by Sara Schoen
“So how do you want to start?” I prompted, hoping to get him to stop moving around my house. It made me self-conscious since most of the photos on the walls were of me. My dad had taken down all the ones of my mom when she left him, I guess I was still his ‘little girl’ or he didn’t have any photos to replace them. There were photos from my childhood years which meant when I had braces, glasses, unflattering clothing, and poorly done hairstyles. My awkward phase had lasted longer than most, but I still felt as though I wasn’t fully out of it and as a senior in high school, it felt awful.
“I’ve decided we have to start big, and that’s just to make sure you’re committed to the change. I’m not wasting months on a project if you’ll just revert back to your goodie-goodie reputation when we finish. So, one big thing, and then we can go back to the small stuff and build up to where you’re comfortable. I’ve made sure it’s not as extreme as stealing a car, but it’s going to make sure you’re ready so you don’t get scared or something, and change your mind.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
Kayden turned away from the pictures on the wall and lifted an eyebrow at me. “Something tells me that’s a lie. I didn’t know you could lie, to be completely honest with you.” He shrugged, and I was about to protest when he started talking again. “When I say commitment, what do you think of?”
“A relationship,” I said without a second of hesitation.
“Have you ever been in a relationship?” he questioned, even though he knew the answer. He had grown up with me, and knew most of the rules I lived by before I refused to talk to him again. Now he just wanted to test me, to anger me, and it was working.
I tried to bite back the sharp remark, but failed. “Depends on how you define a relationship, because a relationship by your standards it’s standing in a hallway while skipping class and making out with them,” I retorted with a smirk.
Kayden’s eyes squinted into tight slits, glaring at me intensely before it turned into a smirk. “Look who’s got a bee in her panties. Jealous of those girls, GG?”
“Not a chance,” I said, trying to ignore the nickname. I knew him calling me something other than GG wouldn’t last. “You’re not even close to the guys I’m allowed to date so there’s no point in being jealous about the fact you get with every girl and then throw them out.”
“You’re joking, right?” he asked with a lifted eyebrow. This time he seemed genuinely curious, and that shocked me. I didn’t know Kayden could show an interest about anyone but himself.
“No, I’m not joking.” I let the words trickle out, and without realizing, heard the annoyed tone in my words. I was normally more patient with people, Kayden just brought out the worst in me. “I’m supposed to wait until after medical school to start dating, and then the guy has to be approved by my father and you certainly do not follow that―”
“Lauren, do you seriously hear yourself?” Kayden asked, interrupting me before I could finish my explanation. “You’re telling me all these rules for dating, which you don’t even want to follow. Are you so programed by these rules that you can’t even break them by saying you can date whoever you want now? You still say that you have to wait until medical school…do you even want to go to medical school? Last I heard you were aiming to go to school abroad. Unless you lied in class when we wrote down our dream schools for that lame class discussion.”
I sighed. He caught me. “No, I don’t want to go to medical school anymore.”
“Then there’s no point in waiting. Even if you were going, then I would still say that waiting is not a good idea. You have to know what you want in a relationship before then. That way you aren’t wasting time later in life by dating all the wrong people. So since you’re not going to medical school, then those rules no longer apply to you. Is there any guy in school you find attractive, anyone you want to date?”
“I like Mathew Hurst,” I said with a smile. He was the quarterback for the football team, but he never dated, even though he could get any girl in school. I figured he was just waiting for the right person to come along, and I couldn’t blame him for it.
“He’s gay, pick someone else,” Kayden responded quickly.
I felt my face scrunch up in confusion. “He is? How do you know? He doesn’t seem like he’s gay at all!”
“Just trust me, I know. Pick another guy.”
“Chase McKnight?” I questioned, Kayden shook his head and gestured for me to continue. “Matt Hastings, Asher Markman, Carter Anderson, Jace Collins, any of those?”
“No, but from your choice of guys, meaning gay guys, I’m assuming that you have to date the golden boys, the ones Daddy would approve of. Someone who’s got a solid future, who probably has a scholarship or will get one, gets good grades, is respectful, and all that goodie crap,” Kayden said with a mocking tone.
“Yes, those are the boys I’m supposed to date,” I said, trying to wrap my head around them all being gay. I could imagine one or two, but all of them? I doubted it, and that meant Kayden already had a plan. I just hoped I wouldn’t regret asking him for helping me.
“And if you no longer want to do what your dad tells you to, because he constrained you too much, then you should…” Kayden prompted me.
“Date someone not like that?”
“Great, now we’re getting somewhere now! If we want to piss off your dad, then we have to pick the total opposite of what he wants. We need someone who’s got bad grades, no scholarship, no clear future but still has one, doesn’t dress or act like a good guy, and someone who knows how to have fun while breaking the rules. So are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Not really,” I said hesitantly. Though I had a pretty good idea where this was going, and by the time we went back to school in January I’d be hated again, just for a different reason.
“Do you know any boys with at least three of those traits?” he asked, motioning with his hand to continue with his lead.
