by C. L. Taylor
Honor, standing about as far away from the shelter as she can without actually straddling the dead fire, is hugging herself tightly. She’s wearing one of Danny’s sweatshirts, the hood pulled up over her head and fastened tightly under her chin. None of us have slept. I’m not particularly afraid of spiders but I was out of the shelter like a shot when Danny said the word ‘tarantula’. Meg scrambled after me, swiftly followed by Honor, Danny and Milo. The fire and torches had gone out and we couldn’t see a thing. No matter how much Danny tried to reassure Honor that he’d got rid of all the spiders she refused to go back to bed. Milo offered to go and find Jeffers, to see if we could borrow one of his torches, then changed his mind when Meg reminded him that he wouldn’t be able to see if there were any snakes on the forest floor. We tried to sleep, curled up on the sand around the dead fire, but there was no way that was going to happen. We waited for the sunrise instead, leaning against each other, knees gathered up to our chests, no one saying a word.
Danny pauses as he rounds the shelter and stares down at the sand.
‘What is it?’ Milo asks. ‘What have you seen?’
Danny crouches down. ‘Were these always here? These boot prints?’
We all move closer. None of us are wearing boots. We’ve all been living in flip-flops since we arrived four days ago.
‘Were these here yesterday?’ Danny asks again, touching the sand. ‘Can anyone remember seeing them?’
A shiver runs through me. I was wrong about us all wearing flip-flops. There’s one of our group who turned up on the island wearing very different footwear.
Danny reads my mind. ‘Jeffers wears boots, doesn’t he?’
I exchange a wary look with Meg. I can tell by the look on her face that she’s thinking the same. There’s no way Jeffers would have crept up on us in the night to drop spiders all over Honor. Absolutely no way.
‘What are you saying, man?’ Milo asks.
Danny gets to his feet. ‘I’m not saying anything, but I think we need to talk to him, don’t you?’
I can’t let this happen. ‘Milo,’ I say. ‘Can I have a word?’ We move away from the others, trailing down the beach in our bare feet. When we’re far enough away that we won’t be overheard I gesture for him to sit down.
‘What’s up?’ He turns to look at me. His face is sleep-crumpled and there are dark circles under his eyes, but his lips curve upwards into the smallest of smiles.
‘Something’s missing from camp.’
‘Huh?’
‘There were two axes lying on the sand near the shelter last night. I remember thinking I should pick them up in case anyone stood on them but I… I got distracted.’
Milo shrugs. ‘I wouldn’t beat yourself up.’
‘You don’t get it. They’re not there anymore. They’ve been taken.’
He glances over towards the shelter where Meg and Honor are deep in conversation and Danny is sitting alone by the fire, staring into the ash. ‘Are you sure?’
‘One hundred per cent.’
His eyes widen. ‘Oh my God. You think whoever put the spiders on Honor also took the axes?’
‘Not necessarily, but if they were Jefferson’s boot prints and he took the axes, he might have seen someone else creeping around.’
Milo picks up a small stone and flings it towards the sea. It bounces over the surface three times then disappears. ‘We need to talk to him, as soon as possible.’
‘I know, but we can’t tell Danny about the axes. He’ll put two and two together and—’
‘All hell will break loose.’
It takes us a while to find Jefferson. We spot his camp first – a hammock, strung between two trees, a rolled sleeping bag sitting in it, his rucksack hung from a sturdy branch and a huge fire, with an axe lying on the ground beside it, an axe he must have taken from our camp – but it takes some searching to locate him. We’re guided by the sound of an axe thwacking against wood and eventually stumble on to him a good ten- or fifteen-minute walk into the jungle. He jumps as we approach, then looks back at the tree and takes another swing at the trunk.
Milo hobbles towards him. His ankle’s a lot better than it was yesterday but it’s still sore.
‘Hey, Jeffers… I don’t suppose you heard anyone creeping around the jungle last night? Or spotted someone walking along the beach?’
Jefferson lowers his axe. ‘A stranger, you mean?’
‘Yeah. Something weird happened in camp, the original camp, last night and we’re just… we’re trying to figure it out.’
