by Taryn Quinn
“Oliver, dammit.”
“What happened to your swear jar?” Ally demanded.
An odd question in light of what surely was at the forefront of my sister-in-law’s mind, but I didn’t claim to understand women.
Sage tilted up her chin. “Maybe I don’t need it anymore.”
“Oh yeah, why’s that?” Ally folded her arms. “I thought you were concerned about swearing in front of Laurie.”
I had a feeling there was vital subtext I was missing here, and quite frankly, it was fascinating to try to discern. I’d probably have to down half a bottle of Tylenol later for my growing headache, but for now, I would settle back and watch the show.
At least until the blood spatter hit my shoes.
Sage let out a derisive noise. “I can manage not to swear in front of her. Hell, you know everyone in this town wants me to stay a goody-goody. I tried. I did. But the clothes got too tight.”
“Not from where I’m crouching.”
“Shut up,” they both said simultaneously.
Another thing I would never understand about women. Even when they appeared to be fighting—although over what, in this case, I had not one clue—they would always side with each other over the nearest man. It was a given.
“No one wanted you to stay a goody-goody. That wasn’t it at all. You were never that anyway.”
“No, I just had crappy luck and crappier taste. At least I finally figured out how to find a man who can get it up.”
I couldn’t help preening. It wasn’t much of an achievement, but I suspected I’d be thrown over a barrel momentously. Might as well take my victories where I could.
Ally gasped and stared accusingly at me. “You. You gave her that last O that was almost as good as pumpernickel rolls.”
For probably the first time in my life, I was rendered mute.
“And so what if he did? So what?” Sage rose and tried to get in Ally’s face, which was impossible since Ally was half a foot taller and much too round to allow such kind of confrontation. “Am I not allowed to have pleasure in my life? You get to have it all the damn time. What about me?”
“I never said you couldn’t have pleasure. Did I? I even offered to buy you that vibrator I liked and you said no!”
“Ladies, this is a place of business.” I promptly stopped speaking when they both glared at me. Maybe when they started up again, I’d just sneak out and shut the door, then have my meeting in the conference room down the hall.
Oh fuck, my meeting. Yeah, they needed to disperse. Like now.
Because this wasn’t already awkward enough, Wonder Twin decided to stroll in, hands in his pockets and a smug expression on his face that indicated he’d probably gotten some in the last hour.
I’d gotten something as well, but it definitely wasn’t sex. Heartburn? Absolutely. A minor case of performance anxiety now that I’d been ranked behind pumpernickel rolls? Practically a certainty.
“Hey, hey now, what’s all the commotion in here?” He paused in the doorway and grinned at the window. “Your lights are crooked.”
“Why don’t you ask your brother what the commotion is? Hmm? Hmm?”
From Ally’s stare, I determined I was supposed to say something. Perhaps declare that I was indeed the one who had shot a bow through Sage’s hymen. However, since I still cared about the fact that this was a business office—despite the crooked lights and loud argument more suitable to the Jerry Springer show—I was not taking the bait.
“This can be discussed at another time,” I said evenly.
“Oh yeah, like when? Tonight?”
“No. We have plans tonight.” Sage pulled off her heart headband and tossed it on my desk. “Or do you want to deny me my Valentine’s Day orgasm too?”
Seth rubbed his temple. “What in the hell are you people talking about?”
“Keep in mind, this is all because of you. You, Alison. You’re the one who insisted he come with me to watch over poor little clueless Sage. And you’re the one who told him I’d sleep with just anyone, Seth. So maybe you got your wishes, both of you.”
No one spoke, least of all me. She’d managed to slot me into the spot I’d been trying to deny since the first day of Vegas. That we’d been born of convenience, the same reason we continued.
It wasn’t true on my end. But how was I to know if it was on Sage’s? From what she’d just said, it sure as hell seemed possible. Whether or not she was angry and defensive, she might’ve also been honest. Sometimes truth was spoken at the most inconvenient times.
