They sat together starting upward for what seemed like an eternity. Brenna wished it could be. Here in this silent place, no one would ever hurt her again.
But then her jaw clashed again and again as a wicked shiver rocked her body. “I guess we should get going before we both freeze to death.” Even her words didn’t sound convincing as she spoke them aloud.
His arms tightened and the side of his jaw pressed against her head. “You don’t sound entirely certain. As for me? I could sit here forever with you. Just like that.”
She gave her head a slow shake and tucked herself even deeper into his embrace even more. “You’re right. Let’s stay for a few more minutes. It’s not like this kind of thing happens every day.”
“Yes, a show this good is a once per season kind of thing. If that,” Matt said with a dreamy sigh.
She chose not to tell him she hadn’t been talking about the lights.
Chapter 15
Two more weeks slipped by. Brenna filled her time in the kitchen and with Matt, who came by more and more these days. True to his word, he hadn’t tried to kiss her again, and she loved the delicious tension it created between them. She also loved that he was willing to wait to make her comfortable, no matter how uncomfortable it might make him.
Today was the day before Thanksgiving. Even though Matt’s parents had invited her for their family meal, she’d stayed behind at the ranch to prepare the big feast for the staff and residents. Kate had offered to take her for a ride to give her a little break before the big show tomorrow, and for that Brenna was extremely grateful.
“You and Matt seem to have worked things out,” Kate said as she prepared to re-shoe one of the horses. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so happy. Or you.”
Brenna’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment until she realized she had absolutely nothing to shame her in this situation. She was the happiest she could ever remember, and if Matt was, too, all the better. She smiled as she brushed Buddy’s mane with firm hands. “We’re just taking it slow to see what happens. So far, so good.”
“I think I know what’s going to happen,” Kate teased.
Brenna laughed and resisted the urge to throw the brush at her friend.
Kate never pushed—just offered an ear to listen as needed whenever Brenna would hang out at the stables. It was part of the reason why she felt so at home at the ranch. Kate had become almost like her Alaskan sister—and lately she got along much better with her substitute sister than the real one, it seemed.
Brenna stopped brushing for a moment as she thought, but Buddy promptly put an end to that. He turned and nudged her hand with his nose, then promptly went back to eating. “Buddy, you’re such a needy boy. Don’t worry, I’m going to keep brushing.” She laughed and shook her head at the horse who seemed to think he was the boss.
“Are you going to ask him out to the next barn dance? It’ll be right around Christmas, you know and very romantic with all that mistletoe and what not,” Kate told her. “I’ve heard that’s one of the biggest ones this ranch hosts, and that even people from town can buy tickets to come out to it. The money is donated to charities that work with rescue horses.”
Brenna looked over Buddy’s back toward Kate in the next stall. “Liz mentioned something about that, and I was here for the last one. Although just barely.” She remembered the fact that Ellie had a huge breakthrough at the last dance. Would this one provide her turn? And would she be ready?
She shook her head decisively. No, she still needed more time. The dance would be too much pressure. “I don’t think so. I mean, I’m going to be busy making the food for it, and somehow that’s going to be even bigger than this week with Thanksgiving. No, I already feel behind just thinking about it. I’ll probably even have to put a few of you to work to help me get it all done on time.”
Kate whipped her head up with a look of abject horror. “Um, I don’t think I’d be able to help much. My cooking skills are more along the line of warming up a can of soup or picking up a phone to call for pizza. I’m sure all our guests would end up with some kind of food poisoning if you let me near anywhere near the kitchen.”
Brenna laughed, grateful Kate had taken hold of the topic change. “I promise you won’t have to do anything but follow my simple directions. I just need more hands and some good company. It would be great if you could help out tomorrow some, too.”
Kate cleared her throat but didn't’ speak.
“No pressure,” Brenna quickly added.
“No, it’s cool.” Kate put on her brightest smile. “But I refuse to take responsibility if anyone ends up in the hospital.”
They laughed and chatted about idle things as they both got the horses brushed and tucked in for the night. Brenna enjoyed the simple nature of this friendship. It didn’t demand or force anything. She’d even grown accustomed to Kate’s impromptu hugs, too.
Brenna hadn’t had many true friends, but she considered Kate among them.
Over the years she’d become an expert at pretending her home life was perfect, never letting any friend get too close that they’d find out the truth. And, to be honest, she’d never let herself trust anyone enough that she could have ever talked about it with them. She’d been taught from an early age to keep her mouth closed and to never let anyone into the horrible world that hid inside her home.
When Brenna would go to school with bruises on her body, she always had perfect excuses to explain them away. So many times she would pray her teachers or someone would question her home life, but no one ever did. No one ever seemed to be willing to believe her perfect father could possibly be anything but what the world saw. He’d trained them all well. Especially his family.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket with a call from Matt. They hadn’t talked since the previous evening when they’d caught each other up on their respective days, and she looked forward to catching up with him.
Except it wasn’t him on the other end of the line.
It was her sister Olivia.
