders two of these and farts for days!”
I somehow managed to swallow my bite of food before I choked on it. I giggled.
“Yeah, you do not want to be around him afterward,” she said. Her contagious laugh echoed through the small restaurant. I couldn’t stop giggling. The more she laughed, the more I did too.
I set my burrito down as she continued to make faces and hold her nose. I guess just the thought of his farts was bad enough to make her smell them. She fanned the air in front of her nose and burst into another fit of laughter. I wasn’t sure I’d ever look at Jared the same way again.
“Holy shit,” I said as I grabbed a napkin and dabbed at my tears. “I haven’t laughed this hard in like, ever. Jeez! And thanks for the mental picture. It’s your fault if I start giggling while he’s training me. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through that one.”
“Yeah, me neither,” she said, smiling. “He’s a great guy. You’re in good hands. You’ll see that for yourself soon enough.”
We paused and took a bite of our food. “But,” she said around a mouthful. “I did want to mention something.”
I frowned as I waited for her to continue. Where was this conversation going?
“He has a savior complex,” she said.
“What?”
“He’s going to get attached to you. Just be careful.”
“I don’t understand,” I said and wiped my mouth. I wasn’t sure I was hungry anymore.
“I’m not trying to be a bitch. I love my brother, and that’s why I brought it up. Don’t take what I’m saying personally.”
“Is there any other way to take it?” I asked with a hint of anger.
“Wait, you’re misunderstanding me. Don’t get pissed. Let me explain. He couldn’t save Mom. So, when someone like you shows up in his life, it’s like he tries to fix everything. You’re beautiful and fresh out of whatever hell you’ve gone through. He’ll get attached when he shouldn’t. He’ll want to save you from whatever you’re running from.”
“I’ve learned the hard way that no one can save me.”
Tiffany held my gaze for a moment. “It just doesn’t get any more real than that,” she said.
I nodded in response.
“Don’t take it the wrong way,” Tiffany said. “If anyone is going to get attached to you, no one better than Jared, but be careful and don’t send the wrong message.”
“Oh! Oh, no,” I said and shook my head. “No, I’m not interested in your brother. He’s just training me.”
“Actually, he’s your sensei.”
“My what?”
“Your karate instructor is called a sensei.”
“Okay. Got it. But back to the other thing. I’m serious. I’m not interested in Jared like that. I’m too screwed up for a relationship. Hell, I can’t even see duct tape without—without having a panic attack.”
Tiffany stared at me for a moment. “Where’s the asshole now?”
“Prison. In Oregon.”
“Good.” She didn’t press the issue further.
“Okay, so I’m officially changing the topic,” I said.
“Noted.”
“How old are you?” I asked.
“Twenty-two and Jared is twenty-four. You?”
“Almost twenty,” I said.
“When’s your birthday?”
I frowned as I realized it was only a few months away. “Shit, it’s the beginning of July, right?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s in early September. I guess it’s closer than I thought. I’m not working right now, and my sleep schedule is all sorts of screwed up. I’m losing track of the days.”
“You wanting something to do?” she asked as she sipped her water.
“What do you mean?”
“A job.”
“No. Not yet.”
“I have an idea. Let me talk to Jared first, and then if he thinks it’ll work, he can speak to you. He owns the dojo, so all the business stuff is up to him. I figure if you’re going to hang out there, he might as well put you to good use.”
“Alright, but I’m not sure I’m up for anything yet.”
Tiffany smiled as she finished off the last of her burrito.
Chapter 14
The next morning, I pushed the door of the dojo open and gave a little wave to Jared. The moment I saw him I had to bite my lip to stop the giggles that were threatening to break free. No burritos for him.
“Hey,” Jared said as he approached me. “I hear my sister took you out for dinner last night.”
“Yeah, we grabbed a burrito.”
“Man, those are the best burritos ever. Just thinking about them makes me want to run over and grab a few.”
I couldn’t stop my grin.
“She also mentioned you’re not working right now.”
“Yeah, but I told her I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go back yet either.”
“Will you hear me out?”
“I guess it can’t hurt, but I reserve my right to say no.”
“Fair enough,” he said as he pulled a chair out for me at the table. “I need someone around here. It’s not difficult work, but it might keep you busy, and I need the help. I can’t keep up with my classes and all the paperwork too.”
“What kind of paperwork?”
“Sign-in sheets for each class, and then I also need to collect dues at the beginning of each month. Can you balance a checkbook?”
“Sure—I mean, I can balance my own. It’s not hard to balance it when it only has a few dollars in it, though,” I said.
