by Jane Charles
“Yet, he’s practically killing…pushing to get this done quickly.”
“Yeah,” I practically whisper. “He’s really focused on it, like everything needs to be done now.” I glance back over the valley. “I hadn’t given it much thought because I was happy he had something he was passionate about.” I look back up at Brett. “Do you think it’s something more?”
He just shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t know him that well, but he didn’t seem all that happy when I first met you.”
“Actually he was. School was out and he had a whole summer with the camp and his camera. If you think he was unhappy then, you should see him during school. Downright surly.”
“Or depressed.”
The word just hangs there. I hate that word above all others. An illness that so many people have dealt with, including most of the campers. For some it’s mild and for others debilitating. “Yeah. Depressed. Sometimes it’s impossible to get him out of bed when it has nothing to do with headaches and dizziness.”
“And he doesn’t seem so now?”
The question is quiet and I get the feeling we aren’t just making conversation. What is Brett seeing that I’m not? “It’s the most focused and positive I’ve seen him since before the injury. He has a purpose and plan.”
“And wants it accomplished.”
I nod. “And, he wants to make sure everyone is good.”
Brett stiffens. “How so?”
“Comments like I’ll be okay. Grams will be okay and that Tyler will be okay. Like he’s going somewhere. I’ve told him he’s going to be okay too and he just smiles.”
My gut is warning me that Theo plans on being okay because he doesn’t plan on being here anymore. I could be all wrong in this, but I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t warn Jackie. “When does school start?”
“A couple of days.”
“Is Theo going back or are you going to homeschool him?”
“Theo told me not to worry about school. He didn’t sign up, so I’m assuming it’s the homeschool thing.”
A couple of days? Shit. We can’t stay here for the next three or four days. As much as I want to be alone with Jackie, I’m afraid of what will happen before we get back. I’ll just need to figure out a way to cut this short without her panicking. After all, I could be all wrong. A couple of days buys me some time, I hope, but we will be going back home tomorrow.
“Why all these questions about Theo?”
I can’t keep this to myself. As much as I don’t want to talk about mom, I have to. “I recognize the signs of depression.”
“He’s been depressed since the accident. Sometimes he’s worse than at other times.”
“And, he’s in pain and frustrated.”
“Yeah. But, there isn’t much anyone can do except meds.”
“My mom suffered from depression,” I finally say. “I didn’t get that is what it was when I was a kid. Hell, I didn’t get it when I was in high school. Only after I was in the Army and looked back. That’s when it became so obvious.”
“I’m sorry.”
“When I was a kid, she was absent a lot. Reading was her favorite escape. Closing the rest of us out while she soaked in the tub reading her damn romance novels.”
“All the time.”
“Not until my youngest sister was about five. It’s like she checked out.” I hate remembering how it had been, but I need to so I can explain my fears to Jackie. “She used to ask Dad to take her places and he always complained that it would cost too much. I assumed we were poor, but we weren’t that bad off. Dad was saving for the future. For retirement, which meant no family vacations and no dates with mom.”
“Ever?”
“When he wasn’t working he was at home, resting. He worked more double shifts than not, and was too tired to go out on the weekends. It was his excuse for not doing anything.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Looking back, I see how this affected Mom. He was gone most of the time, she worked during the day and was raising five kids practically on her own, and her husband never wanted to go anywhere. Hell, he wouldn’t even take her to a movie.” My anger is rising and as much as I don’t want to be pissed around Jackie, I can’t help it. “A fucking movie. Three hours away from the house, but he didn’t want to spend the money.”
Jackie isn’t saying anything, just listening.
“I remember one year, Mom wanted to go away for the weekend. Their anniversary was coming up and some Jane Austen Society was having a ball. Mom wanted to go so bad, but Dad wasn’t interested. Too much for the hotel and event. After that, she pretty much shut down. Gave up.”
“I feel bad for your mom.”
“I didn’t get it at the time. She took care of us kids, but not like she used to. Dinners were not as important, or going to parent teacher conferences, school plays or baseball games. We never knew if she’d be there or not. And, when she was, weren’t sure if she was even paying attention.”
“Sounds like it got bad.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. “We all thought she didn’t care. Let the house go and none of us brought friends around. We went to their houses instead. Mom and Dad hardly talked, but Dad was no different. He didn’t even realize that Mom was slipping away more and more each day.”
Jackie frowns and looks up at me. “Slipping away?”
“For a bit,” I clarify. “Then, when Claire was in her last semester of school, Mom was interested again all of a sudden. Called us more frequently. Wanted to make sure we were all home for Claire’s graduation. Wanted to make sure that we knew that she loved us. Telling us that no matter what, we were always important and now that everyone was out of school she knew we’d all be okay.”
Jackie stiffens at that. Those are the same words Theo has been using.
“She did a 180, like Theo.”
“Which is why I wanted to mention it, but I could be all wrong.”
“What happened?” her voice is strained, as if she doesn’t really want to know the answer, but needs to.”