She hit the ignore button, again washed with guilt because she knew she wasn’t being fair to her family back home. It just seemed that every time she talked to either her mother or her sister, the shared weight of their hurt suffocated her.
Maybe Brenna was being selfish, but she needed to be alone to do this. And all her life she’d been made to feel like she had no control over anything—the lies that were told, the moods in the house, or even the life she could present to the world.
Coming to Alaska was her chance to have control, and she couldn’t give it up now. Not when she saw the strides she was making toward a better future. A better Brenna.
Her phone buzzed again. This time with a call from her mother.
She peeked up and caught Kate looking at her as she leaned against the stall door. “Your mom?” Kate knew there were some problems between Brenna and her mother but didn’t know the full extent.
“Yeah, and my sister, too. I’ll call them back once I’m back in my cabin. No sense making you listen to our arguments.” She tried to laugh it off, but Kate knew her better than that.
“I know it isn’t any of my business, but just remember that you only get one mom. One sister. Some people don’t even get that.”
Brenna thought she might have seen a flicker of a tear fall onto Kate’s face, but the other woman jerked her head away before she could tell for sure.
“No matter what happened in the past, don’t throw that away. It’s too special,” Kate concluded before disappearing into another stall, leaving Brenna standing on her own inside the stable.
Her stomach immediately clenched with guilt. Kate had mentioned one other time when they’d been in the stable together something about her own mom’s health failing. She wasn’t sure exactly what was happening with her, but Brenna knew it had to be so hard for Kate to see her suffering.
And here Brenna was acting like her family didn’t matter, that she wasn’t blessed to have them in her life. That she
didn’t care about them getting better, too.
Her phone vibrated again, but this time it was a text.
From her mother.
Her mom hardly ever texted because her father hadn’t allowed it when he was living and she hadn’t picked up since his death. Whatever this was, it must be serious.
Brenna’s breath caught and her hands shook as the words of her mother’s carefully constructed message jumped out at her: Some man was here today asking questions about the night your dad died. He’s found out where you are. I promise I didn’t tell him, but he’s on his way to Alaska.
Chapter 16
Brenna was on constant watch over the next few days. There was a man who wanted to know more about her father’s death, and he was coming to find her.
He knew. Or at the very least suspected.
And just as she’d started to enjoy her life for perhaps the first time ever. Just as things were working their way toward perfect, her past came calling.
When nobody new showed up at the ranch after several days, she began to rest easy. Had her mother misunderstood what the man had said? Or worse, was she making it all up to try to force Brenna to come back home before she was ready?
Whatever the case, he hadn’t come.
This left her free to enjoy the holidays with her new Alaskan friends and colleagues. Little by little, they had all started to become a family—the kind of family where no one hurt each other or guilt-tripped each other. It was truly the best.
She laughed as Matt walked into the living room of his parents’ house wearing an oversized Santa hat and the ugliest sweater she’d ever seen. She sat cross-legged on the floor and pulled decorations out of a box, setting them up on the coffee table for his mom to sort from her place on the couch. Cynthia was still taking things easy after her surgery, so Brenna and Matt had volunteered to take the lead this year on decorating. Apparently, it all had to be done on that specific day as part of a long-standing Sanders family tradition.
“On the first day of Christmas,” Matt sang out loud and off-key.
“Hey!” Brenna cried. “According to that song, there are only twelve days of Christmas. You told me the Sanders celebrate all twenty-five.”
“That’s right,” his mom said. “I loved the Advent calendar growing up, and I love it still. You should find our family’s calendar soon if you keep looking through those boxes, and when you do, why don’t you do the honors of opening our first cubby this year?”
“Sounds like a great idea!” Matt’s father, Michael, called from the kitchen where he was prepping a feast of roast chicken and root vegetables for them to enjoy once the decorating was finished.
And, oh, would they need it! Brenna was sure she’d never seen so many Christmas decorations in her life. It seemed like way more than would fit in their cozy home, but she was looking forward to being proven wrong and seeing the final display.
“Mom, put that down!” Matt cried as he rushed over to take the small box of ornaments his mother held as she pulled herself to her feet. “You know you aren’t supposed to be lifting anything. Looks like someone is going on the naughty list.”
Cynthia scowled at him and pulled the box out of her hands. “Seriously, Matt. This box only weighs about two pounds. Stop hovering.”
“I’m not hovering, Mom. I’m just doing what the doctor told us. You are supposed to be taking it easy and not lifting anything. If you sit on the chair and just tell us where you want things, we will do it for you.”
Matt’s mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Brenna had to laugh at the exasperation she could feel ebbing forth from the poor woman. “Matthew James, I love you with all my heart, but you’re driving me crazy. I’m not going to sit in a chair and do nothing while you two do everything. My surgery was more than a month ago. You can’t treat me with kiddie gloves forever.”
Matt glanced toward Brenna. “I’m not buying that. Are you?”
Brenna laughed as Cynthia sighed again.
“The doctor said six weeks,” he pointed out. “Has it been six weeks? No.”
