He shrugged. “Yeah so much for an interesting start to the work week. I told George and Marge what we’re going to do. You can imagine how Marge felt about it.”
Marge had become like my mother over the years, and she wasn’t very excited about my choice in lover. But, somewhere deep down, I knew that she understood. You don’t choose the person you love, sometimes love just comes and finds you.
I chewed on my lower lip. “I’m sure she’ll understand. It might not be today, but someday.”
“I just hope your father’s reasonable.”
If there’s anything my father was, it’s reasonable. A logical businessman who spent most of his life putting time and effort into his career, and taking care of the family he had left. We’ve always been well off, but not really in the love department. Maybe that’s why my attraction to Finn was so strong. I never felt this way about anyone else, felt such a connection. And then there was the fact that he was damn sexy. That certainly didn’t hurt.
We walked hand-in-hand into my father’s office. When we arrived, his back was turned and he was wearing his usual: a cowboy hat, dark jeans, and a white button up shirt. As always, he had on his best accessory, a pair of cowboy boots. He was on a cell phone, talking about a sale for a horse as we walked in. He didn’t even notice our presence until he turned around, and the look on his face told me exactly how this conversation was going to go.
“I’ll have to call you back David. My daughter’s here.” He quickly put away his phone, and placed his hands on his hips. He was a statuesque man, standing at about six foot four with the build of a football player. He was still strong in his later years. He had always helped out around the ranch, even though he paid people to do simple things.
“Allie… What are you doing here?”
Finn squeezed my hand tighter. “Sir-” but my father interrupted.
“Son, I’m sure what you have prepared to say is very well rehearsed. However, right now, I’m looking at my daughter. Now, Allie, what is this all about?”
I let go of Finn’s hand, and approached my father’s desk, taking a deep breath as I said, “Dad, I want to talk to you about something. I mean, really, I want to talk to about someone. Me.”
He put his fingertips on his desk, and slowly lowered himself down into his office chair. “Go on.”
I turned back to look at Finn, his steely gray eyes reeling me in, forcing the truth out of me. “Finn and I, kind of found ourselves this weekend, Daddy. And the truth of it is, we want to be together.” I waited for his reaction, but he simply pulled his hands up below his mouth, and tapped his fingers against one another surveying our situation. “I know what you’re going to say, I know you’re going to tell me that this isn’t how we do things, and that I’m already with James. But none of that’s really true. James’s been with another girl for months! At least this thing between Finn and I has only been going on a short time.”
I stopped talking to allow it to sink in with him. I chewed on my lower lip with my teeth, hoping that I wouldn’t say anything further, since he still hadn’t spoken, but when I was about to start again, Finn once again came to my rescue. “Sir, I love your daughter. I love her because she’s stubborn, unbelievably intricate, and beautiful. I promise you that I will treat her the way she deserves to be treated.”
My father sat back in his chair, and I heard the creaking of the old wood. “That may be true, but that’s not for either of you to decide. I don’t know why Allie felt the need to pull you into this ludicrous fantasy that the two of you have built, but she is marrying James. This isn’t just about how you feel, this is about business and decisions that we have made. Promises that have to be kept. The way I see that you care for her doesn’t matter, besides you’re a shifter. You should be with your own kind.” He then turned to look at me. “Your mother and I didn’t marry for love. It was a business arrangement, and I still miss her every day.”
My words seemed to be caught in my throat, choking me. They were killing me slowly. I knew when I spat them at him; it would go through him like knives. Just like his words felt to me. So professional, and without any emotion. I had enough feelings for all three of us. “Do you? Do you miss her at all? Because you’ve never acted like it! I get that it was a business arrangement between you and Mama, but that’s not how my life is going to be. I make my own choices, I’m an adult! And I will do as I damn well please. If you don’t want to be a part of that, now would be a good time to say it.”
He stood, breathing heavily, and his chest rising and falling with his anger. “Allie, I forbid this. I won’t hear another word of you and this shifter ranch hand.” He turned on Finn, stepping towards him, mere inches from his face. “As for you, you’re fired. If I ever see you on this property again, I will call the police.”
“Daddy! That’s not fair. You can’t do this to us!”
He turned his back on me, just as he had all these years, and said, “I just did.”
Finn stormed out of the room before I could stop him. I was tempted to chase after him, but I had to say something first. “Why did you have to do that? Why do you always have to do things like this?”
My father took off his hat, and held it over his heart. “It’s the best thing, Allie. For both of you. That boy has no idea how to live like us, and we can’t place those expectations on him just because you want to be with him. That’s not how things work in our world.”
I shook my head violently. “Don’t you understand that our world will never grow if we don’t let people like him in? He’s perfect for me, Daddy. He’s everything I’m not, and I want to be. He’s hard-working and strong and beautiful in a defiant way.”
My father turned and looked at me, a single tear dripping from his wrinkled eyes. “I want what’s best for you, Allie. He just isn’t it.”
The tears started streaming down my face, and I couldn’t control my anger any longer. “I know what’s best for me. Being here isn’t it anymore. Once Finn gets his things, he and I will be gone. I think you finally got what you wanted all along. Me out of this house!”
