Her smile became strained as her eyes settled on Gordie. For a moment there was a flash of intensity that blinded. Then her mask slid back in place.
"Gordie," Luke turned the baby to face her, "meet your aunt."
He had decided Gordie would do his bit. Rachel needed to belong. A second cousin sounded like a distant relationship. Calling her an aunt would make her feel more like part of the family.
Gordie looked at her for several seconds and then burrowed his head in Luke's neck. He was beginning to recognize faces.
Rachel turned away, "He's so cute."
She might have been discussing the weather. Only the rasp in her voice betrayed her.
Hannah bustled in and Rachel returned her greeting with warmth. Yes, she felt perfectly fine now, thank you. No, she couldn't stay in bed any longer. "May I help with breakfast?"
The older woman recognized the stamp of strain on Rachel's face, for what it was immediately. Heard the plea behind the words. Rearing two boys had given her emotional radar. Across the baby's red-gold curls, her eyes met Luke's with a message. Don't rush her.
"Of course," she said warmly. "Set the table for me will you, Rachel? The plates are in the cabinet by the dishwasher and the cutlery's in the drawer above it."
Breakfast seemed a feast at the Diamond Bar. Steaming oatmeal, jugs of cream, a pile of pancakes, curls of yellow butter, maple syrup, a covered dish of sausage and eggs.
Rachel sipped at her juice, making no move to eat. She had thought she had fortified herself mentally to be detached about Chris' son. The giant leap of love her heart had given at her first sight of him told her she hadn't got near enough to success.
"Hannah, thank you for everything," Rachel cleared her throat, felt Luke's dark eyes on her. "I'm sorry I made so much work for you."
Hannah's answering look was a question.
"Rachel wants to get back to L.A. today," Luke explained noncommittally.
"Where's the fire?" There was no mistaking Hannah's amazement. For once her smile had vanished completely and the hazel eyes were flecked with question marks. "You've just got here. You don't look well enough to go back to all that smog."
"Rachel has to let someone at MRA headquarters know where she is. She'll probably be leaving for Bangladesh tomorrow," Luke supplied smoothly.
A warning leaped out of his eyes, arced across the table and Hannah nodded in perfect understanding. "Send us a postcard will you?"
His compliance shouldn't grate. It was what she wanted. Wasn't it? Rachel knew the sooner she got back on the job the quicker she could revert to normal. She didn't belong here. It was silly to feel reluctant to leave. To let herself think she was anything but a transient here was dangerous.
"Eat," ordered Luke.
"I'm not hungry." Even the juice couldn't trickle down any more. "In fact if I could catch an earlier bus back to L.A. I could see a doctor there, save you some time."
Luke thought of the stack of papers waiting for him. Of the urgent message on his computer to contact the head office. Of grey eyes wrapped in hurt.
"I have nothing to do today. You're not leaving until Dr. Kenton sees you. Now eat." He ladled oatmeal into a bowl, placed it in front of her.
Rachel picked up her spoon. The oatmeal was a surprise. Fat juicy raisins and crunchy almonds were hidden in it. The first spoonful hit a spot that clamored for more.
Luke was saying something about a fence to Hannah. Rachel's eyes slid to Gordie. He was busy with the things on the bar that straddled his exercise mat. His victory cry as he managed to grasp one of the plastic rings was followed by a flood of baby talk. Rachel's heart melted into an immense puddle of longing. He was a darling.
"That wasn't so bad was it?" Luke sounded gruff, like he had in court.
She looked at her bowl. It was empty.
Luke worked his way through a stack of pancakes in silence. He had fielded the look that had rested on Gordie. Naked yearning. Why was Rachel hiding what she felt for the child?
She wasn't leaving here till he found out what was behind her charade.
"Hannah, if you would show Rachel around outside, I have a phone call to make before we leave for Santa Barbara. I'll get a jacket for her."
He was back in a minute with a blue windcheater. "Angela, Hannah’s niece, always keeps a spare jacket here. This will fit you better than any of mine.'