“It’s the same thing, just a little more money. I also need the dojo straightened up, vacuumed, and the bathroom cleaned. You’re here during most of the classes anyway. That will give you the availability to take roll and then update the master copy for me. How does that sound?”
“Sure, I guess it can’t hurt. It’ll give me something to do.”
“It will only take you a few hours each day. I have more work to be done, but I can add it to your list as you get comfortable. I also need help teaching the kids’ class.”
“What? I can’t teach a class! I only know a few things.”
“Don’t panic,” Jared said and laughed. “Most of it’s just keeping them focused. You can manage a group, hold the kick bag for them, and help them line up. As you learn, you can help more.”
“This sounds like a lot right now.”
“It might feel like it at first, but once you have a system down, it’ll
be easy. I’ll pay you three hundred a month and train you.”
“Really?” I was surprised at the amount. I could pay half the rent again. “Okay,” I nodded. “I’ll try it out, but if it doesn’t work, please just let me know. My top priority is to still be able to come here and train. It’s become my go-to place lately.”
“I will. If your work sucks, I’ll fire you.”
“That’s harsh.”
“You’ll be fine, don’t worry.” A crooked grin spread across his face.
“I hope so,” I said.
“Excellent. Then it’s settled. The kids’ class is Tuesday and Thursday nights at six thirty. Your first one will be tonight. I’ll wait a little longer to order your gi. I don’t like to order just one since they charge so much for shipping.”
“How much is it? I’ll need to wait until I have some money anyway.”
“Nope, part of the gig.”
“Jared, I need to pay for my stuff. Really.”
“Consider it a uniform. You ready to train? Afterward, I’ll set you up with the paperwork and you can get started, see a schedule of the classes, and get settled in. You can work down here, or I have an office upstairs.”
“In your apartment?” I asked as my voice squeaked.
“Yeah. When you’re comfortable. For now, we’ll keep you down here.”
I nodded as my cheeks heated. I swallowed and pushed my nerves down. I hoped I was ready. I didn’t want to humiliate myself, but maybe this was a good place to start.
* * *
“You’ll never believe what happened today,” I said to Emma.
It was too hot to cook even with the AC on, so we had opted for a chicken salad tonight.
“What?” Emma peered over her glasses at me.
“I got a job!”
“You did? Lacey, that’s fantastic!”
“I know, right? I can start paying half the rent again.”
“What will you be doing?” she asked as she took a bite of her food.
“Basically, I’m the dojo secretary. I’ll handle the bookkeeping, payments, master sheets of students, and I’ll clean and help teach the kids’ class.”
“Teach? Already?”
“I know, it totally freaked me out. Jared said it would just be keeping the kids focused for now. I guess I’ll hold the kick bag for them, help them line up, get in groups, just easy stuff. He said the more I learn, the more he’ll have me help. I can handle kids, right? I worked in the children’s department at Jack’s Department Store, so I’m sure I can,” I said as my voice trailed off.
“What is it?” Emma asked.
“I’m scared, Emma. What if I have a panic attack in front of the kids or something? What if I screw up the checking account?”
“It sounds like Jared and Tiffany are becoming your friends, and I don’t think they’d ask you to do something you couldn’t handle. No matter what job someone is about to start, there’s always nerves. Shoot, I thought I was going to toss my cookies the first day at the hospital!”
“Really? What’d you do?”
“I tried to stay near a bathroom,” Emma said and laughed. “But that’s a good idea for you too. If you start feeling icky, go to the bathroom and splash cold water on your face.”
“That might work,” I said. “And you’re right. I’d be nervous no matter where I went.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“I haven’t done anything except go one week without anyone babysitting me. I figured going to the dojo was a better choice than the liquor store.”
“I agree.”
“I’m spending so much time there that I don’t have as many opportunities for everything with Xander to creep up. But it shows up at weird times. Tiffany took me to dinner the other night, and for a split second, the smell of the kitchen grill reminded me of the fire. I didn’t say anything . . . I didn’t want her to think I was so fragile that I couldn’t go out in public.”
“But you are.”
“That’s so messed up, though. I went from living two thousand miles away to being confined to four blocks of Hot Springs. Sometimes I look at my life and I have no clue how I got here or how to change it. I just want to feel better. I want just one night without nightmares or a day without flashbacks. I think I see him everywhere I go,” I whispered.
“He’s in jail, hon.”
“For how long? I don’t have any idea how long Oregon keeps someone for assault, arson, or whatever they charged him with.”
“I don’t know. Walker tried to call and see what he was charged with, but they wouldn’t tell him over the phone. But today, right now, you’re safe, and Xander isn’t anywhere around. You’re with friends and learning to kick butt. One step at a time.”
