by M. Lorrox
“Hey. Uh, listen, you need to come down.”
The two look at each other for a breathless moment. Then the taller of them looks down at Charlie. “No.”
Charlie frowns, then shrugs. “Please?”
“No, it’s not safe.”
Charlie turns and scans the backyard. He sees his manicured Zen islands and the sturdy wooden fence. No monsters going to eat you down here. He turns back around to face them. “C’mon, you can’t stay up there.”
“We’re traveling through to Black Mountain. We just need a place to stay tonight.”
Charlie takes a deep breath, then starts to say something, but pauses. Why my house…why? Really, why! He shakes his head and pleads with the katana in one hand, its scabbard in the other. “Can’t you get a hotel or something?”
“Are you going to drive us to one?”
Hmm…no. “Seriously? Fine. But you’re gone in the morning. Don’t try to get in through any windows.” Charlie points the samurai sword at them. “I’ll cut your arms off and throw you in the street if you even look in one of our windows.”
“We’ll be gone first thing in the morning.”
“Yes, you will.” Charlie walks back into the garage, sets down the scabbard, then walks into the house and past Sadie in the kitchen.
She stands with her arms crossed and her lips drawn tight. “You’re letting them stay?”
“Yyyyuppp.” Charlie grabs a blanket from the hall closet, then walks back past Sadie, then through the garage and outside.
He throws the blanket onto the roof. “Here. Leave it in the morning.”
The shorter of the two catches it and presses it to their chest. “Thank you.”
Charlie locks the door to the backyard and then stands in the garage. He looks at the unsheathed blade made for him by his old master, Muramasa. You cursed sword—bloodthirsty monster. Charlie draws the blade across his palm; a thick line of deep-maroon blood seeps out and pools in his hand. He turns the sword and coats both sides of the blade with his blood.
“There you go, Ketsueki Seishin… You’re welcome again, Muramasa.”
The sword now has a thin sheen of blood on both sides of the long, mirror-polished blade. It drips to the floor—from the tip of the sword, not from Charlie. His hand has already healed. A new thin line marks where he had been cut.
He lifts the front of his shirt and draws the blade through it, cleaning off the blood. He grabs a small bottle of oil from the tall shelf and drips a series of drops along the sword’s length. He again uses his shirt and spreads the oil evenly onto both sides of the blade. He holds up the katana to inspect it in the beam of light coming from the kitchen; it glistens. Satisfied, he slides it back into the red-and-black saya and sets it to rest again on its stand on the shelf.
Charlie walks back through the kitchen, grabs his drink, and looks up toward Rusty. “Thanks—Rusty?”
He’s not there anymore. Charlie turns to face Sadie. She’s still standing there with her arms crossed.
“They better not steal that blanket. I like that blanket; it was a gift.”
“I’m sure they won’t. I scared the shit out of them.”
“I heard.” Sadie motions to his shirt. “The sword?”
Charlie looks down. “Yeah, I probably should have used a rag, huh?”
Sadie nods, pats him on the shoulder, and smiles. “Yeeeaahhh, that would have been smarter.” She turns and starts walking away. “C’mon, baby, let’s go to bed.”
Yes, please.
They close the door to their bedroom. Up on the roof, one of the travelers says something to the other, but it’s muffled, and neither Charlie nor Sadie can make out what was said.
As they listen for a response, they hear something else coming from the roof.
-Ggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-
Charlie laughs. “Good boy.”
The next morning, the kitchen and attached dining room are alive with activity. Soft, warm light glows through blinds on the windows—windows which, of course, are coated with UVA-blocking films. Sadie sits in the dining room with Minnie; she drinks coffee and eats a bagel while Minnie eats some cereal. Eddy is in the kitchen frying some eggs. Charlie is just getting up, feeling a little hungover and making a lot of noise as he comes down the stairs.
Eddy notices the classic Dad’s hungover descent. So, he starts to bang the pan around on the stovetop. He then instantly decides that he should most definitely—as loudly as possible—scramble the shit out of his eggs. Charlie walks into the kitchen.