‘Weird how?’
‘Jeffers,’ I say. ‘We know you came back to the camp last night and took the axes.’
The base of his throat colours and he swallows.
‘It’s cool,’ Milo says. ‘We don’t care but if you saw anyone then you really need to—’
‘You need to fess up!’ Danny bursts through the trees behind us, making me jump. ‘You know exactly what happened last night. You were pissed off and decided to get your own back by chucking spiders all over Honor.’
Jefferson’s jaw drops.
‘I wouldn’t put it past you to rig up that pit trap either.’ Danny’s face is flushed red and his T-shirt is so damp with sweat it’s clinging to his body. ‘Is this some little game you’re playing? Trying to freak us all out by making our phobias come true? A power trip so we all look to you for leadership and—’
‘Danny, stop it.’ I touch him on the shoulder but he shakes me off angrily.
‘What’s going on with you guys?’ He looks from me to Milo. ‘Earlier on you were crapping your pants about the tarantulas and now what? The sun’s come up and you don’t care? Well, Honor does.’ He turns and points at his girlfriend as she walks out from the jungle with Meg. Danny walks over to her, puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her close. ‘She doesn’t want to sleep in the shelter anymore. She said she’d rather chance swimming to the mainland than spending another night here.’
‘It’s true.’ She looks pained as she wriggles out from his grasp. ‘I don’t want to stay here another night. I’d rather swim for it or make paddles out of bamboo and try and row Anuman’s boat back to the mainland.’
‘We can’t do that,’ Meg says. ‘I know how freaked out you are, Honor, seriously, I do. But it’s too risky. What if the paddles break or there’s a storm or a strong current and we drift off course? We’ve only got three more nights left and then our parents will raise the alarm and send someone to look for us.’ She looks to the group for support.
‘I agree with Meg,’ I say. ‘Sorry, Honor, but I’d rather take my chances on the island. At least we’ve got water, shelter and fruit.’
Milo holds up his hand. ‘Another vote for staying. It’s more dangerous on the water than it is here…’ He smiles wryly. ‘And I was the one who fell in a massive great hole.’
Danny shakes his head irritably. ‘This is all very lovely but it wouldn’t even be a conversation if Jeffers hadn’t been a dick last night. If he just admits what he did we can all relax. Seriously, man, I’ve never seen Honor that scared. If you’d have been there I’d have swung for you. And I still might.’
Jefferson’s derisive laugh makes Danny clench his right hand into a fist. I share a look with Milo. The last thing we need is for these two to start fighting.
‘Dan,’ Honor says warningly.
‘Fine, fine.’ He holds up his hands, palms out. ‘I’m not going to do anything. I just want him to admit what he did.’
We all turn to look at Jeffers, waiting for his reply. My gaze flicks to the axe in his hand. There’s no way he’s going to admit to being in our camp. He wouldn’t give Danny the satisfaction.
‘Seriously?’ he says. ‘You all think I’d do something that petty and vindictive?’
‘No!’ the word escapes from my mouth, loud and forceful in the small, sheltered space. ‘Not all of us.’
Danny glares at me. ‘Thanks for the support, Jessie.’
‘Of course
I didn’t bloody do it,’ Jeffers spits. ‘Jesus, Danny. I know you’ve got a problem with me being gay but seriously, man—’
‘Screw you!’ Danny stares at him, aghast. ‘I couldn’t give a crap about that. Don’t even go there. I’m not homophobic, man.’ He looks at the rest of us. ‘Am I?’
I’m pretty sure he’s not. I’ve never heard him say anything homophobic but he’s kept his distance from Jeffers – physically and emotionally – since we were nine, and they had a fight. When we were little, properly little, like six or seven, we all got on so well that we’d cry at the end of the holiday and say we didn’t want to go home. But now there are so many divisions in our weird little ragtag group that I’m not entirely sure who likes who anymore.
‘Jeffers, this has nothing to do with your sexuality. Nothing!’ Danny says. ‘It’s to do with you telling the truth. Did you or did you not creep over to our camp and scare Honor?’