Ignoring her outstretched hand he held it for her. When she had her arms in place, he turned her around and began to button it up. Heat coursed through Rachel, showing in her face.
"I can do that."
If she stayed around any longer she would began to be the helpless creature this man thought her.
"I know." The fierce look was back in his eyes. Rachel wondered how she had offended him. He reached the top button, looked at her, then brushed a strand of hair off her forehead, as if he couldn't help himself.
A verandah and three wide steps separated the ranch house from a green lawn that meandered out of sight. On every side rolling hills undulated. Rachel could see a few cattle on a distant slope.
"I'm sure Chris told you we are tucked into the Santa Ynez mountain range. Behind that hill," Hannah pointed to the low hills beyond the row of Italian Cypress that screened the house on one side, "is the farm. Near it are the ranch hands' quarters and a couple of cottages. The other staff quarters, we call them help houses here, are spread out throughout the ranch. The one closest to us is the farm manager's. Juan Rodriguez, the manager, is my brother-in-law. Theresa whom you met yesterday is his wife and Angela's their daughter. Marie who helps in the house is a cousin's daughter. I married Juan's older brother, Carlos, when I was eighteen. Carlos died five years ago when a horse threw him. Since then I’ve lived in one of the smaller cottages, semi-retired, till the accident last July.
Rachel didn't need to be told, Hannah's giving up of her retirement had been voluntary. She wouldn't delegate the task of caring for Rob's son to anybody else.
"You've been here a long time."
"Yes. I came out from Denmark when I was fifteen to live with my married sister in Solvang. Two years later I saw the advertisement for a cook at the Diamond Bar in the local paper and applied for the job. I didn't know a thing about American cooking, but I learned. I met Carlos soon after I came here. Our only regret in the fifty two years we were married was that we had no children of our own. Rob and Luke made up for it though."
Moisture seeped into Hannah's eyes as she stared into the distance.
"Luke's father lives in Arizona, now," Hannah continued after a while, "He's been here four times since the accident, even offered to move back if it would help, but Luke won't let him. His arthritis almost cripples him when he's here. Luke's convinced him we have it all under control. He hired Angela and Marie to help in the house, so I can have all my time free for Gordie. I still like to do the cooking though."
Rachel stared out at the hills wreathed in lazy mists. What strange law made one man such a wonderful father, another a total failure? She had watched the way Luke picked up the baby, held him, tended to his needs. There was no awkwardness there. His hugs and kisses were an open declaration about how he felt about his nephew. Of one thing there could be no doubt. Gordie wouldn't ever lack for love here. The fact that she would never see Chris' son again shouldn't matter.
"Ready?" Luke's gaze skimmed Rachel's face, took in the corralled tears. He had come up so quietly behind them she hadn't even heard him.
She was as ready as she would ever be. Luke was carrying her handbag and her rucksack. She hadn't even remembered them. What was the sign she had seen in railway carriages in India? Less luggage, more comfort. Make travel a pleasure. She certainly qualified as their official mascot. No excess baggage. Material or emotional.
"I need to..." it was the only excuse she could think of to go in once again.
Luke nodded, "I'll wait right here."
Gordie was in his play pen. On her way back from the bathroom, she paused a microsec
ond by him. Hannah was in the walk-in pantry with her back to her. Rachel leaned down and kissed the baby on the cheek. She was entitled to one memory.
"Gaga," said Gordie agreeably.
"Love you," whispered Rachel.
To Rachel's relief, Luke didn't seem to notice her tension as they drove away from the ranch in a blue pickup truck. He talked about the ranch, how his great grandfather had come west in a wagon train during the gold rush.
"He didn't find any gold, but the land and the climate kept him here. He staked out five hundred acres. Refused to grow grapes though. Ran cattle and horses."
Rachel had been staring out of her window since they left the ranch. Her usual stony shuttered look was back in place. So, thought Luke with satisfaction, leaving Gordie is costing her. He needed to be sure.
