by Ali Berman
Tess isn’t at school the next day. Angela is. And any chance she gets she looks over at me and smirks. She does it so many times that I have no choice but to start pretending to lift up my shirt. I realize that it’s immature and mean. It also shuts her up fast.
During lunch when James and I are in the library I see Beth walk by a few times. She looks at me and then turns away. As far as I know Beth doesn’t know that Tess and I are a thing, but then why would she be hovering?
So I wave and say, “Hey, Beth.”
“Hey,” she says, and for a moment it looks like she might say something else. Then she walks out of the library.
“Should I go after her?” asks James. “She might know where Tess is.”
I shake my head. “Not a good idea.”
I want to ask her what’s up with Tess but it could just make things worse. I do the next best thing. After school when James and I get home I ask him to call her.
“What do you want me to say?”
“Just pretend to be her lab partner. I think his name is Dean.
“I don’t sound like Dean.”
“Her parents don’t know that. Just trust me.”
He shakes his head, picks up his phone, and dials Tess’s home number.
“Hi, this is Dean. Is Tess there? Oh, I’m calling because she’s my lab partner and she didn’t tell me she was sick today or anything. Oh, is everything okay? Oh. Okay. I understand. Thanks.” James hangs up.
“So?” I say.
“She’s at church dealing with family problems.”
“Meaning she’s the problem?”
“Probably.”
“So she’s the problem and her sister just gets a pass!”
“It sucks.”
“Understatement of the year.”
“Have you ever thought . . .”
“What?”
“I know it sucks, but have you ever thought about cooling it with Tess? I mean, a secret relationship in this town is almost impossible.”
“Her parents are the ones who are wrong. Not me.”
“Tess is getting in trouble. Like big trouble.”
“James,” my dad calls from downstairs. “Did you still want to go visit your mom? I’m ready.”
“You’ll figure it out,” James says to me. “Gotta go. Mom freaks out if she doesn’t see me for a few days in a row.”
James and my dad leave. Now that I’m alone I try to think of a way for Tess and me to keep seeing each other. It wouldn’t be much of a relationship if we never got to hang out.
I need a grown-up opinion. But not my parents. And James has never even had a girlfriend. I do the only thing I can think of. I write to Pete.
Pete,
I know you’re in the middle of the desert and have way more important things to do than give your little brother advice, but I need your help.
School is going better since James and I started hanging out. He’s staying in your room while his mom is in rehab. And I have a girlfriend. Her name is Tess and she’s awesome. The problem is that technically we’re not allowed to see each other. Her family is really religious and once they found out I was an atheist, they told her she’s not allowed to see me. We’ve been sneaking around. First outside at night (she lives across the street) but Dad caught us. Then we found a place to hang out during lunch at school, but her evil older sister caught us and ratted to her parents. She’s in so much trouble she wasn’t even at school today.
So what do I do? How do I get around the parental blockades? It’s not right that her parents hate me so much.
Ben
I don’t know if there is a temporary truce happening in the war zone or if the guys are having a barbeque, but two hours later Pete writes back.
Ben,
Are you stupid? Do you really have no idea how to sneak away and spend some time with your girl? Since you’re essentially failing at what it means to be a teenager, here is the simple fact: Both of you need to lie. It’s normally not something I’d recommend. And if you ever show this to Mom I will shave your head while you’re sleeping . . . and we all remember what a dumb-looking, square head you’ve got.
Have Tess tell her parents she’s doing something with her friends. You do the same if Mom and Dad know that her parents forbid you guys from seeing each other. And then get together. If you have a friend who is willing to cover for you if a parent calls then all the better.
DON’T DO IT TOO OFTEN. And change up the days and the lies each time.
Good luck.
Pete
Aside from the insults it’s a really good suggestion. I don’t know why we haven’t thought of it. I text Tess again.
“We’re idiots.”
She responds right away. “Why?”
“I asked my bro how we can see each other without getting in trouble and he pointed out that we’re stupid.”
“He has a way?!”
“Yes. But it involves lying. Are you cool with that?”
“I’m already lying. And I pretty much hate my parents right now.”
“Tell your parents you’re hanging out with a friend and I tell my parents I’m hanging out with a friend. Then we hang out together instead.”
“Where do we go?”
“Some place where none of your friends or family would ever be caught dead. A secular movie or something?”
“I’m grounded.”
“I figured. But they can’t lock you up forever.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“Only problem is none of my friends know about you. And my parents will see their parents at church. If I lie they might find out.”
“You should tell Beth. She’s your best friend. She should know.”
“What if she freaks . . .”
“I don’t think she will. I think she tried to talk to me today.”
“She’s asked me about you a few times. I’ve lied and I hate it.”
“We need to trust someone. She’s our best bet.”
“I know.”