‘For the last time,’ Jeffers’ grip on his axe tightens as he looks Danny straight in the eye, ‘I had nothing to do with it.’
‘Can I have a quick word, Jessie?’ Danny grips my elbow.
We’re traipsing back through the jungle towards camp – without Jefferson, who refused to come with us or speak to anyone after his argument with Danny, including me.
‘Jessie,’ Danny says again. The look in his eyes puts me on the defensive. He’s going to have a go at me for keeping quiet when he asked us to back him up on the homophobia thing. ‘What is it?’ I keep my voice low. We’re far enough away from Jefferson’s new camp that he can’t see us but – if he stopped his chopping and listened hard – he would be able to hear.
When Danny doesn’t reply I turn away. ‘I haven’t got time for this.’ I want to catch up with the others; the jungle has closed around us and I’ve already lost sight of them.
‘Jessie, wait. We need to stick together.’
‘Stick together?’ I point back towards Jefferson’s camp. ‘How is this sticking together, exactly?’
‘You can judge me all you want but there’s something you don’t know.’
‘About what?’
‘About this island.’
‘What about it?’
‘Honor isn’t the only one whose phobia has come true.’
‘Go on…’ I say wearily.
‘Milo’s did too. You know when he fell into the pit the other day? There was a snake in there with him.’
I stare at him in disbelief.
‘He didn’t see it,’ Danny says, reading the shock in my eyes. ‘And I haven’t told him.’
I push my hair away from my face and sigh. I don’t know if it’s the heat or the argument I just witnessed still ringing in my ears but I’m not sure why he’s telling me this.
‘What does Jeffers think? He was there, wasn’t he?’ Even as the words leave my mouth I realize how stupid they are. Danny and Jeffers have barely said two words to each other all holiday, other than the snarky ones.
‘I don’t know if he saw it or not,’ Danny says, his eyes not leaving mine, ‘but if he did he’s keeping it quiet.’
I consider this. ‘Maybe he doesn’t want Milo to freak out?’ I venture.
Danny raises an eyebrow.
‘What? You think he put the snake in the pit?’
‘I think someone is making our phobias come true. Someone could have dug the pit out during a jungle walk, and whistled to get Milo’s attention and—’
‘It was a bird. Jeffers said as much.’
‘Or someone pretending to be a bird. The fact is Milo ended up in a hole with a snake and Honor woke up covered in spiders. Jeffers was near the pit and his boot marks were found in our camp. Still think I’m an arsehole for having a go at him?’
I swipe at a mosquito buzzing around my face and swear under my breath. ‘Why, though? What possible reason could he have for doing something like that? He likes Milo, and Honor, he wouldn’t want to scare them.’
‘Wouldn’t he? You saw him last night. You heard how pissed off he was. He knows we find him annoying.’
‘Speak for yourself.’
‘It’s not just me. Not by a long shot.’
I slap at my arm then peel back my hand to reveal a small bloody mark and the remains of a mosquito. I still don’t think Jeffers would do something so vindictive. Sure, he’d creep back in the night to take the axes because they’re useful, but he wouldn’t deliberately screw with us.
‘There’s no way he’s behind it. It’s someone else. A stranger.’
‘Meg and I went into the jungle. There’s no one else here.’
‘How can you be sure? Milo reckons there’s another group on the island. Over on the other side.’
Danny sighs heavily. ‘You’ve been spending a lot of time with him this holiday, haven’t you?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘He’s my mate, Jessie, but he can be flaky and I don’t want you to get hurt. Not after what you’ve been through.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You know…’ He rubs a hand against the back of his neck. ‘What happened to T—’
‘Not that.’ I feel a sharp stab of irritation. I don’t want to think about Tom and I don’t want Danny’s sympathy. ‘Why do you think Milo would hurt me?’
‘I’m not saying he’d do it deliberately but he’s still in love with Bella. He wants her back.’
‘What?’ My stomach lurches horribly. ‘How do you know?’
‘Meg told me.’
‘What did she say, exactly?’
