The next days were a haze. They interviewed him at the local jail house, the sheriff clearly uneasy with the whole “domestic violence” subject. What they couldn’t understand was how anyone could abandon their child, to leave them to their own devices. No matter how often it happened, the official statistics on the subject sketchy but nonetheless scary, it was still a horrifying shock for everyone who came across an actual case. The sheriff had known the Bates family for decades. They were good and decent people, but this behavior was clearly the result of a very sick mind. What the sheriff couldn’t fathom was just how sick his mind was...
After the holidays were over, they flew him back to the city where more interviews awaited. He was appointed a public attorney, his firm wanting nothing to do with him once the news had spread. When he learned that Jonathan was in town, and in the company of a famed gay writer, he wanted to die again, realizing that he had failed.
Like father, like son!
Yet, somewhere deep within him, there was an odd feeling, a feeling that reminded him of a comfortable warmth, but that seemed impossible. He felt warm when he thought about Jonathan having a companion, someone to love him. It made him feel good that Jonathan did not experience the same pain he had. Jonathan survived, strong, despite all the torture he had endured by his hands. He couldn’t explain why. He wanted to hate the fag, wanted to hate the man that had apparently rescued Jonathan, had taken him in, but he couldn’t bring himself to find that feeling anywhere within him. He had no hate left. Searching for a word that described how the warmth felt, the closest he could think of was admiration. He admired Jonathan for having had the strength to cope. Admired him for surviving. For loving. For Dan, he felt gratitude. Simple gratitude.
He laughed at the thought. The monster admires his offspring and is grateful for his savior... I’m truly pathetic!
During the next meeting with his lawyer, Jonathan’s father was dealt another blow. Apparently a judge had approved for his wife to be exhumed, her remains to be subjected to another autopsy to secure potential evidence of his physical abuse on her body. His final barrier broke right there. He asked to talk to the police, to confess. He didn’t want Jonathan to suffer any more. He couldn’t bear for anyone else to suffer any more because of him.
He was dead, it was time the others were allowed to continue their lives.
He also requested to speak with Jonathan, one last time.
***
“He what?” Dan yelled, as Parker called him to relay the message he had been given. “No fucking way am I going to subject Jon to that. He’s not going to see that monster in jail. Never. He’s been hurt enough!” Dan was extremely upset. These past weeks had been rough on Jon, the constant news about his father, the articles in the paper when the story of Jonathan’s survival was leaked to the press. Dan sheltered him as well as he possibly could from the impact those articles might have had. Many of his reporting colleagues were vultures, chasing their prey relentlessly, waiting for the right moment. Luckily, not all the news had gotten out. Luckily, they were able to legally protect their home address before the press got wind of it, but that was only a temporary measure. Eventually someone would talk, eventually someone would leak it.
“Daniel,” Parker offered, “I know it’s a lot to ask, but you know as well as I do that this isn’t your decision to make, nor is it mine. It’s Jonathan’s, and I’m not so sure that this wouldn’t be a good thing for him. To say things in private, rather than in a courtroom...” He let those words sink in before he continued, hearing the heavy breathing from Dan’s earlier outburst quiet in his receiver.
“He signed a complete confession today. Both to the lifelong abuse of Jonathan and the beatings of his wife, before Jonathan’s birth and after they had abandoned him. Daniel, he gave the police everything, more than they could have ever been able to deduce from a second autopsy. They’re not going through with it now. That part of the investigation is over.”
Dan sighed. It was really the first piece of good news in weeks. “Something else, Daniel,” Parker continued. “I received a phone call from a couple out west, apparently Jonathan’s grandparents. They will be coming to town for the trial. They asked me to convey their sympathies to Jonathan, to tell him they loved him and would be there to support him during the trial.” Parker paused before he continued.
“They didn’t know Daniel. They didn’t know anything. Needless to say, they’re pretty upset, but I think it might be good for Jonathan to have some sort of family connection. How’s the boy doing, anyway? Is he home?” Parker felt he’d given them enough news for one day.