“Morning, Eddy. Listen…please be quiet.”
-Scri-ccre-creee!-
Charlie winces at the scraping of the pan against the stove.
“Oh, sorry. Sure thing, Pops.” Eddy grins.
“Thanks.” Charlie grabs an open bottle of from the fridge. The first gulp goes down like medicine, while the last is savored as he feels the sweet relief of the synthetic blood absorbing into his body. He sets the bottle down in silence and pours some coffee into a mug. Shuffling into the dining room, he sits down next to Sadie.
“Good morning, Daddy.” Minnie smiles at Charlie.
Charlie reaches across the table, puts his hand on her arm, and whispers, “Good morning, Minnie.”
Minnie ducks her head a tiny bit and whispers back, “Why are you whispering?”
“Because Daddy has a headache.”
“Oh. Okay.” She smiles at him for a moment before returning her attention to her cereal.
Vampires have enhanced senses. Charlie can hear her spoon slide into the bowl, the drops of milk falling from each spoonful, the clink as the spoon hits against Minnie’s teeth, and every single crunch from her chewing. He hears every gurgle of Minnie’s and Sadie’s stomach and every shift and movement they make.
Sadie glances at Charlie and grins, then grimaces when she hears the loud bang of a plate on the counter.
Charlie quivers and closes his eyes.
“Oops.” Eddy slides his eggs onto the plate.
With his eyes still closed, Charlie takes a sip of the coffee as Eddy comes into the dining room.
Eddy doesn’t sit down quietly. “So what’s the plan for DC?” He stabs at his eggs with a fork.
Charlie shakes his head. “How do you know about that?”
“Internet. So when are we going?”
“We aren’t.” Charlie still has his eyes closed.
Sadie interjects, “I have to go next week, but your father might stay here with you two.”
“Why?” Eddy tosses his fork onto his plate; it clangs a bit before coming to a rest. “I don’t want to be left here.”
Charlie talks with his hands, a lot. People say it’s the Italian in him, and that may be true in a sense, but it’s also the prick in him. He doesn’t have a drop of true Italian blood in his veins—but he did have to mediate between the Venetians and the Ottoman Empire for about fifty years during the early 1600s. During that time, his words, his hands—and occasionally his swords—kept the peace between the on-and-off-again enemies.
Nowadays, his hands communicate frustration, sarcasm, and sometimes even condescension. Charlie opens his eyes and sets down his coffee so he can properly communicate with his son. “You are in high school...with classes. They make you go. Remember?”
Eddy rolls his eyes, then sets down his glass and responds to Charlie in kind, with hand and head gestures aiming to mock him. “Aren’t you a knight? And as your son, aren’t I a squire?”
Charlie doesn’t respond. He takes another sip of his coffee.
Sadie sighs.
Technically, Eddy is—or well, he could be—a squire. That’s the way it always was in the old days. Back then, vampires had a much harder time surviving among the humans, and the Order of Knights needed constant replenishment of their ranks. It was decreed that all sons of male knights and daughters of female knights would begin training at age seven, that they would become squires and serve a knight at fifteen, and at twenty-five they could request testing
to be awarded their own knighthood.
Charlie had started training Eddy when he was seven, as was the custom. Eddy is fifteen, but Charlie has not performed the ceremony to accept Eddy as his squire, and Charlie has not accepted any of his sons as squires since the American Civil War. That was the last time he fought for the House of Elders. It was then that he was most grievously wounded, and it was then that he lost his loyalty to the House of Elders. He has trained every one of his children in the old ways—his daughters equally with his sons—but he has always refused to accept any as his squire.
After the Civil War, the Order of Knights was called upon less frequently. After the industrial revolution, technological advances improved the quality of life for vampires astronomically, and the ranks of the Order of Knights swelled as vampires could more easily survive alongside humans. In light of these advancements, Sadie proposed an addendum to the old rule and won the right for Charlie and all the other knights to be able to choose when to accept new squires into the Order. She did this for Charlie and for herself; she did not want to see her children being used as pieces in the great game of chess the House of Elders played.
