by Sara Schoen
I sighed at her analogy. “That’s different. This isn’t a book that will be donated or thrown away in a couple of years. I thought this was turning into a relationship, something that has the possibility to last a lifetime.”
“It’s not if you really think about it,” Parker pushed. “He loves you. Guys don’t admit that to their friends until they’re sure because they hear a whole bunch of crap for admitting they are whipped. He loves you, and he did you this favor. The least you can do is forgive him. You owe him that much. He did his part of the job and now you have to do yours!”
I perked up suddenly, and idea forming in my head. It was reckless, dangerous, and very much like Kayden. “You’re right,” I said with a soft smile curving onto the edge of my lips. This was the most idiotic plan I’ve ever had, but if it worked, then it would be well worth it.
Parker suddenly sat up straighter, as if proud that her words had finally gotten through to me, but honestly I was thinking of just how this plan was going to work. I was busy letting the wheels turn in my own head. I knew he would hate it, and it would be just enough to snap him out of his mood. If I could move past the lies and straight into the admission I had refused to let him have, then maybe we could be something real. Maybe I could move past the lie if I could know his confession was true, but only if I could be sure, and there was only one way to do that.
“He did follow his end of the deal,” I said with a coy smile, which seemed to confuse Parker. I couldn’t tell her right out that I was going to let Kayden show he had changed, and developed feelings for me, otherwise she may turn around and text Ryan, who in turn would alert Kayden to my plan. I needed to make sure Kayden was being truthful, and that meant taking a risk and hoping for the best. “So, I need to hold up my end of the deal, and be another notch in his bedpost.”
Parker’s face fell, and then quickly turned to shock. She blinked repeatedly, as if trying to process what I had just said before she shook her head vigorously. “That’s literally the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and is not what I said at all,” Parker stated, grabbing my arm to hold me back. “You need to find a balance between the old Lauren and the new one. Not just reverting back to the old Lauren because of what he did before he got to know you. Don’t risk it, just talk to him instead.”
“But it’s just it, Parker,” I said, hoping to explain a little of my plan without giving it away to her. “This is what the old Lauren would do, follow the rules of our agreement. He did his end of the deal, and now I guess it’s time to do mine. There’s no changing my mind now,” I said as a coy smile turned mischievous. I hoped this worked, because I was giving Kayden something I never gave to anyone else; a second chance.
Chapter 31
Paying In Full
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves as I knocked on Kayden’s front door. I had been waiting for his mom to leave before I attempted my plan to convince him to skip the apologies. I knew if he started to apologize I’d either become furious or too distraught to move past them. My only hope was that I could make him head straight for the confession. I took a deep breath, the waiting game had once again begun. I had been dumb to make this deal, and it had taken me until now to realize it because I was so desperate for his help. He had made the deal with me because he wanted to have fun, to play with my heart, and to say that he got to the goodie-goodie. Luckily it ended before I fell in too deep and gave him everything he wanted. Now it was a ploy to get what I wanted.
Two could play your game, Kayden. Well, kind of. He was going to get what he had asked for anyway, because that’s what I would do; follow the rules of our agreement. I was going to get what I wanted, if he actually changed. I was broken out of my thoughts when I heard the door lock slide out of place. The nerves came back in full force just before Kayden pulled open the door.
His eyebrows furrowed in confusion when he saw me on the other side of the door then they turned upward for a disbelieving stare. “Lauren? You’re here,” he said in disbelief as his lips curled up into a smile. “Does that mean you forgive me?” His voice was so full of hope, it almost hurt me to tell him the truth. I couldn’t give in now, I had to finish what I came here for or I’d never know what could have been.
“No, not really,” I said, clearly crushing his hopes. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Then why are you here?” he asked curiously as he glanced down at the ground, trying to hide his disappointment. I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, but to be honest it made me feel a little better after he shattered my heart. Seeing him in pain made me feel awful though. I wanted to tell him that I forgave him, and that I was hopeful for everything he had been about to say back at the school. I sighed, I had to do this fast or I would crumble before I could give him the chance to move past the apologies. I just hoped that I was right, and that everything would work out, otherwise I was just going to make a fool out of myself.
“I’m here to pay you in full,” I stated honestly as I pushed past him so that he wouldn’t see me trying to collect myself. What was I thinking? There’s no way this was going to work. I had hurt him as badly as he had injured me. This was going to be a never ending game. Did I have to end it or could we just move on and leave this town? I could go to Florida and he could go anywhere else he wanted to. I’d never have to see him again. All I had to do was walk out now and make it to graduation, but I knew I couldn’t do that—especially when his touch relaxed me.
He placed his hand on my shoulder and gently turned me around. “What are you talking about, Lauren?” Kayden asked in a confused daze. He was searching my eyes for the answer, but I knew he wouldn’t find one. I was too focused on my goal to give away anything, and soon he gave up, defeated. “You don’t have to pay me for anything.”
“I do, it was a part of our agreement and I always follow the rules, right?”
