“Why not?”
“Because I wanted to set my first home up by myself. Even though they would’ve meant well, Mom and Dad would have tried to take over. It hurt their feelings, but I don’t know how else to make them understand that I want—and need—to do things for myself now.”
Her smile was so damn sad. “For example, remember that day I had lunch with my mother? Well, I was telling her everything I was doing to get settled in. When I mentioned I was having the fence built, she immediately wanted me to let Dad call whoever was building my fence for me. You know, to make sure the guy wasn’t taking advantage of me.”
Considering Mikhail had been that man, her father had been right to worry about that. He had to wonder if he’d be hearing from Mr. Short once his sons reported in. He mentally ticked off everything they’d found out about what their sister had been up to lately: the landscaping, the motorcycle, the new boyfriend, and, oh yeah, the sex.
Amy had clearly run out of steam, and his gut was still tied up in one huge knot. Images kept playing out in his head of all the things they’d done together that might have killed her if the surgery on her heart really hadn’t been as successful as she thought it was. Granted, he’d had no way of knowing the risks, but he should’ve asked more about the surgery that had left her with such deep scars, not just on her skin but also deep inside where they never really healed.
Could he have ever forgiven himself if something had happened to her? Considering he still carried a heavy burden of guilt over his mother’s death, maybe not.
This discussion hadn’t resolved anything, and it was time to head home. By the time they got there, maybe he’d have a better handle on what to say about what had happened, what he’d learned about her situation, and where they went from here.
He shoved his seat back from the table. “You stay here and finish your meal. I’m going to get Tom to help me load your bike in the back of my pickup truck.”
Her eyes sparked bright with temper. “I can ride my bike back home.”
Mikhail planted his hands on the table and leaned in close. “Don’t push me on this, Amy. Right now you can barely hold yourself upright. There’s no way in hell I’m going to let you back on that bike right now.”
She glared at him for several seconds before speaking again, her eyes reflecting both anger and hurt. “God, you sound just like them. For the record, Mikhail, I already have four brothers who try to boss me around. I don’t want or need another one.”
And just that quickly, that line they’d erased was back, this time the gap between them so wide and so deep he doubted they would ever find their way back to each other. Ignoring the surge of crippling pain burning through his chest, he did the only thing he could that wouldn’t make an already bad situation worse. He walked away.
Chapter 22
The trip back home hurt—every mile, every curve in the road, every second of dreadful silence that hung between them as they rode caged together inside the pickup truck. Then there was the ongoing argument inside of her own mind, which was causing a massive headache. At least that gave her an excuse to close her eyes and shut out the rest of the world for a while.
Meanwhile, her logical mind insisted she’d done nothing wrong, that no one had a legitimate reason to be mad at her. Not her brothers and especially not the grim-faced man sitting next to her. But if that were true, why did her heart fear that she’d hurt Mikhail in some profound way that she hadn’t foreseen? In turn, that worry had dragged her conscience into the discussion, telling her that she owed someone an apology, and most likely several someones.
Despite her best rationalizations, she’d obviously handled the whole I’m-leaving-home-because-I’m-an-adult-now thing badly. Grown-ups didn’t run away in a fit of anger. They didn’t let their families worry unnecessarily just to prove they could make their own doctor appointments. No, they faced their demons, set some boundaries, and worked out compromises.
Her failure to do those things had hurt the people she loved, including the man who had come after her just to make sure she was all right even if he wasn’t particularly happy with her right now. She definitely had fences to mend, but right now she didn’t have the strength, even if she could have found the words.
The truck came to an abrupt stop, and the deep rumble of the engine went silent.
“We’re home, so you can quit pretending you’re asleep.”
She winced at the snap of anger in Mikhail’s voice. Before she could say anything, he was already out of the truck and heading around the front end to her door. He jerked it open and held out his hand to help her down. It would’ve been churlish to refuse, although it was tempting. It was almost insulting how quickly he released his hold on her as soon as her feet touched ground in his driveway.
“Jack will be here shortly to return my SUV and help me unload your bike. I’ll leave it in your driveway.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded and turned away, leaving her no choice but to go, even if each step away from Mikhail left her feeling more alone than at any other time in her life. Well, right up until she opened the front door to be confronted by not just one frantic bulldog, but two. She sank down on the floor and gathered them both in close. Neither one seemed to mind the drip of tears on their furry heads as she drew comfort from their undemanding company.
Although Sarge let her hug him, he kept staring at the door and woofing softly. He was clearly missing his owner and wondering when he would get to go home. As tempting as it was to keep him, to have that much of Mikhail in her arms, that wasn’t fair to either the man or his dog.
“Come on, boy, I’ll walk you home.”
She pushed herself back up off the floor and wiped her face dry on the sleeve of Mikhail’s flannel shirt. Something else she’d have to return eventually, but not until she washed it. She wasn’t about to do that tonight, not when it carried his scent. Surely he wouldn’t begrudge her sleeping in his shirt for one night. Even if he would, there was no reason to tell him. First thing tomorrow, though, she’d toss it in the laundry along with the sheets where they’d slept in each other’s arms. If only her memories could be as easily washed away.
