Wishing Pearl

by Nicole O'Dell

  A few drinks? Olivia shivered outside the car with her hand on the door handle. Should she refuse to get in? Pretend she felt sick? Maybe she should call Jordyn’s dad to come get them. He seemed pretty cool about stuff. He could pick them up and let them crash in the shed. But Olivia didn’t have his number, and she doubted Jordyn would give it to her. It seemed like Jordyn drank and then drove every single week—maybe she was used to it and would be fine. But when would her luck run out?

  The window lowered an inch. “You coming or what?”

  “I’m coming.” She slid into her seat and pulled the belt tight around her as she hooked the latch into place. Everything would be okay—or it wouldn’t. Didn’t really matter either way.

  Feeling queasy from the mixture of pot and alcohol, Olivia put her head back against the seat and closed her eyes while Jordyn peeled out of the driveway. No, no. Don’t sleep. Olivia lifted her head with a wobbly neck. She should talk to Jordyn, keep her awake. But Olivia’s eyes felt like they had anchors on them, weighing them down. It was so hard to stay awake. She had to try. Maybe she’d rest her eyes for just a moment and then sit up and help Jordyn stay awake for the rest of the drive.

  Everything went black.

  “Start an IV. We’ll sedate her while we repair …” The unfamiliar voices went in and out of clarity.

  Where am I? Olivia tried to open her eyes, but the lids seemed to be superglued shut. People talked around her—she felt the tingle of their touch sometimes—on her arm, her foot, her shoulder. Her head buzzed and her ears rang—but nothing hurt. Where was she? She pulled strength from her deepest recesses and tried to fight against the urge to drift off again.

  “Two more stitches should …”

  Stitches? Wake up. Wake up. Her eyes still refused to open. What did she remember last? Out with Jordyn and Bailey. The party. Jordyn said Brett had been acting like a jerk—not like that was news. They broke up, and Jordyn wanted to leave. Olivia couldn’t recall anything after that—she found it difficult to think with the constant ringing in her ears. Beeping … Where had the beeping come from? Wait! Olivia remembered getting in the car with Jordyn, but then nothing. Had they been in an accident?

  “Doctor?” A woman’s kind voice hovered in a whisper near Olivia’s ear. “Her pulse has increased a bit, and her eyelids are moving. She may be waking up.” It must be a nurse’s light touches that Olivia felt flutter on her body from time to time. Was Mom in the room somewhere?

  “Okay.” The same man who talked about stitches answered. A doctor? “Give her ten more milligrams. Let’s not have her awaken while we’re sewing up her face.”

  My face? Olivia wanted nothing more than to touch her cheeks. Was she hurt badly? How many stitches? What else was injured? But she felt no pain…. How could that be? How about Jordyn?

  The buzzing in her head grew louder and her thinking hazier. The darkness fought a valiant battle against consciousness. It won.

  “Livvie? Are you coming to? It’s Mommy here with you.”

  Mommy? Since when did she refer to herself as that? Things must be bad. Olivia felt the light brush of a kiss on her forehead. Memories of being a little girl in her parents’ bed watching Saturday morning cartoons comforted her. Somehow she knew the beeping she heard was not from the television. What was going on? It took all her might to force one eye open. She steeled herself against the bright light and opened the other eye. “What happened?”

  “Shh. Don’t talk. Just rest. There will be plenty of time for talk later.” Mom sniffled. “We almost lost you, Livvie Love.” She blew her nose in a shriveled tissue.

  Olivia warmed at the familiar sound of a nickname she hadn’t heard for almost a decade—except for in her dreams. She tried to lift her head, but it felt like a bowling ball. Her eyes closed, and her mind blanked as she gave in to sleep again.

  When she woke, hours or maybe only minutes later, Mom stood right beside her bed, looking calmer than she had before. Did that mean Olivia’s prognosis had improved? “Mom.” It took all of Olivia’s energy to speak in a whisper. “I need to know. What happened?” She blinked her eyes and turned toward the empty bed across the room. “Where’s Jordyn?” Why wasn’t she Olivia’s roommate?

  Mom shook her head.

  “Tell me.” Olivia had only moments before she’d drift off again—she felt the weight pressing on her eyelids. She had to know … now.