“You’re amazing.”
“I’m scared! L”
“It will be okay. Promise.”
“<3”
Chapter 22
Requirement: Best Friends Must Be Awesome
Tess is back at school the next day. She avoids looking at me when we pass in the hall. When I go to my locker before lunch there is a note inside.
It says: I wish I could kiss your face. I’m talking to Beth at lunch. Keep your fingers crossed!
If Beth doesn’t say yes, Tess is going to feel even worse. Not only will her family be against her. Her best friend will be too. James and I hang out at lunch and during study hall. Still no word. Nothing in my locker and no texts.
At the end of the day on my way to talent show rehearsal the hallways are almost empty. I turn a corner and suddenly see Kenny walking toward me.
“Hey fag,” he says, smirking. “How are you and your boyfriend doing? His mom dead yet?”
“You know I’m not actually gay, right? I mean there’s nothing wrong with gay people but I’m straight.”
He walks right up to my face and says, “It almost doesn’t matter. Straight or queer you’re still going to hell. Just where you belong.”
“Seriously, man. What’s your problem?”
“This is a Christian country and a Christian school. You don’t deserve to be in either.”
“Says you,” I say as I try to walk away.
Kenny steps toward me and blocks my way. “Everyone here wants you gone. How does it feel to be hated? Hated so much that someone might just do something about it one day.”
I want to make a smart-ass remark in response, but I’m actually a little scared of him now. It’s probably a bad idea to taunt a kid
who is bigger than you and who hates you. So I turn around and walk away. When I look behind me Kenny is gone. What an asshole. I breathe deep, glad that he didn’t actually punch me this time.When I get to rehearsal my heart is still racing. Tess is already inside. She doesn’t even look my way. Not a hint. Not even a wink. Does that mean it went badly with Beth? Is she mad at me?
I sort of practice my magic act but I’m too distracted to do it right so my reveals are lazy. I keep looking over at Tess. She’s just talking to a girl from the drama group, laughing like nothing happened.
Finally, people start to leave. I take my time and tell Trent I need to stay and work on my act more. Tess leaves too but doesn’t take her jacket. About five minutes later the door opens again.
“Hey!” I say, running up to her and hugging her.
“Hey,” says a voice that doesn’t belong to Tess.
I let go of Tess and look behind her. It’s Beth.
“So you’re the reason perfect Tess has betrayed her family and ditched her friends?”
“No! I mean, it’s not like that.”
“Relax,” she says. “I’m only messing with you.”
“So you’re cool with it?”
“My sister married a Jewish guy. My parents weren’t happy at first. They got over it. Well, at least enough to see them once in a while. Tess says you’re good to her and I trust her. More than she trusts me apparently.”
I walk up and hug her. She gives me an awkward pat on the back.
“Too much?” I say to Tess.
“Maybe a little.”
“It’s nice to have more than two people in the entire school who care. And who don’t want to beat me up.”
“If little Ms. Paranoid had confided in her best friend sooner, you might not be in this mess,” Beth says a little harshly.
Tess hugs Beth tightly and pleads. “I’m sorry. How many times can I say I’m sorry to make you believe me?” Beth shakes her head with a smile and hugs her back.
Suddenly Tess turns to me. “Wait, who wants to beat you up?”
“Kenny just threatened me in the hall. He’s all talk, he didn’t make a move or anything.”
Tess looks concerned. Then she shakes her head. “He wouldn’t actually do anything. He’d get into too much trouble. Right?”
“Yeah, of course. Forget it,” I say, thinking about how he wrote fag on my locker.
Beth turns to me. “You know, I’ve been asking her for weeks if you two are a thing. And she lied. Lied and lied and lied again. I mean, the first week of school you guys were hanging out all the time, and then it was like, nothing. She would disappear at lunch and take forever to answer her texts. It all makes sense now.”
“It’s not totally her fault,” I say quickly. “If I had just lied to her parents originally then none of this would have happened.”
“I guess you guys can’t be together without lying to someone. I’m just glad it’s not me anymore.”
“Me too,” says Tess as she takes Beth’s hand. “I hated it.”
“So what now?” says Beth. “I mean, you guys told me for a reason, right? And not just because Tess’s parents think she’s on a path to the devil?”
“We can’t see each other,” I say.
“How does that bring me into it?” she asks.
Tess says, “My parents know we hang out all the time. Maybe sometimes I could tell them that we’re together, but you know, see Ben instead.”
“You want me to lie?”
“How about we don’t lie?” I say. “How about me, you, Beth and James all hang out together? Then no one is lying. We’re all with who we said we were with, and we still get to see each other.”
“Not like a double date,” says Beth. “I mean, he’s a freshman.”
“Not a double date,” I say. “Although James is a good guy.”
“You could do worse,” says Tess, smiling.