I bit my bottom lips for a few seconds while I thought over the other possibilities. There weren’t any. There was only person I knew had a scholarship, supposedly acing classes, did have fun breaking the rules, and be willing to help me. My face scrunched up into a sullen expression, which I tried to play off as a half smile. “I know you.”
“Wow, that took longer than I thought it would,” Kayden replied, but there wasn’t malice in his words, just relief we were on the same page now. “But if you’re going to be my girlfriend, you need a new look, because I can’t be seen with you like this,” he said as he picked up a small chunk of my blonde hair from around my face.
“What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked as I snatched the strands he held between his fingers and brushed them back into place.
“It’s not just your hair, it’s your style too,” he stated as he glanced over my choice of attire. “I can’t date some preppy girl who dresses in in an oversized t-shirt and jeans every day. I’m taking you shopping, and we’re getting your hair some color. What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue,” I responded hesitantly.
“That will make a great hair color, just wait and see,” he said with a devious smile that suddenly had me worried about this plan. I had a feeling I’d grow to regret this.
Chapter 10
Double Take
“Did you get it?” Kayden asked with a hopeful smile as I slipped into the passenger seat of his car. The black leather was cold to the touch from the frigid December air. As the door shut, I realized that Parker had been right, there really was no going back now because if I did I’d end up hating myself for what I did.
I gave a halfhearted smile as I held up my dad’s credit card along with the post-it note with the pin number. “Yeah I got it, but I don’t like that I did it,” I said, clarifying my stance on what he had asked me to do.
“That’s what you said about your hair too, but it looks so good!” Kayden said as he flipped down my sun visor and opened the mirror
to show me the light blue hair that currently framed my pale heart shaped face. It looked like the color of a forget-me-not, an azure color that could challenge the bluest seas and the clearest skies. We had gone to get it cut before we dyed it blue, and I had lost fourteen inches off the bottom. Kayden had been polite enough to let me donate my hair to Locks of Love to make me feel better about having short hair that went to the base of my neck. It was choppy, to look like a stylish bedhead, with layers that I had actually grown to like. I just wouldn’t admit that to Kayden.
“I still don’t know how I feel about this either,” I grimaced as I picked up a piece of my newly dyed hair. My dad was going to flip out when he saw the hair color. I wasn’t supposed to do this to myself, it was going to make me seem unprofessional, unapproachable, and no college would want me. My lips turned downwards into a frown as I groaned loudly, twirling the blue strands of hair around my fingers to see it was in fact real.
“You look fine. Now let’s go. I got to get you outfitted with new clothes before people see me with you,” Kayden stated as he pulled out of my driveway and headed toward the mall.
I rolled my eyes at his comment, trying not to be insulted, but I couldn’t stop the reply from slipping from my mouth. “You’re a jerk.”
He didn’t reply, he shrugged and drove on as if I had said nothing. To be honest, I didn’t really like what I wore either, but it was appropriate, unlike what other girls wore in my school. They showed their midriffs, shirts that showed their bras, or wore incredibly short shorts that allowed me to see the curvature of their butt cheeks. Of course to make up for that in my wardrobe, Kayden had taken a pair of scissors to my frayed jeans and oversized t-shirts to create shorts and sleeveless shirts that showed my stomach. I refused to wear them in public and in the middle of winter.
That still didn’t mean I got out of shopping with Kayden. He had dressed me in ripped jeans, and a black t-shirt that kept falling off my right shoulder. Kayden had stuck a slouchy black beanie on my head, which he had stolen from a store the day before, and when I tried to take it off, he said I couldn’t or he’d duct tape it to my head. I was going to return it, or at least pay for it when we got to the mall, but he made sure he didn’t tell me what store he had taken it from. Kayden already told me that if I tried to anyway they would just assume I had taken it and I would get in trouble for it. That stopped me from trying to return it. Once I hadn’t gotten the sensor off my jeans and lost the receipt, if my mom hadn’t gone with me I’m sure they would have called security on me. I sighed, trying to control my emotions as I thought about my mom. I missed her so much.
“Lighten up, Lauren, it’s just hair. The color will grow out and as you get it cut again you’ll lose the blue, so there’s nothing to worry about. Just relax and enjoy it, it looks great on you.”
My eyes blinked repeatedly, trying to process what he had just said. “Was that a compliment?”
“Don’t get used it,” Kayden replied as he pulled into a parking space and shut off the car. “Now you should get used to spending the day with me because it’s going to be happening a lot during this rehabilitation.” He smiled, knowing I hated that word for our project. “Let’s get you a few new outfits with your dad’s money,” he said as he got out of the car, laughing.
I groaned loudly as I opened the door and stepped onto the asphalt outside the local mall. He had parked us outside Target, probably hoping no one he knew would see us walking in together. I guess this was going to be a long day for him since he was going to try dodging his friends before getting caught with me. At least he chose a dead end of the mall to start at, maybe then we could end a little quicker.
“Okay, let’s go. I have a few stores to go to first,” he said cryptically as he pulled me through the sensor security doors.