Kayden’s head tilted to the side in confusion as he tried to figure out what I meant. I could see the gears working in his head, but he just wasn’t getting it. He shrugged his shoulders, and asked me to explain exactly what I was talking about. I knew he wouldn’t get it no matter how many times I varied the explanation. So I took a deep breath and tried to relax; I had to do this. I had to get this to work, he had already shown he wasn’t thinking about my payment, which gave me hope.
It meant there was a strong chance he wouldn’t take it, and we could get straight to the point. It was still a risk, especially if he had written me off like the other girls he had been in a “relationship” with over the years. I knew this was the only way we could move on though, and I wanted nothing more than to move past this and have him with me as a serious boyfriend. I repeatedly reminded myself of that as I wrapped my fingers around the hem of my shirt and went to pull it up. I had it about halfway up my torso when Kayden finally connected the dots.
“Lauren!” he cried out as he stepped forward and pulled my shirt back down into place. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m doing what I’m supposed to,” I stated forcefully. “You completed your part of our deal, and now I have to complete mine.”
“You’re not supposed to do this! Who told you that you had to do this?” he asked, holding my hands at my sides to prevent another attempt to pull off my shirt. His eyes were locked onto me, they seemed panicked and grief-stricken. He was confused and horrified by my actions, but that also meant my plan was working.
“You did!”
“That was before, Lauren!” Kayden stated through gritted teeth. He was angry, at whom, I wasn’t sure. Since he wasn’t looking at me it was safe to assume that he was angry with himself. “You aren’t like this anymore. You don’t have to follow our agreement. I don’t want you to.”
“It’s how I am, Kayden. Let’s just finish the deal, and we can move on!”
“I don’t want to move on!” he yelled back without hesitation. His face seemed pained as he tried to find the words. He raked his fingers through his hair in frustration before turning to
me. “Don’t you get it, Lauren? I don’t want to move on from you. I don’t want to finish the agreement and then have you ignore me for the rest of the year.”
“I don’t see why. We graduate in a few weeks and you’ll never see me again anyway,” I said, pushing the topic and refusing to let him escape without an explanation, without the confession. “You could just have me, have what you wanted, and then we’d never see each other again.”
“That’s exactly why I don’t want to!” Kayden yelled, spinning on his heel to turn back to look at me. “I don’t want to never see you again! I want the relationship we had. I liked that! I loved―” He stopped as I looked at him expectantly. So close. I had gotten so close.
“You what?”
His mouth twitched. If he caught on to my plan it would be now. When he didn’t answer, I moved to pop the button of my pants. He let out a groan as he tried to focus on me and not what I was doing. I slowly slid the zipper of my jeans down and looked at him expectantly. He looked like he was fighting the demons inside him as he tried to figure out what to do. I had my hands on the waistband of my pants, and just when I was about to pull them down he grabbed my hands and glared deep into my eyes.
“I know what you’re doing,” he growled. “The last time wasn’t a slip of the tongue. I was going to say it, but you stopped me.”
“I know,” I said. “That’s why I’m here. Prove it to me, Kayden. Make me believe what you were going to say, and that I wasn’t just another one of your usual girls.”
His mouth twitched uncomfortably. “I can’t.” His voice cracked slightly as his gaze eased. His breathing picked up and there was a noticeable change about him. “I can’t tell you how I feel because of how it ended last time. You didn’t believe me and I don’t know if I can make you believe it now. There’s not a lot that words can do and I’ve done enough actions to show that I had feelings for you. I can tell you my feelings are the same.” I nodded to let him know I was listening.
He had spent the last few hours texting and calling me, just trying to get me to talk to him, but I had rejected him at every turn. I needed him to believe that I was closed off so I could get him to open up. There was a truth in his words when he said he loved me, I could see it when I crushed him by saying I didn’t believe him and when I drove away. The only problem was that I didn’t believe him at the time because he could charm his way to any girl’s heart. I needed him say it to me now, when walking out isn’t on his mind, and I wanted him to make an effort to prove his words to me.
“I fell for you and I’ve spent countless hours just thinking of what to do when this exact situation came up, and honestly I didn’t come up with much.” I rolled my eyes, as if to seem unsurprised, but I knew better when it came to Kayden. “I wanted to pull you to me and tell you how much I loved you. I wanted to make sure you didn’t leave, I wanted to tell you exactly how I felt. You wouldn’t let me. I wanted to tell you that I was trying to find a way to keep you. I didn’t care about the dare anymore. I just wanted to find a way to keep you. I didn’t want you to leave. I wanted you to stay. I wanted to say I loved you.”
Without another wasted moment, he lunged for me and took my face in his hands before crashing his lips to mine. We took solace in the moment, him admitting his feelings for me, and me relaxing into him and forgiving the lie. Parker was right, in the long run the lie didn’t matter. What mattered was that we had found each other while I was searching for myself. Now I needed to make sure I could have the one who made it all possible; the one I had fallen in love with.