“He’s out walking Rascal. He’d been brooding over a paper on our system of government for his finals next week. He needed to clear his head a bit. Mr. Kendall is driving him hard, I can tell. But, at the same time, I can see it’s good that he’s keeping busy. Honestly, Parker, I don’t know how he does it. When Sean died, I...” Dan’s voice faltered, overwhelmed by the emotions associated with those particular memories. He had told Parker about Sean a week ago when they met for dinner. Parker introduced them to his partner, Dennis. It had been a nice evening while they spoke about everything but the pending trial. “Um, when Sean died, I couldn’t cope. I just retreated. But Jon, he’s so strong. He’s such an amazing individual. For that alone, I love him.”
Parker chose his words carefully. “He has you, Daniel. That makes all the difference. Imagine if he would’ve had to deal with all this on his own? Give yourself some credit. You have been an amazing influence on Jonathan, and I can see how he trusts you implicitly. It’s in his eyes, his body language. He clearly loves you.”
Dan thought about Parker’s words, wondering if his new friend was right, if Jonathan really did love him. Did they really stand a chance of making it through this as a couple, despite everything going against them? Would they make it through the trial, the publicity associated with it? Would they survive four years of college? Would they survive the fact that Dan was Jonathan’s first lover? Would they survive his eventual want to move on, to explore what more the world had to offer? Would they survive the age difference or would Jon resent him for keeping him away from living a healthy, happy college life, full of parties, no string sex, small infatuations, falling in and out of love a few times before finally settling down? All of this frightened Dan, and he wasn’t sure if they stood a chance.
Dan was frightened because he had let himself fall for Jonathan, and now he was once again at the mercy of the decisions of another man. That was a scary and invigorating sensation all wrapped up in one handsome package.
“Would you please tell Jonathan that I called? Just doing my job here, legally obligated to point out all options to my client, you know.” Parker had no illusion that Dan would not attempt to talk Jonathan out of seeing his father and, in all honesty, he wasn’t so sure about it himself. Given everything he had heard about the man, he probably would not want Dennis, given similar circumstances, to do it either. He could certainly understand Dan’s protectiveness towards his younger partner, particularly after the ordeal he had been through. Yet, family was family, and no matter what we do to each other, there is a certain bond that is hard to break and impossible to ignore.
When Jonathan came home from his walk with Rascal in the nearby park, he found Dan brooding over a cold cup of tea in the kitchen. Since neither Rascal licking his hand nor Jonathan’s peck on his cheek seemed to change his mood, Jonathan took the verbal approach. Dan explained the story just as Parker had given it to him on the phone.
Dan seemed tired. Tired of fighting, tired of protecting Jonathan, tired of fending off journalists and photographers. He had reached a point where he would easily break, and somehow Jonathan sensed his partner’s vulnerability, sensed that for now, he had to be the stronger one. Dan reached out to Jonathan and took him into a quiet yet strong embrace. Jonathan kissed him on the top of his head as it rested comfortably on Jonathan’s shoulders.
He led Dan over to the cou
ch where they sat in silence, yet again, contemplating one of the cards dealt to them by the game of life. However, for once it wasn’t Jonathan curled up into Dan, but vice versa. Dan rested his head on Jonathan’s lap, resigning himself to be taken care of by his young lover, his boyfriend, his partner. Jonathan rested one arm on Dan’s chest and played with Dan’s hair with his other, all the while silently contemplating his options. He needed to figure this out by himself. This was about him, his family, his decision. Dan and Parker had both said so.
Jonathan really didn’t see that he had much choice, because despite everything that had happened, despite everything his father had apparently told the police in his extensive statement, he had avoided answering the one question Jonathan really needed the answer to. He already knew the facts of the case, saw them every morning in the mirror as he looked at his scarred body, every time he closed his eyes and faced the memories from his childhood. No, Jonathan didn’t care about knowing what, all he cared about was learning why.