"Great Grandpa Jasper had only one son, Robert," he continued smoothly, "Grandpa Rob had three children, two daughters and one son, my father, Gordon. Both my aunts went to colleges back east. One is married to a farmer in Virginia, the other is in Australia. Mom was a neighboring rancher's daughter. She said she decided to marry Dad when she was ten. It took him ten years after that, though, to get around to proposing to her. Mum was crazy about thoroughbreds. Soon after they were married she and Dad worked on a proposal to make the Diamond Bar a breeding and training farm and presented it to Grandpa Gordon with quivering knees. Grandpa took one look at it and said anyone who had put so much thought into it as to write a fifty page report, deserved a chance. He lived long enough to see the Diamond Bar well on its way to becoming one of the finest thoroughbred ranches in the state."
Dr. Kenton's office was right on the outskirts of town. A nurse bore Rachel away for tests a few minutes after they stepped in. Then Dr. Kenton examined her. By the time she got dressed again and went into his office, he and Luke were chatting pleasantly.
"Ms. Carstairs, the news isn't bad," the older man smiled reassuringly across the table. With his white hair and tanned skin he looked more like a prosperous rancher than a doctor. "It isn't too good either."
"What's wrong?" She'd always taken her health for granted.
"Have you been ill recently?"
Rachel thought back. "I had a bout with amoebic dysentery in the summer but I got over it really quickly."
Dr. Kenton frowned at the charts on his desk, "Well, apparently your body doesn't agree. Your hemoglobin count is very low. You're not well enough to go back to Bangladesh."
"Not well enough....." Rachel stared at the elderly man in disbelief. "There has to be some mistake."
"I'm afraid not. You need rest, relaxation and more rest. I'm going to prescribe a vitamin and iron supplement. If we find anything else out from the rest of your lab work we'll be in touch. Otherwise I'd like you to take things real easy and report back here in a fortnight. With your background I'm sure I don't have to go over iron rich foods with you. Include plenty of them in your diet."
They were on the road back to the ranch before Rachel realized the direction they were headed in. A sign for Mrs. Kelly's teas confirmed it. She'd noticed it on the way out.
"Why are we going back to the ranch?" If her memory served right the sign was some sort of halfway point. Well, this was one time Luke Summers wouldn't get his own way. He had to turn around even if it took him the rest of the day to get home.
He hadn't said much since they'd left the doctor's office. Now he looked at her briefly, "You heard what the doctor said. You need rest and relaxation."
"I can rest in L.A."
The diagnosis had surprised her. MRA always insisted on frequent, thorough checkups. With all that had been going on in Bangladesh the last couple of months Tim hadn't even mentioned the usual checkups but in September he had told her everything was normal.
"In a motel room?" Luke's voice told her what he thought of those. A vision of yellow cabbage roses on a brown and green background came to mind and Rachel knew she wasn't very keen on the idea herself. "Your lungs need fresh air, not smog."
"MRA has a hostel I can stay in."
"Hannah wouldn't forgive me if I let you go in this condition."
"I can't impose on you any longer."
He didn't answer.
Duty, thought Rachel. He thinks it's his duty to take me back to the ranch.
"Luke I have to get to L.A. today." Getting away was imperative.
"Why?" He asked reasonably. "There's no way you can go back abroad right away. The Diamond Bar is as good a place to convalesce as any."
"I can't go back."
"You can."
He didn't know a thing. This big man who seemed to think life came in orderly little packets marked simple and happy.
"No."
"Yes."
Rachel bit her lip and stared out of the window in frustration. She couldn't afford to lose her temper with him now. There was too much at stake here. Rapidly her brain searched for the best approach to take. Stubborn men had to be coaxed not prodded. How on earth did one do that?
"Whatever you're scared of, has to be faced." Rachel couldn't believe she was hearing the words. "It's the only way."
Inexplicable moisture seeped into her eyes. He knew she was running away? With the exception of Christina no one had ever been able to tell what was going on inside her mind. No one had cared.
Luke Summers made life sound so easy. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was time to gather her courage for one more shot at happiness.
A part of Rachel's heart, covered for years with thick layers of rejection, sent out a frail shoot of hope. She looked at the hills. The mists had vanished. Sunshine caressed the slopes like an omen.
