Conrad turned his head. A long blade of grass poked him in the eye. Pressure built behind his eyes, travelled down his nose and exploded from his mouth. He covered his lips with his handkerchief a second before his betrothed would have worn his sneeze as an unwelcomed sticky veil.
The sneeze startled several ravens that had been resting in a nearby tree. They cawed and burst from the leaves all at once. Their wings flapped and they darted around haphazardly. All but one flew off. And that one inquisitive bird didn’t seem frightened at all. Instead, it landed a few feet from them and then hopped twice, getting closer.
No… Why do birds hate me so? This one was probably chosen from among the throng to investigate what I’m up to and report back with the juicy gossip to his repulsive little bird friends.
“I wonder why that bird is staring at you, Lord Lofton.” Cecilia looked at them, and then back at the raven.
“It is quite strange.” Amelia stood and reached down her hand to help Conrad from the grass.
Conrad replaced his handkerchief in his pocket and then righted his hat and smoothed his coat. His valet would grumble at those grass stains. But at least he was wise enough not to inquire as to how they might have gotten there.
Cecilia’s blue eyes widened. “Do you suppose the bird… has taken a fancy to you?”
With a sputtered laugh, Conrad shook his head. “I would think not. I’m afraid the opposite may be true.
“But why?” His sister stepped closer to him.
Amelia brushed some grass from his shoulder. “Yes. Why ever would a bird dislike you?”
“I know not. But enough instances have taken place that have convinced me that birds, all birds, everywhere, do in fact, despise me.”
Amelia laughed. “Oh, Conrad, I’m never so amused as I am when in your company.”
“I’m pleased one of us can find humor in the situation.”
“Let’s go find that bench that Cecilia suggested.”
It was becoming clear that Amelia didn’t understand the depth of his loathing for anything with wings. He spotted a few blades of grass on his glove and shook them off. Or his dislike for anything having to do with the fresh air which she found so appealing.
“Oh my. Look at that.”
Conrad turned. Cecilia was a few paces behind them, pointing at that blasted bird. The crazy creature was following them. Conrad reached back for Cecilia’s hand, took Amelia’s hand in his other. He quickened his steps. “Hurry. Let’s run away.”
A hard tug pulled him back. “What on earth are you doing?”
“I…”
Amelia released his hand and faced Cecilia with a smile. “Now might be a good time for a few moments alone, if you don’t mind.”
A small smile crossed Cecilia’s lips. “Certainly. I’ll go and admire the pretty roses.” She stepped away and headed in the opposite direction, shooing away the raven as she went.
“Now, why don’t you tell me what this is all about?” Amelia placed her hands on the sides of his face. She bit her lip. “You’re paler than usual. Are you feeling ill, my darling?”
Under different circumstances, her hands pressed against his face and the term of endearment would have had his mind conjuring all sorts of pleasant daydreams where the two of them not only had a moment of privacy in a garden, but were alone, with no one around for miles. So he could finally kiss her as he wished, for hours on end.
But his fears had gotten the better of him again. How he longed to overcome them once and for all! He’d made strides. Great strides in his mind. But it wasn’t enough. Amelia deserved a strong man. A brave man.
He was neither.
He placed his hands over hers. “Amelia, I know how you love the outdoors. The trees, the birds. Everything.”
She nodded. “I do.”
He averted his gaze, no longer looking into her eyes, but somewhere in the vicinity of her right ear. She placed a finger beneath his chin and angled his head so she could look into his eyes again.
“Conrad, yes, I do love those things. I’ve always known it’s not your first choice, but…” She looked around them and then back. “But it’s truly difficult for you, isn’t it?”
He shrugged.
“Isn’t it?”
Heat crept up from his cravat to his face. “I… You deserve better.”
“Better than what? Than you?”
Another shrug lifted his shoulders. Could he not even give voice to the words pounding around unhappily in his brain?
“Listen to me, Conrad. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for the likes of me.”
He gasped. Finally, a sound! “No… No, that’s not true.”
“The way that I… What I’ve done to ensure our marriage…” She spoke quietly even though they were alone.
“But I happen to…”
“You…”
I love you wouldn’t emerge. It sat just inside his lips, teetering on the edge of his tongue. He wanted to. He felt it in his heart, but… “I… care for you. Very much.”
A single tear traveled a course down her cheek and landed just below her neckline. “See. I don’t deserve you.”
“You deserve… everything. The whole world.”
She brushed some lint from his jacket. “Oh, Conrad. You’re the one who deserves the whole world. You’re so, so sweet.”
“Sweet? That’s something of which I’ve never been accused.”
“I’ve said it before.”
“I thought you were having sport with me.”
“Not about that. Never about that.”
Cecilia waved from across the grass. “Come and see. You must come and see!”
Amelia raised one eyebrow and smiled. “Perhaps we should…”
He swallowed. “Yes. Let’s do.”
They walked arm in arm. Conrad stopped a few feet from the roses, afraid he’d start sneezing again. Amelia left him and moved forward. “Oh my, Conrad. Cecilia is right. You must see this.”
