And then the chicks peck my hands. Ow! And the bunnies thump my head with their big bunny paws. Thump! Ow! Thump! Ow! Thump! Ow! They’re the sweetest, softest things in the universe—and they, too, hate my guts.
I’m about to scream, “Help! I’m being attacked by bunnies and chicks!” But how lame is that? The petting-zoo animals don’t care about all my hard work with Paige, they want me gone. You’d think by now animals would only hate me partway. But no, they still hate me…all the way.
As the other animals come closer, I get up and scramble toward the gate, but they corner me next to the big metal feed cans. I grab a can lid like a shield and say in my bossiest voice, “Everybody, calm down and back away.”
Instead, they all lunge for me at once.
To escape, I dive into an empty feed can and pull the lid closed over me. It’s pitch dark in here and so dusty from oats that I can’t help sneezing. But it seems pretty safe.
And then there’s a loud POW! from Gus, kicking the side of the can; it tips over.
There’s another kick against the side of the can, and I start to roll like I’m inside a clothes dryer. Kawhump! Kawhump! Kawhump! I brace myself as I tumble over and over and over.
I know I have to stop soon—there’s a fence all around the petting zoo.
Then there’s a CRASH! I could be wrong, but I think that that was the sound of me bursting through the petting-zoo fence.
Kawhump! Kawhump! Kawhump!
I did crash through the fence, and now I’m rolling down the steep hill that leads to the rest of the zoo. I go faster and faster. It’s not a clothes dryer, it’s a washer going into its fastest spin cycle.
Kawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawump! As I brace myself against the inside of the can, with stiff arms and legs, I try to remember what’s at the bottom of the hill. Is it the cotton-candy stand? That wouldn’t be too bad to crash into. Is it the flamingo lake? That wouldn’t be too bad, either—unless I can’t get the lid off and I drown.
Kawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawumpawu—
Silence.
I mean, dead silence. For a moment, the can spins out of control, but there’s no sound from outside except a whoosh of air. It’s like I’ve been launched into space in a rocket.
BAMMMMM!!!!!! I hit the ground again with a brain-joggling jolt and come to a stop.
When my head finally stops spinning, I reach up and push off the lid. Sunlight pours in, so bright I can’t see a thing at first. I squint, trying to figure out what just happened. Let me see: I rolled down that big hill; I shot up that handicap ramp; I flew over that fence and moat.
Moat?
And landed in…
Oh no.
Oh no!
OH NO!
…the lion habitat!
Maybe they’re still in their sleeping den?
My question is answered when a large, golden-brown eye peers into the can. Then that lion gets shoved out of the way and another lion peers in. And another. And another. It’s snack time in lion land, and I’m the snack.
They stick their big paws into the feed can, and I shrink back, trying to make myself as small as possible.
Roaring and snarling, the lions push each other out of the way trying to reach me. I can’t help it. I SCREAM and SCREAM and SCREAM some more.
And in the middle of all this snarling and screaming, I hear a cranky voice: “I will not be eaten by another cat. Where’s the wand?”
I look down and see Katarina glaring up at me from just inside my pocket. She’s burst out of her cocoon and still has shiny metallic pieces in her hair.
I’ve never been so happy to see anyone in my entire life. “Katarina, you’re back!” I say as we both dodge another lion’s paw jabbing into the can.
“Give me the wand!”
The instant I pull the wand out of my pocket, Katarina yanks it away. Raising it above her head, she chants, “My head I shall keep, so lions go to sleep!”
She tosses the spell…
…and nothing happens. The lions keep roaring and circling the can.
(I just want to say here that I think wands are very unreliable. Consumer Reports should give them its lowest rating, even below SUVs that tip over when you turn too fast.)
Katarina tosses the spell again: “My head I shall keep, so lions go to sleep!” The lions just roar even louder.
Katarina looks at the wand, shocked. “Dear lord, it’s bonded to you now, not me!”