And I didn’t want to fucking hear it. Not now. Not ever.
“I have a meeting,” I said, wanting all of them out of my sight.
Including Sage.
Especially Sage.
13
Sage
Instead of having romantic Valentine’s Day sex—or even better, filthy Valentine’s Day sex—I spent that night shoveling in Rocky Road ice cream covered with a thin layer of potato chips.
I hadn’t looked it up on the internet, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t the usual recovery meal from food poisoning by proxy.
Since I’d planned on a late night with Oliver, I’d taken the next day off from work. The way the schedule fell, I got the day off after that as well. It gave me plenty of time to brood about my bad life choices.
Oliver wasn’t the jackass in this case. I was.
I kept telling everyone I was an adult, and to treat me as one, but instead I’d behaved like a child afraid to get caught for breaking curfew. That needed to stop. I wasn’t that person. Just like with the situation with my parents, I’d been reacting to everyone else rather than making clear, decisive choices. I’d let others set a course for me and I’d hidden behind stupid rules to try to keep myself from getting hurt.
It wasn’t working. Even if I was the only one who knew Oliver and I were a thing, it wouldn’t keep the pain at bay if he ended things. That had been foolish. Just as it had been foolish to force us into hiding as if we were a shameful secret. Maybe it had been fun in the short term, but in the long term, it didn’t make sense.
Except that was the whole point. I hadn’t thought there was a chance in hell we’d work long term. Sure, I’d just wanted a fling, but part of that was because it was Oliver, player extraordinaire. Oliver, the jerk who was so much sweeter than I gave him credit for.
He’d hung up those Valentine’s lights himself in his office even though he didn’t want decorations. Why? Just to please me.
And I’d repaid him by making him seem like a ready dick.
I’d also lied to my best friend, and I’d thrown her worry in her face although I understood her heart was in the right place. She might have sent Oliver after me, but it had been my choice—our choice—to take the next step.
One we’d taken over and over since we’d been home. Yet we were still playing games.
Your idea. You made him promise not to tell anyone.
Our relationship wasn’t the only thing I’d tucked away. I was also in serious denial about why I’d now thrown up on cue three mornings in a row, only to not be sick for the rest of the day. That was compounded by the fact I’d had other troubling symptoms too. The kind I’d dismissed as being from fatigue and working too hard.
The potato chips and chocolate ice cream were kind of damning though.
I couldn’t stop looking at my phone, hoping I’d hear from…someone. Oliver. Ally. Even Seth. But my cell stayed silent.
The balls were all in my court.
I did get one text, from my mother.
Hey sweet pea, guess who’s almost in town? We can’t wait to see you. Hope you made up the spare bed because we’re parking this Airstream for a few days in favor of terra firma. Send Ally our love & tell her to keep that baby in until we get there. See you tmrw. Xoxo
We hadn’t seen each other in months. I didn’t want to spring taking a pregnancy test on my mama first thing when she showed up, but I also didn’t want to take one alone.
Or Oliver, but I wasn’t going there yet. I didn’t know how to tell him I thought it was a possibility, though after the stupid condom thing, he couldn’t be that surprised. Still, we’d just argued. Sort of. He didn’t know how messed up I’d been that day, first over the morning sickness and what it might mean, then by seeing that condos sign. He probably wouldn’t have gotten why I’d been so upset anyway. Especially about the second one.
For all I knew, he might think like my parents.
Now you have your freedom. Whoop-ti-do.
I didn’t know how he’d react to news of a child either. He’d proven himself so unpredictable lately. For that matter, so had I. I wanted a relationship. I didn’t want a relationship. Flings were great. Would I ever find my forever love like Ally? And on and on, ad nauseam.
When it all came down to the fact I was scared. I was scared to want and be denied.
Just like I’d wanted the bed-and-breakfast so much, and I’d lost it. Why? Because I’d never even spoken up. Never said the words.
