by Sara Schoen
“I know, Mom. I’ll get it finished,” I said as Parker reluctantly slid into the seat next to me. She knew now that my mom saw me set up to study there was no way she would be able to convince me to leave.
“I hope so, otherwise you might not get in to the right school, and then you won’t become a surgeon like you want,” she stated before she walked out of the room and ordered me to watch the pot to make sure it didn’t boil over.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll get on it.” I sighed once she walked out of earshot. I wanted to tell her I didn’t want to be a surgeon anymore. I couldn’t tell her that I hadn’t wanted to be one since middle school. I’d rather do just about anything else because I got squeamish at the sight of blood, and had even fainted a few times. I didn’t see how I could make it through surgery.
Even when I was younger I had no interest in it. I only said I wanted to be a surgeon because I played doctor when I was little and thought it was fun. Now I wish I had said I’d like to be a chef, maybe then I wouldn’t feel as if I was letting them down if I ever worked up the courage to say I didn’t want to continue living the life they’d set up for me.
“Do they ever ease up about the college stuff?” Parker whispered, since she didn’t know if my mom could still hear us. “I know applications are due soon, but they’ve been like that since August.”
“No, they don’t,” I said curtly. I didn’t want to start another discussion with Parker how they’d been reminding me every day for the last four months. I didn’t like it, but I hoped the nagging would convince me to get them done before winter break, and so far I was right. I had submitted applications to four out of six schools, and should be done by this weekend with another. “Knowing them, they won’t stop until it’s done. They keep pushing until it happens.”
“No wonder you skipped a few grades. It’s not like you had a choice. They probably would have made you do it anyway.” Parker crossed her arms over her chest. She always thought I was too passive when it came to others, especially my parents. I went along with skipping two grades because it was easier than fighting them on it, but look how that turned out. I lost friends, became an outcast, and spent all of my time doing schoolwork.
At least I had Parker. I wasn’t sure why she chose to hang out with me because she had tons of other friends. She could move through the social boundaries with ease, and in general got along with everyone she met. She’s the one who encouraged me to chase my dreams instead of my parents, she’s honestly one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I just hoped she wouldn’t push me as my parents did over the years.
“Have you told them that you applied to the University of Miami or that one college abroad?”
I reacted too slowly because Parker had already completed her sentence before my hands clamped over her mouth in hopes of preventing her from saying more and having my mom overhear. I sighed in relief after scanning the area to see she wasn’t around.
“No,” I whispered. “I haven’t told them, and neither will you until I see if I get in or not. If I don’t get in then there’s no reason to create ripples and cause more trouble than it’s worth.”
Parker pulled my hand away from her mouth. “You’re never going to tell them then,” Parker stated. “You’ll avoid it, even if you get in. You’ll just let the opportunity pass you by. It’s how it always goes, Lauren.”
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” I said meekly, knowing it was a lame excuse the second it left my mouth. I was a senior in high school, but at times I still felt like a child. I didn’t have a choice often, and when I did I froze because I didn’t know what to do.
“They stomp on your dreams and feelings every damn day,” Parker cussed as she slammed her book shut.
“Language. We can’t curse in this house,” I warned her as I glanced around worriedly.
“Fuck. The. Rules,” Parker said, taking her time to let each word drag out. “You worry too much about the rules.”
“Rules were made to be followed!” I spat back as my mom’s footsteps padded along the hardwood floors above us. She’d be coming downstairs again soon, and I didn’t want to have her walk in to hear Parker’s foul mouth.
“Life was made for living.”
“I am living,” I responded with a slight snap in my voice. “I’m living responsibly.”
“You’re living out your parents’ dreams. You’re tired of it and you know it. You don’t want to be a doctor. You don’t want to study in this state or in this country even. You want to do something different, even if you don’t know what it is yet. You’re trapped and you accept it,” Parker pushed as my mom’s footsteps began to descend the stairs.
“Shut up, Parker!” I barked. She was going to tell my mom everything, and I wasn’t ready for the discussion that would bring.
“No, someone has to tell them you don’t want to be a doctor. You said you wanted to be a doctor when you were six, Lauren. They need to give you a chance to say you’ve changed your mind.”
“You need to shut up!”
“If you tell me to fuck off, then I will,” Parker stated with a smirk, because she knew that I would never utter those words. “I didn’t think so,” she continued after a few seconds of silence. I couldn’t hear my mom’s footsteps anymore. I assumed she had gone back upstairs for something, grateful she didn’t hear anything Parker had said.
“Can you not bring it up here at least? I’ll talk to you about it anywhere else, just not here with my mom in the house.”
“Lauren, you’re not going to be happy studying all that medical crap if you don’t want to do it later in life. Face it, you want to travel, meet new people, and see new cultures. You don’t know what you want to do yet, and you can’t remain focused on a goal that you don’t have your heart in,” Parker stated wisely as she tried to push her point.