The lions bat at the can like it’s the world’s biggest kitty toy. I brace myself and try to stay inside, but I get shaken out into the dirt, taking Katarina with me.
Every lion in the compound circles around us as Katarina shoves the wand into my hand and says, “You toss the spell! Toss it! Toss it!”
So I raise the wand over my head and chant, “My head I shall keep, so lions go to sleep!” I toss the spell just as the lions do that butt-shaking motion that means I’m going to be pounced on in about two seconds. (Julius does the same thing, remember?)
They make it halfway through the pounce and then, kerthump! Every single one of the lions falls asleep.
I collapse on the ground, still shaking with fear, but Katarina buzzes around my head like an angry wasp. “Give me that wand! It can’t be bonded to you!”
I hand it over, and she lands on the head of a sleeping lion. She says, “Lion who’s asleep, baa once like a sheep!” Remembering how scary Curly was, I cringe a little as she tosses the spell.
But just as before, nothing happens at all. She furiously hands the wand back to me. “You say it!”
So I raise the wand and say, “Lion who’s asleep, baa once like a sheep!”
The lion opens his mouth and lets out a baa so loud that Katarina gets shaken right off his head. She lands in the dirt with a thump.
“Katarina! Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not all right! I’m horrible! Do you know what they call a fairy without a wand?”
“What?”
“UNEMPLOYED!”
She marches over and angrily kicks my foot.
“Stop that!” I say. “Why did this even happen?”
“It shouldn’t have happened! I’ve cocooned before and never had a moment’s problem with my wand afterward. Not a moment’s!” Then she looks at me, crankier than ever—and that’s saying a lot. “For the love of glitter, you didn’t use my wand while I was cocooned, did you?”
“Um…just a couple of times.”
“IDIOT! Now it won’t re-bond with me unless Paige gets her dream. You silly girl! I cocoon for half an hour, and you can’t keep your grubby hands off my wand?”
“Half an hour? It’s been three days!”
Katarina is so shocked she stops kicking me and flies up to stare right in my eyes. “Are you serious? Three days?”
“Yes!”
As Katarina tries to wrap her head around this idea, I finally get a good look at her new, postcocoon self. Her wings are restored and more beautiful than they ever were; their colors are deeper, and there’s a magical glow all around them. Her hair is red and silky. But her face is as cranky as ever—I guess cocooning can only do so much.
Trying to make her feel better, I say, “On the plus side, your wings look gorgeous!”
She ignores the compliment and flutters back down to the ground. She says, “I’m fresh out of a cocoon and all healed. But can I take over? Nooooooooo! My wand is bonded to you! A wand that I’ve used for four hundred and twenty-two years!”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“You don’t do anything on purpose. Have you exploded Paige’s head yet?”
“No. The only thing I exploded was a pickle truck.”
Katarina lets out an angry hiss. “This is a nightmare! I want to go back to my cocoon!”
“Fine with me. I’ve been doing this all by m
yself for three days. I don’t need you.”
Katarina shouts, “You don’t need me? One more second, and you would have been cat food!”
We glare at each other for a moment or two. I open my mouth to say something mean. The meanest thing ever.
But I stop myself. Katarina’s right about the lions. And even with Sunny’s help, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to fix Paige’s voice by Saturday. I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can do this without her.
So, instead of saying something mean, I say, “All right. I need you. But you need me, too.”
“I do not!”
“Do, too! Unless you want to be a dryer fairy for the rest of your life!”
The anger slowly drains away from Katarina’s face. She looks up and wags her finger at me. “I’m going to be watching you every step of the way. And no using the wand unless I tell you specifically what to do. I’m the professional here—you’re only my assistant. One wrong move, girlie, and I’m leaving, dryer or no dryer! Do you understand me?”
“Yes!”
She flies down into my pocket and zips it up behind her. I guess this is the end of the discussion.