I let out a groan as we walked through store after store, Kayden insulted every outfit I picked out. It wasn’t long before he decided me to take me to stores that were well out of my comfort zone. I practically had to beg him to let me out of Hot Topic, Spencer’s, and every other uncomfortable store he dragged me into. He didn’t listen though, and instead threw clothes of all different sizes and styles at me before shoving me into dressing room after dressing room until I finally got the idea of how he wanted me to dress. He wanted a more punk rock look which included combat boots and clothing that was ripped in various places.
Kayden only agreed to look in other stores after I said I would promise to find the style we were looking for. Reluctantly he agreed and let me go into stores I was more comfortable with. I was glad to know he was willing to listen to me, even if s it only worked to get out of having to go through all of these stores that made me stand out like a sore thumb. I didn’t belong in them, and anyone could see that. I turned to go into one of my favorite stores, Marshalls, when Kayden pulled me backwards and glared at me.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m getting clothes, like you said. We can get more for our money by coming here and I can get clothes that don’t make my skin crawl. Just accept it, Kayden. It’s happening,” I stated with a sneer as I turned away from him without waiting for an answer. I wasn’t in the mood to hear him complain any more, and frankly I was getting annoyed with being around him so long. I had never spent this much time with him; he was annoying as hell. He would interrupt me, say his opinion mattered more than mine, and stepped on my toes just for fun. If I wasn’t careful I wouldn’t be able to control my sharp tongue. I had already let a few harsh remarks slip out, but Kayden just pushed my buttons.
I walked through the racks until I found similar things to what Kayden had picked out for me in the other stores. But the time I went to the dressing room, I was holding a mess of clothes hangers filled with ripped skinny jeans, flowy tank tops, a faux leather jacket, most of them were detailed with spikes that were a mix of a girly style with a hint of rocker. I glanced around for Kayden, but I saw him sitting in the chairs near the dressing room with his phone in his face, so I decided to take a detour to make him wait a little longer.
I sauntered over to the shoe department to find new shoes. My dad hadn’t let me buy the shoes I wanted since my eighth birthday, now it was time for a little revenge. I plucked up a pair of black combat boots, spiked flats, hidden heel wedges, and Converses to add a variety of shoes to my wardrobe compared to my two pairs of tennis shoes and one pair of rain boots currently sitting in my closet. After all, a girl could never have too many shoes—unless they were all the exact same except for color or over twenty pairs of Old Navy flip-flops.
I grabbed the clothes and shoes I had picked and headed to the dressing room. I felt happy, knowing that these were my choices, not my father’s nor Kayden’s. I liked knowing that I had made the choice, and that I would like them. Even if I didn’t I wasn’t going to hurt anyone’s feelings when I threw it into the ‘not buying’ pile. Maybe Kayden was right, this whole experience was good for me. I did need someone to force me to be dedicated to this or I would chicken out once we got to the big stuff. I could feel my confidence building as we started, and was even starting to love my blue hair; blue hair was the best.
I shook my head slightly. I couldn’t believe I’m agreeing with him now. When did Kayden start to make enough sense that I would agree with him? I banished the question from my mind. There was no reason to ruin the good mood I was in, and how empowering it was to take control of my life. As I headed to the dressing room, I noticed Kayden was asleep in the chair. I hadn’t been gone that long, but maybe he was tired from walking around with me all day. I felt bad, but I pushed past it as I kicked Kayden’s foot to wake him up before I went to get changed. He groaned to let me know he was awake. I left shaking my head as I quickly entered my own cubicle and changed into the ripped skinny jeans with one of the many tank tops I had along with the combat boots I had picked up before walking out to show Kayden.
Once again he had fallen asleep so I kicked him again. A flash of anger raced across his face
before he took one look at me and smiled. I guess I did well this time.
“Now that’s more like it!” Kayden said with an approving nod as he got up and walked toward me with a smile. He did a circle around me, as if looking at every inch of me. I felt nervous under his scrutiny until I saw the smile still plastered on his face. I don’t think I had ever seen him this happy with a girl he wasn’t screwing around with. Of course, if this went the way it was supposed to, I guess I would become just another one of those girls to him.
“Glad you like it, boyfriend. I do look pretty hot,” I said with a wink. “I picked up more just like it and a jacket too.”
“Well now, my little rebel, you have the look, now let’s change your reputation before you get an ego with the new duds. I’ll teach you some stuff on the way back to my house,” he said as he gestured for me to go back and collect the clothes I wanted. Once I picked through what I was sure I wanted he led me toward the register to pay for my clothes, and suddenly having my dad pay for it all didn’t weigh heavily on my conscience anymore. I just wished I could see his face when he saw the bill. I knew it would look like I was leading an extravagant lifestyle.
Chapter 11
Welcome Back
I invited Parker over for the first time since break started. To her it must have seemed as if I dropped off the face of the planet. While we texted, she had yet to see the change I had gone through, and when I told her about the shopping trip Kayden and I had taken, she insisted on coming over to hear the story. Apparently, the anticipation of waiting for me to type it out was just too much for her. She rushed over, especially when I told her my dad wasn’t in the house, so she could talk freely. I guess I wasn’t the only one affected by catching my dad red handed.