No, she didn’t mean that. There was no way she wanted to forget Misha and all those amazing firsts that they’d shared. His friendship had been an amazing gift, one that she would cherish as long as she lived. She patted Sarge one last time. “Come on, big guy. We should get you home.”
Both dogs bolted out the door the second she opened it. As soon as she stepped out on the porch, she wished she’d peeked out the window first. Not only was Mikhail in his driveway, but Jack was with him. They’d already unloaded her motorcycle, but right now the two of them were up in each other’s faces, arms waving and fists clenched.
Testosterone and bullheadedness rolled off them in waves, making it clear neither of them was going to back down on his own. There was no telling what they were arguing about, but she suspected that it had something to do with her. It looked like the day’s events had left Mikhail looking for a handy target for his anger. No way she was going to let him pound on his brother when she was the one he was mad at.
She cut across the grass straight for them. Mikhail had his back toward her, but Sarge charged ahead of her, barking his fool head off. He positioned himself on one side of his owner while Panda took the other and added his own vocal displeasure to the ongoing argument. For her part, she took a deep breath and shoved her way between the two men, doing her best to channel her mother; the woman had years of experience in dealing with hardheaded idiots.
“What on earth is going on with you two? Standing out here and putting on a show for all of the neighbors like this? How stupid is that?”
Jack backed up half a step but not on the attitude. “I was just telling my baby brother here that he’s a fu—”
Mikhail reached around her to give his brother a quick shove. “Watch your language in front of her.”
Oh, brother. Like she hadn�
�t heard the word before or even used it herself when the situation warranted it. Before she could point that out, Jack shot her an apologetic look. “Sorry, Amy. What I meant to say was that I was pointing out my baby brother’s wrongheaded thinking.”
“And I was telling him—” Mikhail paused to glare down at the dogs. “Will you two please shut the fuck up.”
The bulldogs ignored his request while Jack smirked at him. “Tsk, tsk, little brother. Language, remember?”
Clearly, both brothers knew exactly which buttons to push to bring out the worst in each other. Mikhail kept his gaze pinned on Jack. “Amy, take the dogs back inside. I’m pretty sure this discussion is about to intensify.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, determined to remain right where she was. “That is so not happening. I’m staying right here until you both calm down.”
Mikhail ended Amy’s participation in the discussion when he took it upon himself to remove her from the equation completely. Sweeping Amy up in his arms, he carried her back over to her porch. “Go back inside and stay there until I can send my jerk of a brother on his way.”
It was tempting to argue, but she knew she’d lose. “Fine, but promise you won’t start throwing punches.”
That comment stopped him in his tracks. “Why? You worried that I’ll mess up his pretty face?”
With her on the porch and him down on the sidewalk, they were at about the same height. She stared into those heartbreaking blue eyes of his, wishing she still had the right to hold him close. “No, I just think you’ve been hurt enough for one day.”
If anything, he looked even more grim. Darn it, couldn’t one thing in this never-ending nightmare of a day go right? As he walked away, she called the dogs back inside the house. With one last lingering look at the man outside, she closed the door.
—
Mikhail glanced back at Amy’s house and shook his head. Damn the woman, anyway. She had him spinning in circles and no idea of how to find a straight path out of the confusion.
Jack leaned against the side of the pickup with his massive hands still curled up in fists. “You going to come back over here and finish this discussion?”
It was tempting to ignore his brother and hope the big idiot would simply disappear. They both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Jack was nothing if not stubborn. It was a trait that all three brothers had in spades.
Surrendering to the inevitable, he walked past Jack toward his own house. “How about we take this inside? We wouldn’t want to entertain the neighbors, would we?”
Jack glanced toward Amy’s house and grunted. “Damn, she sounded just like Mom, didn’t she? Seriously, do women teach each other how to talk like that or is it some X-chromosome thing?”
Mikhail unlocked the door and stood back to let Jack go in first. “How the hell would I know something like that?”
He flipped on the hall light and headed straight for the kitchen to pull a couple of beers out of the fridge. After handing one to Jack, he led their two-man parade into the family room and flopped on the couch while Jack parked his ass in the recliner.
Mikhail pointed toward his brother’s beer. “Drink that and then go home.”
Jack was already shaking his head. “No can do. Not until I find out what the hell is going on with you. Starting with what the nice lady next door did that’s got you tied up in knots.”
Yeah, right. Like Mikhail was going to confess all right now. “So not happening.”
His brother set his beer down on the end table with exaggerated care, a signal his temper was revving hot again. “Damn it, Mikhail, I can’t fix things when I don’t know what is broken.”
Mikhail took a swig of his beer. “Since when did you start writing an advice column?”
That did it. Jack’s big fist came down hard on the arm of the chair. He leaned forward as if he were about to roll up to his feet. Maybe that fight Amy had interrupted had only been postponed. But then Jack took a long slow breath and eased back from the brink.