I rushed out of the room without another word. Running down the hallway, I entered my bedroom, and grabbed a suitcase as fast as I could. I stuffed as many belongings that could fit in the suitcase in the short amount of time I had, tossing in clothes and keepsakes from my mother. My father was yelling for me, but I ignored his calls. I wouldn’t let him control me like this, I couldn’t. It was time to take charge of my own life.
He was in the hallway blocking my path. As I tried to push past him, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “If you leave, Allie, you can’t ever come back.”
I wiped the tears away with the back of my hand, and said coldly, “I don’t intend to.”
That was the final blow. He stepped aside, and let me run past him, searching frantically for Finn. I looked for any signs that he was still on the ranch. I grabbed my car keys, and tossed a suitcase in the back of my SUV, before tearing off without a coat across the snowy banks to the guest house.
“Finn!” I screamed in desperation. How much time had passed? Where were his bags? I looked in his room, and saw it was clean and empty. I leaned against the door frame to his quiet bedroom and became lost. Finn and all his belongings were gone. He had left me. He believed my father was right, and that he wasn’t good enough for me, which was so far from the truth that I didn’t know how to handle it. I fell into a crumpled heap of my emotions on the floor, allowing the waves of sadness to come over me. I had done this. I had done this to us and to myself, and now I had to live with the consequences.
I clutched my fingers on the doorframe, trying to hold myself together, as if the building would keep me from completely falling apart. But the structure failed. I wept for the loss of a love I would never have, and I couldn’t control my breathing. I could barely see some of the staff standing around whispering, pointing like I was an injured kitten. They didn’t know whether to come over and comfort me or to evade me becau
se I was a danger to them. I don’t know how long I was on the floor before Marge came over and put a blanket around my shoulders, watching as the sobs shook out of me like leaves falling from a tree.
She knelt down next to me, and wrapped her hands around my head, holding my face against her warm body. “It’s going to be all right, darling. You’re going to be fine. You’re going to make it through this.”
I pulled away from her. “He wasn’t supposed to leave like this! We were going to make it, Marge, whatever it took.”
I was echoing Finn’s words from this morning. He had whispered them to me right before we entered my father’s office. “I’m with you, Allie. Whatever it takes, I’m with you.” So why now had he decided to cut and run? Was my father really that formidable? Or had he just realized that this wasn’t for him?
“He promised me,” I whispered.
She looked at me with compassion in her eyes, the wrinkles telling me her true feelings. “I’m so sorry, sweetie. But I just don’t think that this is the right place for either of you. And what you said to your father… I just don’t know that the two of you will ever get past that.”
I shook my head bewildered. “This has nothing to do with him! He doesn’t own me.”
I couldn’t comprehend what she was talking about. The love of my life had just snuck out the back door, and she was worried about the argument that Daddy and I had.
“None of that matters, Marge! Why can’t anyone see that?”
I stood up and walked away, stomping like a child. She came up behind me quietly and put her hand on my lower back, rubbing it in slow circles. I knew she was just trying to comfort me but, at this point, I was just angry. I was angry at my father for sending Finn away, angry that Finn had left me, and now angry at the one woman I thought would understand my true feelings for this man. I shook her off and stormed away. “I don’t know what you think you’re saying, but I love him!” I tossed a look over my shoulder at her that was hateful. I turned around to see her reaction, but what I saw was not at all what I expected.
“I know.” She looked so sad and depleted. “I know you do, but you will survive. You always do.” She turned and walked away. I sat on Finn’s bed to try to find the hope in all of this. I dragged my hands across the quilt covering his simple single bed. I drew hearts with my fingers while the tears began to subside. As I was drawing a final heart near his pillow, I felt something below the quilt. A piece of paper, a note. For me, from Finn.
Allie,
If you’re reading this, then you know I had to leave. It was for the best. Our love wasn’t meant to last. I’m sorry, but I’ve known it from the minute I met you. You’re like a storm, so strong and powerful. You blew me away.
I smiled for a moment at his pathetic pun.
But you’re too much for one man. I could never keep you just for myself. I didn’t leave you because I don’t love you. I left because I love too hard, too strong. It wouldn’t be fair to you.
Don’t try to find me. I’m a nomad, you never will. You might not even be looking for a person, I could make it in the wild. Just start something new. I’ll miss you beautiful.
Finn
My heart broke over the little piece of paper that explained his reason for leaving. It was one of two things I had left from him: a note, and my broken heart.
8
It took weeks for me to get out of my dark hole from losing Finn. It was almost like a death in the family, but worse. I had such little closure, and there been no conversation about him leaving before he had vanished. And he had completely disappeared. Marge and George didn’t even mention him; it was like he had never existed. I’d gone into town asking local hotels about new guests, visiting the bar that the other staff frequented, even going to the local library a few times, just to see if Moby Dick was in stock. But there was absolutely no sign of him. Finn was a ghost.
At some point, I knew I would have to give up trying to find him even though I continued to have hope. I knew that if it were meant to be one day, we would find each other again even though I didn’t think that would be any time soon.