“You’re right,” I said and nodded my head. I paused for a minute. “Have you heard from him?”
“Who?” Emma asked.
“Walker.”
Emma tried to hide her smile.
“What?” I demanded. “I was just wondering.”
“Lacey Anne, you stay focused on getting your own crap together and let Walker take care of himself.”
“I’m not trying to take care of him. I just want to know why he left,” I said.
Emma wiped her mouth and tossed her napkin on her plate. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. “Do you still love him?” she asked gently.
“What? What the hell kind of question is that? I just wanted to know why he disappeared again,” I said as I huffed and grabbed our plates off the table. I rinsed them off and loaded them into the dishwasher. “I have to get back to the dojo. The kids’ class starts soon.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later then. Love ya,” Emma chirped as I closed the door behind me.
I walked across the complex, irritated that Emma had asked me if I still loved Walker. Where had that even come from? She’d just told me to take things one step at a time, and then she throws that at me?
And what was so difficult about her answering the question? She either knew, or she didn’t. Simple. Why did he leave?
* * *
I welcomed the cold air of the dojo as I walked inside. I flung my backpack in the corner and realized I’d never used the bathroom here. I crossed the wood floor and spotted the restroom. I pushed the door open and poked my head around. It seemed pretty average to me. I figured if I was going to clean it, I needed to know where it was. I hoped I wouldn’t have to run in there because of a panic attack, but Emma was right—a backup plan was a good idea.
“I see you found the bathroom,” Jared said behind me. I responded with a blood-curdling scream.
“Shit! You can’t sneak up on me,” I said as the hot tears spilled down my cheeks.
Jared grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come into the dojo.”
“No,” I sniffled.
“Are you okay?” he asked as he released me and rubbed my arms.
“Yeah,” I said as I dried my tears. “I’ll be right back,” I said as I turned away and walked into the bathroom.
Once the door closed behind me, I crumpled to the floor. I struggled to gain control over my tears, but they had other plans. After a few minutes, they slowed, and I stood up. I turned the cold water on and splashed my cheeks. My eyes were puffy and my face was red. This wasn’t how I wanted to start off my first class.
There was a knock on the door. “Hey, you okay?” It was Tiffany. “Jared said he scared you pretty badly. He feels terrible.”
I opened the door to let her in. “Hey, I’m coming. I don’t want to be that employee who cries on her first day and doesn’t show up on time.”
“Don’t even worry about that. Jared is the easiest boss ever. As long as you’re trying and you get half the shit right with the paperwork, he’s happy.”
“He hugged me.”
“He probably wasn’t sure what to do since he was the one who made you cry,” Tiffany said and let out a small laugh.
“I just thought about what you said . . . that he gets attached.”
“I wouldn’t worry about the hug. He’s just trying to help.”
“I’m just not . . . I’m not.”
“I get it, and you’re smart.”
“Thanks,” I said as I peered into the mirror to see if the redness had lessened. “I’m ready.”
“Awesome. The kids are super cute. They’ll take your mind off everything else.”
“That would be really nice,” I muttered as I followed her out of the bathroom and onto the dojo floor.
Chapter 15
“Attention please,” Jared said and clapped his hands together.
Fifteen little ones from ages five to ten all peered up at him.
“We have someone new with us today—she’ll be helping with your class. When she asks you to do something, you do it, understand?”
The kids nodded with enthusiasm.
“This is Lacey,” he said as he pointed at me. “Let’s tell her hi.”
“Hi, Miss Lacey,” they all said together.
I couldn’t hide my smile. Tiffany was right. The kids were the cutest things I’d ever seen.
“Awesome,” Jared said. “Let’s warm up.”
I went to the back of the room and warmed up with the kids. Within a few minutes, they were ready to go.
“Everyone line up right here by me,” Jared said as he rallied them all together. “Lacey is going to hold the bag for us, and we’re going to do a kick punch combo, okay?”
Jared walked to the corner and picked up a dingy white kick bag. He smiled as he approached me with it. “You okay?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern.
“Yeah,” I said and attempted a smile. “Sorry I freaked out on you like that,” I whispered.
“Nothing to apologize for. I was just feeling bad.”
“No need.”
Jared nodded and then patted the bag. “Take it and get into a wide stance like this,” he said.
I followed his example, and then he handed it to me. “You’re going to rest it against your leg and put your arm through the strap on the back. Then lean your upper body into it. This will help you keep your balance when the kids kick. Most of them don’t kick hard, but a few of the older ones have a little bit of power, so just stay rooted to the floor. You got it?”