I couldn’t do that again. If I held back the conflicted feelings inside me, Oliver might very well go back on the market—and like the bed-and-breakfast, he wouldn’t be there for long. Some beautiful woman would snatch him up, and maybe they’d fall in love and have perfect little babies someday. Perhaps they wouldn’t even fight.
Unlike him and me.
But I liked sparring with him. I liked pushing his buttons and snarking at him and making up afterward. We laughed so much together. Honestly, we had even before we’d fallen into bed. Yes, I’d spent my share of time annoyed at him, but we’d both liked our combative style of communication. At least I was pretty sure he did too.
Despite his romantic history, he didn’t deserve my value judgments constantly being thrown in his face. It was going to end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy if I didn’t quit my shit. He would walk away, and I would’ve practically pushed him out the door.
God, I was so freaking vulnerable right now. He was probably mad at me—rightfully so—but I couldn’t wait on this test. No more burying my head in the sand. But with how we’d left things, how could I ask him to hold my hand while peeing on the stupid stick?
No, I’d just have to do this alone. Like an adult.
For real this time.
I pulled myself off the couch and checked the clock. Past five in the evening. I had a shift in the morning, though not first thing. Greta had gone easier on me since Oliver had rode in on his silver steed last month. Our boss Mitch had returned from vacation and she’d seemed too preoccupied with making sure his every need was taken care of before he thought of it. He’d been relegated to greeting customers now and then when he wandered out of the back office, since she now did a lot of the more hands-on stuff.
Thankfully, she hadn’t balked at giving me time off. If I needed more, I was hopeful I could get it. Ally would be back in a few months, despite Seth’s strenuous objections. She enjoyed working, and they’d discussed getting a nanny if she worked part-time.
Maybe she wouldn’t come back at all. I imagined it would be hard leaving an adorable baby at home just to come sling hash and pour coffee.
I might have a dilemma like that on my hands soon enough as well, though there was no question I would be working. I needed the money. The last thing I wanted was to be beholden to anyone. That was another part of being adult. Handling your stuff.
First, I needed to see if there was even anything to worry about.
After I dressed in jeans and a fuzzy sweater, I peeked outside and groaned inwardly at the deluge of snow. Lovely. Looked like I needed my boots, and not the cute suede heeled ones. I bundled up and hurried down to the drugstore, crossing everything that no one I knew would be working the cash register. My luck was in, because the person ringing up purchases appeared to be a new hire from the high school. I dumped the three early detection pregnancy tests I’d grabbed along with a pair of tampons for the purpose of subterfuge—of course, I’m buying these tests for a friend!—and six Nestle Crunch bars on the counter. On second thought, I added the family-size bag of sea salt potato chips.
If I’d gotten knocked up the very first time I had sex, I deserved every bit of the gluttony.
The kid didn’t even look at what he’d rung up and bagged. I hurried out of the store and back to my loft in the accumulating snow, stopping for an extra minute or two to admire the way the falling flakes seemed to disappear into the gray ice of the lake. The gazebo was strung up with white twinkle lights, and I swallowed hard, remembering the lights I’d tried to hang up in Oliver’s office.
Seth had been right. They were crooked, but they were absolutely perfect.
Oliver had probably taken them down. Possibly burned them.
Along with memories of me. Us. The Valentine’s that wasn’t at his family’s cabin.
My eyes were stinging, and it wasn’t from the snow.
I trudged back inside, lined up the tests on my bathroom sink, and took care of business. My hands were shaking and I had trouble actually, you know, peeing on command, since I was so nervous. But after sucking down a cup of water, all good to go.
Nothing left to do but wait. Eyes closed, barely breathing.
The craziest part about all of this? I didn’t know if I wanted to be pregnant or not.
Actually, no. That was a lie. Deep down, beneath the fear, I did. I always had. I wanted my own baby—babies, plural. Being a mom had always been my biggest dream, right along with running the bed-and-breakfast.
That the timing was all screwy didn’t matter. If I was pregnant, I wanted this baby. So much.