What on earth could be so interesting? The two of them were bent over, peering at something on the ground.
Was it a flower of unusual color? A worm? Another bird waiting to ambush him when he got close?
None of those seemed appealing to him in the least.
Amelia turned. The corners of her lovely mouth lifted. She silently mouthed the words, “Trust me.” And held out her hand.
His heartbeat quickened and his mouth went dry. Trust her? So whatever it was that they wanted him to see must be something that he would ordinarily find detestable.
Or frightening.
She continued to hold out her hand. The shape of the word “Please,” formed on her lips.
Decision made, he nodded and swallowed, forcing moisture into his suddenly dry throat. One step, then another, slow but steady, until he stood next to Amelia. She placed her hand in his and angled her head, indicating a cluster of grass, dirt and flowers. Something moved.
He frowned. “What…?”
Cecilia giggled. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
“Isn’t what…?” Movement again, stirring the grass surrounding the mound. But wasn’t that simply due to the light breeze?
“Conrad, do you see them?”
Them? What in the name of heaven was in there? A tribe of very tiny people?
Amelia leaned down a little farther, pulling him, gently this time, as well. She lowered her voice to not much more than a whisper. “If you’ll lean a little in my direction, I think you’ll have a much better angle in which to view them.”
“Amelia, you’re starting to scare me, talking about them.”
She turned and squeezed his hand. “Do you trust me?”
Yes! his heart cried. It found its way to his mouth. “Yes.”
She moved to stand behind him and put her hands on the sides of his head. With slight pressure, she turned and angled him. And then…
Oh my.
A red fox lay on her side, almost hidden from view by her dirt and grass enclosure.
Two tiny kits nursed, their squeaks like those of a contented baby. The scene was peaceful. A mother caring for her young.
His heart warmed at the sight. Simply beautiful. Those animals living their lives in the middle of the rows and rows of flowers. The dark, downy fur of the babies pressed against the reddish brown of the mother as her long fluffy tail curled around them.
Cecilia sighed. “I can scarcely believe what I’m seeing. The mother doesn’t seem afraid, though, does she?”
“No. She may be used to people walking nearby.” Amelia stepped next to Conrad for a better look. “And, she’s so intent on taking care of her babies. It would seem her love for them is stronger than her fear of us.”
Conrad blinked. He looked at Amelia, but she was still admiring the foxes. And it’s the same for me. I love you more than I fear them. He pressed her hand between his to gain her attention.
She turned.
He whispered. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving me… the world.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Conrad hated crowds. And noise. And most people. Everything that had to do with his plans for the evening. But Amelia had her heart set on the annual ball so that is where he would be. At least there wouldn’t be any birds or animals in attendance.
He hoped.
As he gazed out the carriage window at the black night sky, several twinkling stars caught his eye. I never would have noticed that in the past. Wouldn’t have cared. But I’m beginning to care now. Thanks to Amelia.
A cool breeze blew through the open window. Conrad tugged his coat tighter, pleased that he’d put on enough weight that it no longer hung on him as if he were nothing more than a broom handle. He was still too thin, but his form had much improved. Would Amelia think so?
She seemed to enjoy spending time with him, but was that how she really felt, or was it a farce lasting only until they were legally wed? Would she then ignore him and be only interested in the title of Lady Lofton? It seemed impossible that a woman, especially that woman, could ever be interested in him.
Even his own mother esteemed him not. Maybe that’s why the sight of the mother fox showing love to her kits had resonated with him so. Maternal caring was something he’d never experienced.
He sighed when he noticed his carriage approaching Oliver Shipley’s home. Amelia would already be there with them. Their plans were to ride together to the ball, therefore doing away with the need for a chaperone.
Cecilia’s beautiful smile had faltered a little when he’d told her they hadn’t a need for one, but he’d assured her how much he and Amelia enjoyed her company and would soon again require her presence on an outing.
Perhaps next spring Conrad could sponsor Cecilia with a debut? If he kept telling everyone that she was a distant cousin, it might work. And if she were fortunate enough to meet and marry a rich gentleman, it would not only improve her life, but Andrew’s as well.
No one need know that she was his sister… Or what her father did for a living. Not her father. Their father.
Strange to think of Andrew in those terms, but he seemed a very likeable, kind man. So unlike how Lord Lofton had been, with his excessive drinking and gambling and nothing good to say about or to Conrad. Ever.
If my real father is a good man, could there be hope for me to be as well someday? That is my fervent wish.
The carriage halted, the footman opened the door and Conrad stepped down to the drive. He glanced down to make sure he hadn’t stepped in mud, cringing at the thought of something repulsive stuck to his boot.
Some habits were hard to break.
When he reached the door and was permitted entrance by the butler, he smiled as the warmth from the house enveloped his chilled body. Perhaps he’d have the opportunity to warm up before having to venture out into the chilled air once more.
Oliver stepped from his study, which was just to the right of the entryway. “Lofton, good to see you.”
“And you as well, Oliver.”
“Are you ready for all of this? The noise, the crowd?”
Conrad shuddered. “I was just this moment dreading that very thing.”