“It was an amazing weekend. We had the mom back that I remembered as a kid. She insisted on pictures to remember happy times. Dad was Dad. Complaining about costs, as usual and she practically told him to go fuck himself, that she had all of her kids home and she didn’t care how much it costs to fly everyone home and have great meals.”
“Did they fight about it?”
“I think my dad was shocked that Mom stood up to him. She’d kept the peace so often, or so it seemed. If Dad said no, she never argued with him. I wish she would have back then, maybe things would have been different.”
“What happened?”
Jackie’s got to know things weren’t a happily ever after. It’s what I’ve been leading up to. “A week after we all returned to our lives, mom took a bunch of pills and never woke up.”
“Oh, Brett, I’m so sorry.” When she looks at me there are tears in her eyes. “That was just last year.”
I nod. The way I feel right now it could have been yesterday.
“And nobody saw it coming?”
“No.” I shrug. “We were clueless.” Then I start getting angry again. “My dad was pissed though. Complaining that he’d waited all these years, scrimped and saved so the two of them could retire and live like they did before there were kids.”
“Did she know that?”
“Maybe. But, I think she was so depressed and withdrawn at that point she didn’t care. Had dad actually made the same effort while we were growing up that he planned on doing after we were gone, maybe she’d still be here, and with him enjoying New Orleans.” I grit my teeth and take a deep breath. “It’s the one place she always wanted to go and now he’s living down there without her.”
Jackie snuggles against me and grabs my hand, squeezing it. There really isn’t anything she can say, but I needed to tell her since Theo has had a sudden interest in life too. I also could be all wrong. Maybe he just needed a purpose.
“Is th
at why Abigail wants to make everyone happy?”
“She tried to cheer Mom up. Staying home more than the rest of us. Reaching out, but it didn’t do any good. When Abigail mentioned a friend who was going to go off to Disney, Mom suggested she do the same. I don’t think Abigail ever expected to be hired, but when she was, Mom practically pushed her out the door. Insisted she go live and enjoy her life. To do it every single day and to not compromised for anyone. To be happy.”
“She didn’t want her to have the same life,” Jackie whispers.
“Claire has taken it the hardest, and probably has the most guilt.”
“It was her graduation?” Jackie asks.
“Claire was looking forward to traveling as an archeologist. With her gone, there was no reason for Mom to continue, which is what we all get now. She wishes she wouldn’t have been so anxious to leave and kicking herself that she should have just moved home while trying to find a job. It’s not like she needed a place of her own to live since she would be traveling. If she had just moved back Mom would still be alive, or that’s what she’s convinced herself of.”
“And the reason she isn’t working and going from family member to family member.”
I nod. “She’s lost and we’ve all tried, but it’s like she lost her passion for archeology and life.” I squeeze Jackie close. “I may send for her so I can keep an eye on her so she doesn’t slip into the same depression as mom.”
“She’s with your dad in New Orleans, right?”
“Dad didn’t recognize the signs in his own wife. Was shocked and pissed that she would do that to him.” I bite out. “I sure as hell don’t trust him to watch out for Claire.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
We head back down the path, but I’m too busy thinking to talk. Should I be worried about Theo? There was a sudden change in his behavior. I’ve not seen him fight for something as much as he has the school. And, he’s pretty much been pointing out that everyone will be okay and things will work out as they should.
Was he thinking about….? I can’t even finish the sentence. The idea of it is too frightening.
“Do you think it’s possible to go back tomorrow?” I hate to bring an end to this trip, but I’m not going to be able to enjoy it if I’m worried about Theo.
“First thing in the morning.”
“You don’t mind?” I don’t want him pissed. Brett paid for five days and it couldn’t have been cheap.
He stops in the middle of the path. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if it’s something I wasn’t concerned about.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Family is important, no matter how distant or far. If school was weeks away, I’d not worry so much, but it’s the one thing he doesn’t seem to have any concern for, which kind of makes me worried.”
“Thanks.”
“You know, it isn’t that far away. We can always run back with an excuse that you forgot something. If it would put your mind at ease.”
I can’t believe he’d be willing to do that. “Now?” It’s a three-hour drive. By the time we got there and came back it would be dark. But, it is my brother and would I really be able to sleep tonight.
“It if would give you peace of mind.”
“Let me think about it.”
He gives my hand a squeeze and says nothing else. I try not to worry, but I do. All the way down the path. As we near the cabin, Brett lets go of my hand. “We used a lot of the kindling last night. Let me get some to replenish the supply.” He grins at me. “Even if we don’t use it, always leave the place better than you found it.”
“Huh?”
“Boy Scout rule.” He winks at me as he reaches for some fallen limbs at the side of the path.
“Shit!”
He starts to pull back his arm and I barely see the movement or what happens before he next yells, “Fuck!”
“What happened?”
“Copperhead.”
My blood runs cold. They are poisonous. We have to watch for them in the woods around the plantation, but I never heard of anyone actually getting bitten by one. Is he going to die?
