There was one more thing I had to do before I left – get my phone back. It was my only link with home and there was no way I was going to leave it behind. Of course, this meant I would have to steal it from under Cut-throat's nose as she lay sleeping in her hammock, so I quietly limped up to her cabin.
The door creaked as I eased it open and, crouching, slipped inside the captain's cabin. I could hear her snoring. A lamp was turned down but still burning, and when my eyes grew accustomed to the gloom, I could see her lying on her tummy, one arm dangling over the side of the hammock clutching an empty bottle of rum. Good – she should be sleeping soundly.
I crept across the uneven floor, hardly daring to breathe, until I was standing right next to her. The captain had a nightcap pulled down over her eyes and was snorting and grunting like a pig with a blocked nose. And there, poking out from under her pillow, were my phone and charger!
I started to ease them out as gently as possible from under Cut-throat's pillow. If she opened her eyes now, I was a goner! No amount of fibbing would explain what I was doing. But slowly, millimetre by millimetre, I edged the phone towards me.
‘ No!‘ yelled Captain Cut-throat, and I froze in terror. ‘No, me hearties, hang ‘em all!’ I breathed a sigh of relief; Cut-throat was still asleep and in the middle of a dream. I pulled the phone free, pocketed it and, with my heart in my mouth, crept back outside.
The night was cloudy and dark; a fine, misty rain soaked the air, making the deck slick and slippery. Keeping to the blackest shadows, I crept along the quarterdeck. Just above me I could see the silhouette of the first mate as an even denser black against the night sky. Peering over the ship's side, I could just make out the dark smudge of the dinghy below, where the waves bubbled silver against the ship's hull. I swung my leg over the rails, found the rope ladder with my foot and started to climb down.
With the rain and the wind and my aching ankle, it was a dangerous climb, and halfway down … I slipped. My hands grabbed at the rungs, but everything was too wet and I fell. I waited for the impact as I hit the dinghy. But – Oöö/7‘ – it was a surprisingly soft landing!
Ow! OK, OK, I surrender,’ a voice shouted into the night, and what I thought must be a pile of sails shifted underneath me. It was another pirate! Footsteps sounded from the deck above and a lantern was held out over the side.
‘What's going on down there?’ came the first mate's voice. ‘Stay where you are. You're under arrest!’
‘What's the meaning of this?’ roared Captain Cut-throat when we were hauled up in front of her, Dog-breath scowling and me limping on my bad ankle. She sat at the table in her cabin in her nightgown and cap, still half asleep. Things couldn't get much worse, I thought, as the captain glared at us. I had been on the verge of escaping from this floating dustbin and now it looked as if I could end up swinging from a yardarm after all.
‘Dog-breath Dinah caught trying to escape, Cap'n,’ said the first mate. ‘Seems that the cabin boy here overpowered her and stopped her getting away with this.’ A heavy sack was dumped on the table with an ominous telltale clink.
What was this? The first mate thought I had prevented Dinah from escaping? I held my breath and waited to see what happened.
‘Is this true?’ demanded the captain, tipping the sack up and spilling a cascade of gold coins onto the table.
‘Aye, and I would have got clean away if it hadn't been for this infernal nuisance,’ growled Dinah. ‘I've had enough of your bullying ways – always being called names and given the dirtiest jobs. So I decided to take what I was due and make a getaway. I was just about to pull on the oars when this twit dropped out of the sky and flattened me.’
The captain ran her fingers through the gold. ‘You've broken every rule of the pirates’ code,’ she said. ‘And for that there is no excuse.’ ‘Big deal,’ scoffed Dog-breath Dinah. At that the captain reached across to a lever on her desk and pulled.
Aaaargh!’ screamed Dinah as a trapdoor opened beneath her feet and she dropped into the black sea below. I gasped and looked down at my own feet and, sure enough, I could see the outline of another trapdoor.
‘And now we come to you …’ said Captain Cut-throat, stroking a lever on the other side of her desk and staring at me with her ice-cold eyes. ‘How come you managed to get out of your locked room and tackle a big, brawny pirate single handed … ? And why would a little goody-two-shoes like you decide to help us anyway?’