“I get that. I’m just too nervous to bring it up if I don’t get in where I want to, but please, just stop for right now. We can talk about this later, and you can tell me all about how I’m holding myself back, and that I won’t be happy because of it. For now, just do your homework,” I pleaded as I heard my father’s car lock alarm come from outside.
“I’m not dropping this topic,” she warned. “It will only get worse if you get into one of those other schools, and you haven’t brought it up to them before. They need to know you have a dream, even if it is to study abroad, and they need to let you chase it. You need to tell them,” Parker stated as the front door opened. She immediately flipped open her math book and pretended to be doing her homework. At least she was playing the part at keeping my charade going a little longer.
“Hello, girls,” my father said as he walked into the kitchen, placing his work bag in the hallway to take to his office after dinner.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, Mr. Scott,” Parker said as she watched him walk in. She had slowly begun to dislike him ever since he started to pressure me into a future I didn’t have an interest in. She said I was just worried about disappointing him because I never got the chance to say I wanted something else from my life, and for that she didn’t like him. In fact, I think it hurt her to be nice to him because of it.
“How’s the homework going, guys?”
“It’s fine, Dad,” I answered quickly before Parker could say anything. She couldn’t always control her mouth, which was dangerous enough, but she was my only friend, so I couldn’t have my parents banning her from the house, because then I’d have no one.
“That’s what I like to hear. You need to work on those study habits while you can. It will only get tougher in college, and you’ll be under more stress, but it will all be worth it.” He offered a smile before he continued. “I can’t wait to have a doctor in the family. It will be great not to have to worry if you’re making ends meet, and it’ll be a good conversation starter too. At least you didn’t want to major in art,” he scoffed and shook his head as he placed the lid on one of the pots and walked out of the kitchen.
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br /> I caught Parker glaring at him as he walked out. “You need to tell him. It’s not fair that he’s pushing you to be a doctor,” she said, reiterating her main point so it would stick with me. “Plus he just put down my cousin’s major. That’s not right.”
“Just leave it alone, Parker.”
“I can’t,” she cried. “Someone needs to tell him, and if you don’t, then it’s going to be me. I’ve watched this for so long, and you still won’t stand up for what you want. You admit that I’m right every time we have this discussion, but where has it gone? Nowhere. You won’t fight for it. You need to stand up for your dreams. It’s time someone stood up for you.”
“I know you won’t do that to me,” I said without looking up from my homework.
“I will do it for you though. Just think about it,” Parker said as she pulled her books off the table and shoved them back in her backpack.
“What are you doing?”
“You need to live a little, Lauren. Go upstairs and watch a movie instead of doing homework. Trust me, you’ll like it a lot better. I’ll come back here tomorrow and do homework with you. I just can’t sit here and listen to it anymore. I need to leave before I blurt out your secret.”
“You can’t, my parents are leaving and you know I’m not allowed to have anyone over when they aren’t home,” I whispered urgently.
“I know, like I said, live a little!” she stated again as she slung the bag over her shoulder and walked out of my house.
I groaned when she slammed the door behind her, leaving me alone with a textbook and an empty notebook. I didn’t want to study and I didn’t want to take notes. My attention was waning, and I hadn’t been sitting at this table for more than a half hour. I wouldn’t be able to focus if I didn’t take a break. Which is what I was going to do, I decided, surprising myself as I pushed my chair back from the table and went to my room without finishing the homework. I was supposed to study until four, or when the work was done, and I wasn’t supposed to leave the table during that time, but I did.
I felt a rush of excitement go through my veins as I snuck up the stairs past my parents’ room and into my own. Maybe Parker was right, I needed to live a little.
Chapter 3
Proceed With Caution
After my small experience the other day from skipping my homework, I came to realize not following the rules all the time wouldn’t lead directly to punishment. While I knew I could only harm myself from not studying and doing homework, the break allowed me to relax for the first time on a weekday since elementary school. I spent the entire night watching television, listening to music, and texting Parker instead of being stuck downstairs for hours on end trying to focus on homework until I finished. While it was a freeing experience, I should have known that when I told Parker what I did, she would try to push me to do more.
“So why were you able to text all night?”
I knew I should have waited until when I usually finished my homework. Normally I wasn’t allowed to have my phone until after my homework was done, and I had messaged her only a few minutes after she walked out the door. I was actually surprised she hadn’t asked me last night, and I soon figured out why.
“I would have asked sooner, but since I know you won’t lie to me, you’re going to say you didn’t spend last night doing homework, did you?” She smiled, already knowing my answer. So I decided to get it over with now. Though after I told her that I went upstairs without doing my homework, leaving out that it wasn’t due until next week, she immediately invited herself over after school so we could continue to “explore the world of rebellion,” as she called it.
I tried to tell her I was supposed to go to the library after school to do research for my English paper. My father had been taking the computer to his office lately, so I had to use the ones in the library if I wanted to finish the paper early. All Parker said in response to that was, “That’s what makes it exciting. The chance of getting caught.”