He shakes his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘No, really. It does.’
‘Oh God.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘Can’t we just leave it at this?’
‘No, we can’t.’
‘She said Milo was gutted when Bella dumped him and he’s using you to make himself feel better.’
The words hang in the air between us, like a knife aimed at my heart.
You’re a distraction to get over his heartbreak.
He doesn’t really care about you and he never has.
You’re making a fool out of yourself.
Give up now before you make it worse.
That’s what he’s implying. And it’s what Jefferson had been hinting at the other day. They all know Milo’s been playing me and I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
‘I’m not interested in Milo.’ I look Danny straight in the eyes. ‘So I don’t know why you think this is of any interest to me.’
‘I was just…’ He looks crestfallen, just for a split second. ‘I was just looking out for you, Jessie.’
‘Well, don’t. I can look after myself.’
I traipse behind Meg and Milo, listening to their conversation but not contributing. Meg’s crying. I would be too if I wasn’t so angry.
‘I can’t stand this,’ she sobs, pulling away from Milo as he attempts to put an arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s so horrible. Jefferson’s been ostracized from the group and he hasn’t done anything wrong!’ She raises a hand and points into the distance where Danny has caught up with Honor and they’re walking hand in hand.
‘I could have punched Danny myself back there,’ Meg says. ‘The way he waded in like that, pointing his finger and shouting. I don’t blame Jefferson for not wanting to come back with us.’
‘I feel bad…’ Milo says. ‘I shouldn’t have had a go at him the other day, about the fish.’
‘Yeah but, unlike Danny you apologized.’
‘It didn’t make any difference, though, did it?’
Meg side-eyes her brother. ‘Would you come back to camp? After everything that’s happened?’
‘Nah. I guess not.’
‘What a bloody nightmare.’
They lapse into silence and as we walk through the last of the trees and reach the beach I pause to take off my flip-flops.
‘You guys go on without me,’ I say as Milo looks questioningly back at me. ‘I’m going to have a swim.�
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‘Want company, Miss Harper?’
‘No thanks.’
‘Oh, right.’ His smile falters and he gestures to Meg to keep walking. ‘See you in a bit then, Jess.’
I wade into the sea fully clothed then take a deep breath and dive deep into the water. Within seconds I’m in a quiet, blurry world where all I can feel is the ache of the air in my lungs and the weight of the water. I reach out my arms and pull myself down, down, down. A shoal of orange fish with white stripes and black-tipped fins swerve around me and it’s all I can do not to shout, ‘Nemo!’ as they dip down and disappear into a waving mass of white-fingered coral. Other fish – their bright blue scales glinting in the light from the sun – glide warily away from me. I spot a sea turtle and swim excitedly towards it but it speeds away, becoming a distant brown blur within seconds.
I swim until my lungs ache, then I tip back my head and kick my legs until my face breaks through the surface and I gulp down warm, salty air. I flip onto my back and float, face turned up to the sun, arms and legs wide, barely sculling. The thoughts that magically disappeared when I was underwater reappear in my brain and buzz angrily like wasps.
Milo’s a dick.
Why am I such an idiot?
I’m so embarrassed I could scream.
Now the tears fall, rolling towards my ears and disappearing into my hairline as I screw my eyes tightly against the sun. The sea cradles my body, gently lifting me this way and that. I told myself I wasn’t going to let myself care for anyone. After Tom died I swore I’d never let myself love anyone that much again. Love means pain. That’s the truth no one teaches you. I flip over onto my front and power through the sea, slicing at the water with my hands and kicking at it with my feet.
I swim until the anger drains from my body and I’m too tired to lift my arms above the waves. I let my legs drop and I scull with my hands as I look back, surprised at how far I have travelled. I’ve made it past the rocks and another small patch of jungle and, stretched in front of me, is another beautiful white beach. My breath catches in my throat as something I’d mistaken for a rock suddenly moves across the sand. A sea turtle! We were told there were loads on this island but there aren’t any near our camp. The fire and our shouting and screaming must have scared them away. As I watch I spot another turtle and another.