He mulled for a while over why his father wanted to see him. Did he seek forgiveness? Could I forgive him? After all he’s done? Do I even want to? Jonathan had no answers, but if he ever hoped to get any, he needed to ask his dad why. Why, dad, why?
Chapter 20
PARKER SCHEDULED THE meeting for the week before the trial began. Jonathan was in the middle of his finals, had passed the oral examinations with flying colors, and was one test away from completing the requirements to graduate.
Dan had taken a couple of weeks off because some of the journalists from the tabloids had gotten their address, and were camped out on their doorstep. Luckily, the complex where they lived had a fierce and intimidating guy at the front door that did not allow anyone up to any apartment without approval by the tenant or owner. Yet still, every time they left the building, flash lights went off. Questions were yelled, and Dan had the distinct feeling they were being followed wherever they went, significantly curtailing their freedom. Most restaurants were out of the question as they didn’t have enough security to keep the reporters and paparazzi at bay. Besides, it just wasn’t any fun being out eating, knowing what they’d have to go through after finishing their meal.
The home that Parker and Dennis shared had become a welcome getaway during those days. Dennis did his best at entertaining his partner’s new friends, getting to know the two young men who could easily have been his children, almost grand children, he thought with a sentimental twinge when he first met them.
There, they were reasonably safe. Their house was in one of the wealthy suburbs of the city, well protected behind walls and gates. Dennis belonged to one of the old families that had originally founded the city, several hundred years earlier. His family had earned a considerable fortune over the generations. Being an only child, it had all fallen to him after his parents died. His parents were disappointed that their only son would never have children of his own, but they didn’t disapprove of his choice in life partner. Unfortunately, the disappointment of what would undoubtedly be the end of a dynasty was still palpable as his mother lay on her deathbed all those years ago. Dennis was twenty years Parker’s senior, and had retired more or less, simply taking care of the house and his substantial estate.
Dennis was amazed when he learned of Jonathan’s inheritance, putting him on par with his own fortune. He made himself a promise to help guide the young man as best as he could through the treacherous waters that wealth takes you through. He had lived through his fair share of disappointments, knowing full well what it meant to be loved, not for who you are, but for what you own, that deceptive feeling of false security. Luckily, he met Parker, a truly remarkable fellow. He was a young, enthusiastic lawyer, who didn’t care about Dennis’ money. He was so convinced that he would eventually create his own fortune that he proposed to Dennis with a prenuptial contract in hand, giving up any future claim to Dennis’ wealth should their relationship not work out. They never signed it, but Dennis had been moved to tears, and had accepted Parker’s hand. Not that it mattered. At the time, there was no such thing as domestic partnership or gay marriage. It was just two guys sharing a flat, or a mansion, in this particular case.
“We’ve been together for thirty-six years, Jonathan, and I don’t regret a single day,” Dennis told him once after they carried the dishes back to the kitchen. “Parker was so young when we met, still in college, cramming for his exams, poor like a church rat, not a penny to his name, but he made up for that with his eagerness, his willpower. I fell in love with him the first time I saw him...” There was a tremor in Dennis’ voice at the memory, and Jonathan wondered if he and Dan would ever be awarded such a future. Yes, there were similarities between him and Parker, but on the other hand, Parker’s parents had been loving, working hard to put him through college, providing him a life they could never hope for themselves.
Only time will tell...
“Are you ready to meet your father?” Dennis asked, putting dishes into the dishwasher, his voice as casual and noncommittal as he could muster. He knew, of course, that Dan didn’t like the idea, and he could only imagine what was going through Jonathan’s mind, what was in his heart. Yet at the same time, the boy seemed so strong, so incredibly strong. Dennis wondered how he would have fared under such circumstances. I’m glad I don’t have to...
“A little nervous, to be honest,” Jonathan started, handing Dennis another dirty plate that the older man carefully placed in the dishwasher. “I haven’t seen my father in five months, and I already know what he’s done, but I don’t know why. I need to understand why. Can you see that Dennis? Can you understand why I need to know?”