“Here’s the bottom line—Mom’s worried, I’m worried, and so is Tino.”
And Mikhail hated he was putting them through all of this, but there wasn’t much he could do except lie and hope that it helped ease their minds. “I’m fine.”
Jack’s eyebrows rode down low over his eyes and his jaw took on an aggressive tilt. “That’s bullshit. You haven’t been fine since before you left the Corps, and don’t try telling me I don’t understand what I’m talking about. Been there, done that, and you damn well know it.”
Son of a bitch, he thought he’d been hiding his problem adjusting to life outside of the military better than that, especially lately. Another drink of his beer did nothing to wash away the bitter taste in his mouth. “So, I got it wrong. You’re more of a mother hen.”
Jack flipped him off and then immediately held up five fingers and started ticking them off one by one. “You have trouble sleeping. Your temper is always seconds away from exploding. Worse yet, sometimes the smallest thing sends your head right back into combat mode, which means you’re dangerous to be around. And don’t think any of us have forgotten that all-out meltdown at Mom’s house. I’ll admit you’ve been doing better since you and Amy hooked up, but you’re a long way from being fine.”
He dropped his hand back down on the arm of the chair. “And speaking of her, you promised to tell me what was going on that you needed the truck today.”
Yeah, Mikhail had been hoping Jack had forgotten about that. There was no way Jack was going to let him skate on that, but he could pick and choose what he told him. “Amy had an unexpected and pretty ugly run-in with two of her idiot brothers, who showed up without notice. They wouldn’t leave, so she did. I went after her in the truck in case she was too tired to ride back safely.”
There. That should be enough to satisfy him.
Jack sat in silence for maybe a minute before speaking again. “Okay, I might buy the story about her brothers, because it explains why Amy looks so wrung out. It still doesn’t explain why you look like you’ve lost your best friend, and I’m not talking about Sarge. So, what gives? And don’t try stonewalling me. We both know I’m not going anywhere until you spill your guts.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not to you, anyway.”
“If not me, then who? Do you want me to call and ask Mom to come over instead?”
“Oh, hell no.”
That was the last thing he needed right now. He kicked his head back against the couch and closed his eyes at the nightmarish specter of his entire family staging an intervention. Jack had him backed into a corner and knew it. Fine, he’d talk, but not about everything.
“I have been doing better. And you’re right that Amy is a big part of the reason behind the improvement in my mood and control. We deliberately kept things simple and easy at first. I wasn’t lying when I said we were just friends. That was true in the beginning. Then, when I wasn’t expecting it, we ended up being a whole lot more than that.”
He had to force his next words out through gritted teeth. “But something happened today that changed everything, and I’m not sure what the fallout will be.”
He opened his eyes to meet Jack’s worried gaze. “I’m telling you right now that something is none of your business. It’s personal between me and her. Either we’ll work it out or we won’t, and I don’t need you tromping around in the middle of everything with those size thirteen feet of yours.”
Jack nodded as if what Mikhail said confirmed something he’d already been thinking. “Please tell me this isn’t more of that crap you told Tino at the dance about her deserving someone better. Because if it is, I will call Tino over here, and the two of us will explain the error in your thinking. Both of us had some of those same thoughts when it came to Caitlyn and Natalie. We were wrong, and so are you.”
“It’s not that.”
Honesty had him adding, “At least it’s not entirely that, but I meant what I said. It’s for me and Amy to fig
ure out on our own.”
Mikhail stood up. “Now, it’s time for you to go. I need to go collect my dog.”
Jack remained right where he was. Fine, if he wouldn’t leave, then Mikhail would. “Lock the door when you go.”
Then he walked out, laughing just a little at the string of obscenities that followed him to the door.
Out on the porch, he stopped to stare up at the night sky. The moon appeared larger than usual and cast the world in a silvery light. His brother stepped out onto the porch a few seconds later. Jack edged closer to Mikhail as if unsure of his welcome. Well, not unsure at all, but evidently he was willing to risk it anyway.
“I promise I’ll leave, but I have one more thing to say before I do.”
Mikhail kept his eyes trained on the sky, but he made no move to push Jack away. “Fine. Spill your guts if you need to.”
“Okay, hard-ass, I will. You weren’t here when everything went to hell when Ricky’s stepfather put the kid back in the hospital. I’ve gotta tell you that I was pretty damned messed up by what happened. I know Tino told you about me tearing up the annex, but that wasn’t the worst of it. I shut Caitlyn out and let her walk away. Hell, she shared her darkest pain with me right before she told me she loved me, and I still let her leave. If the woman hadn’t been willing to give me a second chance, I don’t know what would’ve become of me—or Ricky, for that matter.”
Mikhail had heard some of what had happened, but not that last part. He didn’t know what to say, but luckily Jack kept talking.
“I might not know what’s going on with you and Amy, but you might want to fix it before it’s too late. I’d really like to see you happy again.”
Then he stepped off the porch and headed for the pickup truck. As he drove off, Mikhail finally thought of what he should’ve said. “I’d like that, too, Jack.”
Love, Always and Forever Page 22