The timer went off and I bit my lip, bearing down until I tasted blood. I checked one stick after the other, my heartbeat echoing in my ears like a bass drum.
Each one of them said the same thing, clear as could be.
Pregnant.
This time, the sting in my eyes didn’t stop at just prickles. They overflowed, running unchecked down my cheeks. I stared at my reflection and cupped my stomach, disbelieving and scared and so, so happy.
Some dreams did come true. This baby was proof.
I sank to the toilet lid and just let myself weep for a few minutes. I couldn’t be strong. Not right now.
I also couldn’t keep this news to myself. I had to tell Oliver.
Would he freak out? Of course, he would. He’d freaked about the broken condom. Before that trip to Vegas, we’d never considered finding ourselves in this situation together. But that’s what we were. Together. Bound for the rest of our lives by this child, whether we liked it or not.
Seth was a great father, and he’d been caught even more off-guard by his ex-wife’s pregnancy. Oliver couldn’t be too shocked by this happening. He’d seen the evidence all over his hands. But Seth and his ex had gotten married just because of the baby, and the marriage had soon ended.
I didn’t want to get married for my kid. I didn’t want anything other than Oliver to be there for the child. And if he couldn’t—if he wouldn’t—well then, I’d do my best to be both parents. The baby would have my parents and Ally and Seth and…
God, what if Ally and Seth hated me? What if I hadn’t only lost Oliver with my outburst? They’d said and done some dubious things, but I knew they loved me. Maybe they didn’t know the reverse was true.
Maybe it didn’t matter anymore.
I sniffled and got myself together. No, I wasn’t going to disasterize. Not about Oliver, not about my best friend. I intended to blow my nose, brush my hair, put on some makeup, and then I’d go talk to Oliver—
My cell chimed and I dug it out, my pulse skipping at Seth’s name on the readout. Eeep, this had to mean…
“The baby?” I asked, relief coursing through me that they’d still thought to contact me. I had another chance to fix this hopelessly snarled mess. “Is it time?”
“It’s time. We’re on the way to the hospital. Ally wanted me to call. She
would’ve done it herself but she’s focusing on her breathing.”
I heard a screech in the background that was unmistakably my best friend. “And not ripping my hair out! I need drugs. Lots of drugs. Sage,” Ally wailed. “Hurry!”
My eyes filled again and I laughed, giving up any hope of staving off the tears. Clearly, tonight was a night to let my emotions run rampant.
“I’m on my way. Don’t have it until I get there, all right? I want to hear the first cry.” I clutched the hem of my sweater.
All in one day, I’d found out I would have my own little one, and I would get to meet my godson. How had I ever seen myself as anything but supremely lucky?
“I’ll do my best,” Ally said loudly, obviously speaking through gritted teeth. “But you better move fast.”
“Moving,” I called, despite knowing she couldn’t hear me. I shoved my feet back into my boots and wetted my lips. “Is Laurie taken care of? She’s with—” Even saying his name was too difficult.
“Yes, Oliver has her. No worries there.”
“Thanks for calling me, Seth. I…it means so much to me.”
“You’re family,” he said simply. “See you soon.”
Yeah, tears were going to be a thing today. No avoiding it.
After grabbing my purse, I rushed out to my car and hurriedly drove to the hospital. My hurrying was a relative thing, however, since the snow made the drive treacherous and the hospital where Seth and Ally were having the baby took some time to reach. I had no sooner arrived than Seth texted me again. This time, there was a picture of a beautiful little boy with a shock of dark hair, swaddled in a white blanket with brightly colored footprints all over it.
I squealed right where I stood in the hospital hallway, doing a little booty dance that nearly made me wipe out on account of the snowy puddles on the floor.
“You okay, ma’am?” A nurse touched my arm as she walked past.
“Yes, I’m fine. Look, my bestie just had a baby! I’m his godmother. Isn’t he the most adorable kid ever? I hope mine is—” I broke off and aimed a guilty look at my belly. That info needed to stay under wraps just a little longer. “He’s so cute.”