One of the lions rolls toward me, and I squeak like a frightened mouse, thinking he’s waking up. But he just gives a luxuriant stretch and yawns, without even opening his eyes. I can’t resist reaching over and petting him. This may be the only chance I get in my whole life to pet a lion. His mane is soft and golden, and the insides of his ears glow in the sunshine like pink seashells. This is cool.
Then I start hearing the other zoo animals bellowing and trumpeting angrily. There’s a little voice from my pocket: “Leave that mangy lion alone and get us out of here!”
“How? We can’t get out the way we came in.”
“I know that. Say, ‘I need to help Paige! Get me out of this cage!’”
“But—”
“Just use the wand and say it!”
Will that really work? There’s only one way to find out. I chant, “I need to help Paige! Get me out of this cage!”
I gently float up over the moat and land on the path outside the habitat. “It worked!” I say.
“Of course it did.”
Five minutes later, I’m outside the zoo, waiting at the curb with Katarina in my pocket. The animals are shrieking angrily inside, but none of them has gotten out. Good job, zoo architects!
Marybeth runs up. “There you are, Lacey! I was worried about you!”
“Principal Nazarino told me to wait for her here.”
An elephant trumpets inside, and Marybeth says, “Crazy day, today!”
“I’m sure things will calm down soon.” And I know that the second I leave, they will.
When we drive back to the school, Principal Nazarino is furious to find a long green limousine parked in her reserved parking spot. She honks.
The doors to the school open and Ann Estey, her mother, and an old man in a green cowboy hat that matches the limousine walk out, followed by dozens of gawking kids.
Principal Nazarino says, “Who is that man?”
OMG! It’s the Abner’s Pickle guy! (I know this, because I just saw his face on a hundred bouncing jars.) What’s going on?
Principal Nazarino gets out of the car to investigate. I’m about to follow, but then Paige runs up and motions for me to roll down the window. She says, “You did crash that pickle truck! Your spell worked!”
Katarina pokes her head out of my pocket. “Her spell worked?”
Then, seeing Paige, Katarina squeaks in a surprised little voice: “Paige Harrington!” She straightens out her wings and says in a deeper, much more serious voice, “Greetings and salutations! I am your fairy godmother! Not every girl receives this boon; you are one of the lucky few!”
I get goose bumps. Now, this is how a fairy godmother is supposed to act. Simple dignity.
Then, plop! Katarina totally ruins the effect by falling out of my pocket onto the floor mat.
I pick her up and say, “Paige, meet Katarina. Katarina, meet Paige.”
Paige is wide-eyed. “Your wings are so beautiful!”
All dignity again, Katarina gives her a little bow. “Why, thank you, my dear.”
Sunny suddenly pokes her head in the car saying, “Ann is—” When she notices Katarina, she gets sidetracked and blurts out, “Holy cow! She looks like your crazy Aunt Ginny!” Every shred of Katarina’s dignity disappears as she gives Sunny the stink-eye.
I try to steer the conversation back on track. “Sunny, what’s going on with Ann?”
“The Abner’s pickle guy saw her on the news this morning. He hired her to star in a commercial in Chicago this weekend.”
Paige adds, “Ann’s going to be a singing, dancing pickle on national TV! Your spell worked! I can have the part without breaking Ann’s heart, because she’s getting something she wants even more.”
Katarina shakes her head. “She wants to be a dancing pickle? What is this world coming to?”
Ann, her mother, and Abner reach the limo, and the driver scurries around opening the doors. Mr. Griffith runs up to them, out of breath and crazy-eyed. “Ann, you can’t leave! You are my Cinderella!”
Ann looks at him, a little guilty. “I’m sorry, Mr. Griffith!”
“You can’t do this to me!”
“I have to! It’s my big break!” Giving Abner a million-kilowatt smile, she says, “It’s like you’re my fairy godmother!”
Katarina snorts. “A fairy godmother would never be caught dead in that hat.”
Ann’s mother and Abner get into the green car, but Ann stands outside for a moment, looking back at the school and the curious kids. She waves a princessy wave at them and says, “Good-bye, everyone! I’ll never forget you!”