  After a deep, ragged breath, Mom took Olivia’s hand—the one without the IV—in both of hers and rubbed the top of it with her thumb. “You and Jordyn were in a car accident. Jordyn ran the car into a tree going eighty-five miles an hour.”

  Olivia gasped and tears stung her eyes. “How is she?” How am I?

  “Jordyn didn’t have her seat belt on.” Mom choked on a sob and squeezed Olivia’s hand. “She didn’t make it.”

  The acid bubbled up from Olivia’s stomach. She whipped her head to the side and fumbled in her dizziness for the basin the nurse had laid on her pillow.

  Mom held back her daughter’s hair while she vomited, her own tears dropping onto the back of Olivia’s head and running down her neck.

  Olivia fell back against the bed and frantically searched the space within reach. She wanted to throw something—smash it against the floor. But she couldn’t protest—what was the point? Couldn’t punch the wall. Couldn’t move. She could cry, but what good were tears? She’d sure cried her share over the years, but they’d never brought her daddy back. They never changed a thing. Useless like her prayers. “I wish it had been me instead, like it should have been … the first time.” God must want to punish her. If He even existed. Olivia sure had her doubts about that.

  “Don’t say that.” Mom put her hand on the top of Olivia’s hand and squeezed. “Please don’t say that. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”

  The dam broke, and the flood of tears poured forth from Olivia’s eyes.

  The door opened, and a nurse poked her head in. “Everything okay?” She bustled to the bedside with a syringe and injected something into an IV port.

  Mom rubbed Olivia’s hand, the room silent except for the beeping. Would the monitor stop making noise if her heart broke in half? Apparently not.

  Tears continued to stream from Olivia’s closed eyes down her cheeks, soaking the bandage that ran beside her ear, from her chin to her forehead. Her eyelids fluttered, and no matter how hard she tried to fight it, she started to drift off.

  Probably thinking Olivia was already asleep, the nurse whispered, “She took it pretty hard, huh?”

  “Yeah. She was in the car when her dad died many years ago—when she was seven. He hadn’t had his seat belt on either—like her friend Jordyn. Poor Olivia.” Mom sniffled. “This brought back some horrible memories for her, I’m sure.”

  Wriggling her head, Olivia freed her long braid from beneath the trap of the seat belt across her chest. Why weren’t they home yet? The drive from Daddy’s work took forever tonight. Olivia poked her thumbs in her ears, wiggled four fingers, and stuck out her tongue at the reflection she saw in the rearview mirror. She leaned the side of her head against the cold window on her left then had an idea. She huffed on the widow, expelling steamy breath to frost the glass. She dragged her pointer finger up and down, erasing the fog, leaving her most important message behind: I Luv DADDY!

  Olivia nodded in satisfaction and grinned. Her eyes caught her face in the mirror again. She giggled at the cavern where her two front teeth used to be and pressed her tongue in the hole. She’d wanted to lose those teeth since she was six, but it took them a whole year to fall out! It felt gooey and weird—kind of like Jell-O Jigglers. Mmm. Maybe Mommy made some today. Maybe even red ones shaped like hearts or green ones like Christmas trees. Green ones were her favorite.

  Flip. Flap. Olivia flicked the zipper on her coat with her mittened hand. Her fingers were getting sticky with sweat.

  “Jingle bells, jingle bells …” Daddy sang along with the song on the rad
io. He loved Christmas music. He loved all music, but Christmas was his favorite. Especially on a night like this—snow falling around them … perfect snow for building a snowman. Maybe they could do that after dinner.

  “Jingle all the way.” Olivia joined in. “Oh, what fun …”

  Daddy gasped.

  Olivia froze in horror—something seemed very wrong, but she didn’t know what it meant.

  Headlights beamed through the front window, coming right for them. Daddy would get them out of the way in time, right? Olivia wanted to look at him, but she couldn’t tear her eyes off the beacons that grew bigger and bigger with each passing moment.

  “Stop him, Daddy!” Olivia clenched her fists and scrunched her eyes closed.

  Tires squealed. The impact jarred her entire body. Would the seat belt snap? The sound of crunching metal and breaking glass seemed unending. Screams filled the car. Hers or Daddy’s? Sounded like both.