My home was the skeleton of what was once a family. My father and I acted like we didn’t know each other, and I spent most of my evenings out, avoiding him. I rode constantly, allowing the horses and the speed to take away my pain. It helped for a while, but I knew that soon, I would have to figure my life out.
+
When spring arrived, I was settled on starting over. It was time to find a new place to live, to bury the past with Finn at my father’s ranch, and find my own path. I had recently found an old college friend to share an apartment with in town, and without a job, I was busy developing a business plan for my own ranch. I had a lot in savings, and a huge trust my father had set up for me in high school. It was time to put it to good use.
“Lacey, I’m going to my meeting!” I called, hoping she would hear me over her loud puffing. She was always exercising, a complete health nut.
“What?” I heard her yell back. She turned off her music so she could hear me.
“I’m going to the bank for my business loan!”
She popped her head around the staircase, looking down from our second story apartment. The poor tenants below us listened to her work outs six days a week.
“Oh shit, was that today?” She looked down at her outfit. “I wasn’t supposed to go, right? I mean for moral support or something?”
I laughed. “No moral support required. Just tell me I can do this.”
She smiled, her brown braids falling into her face. “You can do it!” She gave me a double thumbs up. I loved her, if nothing else for her constant optimism.
+
I was sitting on a cold wooden chair, running my fingers back and forth along the spokes. I had put on my best interview suit, and clutched my portfolio of financial investments. I was praying that today would finally be the day. I looked up and down the hallway, but I couldn’t see anyone who was waiting for my appointment. I checked my watch again. I had even worn a watch just to see more professional, but it was ten o’clock on the dot, and still no one had rounded the corner to greet me. Banks are scary places when you’re asking for money. I was terrified that buying my own ranch wasn’t going to go as I had planned.
A lot of my life hadn’t gone as I had planned since I had graduated college only two years ago. After Finn had left, I spent the last several months trying to find myself. James had moved on; he was already married and starting a family, and here I was, a scared child sitting in a bank, asking for money.
My father had helped me move in with Lacey, but things hadn’t been the same since our argument about Finn, not that they were really that great to begin with. He was more positive about my reconnection with Lacey, and my plan to buy my own ranch. He refused to be an investor, but that was fine with me. I had no intention of asking him for money once I had moved out. Deciding to strike out on my own was terrifying, but in less than six months, I had gotten my own apartment, and started building my financial portfolio. Luckily, Daddy hadn’t taken away my trust fund, and honestly somewhere deep down, I think he appreciated that I was using it for a business venture instead of picking out china. I really think my mother would have supported my decision. Marge and George come over and visit once a week, and she still makes the best homemade bread pudding. We sit in front of my fireplace, and talk about the more simple things in life. They don’t ask about my business, and I don’t open up to them about it either, and we never talk about my love life. The cowboy with scars on his back had scarred my heart forever. I had dated a few guys here and there, but no one local struck my fancy, and I was content with that. I had my great love in my life; even if was only for a few days. And what’s that saying? Better to have loved and lost than to never loved at all? What they don’t mention in that is how bad it hurts when you lose that love. But, at least I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life and that was something. So, now, I was a career woman. I would b
e strong, brave, and completely stubborn. I considered all of those great qualities. Now… I was hoping the bank would too.
I gripped my portfolio to my chest, and waited anxiously for what could be the most important meeting of my life. I was looking at my reflection in the shiny linoleum floor when I heard my shoes clicking down the hall.
“Allie? Allie, is that you? They told me I was meeting with a beautiful client today, but I never expected it to be you.”
I turned my head to see Jared Howard standing in a crisp black suit with a black tie and white collared shirt. I hadn't seen Jared since high school. We had a little bit of a fling junior year, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. Time had been awfully good to him. I stood up quickly, dropping my portfolio from my lap.
“Jared! I didn't expect to see you here either. Oh, I'm such a mess today. I guess it's just nerves.” I reached down to pick up my portfolio at the same time that he bent down, and our hands brushed for a moment. When we looked up, our eyes met, and I was surprised that I remembered how they had had little gold flakes in them.
I stood up chewing on my lower lip. “I'm sorry. I must seem so ridiculous right now.”
He shook his head, handing me back my portfolio. “Not at all. Why don’t we go into my office and discuss your business plan?”
He opened an old wooden door that I had been sitting next to, and extended his arm for me to walk in. “Thank you. Listen, if this makes you uncomfortable…”
He closed the door behind him, and strode over to sit behind his expensive looking desk. “Not at all. It’s been years since I've seen you! How have you been?”
I smiled as brightly as possible, concealing the lies I held underneath my skin. “Oh, just great! You know I was living with my dad, but now I’m trying to get a place of my own.”
He nodded his head, and leaned back in his chair. He was getting comfortable, which made me feel more at ease.
“That's right! Weren't you supposed to get married? I remember someone saying something about it last year. You know, a bunch of us still go down to The Lookout and drink on Fridays.”
Roped By The Bear (Paranormal Shapeshifter Romance) Page 6