We all watch as Ann is chauffeured away in Abner’s limousine.
Mr. Griffith looks like he’s about to cry, but then he straightens his shoulders and deliberately turns his back on the departing car. “I have an announcement to make. Miss Ann Estey will be leaving the cast of Cinderella, the Rock Opera because of creative differences. There’s once again a marvelous opportunity for a talented, lucky girl at this school. A girl who could follow in the long tradition of replacement actresses rising to the occasion and far surpassing the ungrateful thespian who so callously left the show in the lurch.”
Everyone looks at Mr. Griffith, interested but confused. There were a lot of words there.
“Auditions will be held at noon in the music room. The role of a lifetime awaits!” And he marches back inside the school like there’s an inspiring soundtrack playing that only he can hear.
This is my last chance to get Paige the part, and I’m not going to let her down. I look at the others and say, “Everybody, meet in the janitor’s bathroom in five minutes!”
Making sure the bathroom door’s locked, I say, “Okay, Katarina. What’s the spell?”
When she doesn’t reply, we all turn and see her perched in front of the bathroom mirror admiring herself and her new wings. “Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. I look divine!”
“Katarina, concentrate.”
She pats her red hair and says, “Soooo shiny!”
“Katarina!”
She studies her face and smiles with delight. “I don’t look a day over four hundred!”
All three of us girls shout, “KATARINA!”
“All right! All right! It’s a simple spell.”
Paige says, “You’re not the one who sang like an angel all day.”
Katarina rolls her eyes and sniffs, “Classic rookie mistake.”
I say, “You were cocooned! I was doing the best I could!”
Katarina ignores me. “Paige, darling. You can’t be that bad. Sing us a little something.”
Paige hesitates.
Katarina encourages her: “Don’t be shy. You’re in a nonjudgmental, loving place here.” Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes.
Paige screeches, “I lost my shoe and you! I can’t believe it�
��s true!”
Katarina claps her hands over her ears and shouts, “Wow! You stink! More than stink! You stink-ink-ink-ink-ink!”
I say, “Katarina! You said ‘nonjudgmental’ and ‘loving’!”
“I know! But she stink-ink-ink-ink-inks!”
Paige breaks down in tears, runs into a bathroom stall, and slams the door behind her.
I say to Katarina, “Now, look what you’ve done!”
Sunny whispers, “But she really does stink.”
Paige says, “I CAN HEAR THAT!”
Sunny claps her hands over her mouth and lets out a muffled “sorry.”
Pondering, Katarina paces back and forth on the steel shelf under the mirror. “With that voice…the spell needs to be more delicate than I thought.”
Sunny can’t stop herself from quoting her favorite movie. She does her best Wicked Witch of the West impersonation, stretching the last word out into an evil cackle: “These things must be done delicately.”
I smile, but Katarina just looks mystified. She’s obviously never seen The Wizard of Oz. When she’s sure there aren’t going to be any more crazy cackles from Sunny, she continues: “Paige should, sing good!”
I say, “I know she should sing good! But what’s the spell!”
“That’s it. The spell is, ‘Paige should, sing good!’”
“‘Sing good?’ That’s not even grammatically correct!”
Katarina turns back to the mirror, humming and fluffing up her hair.
Sunny and I exchange glances, not believing the spell could be so simple. (Or so stupid.) Sunny says, “We could have come up with that!”
Katarina says, “But you didn’t, did you?”
I pull the wand out of my pocket. What do I have to lose?
Except my entire future happiness.
“Paige,” I say. “Are you ready?”
There’s a long pause as we all stare at the closed door of the bathroom stall. I tell Paige, “Don’t make me zap your feet. If I hit a cockroach by mistake, the roach is going to be Cinderella in the play.”
Katarina says, “That happened to Ernestina Snoop in the 1700s. Dryer fairy today. But the prince loved that cockroach till the end of his days.”
The Glitter Trap Page 9