  It didn’t hurt—like an amusement park ride. But when would the tumbling stop?

  “Oh God, save my angel!” Daddy cried out into the night as Olivia watched his back hit the roof of the car. A final roll, then the world went black.

  The turn signal click-clicked, click-clicked. No other sound could be heard.

  “Daddy?” Olivia whispered into the darkness. She felt funny. Almost like she hung from the sky. She tested her seat belt—it felt tight across her chest and belly. Her legs dangled. Why couldn’t she see? Where was Daddy? Her heart pounded and her body trembled. “Daddy? Where are you?”

  Silence.

  “Daddy? I’m scared.” Olivia scrunched her eyes shut, this time to pray. Jesus, make it all go away … please. She slowly opened one eye then the other. “Daddy!”

  What should she do? It was getting cold in the car, and the snow blew in through the broken windows. Maybe Daddy needed help. Olivia reached down by her right hip, felt among the folds of her puffy winter coat, and released the belt. She dropped with a thud to a flat surface, but her arm got twisted and stuck in the seat belt above her. She crouched on what must have been the ceiling to free her arm. How weird that the ceiling was under her feet.

  Olivia reached over and tried to open the door, but it was upside down and stuck in the snowbank. The other side! She crawled across the ceiling and fumbled for the door handle. Stuck. She could feel her heart beating in her chest. What if no one found them?

  “Daddy?” She tried again. Her tiny plea was answered by nothing but the whir of the wind.

  In the pitch black of the snow-covered car, Olivia pulled off her gloves and patted the area around her. “Daddy, why aren’t you saying anything? Where are you?”

  The car seemed kind of tilted. Like it rested on a hill or a slope of some kind. Olivia had to hold on to the seat to crawl toward the front of the car, where she groped for contact. Finally, she felt her dad’s nylon ski jacket in front of her.

  Scurrying under the seats so she could be near him, Olivia smelled the comforting scent of his familiar cologne. She reached out a cold hand and touched his face. Warm wetness. She pulled back her hands and pressed her fingers together. Sticky. What was that? It felt like glue—only warmer.

  “Over here,” a man’s voice called from right outside the car.

  “I see it.” The second person sounded farther away.

  Olivia sighed in relief as she saw lights flicker through the snowfall. “Daddy, they found us. It’s going to be okay. You can wake up now.” Silence.

  “Hey! How many people are in there? Are you okay?” The first man yelled through the window with a gravelly voice. He sounded pretty old. Like thirty.

  “Me and Daddy are here. Daddy’s taking a nap.” Olivia’s teeth chattered, so she cuddled her shivering body as close to her father as she could.

  “Hey, Mike, bring the shovel. I think we need to hurry. You call 911?”

  “Yep—as soon as I saw the accident. They’re on their way. “

  A siren wailed in the distance. The shovel was put to work. As the snow cleared from the windows, light from the rescuers’ flashlights began to seep into the car. Olivia felt Daddy’s cheek again. Even more glue. Where was it coming from?

  Finally, they cleared the area by Daddy’s door and managed to pry it open just in time for Olivia to see the ambulance pull alongside their overturned vehicle. The lights made pretty red swirls on the mounds of snow.

  “Hi, sweetie. What’s your name, and how old are you?” The ambulance man crouched down by the door, letting the flashlight shine on his face.

  “I’m Olivia, and I just turned seven. “

  “You’ve been very brave, Olivia. Are you hurt anywhere?” He pointed the light on her body.

  “No, but my daddy has glue all over him. “

  “Glue?” The nice man squeezed through the door and shined the powerful light onto Daddy’s face. He gasped.

  Blood covered Daddy’s head and soaked his coat. A shiny red puddle spread from beneath his back.

  Olivia’s jaw fell, and her stomach retched. She looked from her daddy’s head to her blood-covered hand and screamed.

  And screamed.

  Olivia opened her eyes, expecting her hands to be covered with Daddy’s blood. Instead, she found herself in a sterile hospital room, hooked up to beeping and whirring machines. She clenched the damp sheets to her chest. A droplet of sweat trickled from her forehead into her right ear. Her heart raced beneath her fists as her ragged breath fought to gain control.