‘Well …’ I gulped, knowing that what I said now would decide whether I lived or was plunged into the cruel sea. How good a liar could I be? ‘I, um, I was woken by some strange noises in the next room, Dinah's room. I know she sleeps there because the rest of the crew won't let her sleep with them, on account of her being so smelly. I could hear her moving about… um, dragging something heavy. I knew that all the crew had been ordered to bed early, so I decided to investigate. I saw she was trying to escape. I had to act quickly. I was worried that she might be going to warn the people of Spangelimar. And I thought if I could stop her, you might trust me to come on the raid.’
The captain narrowed her eyes. ‘How did you manage to get out?’ she demanded.
‘I, um … I can pick locks,’ I lied. ‘I used to be a safebreaker before you found me. And another thing,’ I added, knowing that if the mobile was found on me, I'd swing for sure: ‘I found this in Dinah's boat,’ and I placed the mobile and charger on the desk. I couldn't believe that after all the danger I'd gone through to get my mobile back, I had to hand it over to Cut-throat again!
The captain stared, her eyebrows rising and knotting as she thought. Her hand was still on the lever and my legs wobbled like jelly as I waited for the floor to give way. Then, all of a sudden, she let her hand fall and slapped the table.
‘Good job, Charlie,’ she said. A very good job indeed. I may have misjudged you, boy, and your skills as a pick-a-lock may come in very useful. Consider yourself promoted to ordinary pirate. Go back to your cabin and get some sleep, for you've earned the right to come on tomorrow's raid!’
And that's where I am now. Not chained any more, but lying in a brand new hammock! It's brilliantly comfortable, but I'm still a bit wobbly from my night's adventures. I can't believe that I didn't get found out, and that I might even get another chance to escape tomorrow. Maybe I'll even be able to turn the pirates in for a fat reward!
I wish I could sleep, but butterflies begin flapping around my tummy every time I close my eyes. Who knows what will happen?
(Note: After my fib about being an expert lock-picker, the captain has had my door secured with a heavy wooden bar!)
Oh boy! Today did not go as planned at all. I'm still shaking from fear and excitement, and my racing heart is only just starting to slow down. I might be living with some of the most feared pirates on the ocean, each day filled with danger and treachery, but at least I'm never bored!
We woke very early and, under cover of the morning mist, manoeuvred the Betty Mae off the headland at Spangelimar. There, final preparations were made and the pirates honed their cutlasses to an air-zinging sharpness.
In readiness for their trip, the ladies donned their most fashionable frocks. And what a sight they were! I had never seen them in dresses before, and I can't say they looked any better than when wearing their pirate gear. They didn't smell any better either, despite having doused themselves in strong-smelling perfume. (They often did this to save themselves having to wash. It never worked, and if you stood downwind from them, they had the rich, musty smell of a herd of gnu.)
They wore their skirts for a reason, though: the folds of fabric covered their swords and daggers and pistols. And under their bonnets they'd hidden powder horns and lead shot. Even I was given a cutlass, secreting it under a long heavy coat that the pirates lent me, and as I fastened the belt around my waist, I saw Cutthroat slip my mobile into her handbag and snap it shut. If I was going to make an escape, I would have to pinch it from her bag first!
Then, lowering
the Jolly Roger and hoisting the innocent flag of the Women's Institute, we sailed into the harbour.
Captain Cut-throat ordered us all into large rowing boats and I sat nervously between her and Rawcliffe Annie as we crossed the water, wondering if I'd have the chance to grab my phone and make a dash for freedom, or if I'd be forced to make my debut as a pillaging thief.
On the way Captain Cut-throat explained her sneaky plan. The pirates were to pretend to be on a shopping trip but would really be carefully positioning themselves all around the market square.
‘Then I will let out a blood-curdling yell,’ she said. ‘And while everyone is distracted, you girls draw your weapons and we've got ‘em! Then all we have to do is empty their purses. Easy-peasy!’
‘What about me?’ I asked her nervously.