CHAPTER 4
The next instant Rachel knew she couldn't let herself be fooled by kindness. That's all she was being offered. Translating hospitality and compassion into anything else was opening the door to trouble.
"Just for a day or two," ceded Rachel. Sometimes one had to surrender a battle to win a war.
"Yes."
"I need a change of clothes." The pink suit had been cleaned and pressed but she couldn't wear it indefinitely.
If they'd had this discussion sooner she could have bought a few things in town. Now it was too late.
The jerk of Luke's head directed her to the back of the pickup. Rachel's eyes widened at the sight of two plastic bags there next to the brown grocery bags. The name of a well-known department store leaped out at her. He had gone shopping for her? An inexplicable tremulous warmth flared in the pit of Rachel's stomach.
"I got you a few things." There was nothing in his tone that implied it was anything more than just another detail he'd seen to. "The rest you can order through catalogs. Hannah and Theresa have enough catalogs to paper the Empire State Building from top to bottom. When you're better we'll go down to L.A., for a real shopping spree."
Rachel's breath got stuck halfway in her windpipe. When you're better. Real shopping spree. His words insinuated more than she could handle. Permanence, forever, always. That was impossible. She had to remember her stay at the Diamond Bar was a temporary thing, the whim of a stubborn man. To imagine anything else would be weak and Rachel always stamped out all weaknesses before they germinated. Life was less complicated that way.
A few days at the Diamond Bar and then she would leave.
Hannah was overjoyed to have her back. "We'll take good care of you," she promised, her smile making her eyes almost disappear. "In no time you'll be as fit as a fiddle."
Smiling weakly Rachel refused an offer of tea and a Danish. "If you don't mind, I'll go to my room for a while." She needed to sort her thoughts out.
"Of course," Hannah said briskly. "The drive has worn you out."
Luke took a step forward and Rachel moved back quickly, afraid he was going to carry her there.
His eyes glinted as he read her expression correctly. "Let me show you to your room."
"I know the way to my room." Had the doctor told him something else about her that she didn't know?
"That's the guest room." A warm hand cupped her elbow and steered her in the opposite direction. "You'll be more comfortable in this one."
She couldn't remember walking down the hallway or entering the big, bright room. All she was conscious of was heat pouring into her veins, the point of entry, her elbow.
"I'm perfectly fine where I am."
"Jason the ranch accountant and a friend, uses the guest room when I'm not here," Luke continued as if she hadn't spoken. "Sometimes, if Hannah’s not well Angela spends the night with us. This room has a telephone, your own TV and computer, an attached bathroom and a nicer view."
It also had closets the size of a jumbo jet.
"Thank you."
Luke nodded. "Make yourself at home. Ask Hannah for anything you need. Someone or other goes into town every day. All you have to do is give Hannah a list of what you want and it'll be here the same day."
"Thank you." The chorus sounded monotonous even to her but there was nothing else she could say. He was like a powerful current. One she didn't have the strength to fight.
"Have a small nap before lunch," he suggested. "Marie will bring you a tray here. Another day in bed won't hurt."
He was gone before Rachel could open her mouth to let him know she was perfectly all right.
Her packages had already been placed there by Marie.
The bags yielded six sets of underwear in pastel colors, three pairs of jeans, two wraparound skirts, four tops, two nightdresses, a robe, two sweaters and a warm jacket. More clothes than she had bought herself at one time. Ever. Another bag she hadn't noticed earlier had a pair of sneakers, a pair of sandals and a pair of house slippers in it. At the bottom of the bag she found one of the pair of house slippers Hannah had lent her. The housekeeper had jokingly mentioned the only thing they seemed to have in common physically was the size of their feet.
To have taken Hannah's slipper along, Luke had to have been very sure she was coming back. And he had done the shopping even before she'd gotten the test results from Dr. Kenton. How could he possibly have known what the doctor was going to tell her? Unless...? Rachel shook her head. No. She wasn't that important to Luke, that he might try to trick her into staying on here. And Dr. Kenton wouldn't falsify a report.
Faith Hope and Love (A Homespun Romance) Page 5