So here we were, standing outside my front door, about to get myself in trouble. Suddenly I wished I didn’t have Parker as a friend. I’m going to get in so much trouble, I thought as I slowly opened the front door. I silently prayed it wouldn’t make a sound as I tried to sneak into my own house. The door squeaked loudly as soon as I opened the door, causing me to freeze in fear. I knew this was a bad idea, I should have found a way out of this, but I wanted to prove to her I could do it. My parents weren’t supposed to be home, it should’ve been a good way to show her I could break the rules, but I when I saw my father’s car outside I knew I’d be caught. I had to decide whether to get caught now or later.
I wasn’t allowed to have anyone over when they weren’t home or without their knowledge, but he must have heard me coming in so I couldn’t lie and say I hadn’t come home. The only choice I had was to get caught, but when we walked in it seemed as if no one was home. The downstairs was deserted, not even my father’s briefcase was in its usual spot, but his car’s here, so he had to be home.
“Parker, maybe you should leave,” I said, trying to slow my rapid heartbeat. “I don’t want to get caught. He wasn’t supposed to be home.”
“That’s no reason to give up, Lauren. It just means you have to learn to sneak around without him noticing,” she stated as if it was common knowledge. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you.” She pushed the door open and let us slip through. Once we were in, Parker shut the door and held up a finger to tell me to wait.
I stood still, scared of whatever had made her stop, only to notice there was no sound to indicate someone was home. There would normally be music or the sound of the television playing to hint at someone’s presence, but I couldn’t hear anything except the house settling. Was Dad even home?
“Wait here,” Parker whispered before walking into the kitchen.
“Why?” I asked, but she couldn’t hear me. She had already rounded the corner and I didn’t want to call out too loudly. Knowing her she wanted to go into the kitchen for a snack, but this didn’t seem like the time for it.
I waited impatiently for her return, reluctant to call out for her in case my father heard me. I could hear her rummaging through the cabinets. Parker quietly shut each cabinet as she looked through them, but I could still hear the doors slapping against the wood. When I heard the refrigerator open, I rolled my eyes. I knew she had been looking for something to eat. It was ridiculous that she couldn’t wait ten minutes until we found out if my dad was home or not. I’m not sure where he would be if his car was here and he wasn’t, but I’d rather know for sure before we started raiding the fridge.
“Parker, hurry up,” I whispered urgently. “I don’t want to get caught because you were hungry for fruit snacks and pizza rolls.” If I was going to get caught, I didn’t want it to be over food. I’d rather it be for anything else, at least then sneaking in would seem worth it while I was grounded for the next few weeks, or so I thought until she came back around the corner holding a liquor bottle. “What are you doing with that?”
“I got it from your father’s cabinet so we can go into your room and I can give you your first drink,” Parker answered with a mischievous smile.
My mouth fell open in shock as she lightly shook the bottle to show that it was already half empty and that meant it was less likely my father would notice if a little of it went missing. She must be excited that I started taking control and having some freedom, but trying to get me to drink, lie to my parents, and sneak into my house all in one day was too much. She was trying to get me grounded for the rest of my life.
“We can’t do that. We’re underage,” I pointed out. “That’s against the law.” Parker was older than me by nearly a year, while I was just a month away from my seventeenth birthday. I hoped that being the same age as my classmates would help make me feel like less of an outsider, but just because I wanted to be older didn’t mean I wanted to do older things. I was more than happy with not drinking and smoking. Parker, on the other hand, liked to test he
r boundaries every now and then.
I saw Parker roll her eyes, and then, completely ignoring what I said, turned on her heel and quickly made her way upstairs. She didn’t even make a sound as she climbed the carpeted steps. Usually they would creak and moan whenever someone walked over them, but not Parker.
“What are you waiting for?” she asked once she realized I wasn’t following after her.
“How are you doing that?” I questioned as I watched her take the last few steps without making so much as a squeak on her way up.
“I used to sneak into your house at night after my parents and I had fights.”
My mouth dropped open in shock. She and her parents never got along well, and while my parents and I didn’t see eye-to-eye on everything, I still loved my family. Maybe that explains why she found solace with my family because even though they were overbearing at times, they loved and cared for her the same way they did for me.
Seeing my expression, Parker frowned. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I didn’t want to drop it though. I was baffled.
“You’ve snuck into my house before, and I didn’t know?” I questioned. “Where did you stay? How come I never knew you were here?”
She shrugged and walked out of sight without answering, which left me with no other choice but to follow her. I attempted to make my way up the stairs, but I had lived in this house for sixteen years and never managed to silently traverse them. I couldn’t believe she’d been in my house without my knowing, but clearly she’d done it many times if she was trying to avoid discussing it.
I glanced between where she had once been standing at the top of the steps and then to the steps that separated me from the upstairs landing with worry. I wasn’t sure I could do it, but at this point it was a better story than getting caught while scavenging for alcohol. I took a deep breath before racing up the stairs as I saw Parker do. Luckily I managed to avoid most of the creaks in the stairs until I hit the last step. Once my weight landed on it, the step let out a loud popping sound that resonated through the hall.