‘Well, as we are all supposed to be ordinary ladies out on a shopping trip, you'd better pretend to be my son,’ she replied. And then, at the end, you can take round the sack for all the kind people to fill.’
‘I can't rob a crowd of innocent people!’ I protested. Then, seeing the captain's scowl, I added, ‘I mean … not as it's my first time. What if I got it wrong? Er … how about I stay and guard the rowing boats instead?’
Captain Cut-throat's hand closed round the collar of my coat and I was lifted as easily as a baby from the floor of the rowing boat. With her nose just a millimetre away from mine, she stared straight into my eyes.
‘Unless you want your gizzard a-dangling from the tip of my sword, I don't think you have any choice, dear boy.’
I swallowed hard. It looked as if I was going to be a pirate whether I liked it or not!
My heart raced and my palms sweated as our little rowing boat scraped the wall of the quay and we moored. Captain Cut-throat took my hand and gave it a squeeze, whether of encouragement or as a warning I didn't know, and we walked along the stone jetty and across the cobbled harbour. My ankle was feeling much better, and I looked around nervously, trying to see a way to escape. But the captain had me in an iron grip and there was no way I could make a dash for freedom.
I thought about crying out, ‘Kidnap!’ but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, the captain squeezed my hand even harder, and when I glanced up at her, she was holding her shawl slightly open. Tucked under her armpit I could see her jewel-encrusted dagger, glinting. It was as if she could read my mind: I quickly gave up the idea of yelling out. I was off the ship, but still very much a prisoner, and besides, the captain still had my precious mobile and I needed it back.
We seated ourselves on the picturesque quayside and ate our packed lunches while Cut-throat scanned the scene for any possible trouble. But nobody took the slightest notice of us and, satisfied, the captain whispered to us to follow.
We promenaded genteelly through twisting alleyways, up flights of steps and out into the market square.
The pirates’ plan was working. The dandies of the town tipped their hats and said, ‘Good morning, ladies.’ But when the pirates turned and smiled and the young men saw their weather-beaten, toothless faces, they made a quick apology and hurried away. I desperately wanted to cry out, but the captain still had my mobile – and her long, sharp dagger.
As the pirates wandered through the market square, casually browsing among the stalls, I took a good look around. I was in a very tricky situation and needed a way out. On one side the square ended in a low wall that looked out over the bay below. Amongst the boats that dotted the bay I could see the Betty Mae at anchor, looking small and dishevelled next to her neighbour – a gleaming golden galleon. At each end of the wall stood a light cannon, and I knew immediately what I must do. I would have to blast the Betty Mae out of action and prevent the pirates getting away.
Just then, Captain Cut-throat let out a bloodcurdling yell. ‘Help! Stop, thieves! Please help a poor defenceless lady!’ she screamed, and the shoppers rushed over to help. I took my chance to slip away through the crowd and darted over to the cannon, half hidden behind a market stall.
‘Where are they?’ cried the townsfolk. Where are the thieves?’
Why, they're all around you.’ The captain smiled, sweeping her arm theatrically through the air.
The townsfolk turned to find themselves surrounded by a forest of swords, pistols and cutlasses.
As the pirates herded their victims together, I quickly rammed a bag of gunpowder from the powder chest down the barrel of the gun. A cannonball and a piece of wadding followed.
I had watched the pirates during their firing practice, so I knew which order these things went in, but I had no idea how much powder to use. I just hoped it was enough to fire the ball.
‘Now, if you wouldn't mind emptying your pockets, ladies and gentlemen, my young friend, Black-hearted Charlie, will pass among you,’ Captain Cut-throat was declaring, holding out a calico bag. ‘This bag will need filling before we can take our leave. Charlie, if you please … Charlie? Charlie?‘Where are you?’
With shaking hands I poured some powder into the firing hole and scrabbled in the chest for the tinderbox. Meanwhile, a large square-jawed man in a long black coat had stepped out of the crowd to stand in front of Captain Cut-throat.
‘Remember me, Cut-throat?’ he said. ‘I hear you took a friend of mine for a walk recently.’