“Damn that hurts.” He’s cradling his left hand against his abdomen. “I’ve heard that copperhead bites hurt, but I was not prepared for this searing pain.”
“What do I do?” My heart is pumping and I try to clamp down on the panic. Now is not the time to panic. I need to think and do something but I have no clue what to do.
Brett closes his eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths. He isn’t going to pass out is he? I can’t carry him. I don’t even think I could drag him anywhere.
Grabbing the phone from my back pocket I look down, ready to punch in 911, but I have no fucking bars.
“No reception up here.” He bites out as all color leaves his face.
“Oh God!”
“It’ll be okay,” he says calmly.
How the hell can he be so calm? He’s been bitten by a poisonous snake. He could die, leaving me up here alone.
“I’m going to slowly walk to the car. You need to get my keys and billfold from the counter.”
“Okay.” I put an arm around his waist and lead him to his car.
“Get some kind of bag too.”
“Why?”
“I could be sick,” this was said with a groan.
I don’t do well with puking. When someone around me pukes, I start gagging and usually puke right along with them. I can’t let that happen this time though. Brett needs me.
Once we get to the car, he leans against it while I run into the cabin, grab my purse, his keys and his wallet, like he asked. I’m pushing the button to unlock the car as I lock up the cabin. Damn, I hope the other side is locked too. Instead of going to the car, I go back inside, and lock both doors, then hurry back out. Brett is already sitting in the passenger side of the car.
“Help belt me?” He asks when I get in.
I grab the shoulder belt and pull it across his body as he holds his left arm out of the way. The hand is already swelling and two puncture marks are bright red and inflamed. I swallow my panic and start the car. “Where am I going?” Hell, I don’t even know where I am to know what direction to go.
“After going over the bridge, turn right. There should be an urgent care in the town at the bottom of the hill.”
“Should be?” What if he’s wrong?
“Don’t worry,” Brett assures me. “If not, I’m sure there is a hospital or something not far.”
I look at him out of the corner of my eye as I go over the narrow bridge. “What exactly do you mean by not far?”
Brett shakes his head. “No more than an hour.”
Keep the hand in my lap and below my heart. That’s the one thing I remembered about snake bites. We learned all kinds of things and if this was a scouting trip, I’d still remember everything. And, maybe I do.
I can’t believe I was bit. If I would have looked a second earlier, I would have seen the snake before the damn thing bit me. Copperheads are not aggressive snakes, but I was reaching toward him. He was threatened. It’s not the snake’s fault but mine. And, I should have been more aware. The temperatures up here are in the mid-seventies. Their favorite weather.
Damn this hurts. Burning, stinging, aching, and there isn’t a damn thing I can do until I see a doc. Not even Tylenol or Advil. One of the specific instructions was no over the counter meds, no tourniquet and heaven forbid, no matter what they did in old westerns, do not try and suck the venom out. Instead, I just need to sit here, keep my hand low and try not to throw up.
The movement of the car, or the curves in the road are not helping with the nausea or dizziness. Closing my eyes only makes it worse because then I’m more aware of the movement.
Poor Jackie, her knuckles are nearly white from gripping the steering wheel. It isn’t the roads, but getting me to a doc.
“I’m not going to die.”
“Are you sure? How the hell can you be sure?”
She has me dead in the passenger seat b
efore we ever get to a medical facility. “People rarely die of copperhead bites.” At least that’s what I’ve been told. I’m not going to mention I have no facts to back that up. I may have at one time, but I’m barely keeping up a normal conversation to keep Jackie calm at the moment.
“But they are poisonous. Isn’t there a half hour rule, or something like that? When the venom makes it way to the bloodstream and then to your heart and then you die.”
Is she writing my eulogy in her head too? “Where did you hear something like that?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “An uncle told me when I was a kid.”
“Probably to keep you from playing with snakes or to make sure you were careful if you saw one.”
“If I saw one, I’d run.”
“Usually a good plan, or at least walk calmly away.” Calmly is usually the preferred reaction for the person and the snake.
“Are you sure you aren’t going to die?”
“Not from a snakebite.” But if she doesn’t slow down and keep her eyes on the road, I may have bigger issues than a throbbing hand and venom in my system.
Jackie hits the gas as soon as we are on the main highway and not the narrower mountain roads. At least I don’t need to worry about her going over a cliff. My stomach calms somewhat, now that we aren’t winding down a road, but just as I’m about to relax, I hear sirens behind us.
“How fast are you going?”
She looks down and eases off the gas, her face turning red. She is afraid and wants to get me to a doctor, though I wish I knew how fast she was going. She didn’t answer me.
Jackie has her window down and both hands on the wheel, waiting for the officer. I swear there are tears in her eyes. She’s not going to try and get out of it is she?
My wallet is on my lap, and I could flash my badge, but I don’t like doing that. It makes me look like a jerk and Jackie could be in worse trouble, depending on her speed. A lot of county cops don’t like federal officers so it’s best if I just sit silent and let her deal with this.