“It was the best I could think of,” he said, taking a breather from our intense kiss. “I spent a while thinking of something sappy to say, but then I realized that wasn’t me, and you wouldn’t want me to change. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, something that showed I want you to come back to me.” His eyes locked with mine and I heard him gulp as he pushed through his fears. “I love you, Lauren. So please give me one last act of rebellion, stay with me against your better judgment. If you think you can handle it, that is.” He let a coy, hopeful smile curve onto his lips. He had figured out why I had come here, and now we both had what we wanted; each other.
“I know I can handle it,” I said with a smile as I pulled him in for another kiss. My plan had worked perfectly. I had been paying attention when Parker said that he changed to help me and that he openly admitted he loved me. So I knew that if I came here as old Lauren, just to please him and follow our deal, that he would stop me and eventually admit his feelings. I needed to hear them again, I needed to know they were sincere and he had proved it to me with this one gesture. He let me know he had changed, and that he respected me. I pulled away and added, “The question is can you?”
“That sounds like a challenge. I accept,” he said as he lifted me off the ground into a tight hug. “The distance shouldn’t be so bad. I’ve been thinking about it since you told me you were going to accept Florida’s offer. I always did love the beach, so I’d be visiting without a doubt. I may even have to transfer next year because you in a bathing suit year round is too good to miss.”
“If you get that lucky,” I said with a smile as I playfully hit his chest. “Are we sure we could last if you come down to Florida? There are a lot of girls down there in bikinis, and they’ll be all over you. What if we break up and you come to school for me?”
“You offered yourself up on a silver platter, I think I’m golden when it comes to other girls.” He kissed my cheek before adding, “You’re the only one for me.
Golden; that was the perfect word for us. No matter how many scratches we got, how often we were thrown into turmoil, or how hot it got between us, we would survive and still be valuable together in the end. I just hope it lasted through college. I wanted to give Kayden a fair chance now that everything was out in the open. We could start over, fresh, and see just how this went. Being together had been so easy while we faked it, and let us gain real feelings. I’m sure it would be the same when we were in a real relationship, but I guess waiting is the only way to find out.
Epilogue
Five Years Later
College had gone well, I graduated with honors and Kayden had stayed by my side through everything. We defied the odds and everyone’s remarks about how we wouldn’t make it. Which made it that much better as I proudly held my hand out to show my father and his wife, my stepmother, the ring Kayden had gotten for me. It was a plain thin silver band for my small slender fingers. Three stones were set on the band, two small diamonds on either side of a large diamond in the center. My stepmother had explained it represented past, present, and future. The present stone rests in the center and was the largest so I could remember the present was what mattered and where I should focus my time.
I nodded in agreement, I had learned that years ago as I moved past my mother’s death, Kayden’s new interest in me, and then college as my dad remarried. It was hard, but living in the past wouldn’t have done me any good. Change was all around us, and we had to learn to adapt. I had been uneasy about Shannon marrying my father. She was a widow with a daughter, Madison, who was ten at the time I met her. Now Madison was fifteen, getting ready to start her sophomore year of high school. The years had just flown by.
“It’s beautiful,” Shannon said with a smile as she released my hand. Although the second she let go, Kayden took hold of it. “You did a wonderful job, Kayden.”
“Thank you, Ma’am. I wish you could have seen Lauren’s face when she saw it,” Kayden smiled brightly before producing a photo he had been carrying with him everywhere since he asked me to marry him. “Oh, wait you can.” He produced a photo that a hidden photographer had taken to capture the moment.
I had my hands over my mouth in shock and disbelief while Kayden was perched on one knee with the ring box. There were a few others where you could see my tears, tears of happiness, and a few more where I collapsed on the ground and hugged him. I had been waiting for years for him to ask me to marry
him. Honestly, I thought he would have done it after graduation, but instead Kayden had taken the time to get us settled in an apartment and both of us into the world.
Kayden had spent the last four years studying business, which honestly had surprised me at first, but he had big plans including one day having his own business. He wasn’t exactly sure what it was yet, but he knew he wanted to do something with kids. He had an affinity for them, which had also been surprising when we started our actual relationship, and he was excited to one day have his own. He would just have to wait a while longer.
While I hadn’t forced him to wait until marriage for sex, I was going to make him wait for kids. I had waited until I trusted him fully, and there was just a moment when I knew he was the one I wanted to give my virginity to. He was special, and he made sure to take care of me the entire time, which I appreciated. At first he was still reluctant, I think because he still had the reputation of getting girls, and he was worried it would shatter our great relationship. He had been wrong though, it had improved our relationship, and we had become closer because it opened a new level of trust and love into our relationship.
Luckily, we had made it through four years apart. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to share that moment with anyone else.
While we had gone to different schools, we were never really far apart thanks to the internet and texting. We Skyped every day, called, visited each other’s schools, and worked to make the relationship last. It was possible, it just took a lot of work. Just look where it got us, engaged at twenty-three and already planning to have children one day, but it could wait until we got more settled.