  As the horse hooves thundering in her chest calmed, her mind caught up and Olivia remembered why she lay there in a hospital bed. Her hands flew to her face. The bandages still covered her left cheek and ear. Wonder what lay beneath those bandages. Did she even want to know? Why did she have to wake up at all? Blessed eternal sleep would have been so much easier than this new reality.

  Two accidents, neither one a dream. When would the nightmare end?

  Chapter 12

  Knock, knock. You up for a visitor?” Jodie poked her head into the room.

  Olivia winced when she tried to nod. She touched her bandages and wondered how bad she looked. Mom said her face was swollen and bruised, but no one would let Olivia see a mirror. “Head hurts so bad.” The throbbing felt like a drumbeat.

  “I know, sweetie.” Jodie stepped over to the bed. “I brought you some flowers.” She held up a vase of cheery daisies.

  Olivia nodded and gestured to the window ledge. “Thanks.”

  Jodie set them down and spread the flowers in the sunlight. “I heard what happened last night.” She covered Olivia’s hand. “I’m really sorry about your friend.”

  Olivia blinked. “Everyone dies.” Her breathy voice was a barely audible whisper.

  “What’d you say, sweetie?” Jodie leaned closer.

  “Nothing.” Best not to repeat it, or they’d put her in the psych ward. Then again, that might be the best place for her.

  “Where’s your mom?” Jodie looked around the room even though Mom obviously wasn’t there.

  “Shopping.” Olivia swallowed, finding it difficult to talk. “She was here earlier. Decided a concussion and twenty-two stitches deserved new pajamas.” She lifted the cup of water from her bedside tray and sucked on the straw, letting the water touch her cracked lips. “Might go home tomorrow.”

  “I heard.” Jodie sighed. “Any news about when the visitation will be?”

  “Tues … day.” Olivia’s voice choked on a sob. She closed her eyes to the horror of the reality she faced in the coming week, and forever.

  “I’m not going to stay long. You need your rest.” Jodie squeezed her hand. “Can I pray with you before I go?” Olivia blinked. “Please.”

  “Our precious Lord Jesus …”

  At the mention of His name, Olivia broke down. Hours, months, years of grief poured out from her body in buckets of tears that washed over the bandages on her face, soaking through them and stinging the rips in her flesh. Her shoulders shook; her hands trembled. She felt Jodie’s ar
ms encircle her and pull her close, but Olivia didn’t hear another word Jodie said. Finally, when she’d cried her last tear, Olivia opened her eyes.

  Jodie desperately prayed, pleading with God over Olivia. Her lips moved, and her hands were white as they clasped a well-worn Bible. “Olivia. I feel an urgency. I feel like God is asking me to talk to you about this right now while He’s got ahold of your heart. Get out of this, Liv. Go to Diamond Estates. Find healing. Find peace. Find Jesus.” Jodie scrunched her eyes and squeezed Olivia’s hand. “Please.”

  Olivia blinked twice.

  Dressed for the visitation, Olivia sat on her bed. How could she put one foot in front of the other and walk out of the house to go to something like this? What would it be like? Jordyn had been so young, so beautiful. Her parents must be beyond devastated. Surely they blamed Olivia for not doing something—anything to stop Jordyn from getting behind the wheel that night. What should she say to them? What could she say? It probably didn’t matter. They wouldn’t speak to her anyway.

  Olivia put her fingers on her temples and tried to smooth away the tension and the questions plaguing her. Why hadn’t Olivia insisted they call a cab? She could have taken the keys from Jordyn, called home for a ride, or even staged a simple protest by not getting into the car. Was she just as guilty as Jordyn because she went along with it? Maybe even worse because she knew better. Why hadn’t she told Jordyn to put on her seat belt? And why had Olivia allowed herself to fall asleep? If she had just stayed awake, maybe she could have kept Jordyn alert. Why hadn’t she just said no in the first place? The endless questions would never have answers.

  Her fingers traveled down her face and traced the length of the three-inch wound running down the side of her cheek, in front of her ear. She walked back to the bathroom to cover it with a patch of surgical gauze. The doctor had she didn’t need to bandage it, but it looked so red, so angry—gross with all those stitches.