Eddy’s eyes lock on to Charlie’s. “I am strong enough to be your squire.”
Charlie meets his gaze. Eddy’s martial-arts skills are impressive. More impressive than Charlie’s last two squires, for certain, and even though he isn’t as gifted with strength or size, those aspects would be much less important today than it was back in the old days. Eddy, indeed, would be a capable squire.
Charlie looks down and takes another slug of coffee. It’s Eddy’s other abilities that most impress—and caution—him. Eddy is passionate, and that can give sway to great creation or great destruction; it gives him power. He is also brilliant, perhaps surpassed intellectually only by Eddy’s stepbrother, Satoshi, a child born to Charlie and his ex-lover while he had lived in Japan. And in addition to all these things, Eddy is compassionate and ambitious, like Sadie.
Charlie and Sadie both agree that someday Eddy will be a great leader—but of what or of whom they don’t know.
While all these things course through Charlie’s mind, he also knows that it will be hard to dissuade Eddy from his current ambition. He takes a breath and reengages with his son’s eyes. “I don’t fight anymore, Eddy. I don’t need a squire.”
“But what if I want to be a squire?”
“You don’t; trust me on that. You don’t want to be a dog in the House of Elders.”
Sadie shoots Charlie an annoyed look. “Hey now, the House is a lot better these days.” She looks at Eddy. “But still, I agree with your father. You don’t need to be a squire or a knight. I’d prefer it if you were not.” She sends Eddy a smile that gets lost in transit, and she gets up, grabbing her plate and mug.
As she walks to the kitchen, she talks over her shoulder. “Tonight, my friend Mary is going to stay with us—she’s on her way to DC—and we can talk more about the news then.” She delicately sets her plate into the sink. “I’d like us to have dinner together tonight. Eddy, what are you up to today?”
Eddy deflates with an exhale. This is hopeless… “I’m going to practice archery at school with some friends. Can I get a ride?”
“As long as you’re back by dinner.” Sadie pours more coffee into her mug. “Minnie and I have to set up shop at the farmers’ market. I can drop you off on the way. Minnie, are you going to help Mommy count the dollars at the market?”
Minnie turns toward her. “I’m going to start training Valentine for that job. I want to move up the ladder.”
Eddy laughs. “Going to break those glass ceilings, huh, Minnie?”
Minnie looks confused and then perturbed. “There’s not glass ceilings; we set up in the middle, AWAY from the windows.” She picks up some of her dad’s communication style and gestures with her body. “Duh.”
“Oh, right. Of course.” Eddy smiles at his sister, then he glances up toward Sadie. “Mom, can we pick up June?”
“Sure. Charlie, what are you doing today, after you mow the lawn?”
He groans.
Sadie grabs a tall glass from the cabinet. “It’s not raining, and it is the morning, so I think you should get on with it.”
As she walks to the fridge, Charlie turns to Eddy. “I’ll pay you ten dollars if you go and mow the lawn right now.”
Eddy laughs as he gets up from the table. “Oh yeah?” He pulls down the blinds to look into the backyard.
Charlie watches Eddy at the window. Is he really asking me? “Yeah.”
Eddie peers out the window. “So you drove Skip home last night, right?”
“Uh...yeah.”
“Looks like you forgot to close the gate, again.” Eddy looks at Charlie and gives him an evil grin. “Have fun with that.”
Charlie gets up to look out the window. He shuffles over faster now that he’s had some coffee. He pulls the cord to the blinds.
CRAP.
Charlie lets out a pathetic groan as he shrinks an inch or two in his posture. As he stares out the window, he can see about a half dozen zombies, each in torn and tattered clothes, scattered around his backyard. The Zen-inspired water pump and waterwheel add a little splashing sound to the shuffling of their feet through the tall grass.