“As you know, I was always a recluse when it came to attending social events.” Oliver glanced at the stairs. “But not anymore. Of course, it’s a small price to pay for having Lucy as my wife.”
“Understood.”
Oliver stepped closer. “Have you and your intended set a date?”
A shiver ran through Conrad, both in terror of spending the day with their mothers and in anticipation of that night, alone with Amelia. “Yes, the banns have been read so it will only be a few more weeks.”
“The time leading up to a wedding can be stressful, but if it’s the right person, there’s nothing to fear.”
Conrad’s gaze snapped to Oliver’s. Is my fear visible on my face? “Yes. Of course.” She’s the right one for me, but am I for her?
Laughter floated down from the upstairs. Both men turned toward the staircase. Lucy descended first, looking lovely in a pale pink gown. Her dark hair was swept up and her brown-eyed gaze was only for her husband.
That was as it should be. Those two belonged together. He’d always regret his deception at trying to keep them apart, but was eternally glad that he had failed.
Amelia followed. She paused at the top of the stairs to brush a stray lock of hair from her eyes. Conrad’s heart lurched. Her peach-colored gown complemented her red tresses, which were swept up except for a few tendrils left hanging around her ears. So lovely.
Amelia stepped carefully down the steps, keeping her hand on the wooden banister the whole way. Her green eyes crinkled at the corners when she saw him. Is she really so very pleased to see me? Me?
When Lucy reached the bottom of the stairs, Oliver stepped forward and took her hands in his. He kissed her cheek. “You look lovely, my dear.”
She smiled. “Why thank you, kind sir.” Her hand pressed against her middle. She smiled. Oliver looked down and smiled, as well. Did the couple have a babe on the way perhaps? What delightful news that would be for them.
Will I ever have an heir of my own? A true heir from my own loins, and not a child who lives a lie, as I did, as to his parentage? He could envision a small boy or girl with red hair and green eyes. Hopefully any children they might be blessed with wouldn’t resemble him in looks.
Or personality.
He shook his head, pushing away the negative thoughts and focused instead on Amelia as she reached the final step. She smiled at him, her lips not quite closed, leaving a tiny view of white teeth and what he fancied as an invitation to taste her kiss again.
Stepping forward, he took her hand and raised it to his lips for a light kiss. “You’re… beautiful.” The words he longed to utter, the deepest emotion from his heart, stayed buried. You’re the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Words can barely describe the mesmerizing effect you have on me with a single glance or a light touch of your hand. I want to spend the rest of my life basking in the warmth of your love.
Amelia’s cheeks colored with a pinkish hue that only enhanced her countenance. “Thank you.”
“Lofton, Amelia, ready to depart?” Oliver and Lucy stood close to the front door, dressed in their outer garments.
Conrad raised his eyebrows at Amelia. “Ready?”
She nodded and laughed. The lady certainly did enjoy her outings. Will there ever be a time that I actually look forward to them, too?
The time in the carriage seemed to go by much too quickly. Oliver and Lucy sat huddled together on the seat across from them, seeming to have no interest in anyone but each other. They whispered and laughed softly, sharing something that was special to them and only them.
Warmth covered Conrad’s hand. Startled, he glanced down to see Amelia’s white glove holding his. Warmth of a different nature spread through him. Of course, thoughts of wanting to hold her, kiss her, floated across his mind. But this… this was even more
. It took hold of his mind and heart, beckoning him to take a chance and trust this woman. To resolve to pledge his life to her heart, mind and soul and to never let go.
It must be love, mustn’t it?
Amelia sighed and leaned against his shoulder. Was she having the same thoughts? Of their impending marriage and life together? If so, did it please her?
She closed her eyes. Her mouth curved up at the corners as if she had a delicious secret to tell, but wasn’t quite ready to share it yet. If she was thinking of him, then indeed she seemed content.
I hope it is so. Please let it be so.
They passed several other carriages. Small groups of people hurried on foot down the sidewalks to their destinations. Conrad supposed the streets were normally as busy, but since he’d never been one to be out much, he’d had no knowledge of it.
The carriage slowed and pulled up in front of Almack’s. Their party had arrived right on time, but many other carriages were already situated nearby. The footman assisted Lucy and Amelia safely to the ground. Oliver and Conrad followed.
Amelia huddled close to Conrad against the breeze. He only wished it was colder so she’d never step away from him. He smiled. That would be one advantage of the winter months.
Inside, they handed their wraps to the maid who stood near the entrance. Then they moved through a small crowd to reach the ballroom. Conrad squinted against the brightly lit room. Enough candles had been set afire to light all of London. He blinked a few times until his eyes adjusted. The Shipleys as well as Amelia seemed not to have the same problem, though. Must he always be the one for which everything was more difficult? More of a challenge? He’d been told by a physician once that his light-colored eyes would be more sensitive to the light. He hadn’t believed it at the time, but perhaps he’d been correct.
Conrad stood staring at the large mass of people, some dancing and even more standing or sitting in chairs around the perimeter of the floor. Loud voices and music. The room too warm for comfort. Too many bodies pressed closely together.
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