‘Craik!’ spat the captain. ‘Turncoat Craik! Well, it will be a pleasure to relieve you of your possessions, you dog.’
‘Take what you like, but you won't get very far. My ship is anchored below and has enough guns to blast you to kingdom come.’ The man smiled. ‘You won't make it beyond the harbour walls.’
The captain looked worried at this news, and I thought it was time to make doubly sure that the Betty Mae couldn't escape, so I sparked the flint against the steel and the fuse started to spit and smoke.
‘There's no need to worry,’ I shouted, aiming the cannon directly at the Betty Mae. ‘They won't be going anywhere!’
Everyone stared at me.
‘What's going on, Charlie?’ demanded Captain Cut-throat.
‘Well—’ I began, but as I walked behind the cannon, the cutlass in my belt slipped, got caught between my legs and tripped me up. ‘Oof!’ I fell against the heavy gun, the barrel swung round and BOOM! the cannon fired with a mighty explosion that echoed around the square and shook the market stalls. I had used more than enough powder!
‘Stay where you are,’ the captain shouted at Craik and pushed her way through the crowd, reaching me just as the cannonball shattered the side … of the fancy golden galleon! Immediately, amid billows of yellow smoke, her crew poured onto the deck and jumped overboard into the water. Somehow my cannonball had sparked a fire in their ammunition store, and as the sailors swam to safety on the far side of the bay, the ship was ripped apart in a series of deafening explosions. Oh, no! What had I done?
‘My ship!’ screamed Craik, shaking with anger.
‘Oh Charlie,’ said Captain Cut-throat, putting her arm around my shoulders as a huge cloud of smoke and sparks shot into the sky. ‘What magnificent shooting! Now, let's finish what we came to do.’
Trembling with nerves, and not daring to look at anyone, I pushed through the crowd, holding the mouth of the calico bag open wide. It filled quickly to the chink of doubloons and guineas, bracelets and rings.
As I passed Craik in his black velvet coat, he grabbed me by the shoulder and I glanced up at his large, unforgiving face. Holding up a fat purse, he looked me straight in the eye. ‘I hope you can run, Black-hearted Charlie,’ he said, dropping his purse into my open sack.
‘For I will follow you to the ends of the earth, and when I catch you, I will see you hang.’ His eyes sparked with fury and I knew he meant every word.
‘Charlie, what's keeping you?’ yelled Captain Cut-throat. ‘Let's go!’
Still shaking and speechless, I slung the heavy sack over my shoulder and pushed back out through the silent crowd. All the pirates had gathered together, weapons trained on the angry mob. Some of my shipm
ates were carrying sides of pork or lamb that they had taken from the market stalls. Others had stolen casks of rum and wine or fancy goods. Carefully we backed out of the square into one of the narrow alleyways that led down to the harbour.
‘So long, folks,’ cried the captain, and as soon as we had turned a corner, we ran! With a roar, the crowd was after us.
We poured through the lanes and down flights of steps with the townsfolk hard on our heels.
There were so many of us rushing to get away that we became jammed in the narrow entrance to one lane. We pushed and shoved as the crowd got nearer and nearer, but we were stuck fast. At the head of the crowd was Craik, and he was looking straight at me. I shoved with all my might, and as the man's large, bony hand closed once again on my shoulder, the plug of pirates forced its way free and we shot down the alley like corks from a bottle.
‘I'll see you hang, boy!’ the black-coated man yelled after me and, in a moment of relief and bravado, I turned and shouted back, ‘You've got to catch me first!’ and all the pirates cheered.
We rushed onto the quayside, the angry mob still hot on our heels. Now we were out in the open, our pursuers were able to load, aim and fire without hitting each other. Red-hot bullets were soon whizzing past our ears.
‘Jump!’ shouted Captain Cut-throat, and we leaped into the rowing boats, where the pirates’ best rowers were ready for a quick getaway. Amid shouts, shots and cries, they pulled for the safety of our galleon with all their might. I collapsed with relief when we'd clambered safely back aboard the Betty Mae.
Perfumed Pirates of Perfidy Page 4