“You might not mind dating an atheist but I like my guys heaven-bound,” she says, smirking at me.
“See, if you were me you wouldn’t care because you’d think we’re all just going to end up as worm food anyway,” I say smiling.
“Ew,” she says.
“There is one other time that might require a lie,” I say.
“When?” asks Tess.
“Your brother’s wedding.”
“Your brother is getting married?!” asks Beth. “You didn’t tell me that!”
“We could all go to the wedding,” Tess says. “I just have no idea how we’ll get there.”
And then it comes to me. I’m so stupid for not thinking of it before.
“My brother will take us,” I say. “He’ll be home and I know he’ll do it.”
Tess looks at Beth and says, “I know I’m asking a lot. And I understand if you don’t want to lie.”
“Like Ben said, I won’t be lying. I’ll be hanging out with you. I just won’t mention the other people.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
“I’ve always been there for you and I always will be.”
Chapter 23
Is the Definition of Insanity Doing the Same Thing Over and Over While Expecting a Different Result?
It’s the night before my science paper is due and I haven’t written a word. I’m two weeks ahead on my homework in all my other classes, but this stupid paper is killing me. I’ve even been doing research on evolution versus creation. On anything at all the Bible says that could relate to the stuff we’re learning about now. Nothing. Zip. And I’m supposed to write a paper anyway. How does stuff written a few thousand years ago have anything to do with what we know now? Why can’t religion and science just be kept separate?
Tess has fed me a bunch of verses I could use. I’m lucky her parents didn’t take away her computer when they grounded her. She even sent me underlined passages from her textbook, but the textbook is just wrong, so how can I use it?
They want me to learn stuff that goes along with the Bible instead of the stuff that there’s actual evidence for. I know it’s a Christian school but we should still learn about the theories that have actual proof to back them up.
Maybe they worry that if people believe in science, they won’t believe in god. People can believe in both. Tess does.
I start writing twelve or more times, but each time I want to say how it’s all bull and how Thompson should let me stick to the science. So I start over. I write a paper on why I think it’s important to let me concentrate just on the facts. I have science on my side. They’ve got an old book where god kills way more people than Satan ever did. Probably shouldn’t put that in the essay unless I want to fail. Really, knowing the science alone should be enough to get me a good grade.
It turns into a five-page paper. I read it over and take out anything that could be seen as not respecting his religion. I try to make clear that I hope he respects my beliefs the way I respect his.
I get a text from Tess asking to read it.
I respond, “I don’t think you want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because I told the truth.”
“Come on, you know what he wants. Just say it.”
“Why should I have to lie about who I am?”
“Because right now lying will help you. Kind of like lying to my parents is the best for us right now.”
“Funny that the good Christian girl wants me to lie.”
“Just because I’m Christian doesn’t mean I’m perfect.”
“You seem pretty perfect to me.”
“Don’t change the subject. Thompson is going to be furious.”
“He can’t force me to believe something I don’t.”
“He can give you a bad grade.”
“I’m one of the best students he has.”
“You’re bein
g stubborn. Don’t you think you’re just asking for trouble now? Why can’t you just suck it up and say what he wants to hear for once?”
“I’ve thought about it and I don’t want to lie about who I am and what I think.”
“Must be nice to have the choice to be yourself. If I told the truth I’d probably get kicked out of my house.”
“I never said that you should tell your parents the truth.”
“You think I’m a coward because I haven’t.”
“Where did you get that? I don’t think you’re a coward.”
Nothing. No response.
“Are you mad at me now?” I text.
Still no response.
Maybe she’s pissed that I won’t lie while she has to. But I won’t lose my family for standing up for my beliefs. She has to know it’s different. Crap.
Chapter 24
Handing in a Couple Pages of Truth
When I get to school the next day Tess is sitting near my locker.
She waits for the bell to ring and even though I don’t think Tess has ever even been late to a class, she doesn’t get up. She just watches the last few kids scramble into their classes.
I finally turn to her and ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Did you fix your paper?” She asks a little angrily.
“It didn’t need to be fixed.”
“Who cares if you don’t tell Mr. Thompson the truth? You know what he wants to hear. I worked my butt off sending you quotes to use. And you just blow it off like it’s nothing!”
“Why are you so bent on this? It’s my decision.”
“Because I know when you get that paper back you’re going to be mad at yourself and mad at Mr. Thompson, and it’s going to make things worse. Just tell him what he wants to hear. It really doesn’t matter. He’s not your family. He’s not your friend. His opinion doesn’t matter. Get a good grade and be done. You know that science and the Bible don’t fit together. Knowing that should be enough. It’s like you want to take every opportunity possible to tell people that you think the Bible is stupid. So take this. It’s a two-page paper I wrote last night that will get Mr. Thompson off your back.”