“That’s it, I’m going to get your father to throw you out that door.” She turned and smiled sweetly at Brenna. “But Brenna can stay. She’s actually being helpful and is always such a joy.”
Brenna laughed out loud, then covered her mouth when she looked over at Matt.
He stood with his hands on his hips and his mouth hanging open, his Santa hat now looking completely out of place on his head. “Well, if you end up back in the hospital for Christmas, then don’t blame me.”
Matt’s dad walked in with a tray of hot cocoa and cups for everybody. “Who am I throwing out?” he asked with a chuckle.
Cynthia groaned. “I’ll give him one more chance. One more chance.”
Brenna took a quick sip of cocoa, then set to work arranging the nativity scene in the center of the dining room table as instructed. As they worked, Brenna watched Matt patiently taking orders from his mom while they both teased each other left and right. Every now and then, they’d share memories from Christmases past as they examined various ornaments and found the perfect place for each on the large fir tree in the corner of the living room.
It had been a few weeks since the night he’d taken her skating, and they’d spend every day since talking on the phone and texting. Some evenings he would drive out to the ranch and they’d go for a ride or just walk around the grounds.
She still couldn’t let herself go completely, still had so much work to do on herself.
But she was getting there, and Matt had made the impossible a very real—and achievable—thing. No matter what happened between them, she’d always be grateful, always think fondly of their time together, of his patience and kindness and willingness to help.
“Brenna?” Matt’s mother said in a way that implied she’d tried to get her attention more than once.
Brenna shook away her thoughts. Why did it feel like she was composing a breakup speech in her head when she was otherwise content in the moment? “Yes?” she asked as sweetly as she could manage.
Cynthia patted the couch beside her and motioned for Brenna to sit. “I wanted to ask if you would spend Christmas Day with us. Matt mentioned that you might like to come, but if you have other plans, I understand.”
“Oh, Mrs. Sanders, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about it much, but...”
The truth was, Christmas hadn’t ever been something she enjoyed as a child since that meant her dad was home more and drinking to celebrate the season. She had no happy memories of the holiday, and it seemed so strange that she now had the chance to finally make some of her own.
Brenna looked over at Matt, who was watching her closely. He gave her a kind smile, letting her know he was okay with whatever she decided. He would never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. She knew that very well by now.
She bit her lip as she thought. Would spending Christmas together be too big a step in their relationship? Did it matter?
Matt’s mom patted her on the arm. “You can let me know. Our home is always open to you, and we’d love to have you. Besides, with me out of the kitchen this year, that leaves Matt and Michael in charge, and by the smell of the smoke coming from the kitchen, I’m not holding out much hope for the food situation, then or now.”
As Cynthia spoke, her husband walked out of the kitchen waving his hand to clear the smoke. “I think the chicken is done.”
Brenna laughed as the smoke detector began to trill, and both men raced around opening doors and flapping dish towels to clear the kitchen of smoke.
It gave her the time she needed to think and to realize that in order to work through the memories of her past, she needed to be willing to make new memories to replace them. As she looked around at this happy, crazy family in this modest home, she realized this was a great place to start.
“Cynthia, thank you again for the invite. I’d love to spend Christmas here with you all. But only if you agree to let me make the
Christmas dinner.”
Michael walked over and handed the oven mitts to her with a big grin on his face. “Not only do I agree, Brenna. I insist.”
Chapter 17
Brenna invited Matt over to the ranch to work as her kitchen apprentice. Seeing as she didn’t have much money, this would be the perfect gift for Cynthia. Today, she was teaching him how to make her now-famous fruit muffins.
It was not going well.
“No, Matt. That’s too much flour!” She raced to the other side of the island and ripped the bag from his hands. White powder dusted the counter, his apron, and had somehow even managed to get on his nose.
“Whoa. I didn’t realize it was going to pour out of there that fast. It looks so easy when you do it.” He grinned at her, leaving her laughing as she tried to scoop some of the loose flour back into the bag. If he could do this much damage with a bag of flour, God help them both when it was time to use the oven.
“Looks so easy, huh?” she teased. “You made tattooing look easy. How about I do your next one?” Before she could stop herself, she reached up to wipe the smudge of flour from his nose.
Matt flinched on mock pain. “Ahh, point taken.”
They lingered close until Brenna cleared her throat and retreated toward the fridge. “Um, maybe we should start with something easier. How about scrambled eggs?”
Matt winced as she returned to his side, a carton of eggs in tow. “Brenna, I’m hurt. But if it’s what you want, then prepare to eat the best scrambled eggs of your entire life.”
She laughed again as he yanked the carton of eggs from her hands and grabbed a fresh mixing bowl from the stack on the counter. Brenna had always enjoyed cooking and baking, but she had to admit, this was probably the most fun she’d ever had in the kitchen. Matt seemed to be enjoying himself, too. She was pretty sure he’d even given up his shift today—and the money that came with it—just to spend this extra bit of time with her.
The Strongest Love Page 8