Dennis stretched his back, every bone and muscle in his old back aching from bowing down to the dishwasher. He looked at the young man before him, seeing the need Jonathan spoke of so clearly in his eyes. Jonathan was the epitome of a question mark, this tall, handsome, gangly young man.
“You know, son, I do. I absolutely do understand that you want to know. In your situation, I would feel exactly the same. But allow me to say this, and you don’t have to take this advice if you don’t want to, but be prepared to not find what you’re looking for. Your father may not have the answers you seek. He may want to, but still not be able to give them to you. He may also just want to see you to once again establish a hold over you before the trial. Be ready for the worst, son, and hope for the best. You’re lucky to have Dan by your side. Together you’ll get through whatever life may throw at you. But only if you trust one another, love one another, and if you stay open, truthful and faithful to one another.” Dennis chided himself for sounding like an old fart. Oh well, too late for that now. He put his hand on the young man’s shoulder and led him back to the study where Parker and Dan were sharing a whiskey.
“Can I get you boys anything?” Parker asked, jumping from his chair as Dennis and Jonathan walked in. Jonathan smiled at his choice of words, so fitting for him, yet so teasing to Dennis. Judging from the blush on Dennis’ face, the small word had hit its mark, making Dennis feel special, loved, seen. In that instance, Jonathan understood what it meant to love, it was almost an epiphany.
“Dan, may I have a word with you?” The three men looked at him curiously, wondering what was going on, surprised by the unusually formal tone and infliction of Jonathan’s voice. “Sure,” Dan said and followed Jonathan out into the hallway, as Parker poured Dennis a glass of the precious Scottish concoction.
“Tomorrow,” Jonathan started, taking both of Dan’s hands into his, “I’ll need you to have my back. I don’t know what my dad is going to say or do, and I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with him alone. I’ll need you more than I’ve ever needed you before, Dan. Can you do that for me, please?” Jonathan looked down at Dan, his eyes locked onto his, imprinting on Dan the importance and significance of what he’d just said.
Dan was at a loss for words. Did he just say he loved me? Jonathan’s plea certainly gave him that vibe.
Jonathan did
not avert his eyes from Dan, not even to blink. “I, uh, of course, Jon, you know I would never abandon you. Never. I love you too much, and I’d die before I let anyone hurt you ever again,” he said, his voice trembling.
“I love you, too, Dan.” It was all he could say before his voice broke and they fell into each other’s arms and kissed.
***
The next morning was tense. Dan’s knuckles were white from clutching the steering wheel as he drove Jonathan to the penitentiary where Jon’s dad was being held. Dan was still not convinced that this was the right thing to do, but Jonathan had explained it to him again the night before. Both Dennis and Parker sided with him, so who was he to argue? I’m just overprotective of my man, I guess...
When they arrived at the visitor center of the prison, they were both thoroughly searched. As if I’d bring anything to get my dad out of here...
Rules were rules, and they needed to be followed. Once they had passed both security checks, they were led to a waiting room. Parker was already there, conversing with another man, a pale looking guy in his thirties, probably Jonathan’s father’s lawyer.
When Parker noticed the arrival of his clients and friends, he jumped up and approached them, giving each man a bear hug. “So, are you ready?” He looked only at Jonathan. Dan was suddenly worried. “I have bad news. The prison will only allow one visitor in there. I’m sorry, Jonathan, but you can only go in there by yourself. We’ll be waiting right here if you do, okay? You can still change your mind. Do you understand? You don’t have to do this...”
Jonathan’s knees felt like Jell-O at Parker’s words, and the petrified look on Dan’s face did not exactly strengthen his resolve. But he’d come this far, and he was going to see this through to the end. Without another word, he started walking towards the door that would lead him into the visitor’s room. Squeezing Dan’s hand tightly before letting him go, he walked in silence. That squeeze was all he could do to communicate that Dan would have to be strong for both of them, right there, instead.
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