He watches as two zombies approach each other. One is missing an arm. Gray strands of flesh hang from a torn, hollow sleeve. The other’s face is severely damaged. Charlie can only see it in profile, and the side of the head facing him has mere scraps of skin on the skull and just part of its nose remaining. The eye is gone, revealing a hollow, dark cavity.
The two zombies bump into each other in front of the window. They become livelier for a moment, groaning at each other. After their brief conversation, they turn and continue shambling about in different directions—like the little bump-and-turn robots that Eddy used to program when he was younger.
Sadie walks over to the window with a drink she mixed up for Charlie. She made it with vodka instead of grain alcohol, but she added extra hot sauce. She hands it to him. “Zombies in the yard again?”
Charlie takes a sip of the drink. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome. Remember to pile them toward the corner; they really smell.” She returns to the kitchen.
With a great sigh, Charlie lowers his head as he releases the cord and lets the blinds flutter back down the window.
Eddy is in his room texting June.
Hey, want to ride with me to archery, leaving in 30?
That’d be great! Dad’s working on the truck, so yeah I need a ride.
Koolz. :P
Eddy gathers his bow case and some other gear from his closet, then sets it all on his bed near a resting Rusty. When Eddy gives him a good rub on the head, the little guy rouses and stretches. He lays his head back down as Sadie knocks on Eddy’s open door.
Eddy looks up. “Hey, Mom.”
“Before we go, can you put an order in with Infinite Vampire? The list is in the shared folder.”
“Sure, I’ll do that in a sec.”
“Thanks, Eddy. I’ll be packing up the Jeep.”
“’Kay.” Eddy loads some more gear into his backpack, then zips it closed. He logs in to his computer and browses to the family’s shared folder for their shopping list. They place an order about once a week. He is rarely tasked with placing them; usually Charlie does it.
He logs in to the secret portal on InfiniteVampire.com and clicks on Shop. He looks over the current promotions and the packages advertised on the store’s featured items banner. So glad we can just order this stuff. How’d they even live before the internet?
He shudders. Thank the gods I was born with internet.
Eddy scans the page and smiles when he remembers the final project Sadie assigned him when he was about to graduate from homeschooling. He had to research and write about the history of the Infinite Vampire company. I wonder if that page is still in the archives. He opens a tab and browses there. Hey, there it is!
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br /> He clicks on the page he’d submitted a couple years ago and reads a little before he groans out loud. I really should edit this.
He closes the tab instead and returns to the shop’s page.
With advances in technology and strategically located fulfillment centers, fresh blood can be delivered worldwide—even on the same day in the largest cities—but there are many more products available than just regular old blood. Now that vampires know how to treat their condition—they need a steady supply of hemoglobin—they’ve found other ways to deliver the nutrients they need.
Thanks to the Infinite Vampire cooperative, mail-order/online shopping, and refrigerated delivery, vampires can live a significantly safer and more convenient life. Deliveries from Infinite Vampire default to overnight shipping, but now that more stable products are available, if an order doesn’t contain any spoilable products, then the customer can select a slower shipping speed—for reduced cost.
Minnie drinks fresh cow blood because she’s young and growing, so Eddy knows that the order will need overnight shipping. He checks the list. Twenty quarts? Dang. That’s a lot. He adds twenty to the cart.
The whole family drinks fresh blood when possible. It’s very satisfying, but the drink bottles are much more convenient for being out of the house and around humans. Those drinks are a mix of synthesized hemoglobin and vegetable juices. They are perfectly safe for a human to drink, although they’d find the taste offensive. The label reads as if it were a low-quality knockoff of a well-known brand, so it doesn’t raise much suspicion.
Eddy checks the list and adds four cases to the cart. He notices a new link on the site; the company is beta-testing a new line of products: chewies. Finally. Must have been years since they first announced them. He knows the whole family is excited to try these, so he doesn’t ask for permission to order them. The only selection currently available is the sample pack. Eddy adds two to the cart.
What else do we need? Eddy looks at the document. Last on the list are two rolls of UV-blocking window film and a case of sunblock. More window film? I wonder what that’s for.