“Hi.” She wanted to throw herself into his arms. Have him pull her close and kiss her like he had before.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yes. I have these two bags.” She drew on her jacket and gave Charlene another kiss. “I’ll call from Denver.”
“I’m happy for you, Sam,” Charlene said. “Do what makes your heart sing.”
Mac stowed her bags in the trunk and held the passenger door open for her. She slipped in, fastening her seat belt before he could get behind the wheel.
“I appreciate your giving me a ride. If you drop me at Departures, you shouldn’t even be late for work,” she said brightly. She hoped he wouldn’t hear the nervousness in her voice. There was so much she wanted to say. That apology still needed to be voiced. Could she do it before she left?
“I plan to go as far as security will allow,” he said. “We can wait there until your flight is called.”
“You don’t have to,” she said, hoping he would. Now that the moment was here, she was scared. What if working in the national parks didn’t prove to be the most wonderful job in the world? What if she couldn’t do it? What if—
“Tommy sent you this,” he said, handing her a wrapped package. By the way the paper was bunched up at one end and barely touching at the other, she suspected Tommy had been the one to wrap it. She tore off the paper. A small truck sat in her palm.
“It’s his favorite. He wanted you to have it on your trip.”
“Thank him for me,” she said, clutching it tightly. Her throat was tight again. She blinked her eyes and stared straight ahead. She should have gone by the house when Mac was at work to see Tommy before she left.
Mac handed her a card with his name, home address and private phone number written on it.
“For those postcards you’re sending.”
She smiled and nodded, feeling his warmth still on the card. “I already have it, but I’ll keep this, too,” she said, slipping it into her pocket.
Traffic was heavy and conversation was light. He parked in short-term parking and carried one bag while Sam insisted on carrying the other. Once the luggage was checked, he offered to buy her a cup of coffee.
“No, thanks. I’m sure I’ll get some on the flight.” She wouldn’t be able to drink a thing with him. Her nerves stretched tighter. They walked to the security area. The line was short.
“You don’t need to stay,” she said, glancing at the line and then back at Mac. “I’ll go on through and head for the gate.” She rolled and unrolled her ticket folder. “Thank you for bringing me,” she said.
“No problem. Enjoy yourself.”
She glanced at him briefly, then gazed ahead, gearing up her courage. “Mac, I wanted to apologize for my rude response to your proposal of marriage. Not that it excuses anything, but you caught me by surprise and I just blurted out words without thinking.”
“Sam.”
She looked up at him.
“Have the best life you can. Grab hold and wring it for everything it’s worth. Your dream is coming true. That’s a gift not everyone gets.”
Mac kissed her, drawing her close against him, holding her as if she were precious and fragile. Then he broke the kiss and smiled at her. “Bon voyage, Madam Ranger.”
“Goodbye.” She turned and headed through security, resisting the urge to turn to see him one last time as she walked away. It was the hardest thing Samantha had ever done.
CHAPTER TEN
DEAR Mac. It’s more spectacular than I imagined. I can see forever when I’m on top of a mountain. The air is so clean and clear. There are areas where I don’t see trees for acres and acres of windswept land. And then thick lodgepole pines grow so close together I can’t imagine walking through them.
She stared at the words. Stupid. She bunched up the postcard and tossed it into the trash. The third ruined one tonight. Leaning back in her bunk, Sam gazed at the wooden ceiling. The bunkhouse where the volunteers were housed was rustic. Built of the lodgepole pines she was trying to describe, it gave the western ambiance she’d so yearned for.
How to convey all she was feeling in a postcard?
And why should Mac care? She’d said no. End of relationship.
Rolling on her side, she blinked back tears. She did so not want it to be the end. She had achieved her heart’s desire and it wasn’t proving to be what she thought it would be. Instead of throwing herself into her tasks each day, she kept wondering what Mac was doing—if he was attending some charity event where he’d meet someone new. Fall for another woman who would not hesitate a moment to accept his proposal and then share his home and help raise Tommy. Maybe even have more children.
A pang of remorse hit her—again. Why had she said no so quickly? Maybe she should have asked for time to decide.
Kristin was managing fine, just as Sam had predicted. Sam had spoken to her a few times using the TDD service of the phone company after Kristin started working for Mac. Everything sounded like it was a good match. Sam had called once from the main lodge after she’d arrived in Mesa Verde. Mac had not been home, so she had called back to have a short chat with Kristin.
When she asked after Mac and Tommy, Kristin merely said they were doing fine.
Sam missed them both with an ache that constantly surprised her. More even than she missed her own sister.
She’d called Charlene a couple of times as well, but it was hard to talk for long. With no cell service in the mountains the volunteers had to use the pay phone at the lodge. Standing by the outside phone, in the cold, wasn’t conducive to lengthy conversations. Charlene remained enthusiastic about the quilting classes. She’d told Sam about an offer from a pattern publisher for one of her patterns. She bubbled with joy. Sam felt a moment of envy.
When Charlene asked how she liked Colorado, she was honest in saying it was beautiful. But she didn’t tell Charlene how lonely she was. Her friends weren’t here. Everyone participating in the volunteer program had jobs and homes and friends scattered around the U.S. She was the only one who had declared an interest in doing this full-time. To most, it was a change, a special vacation this year. Something different. They’d be returning to their normal lives when the six weeks ended.
She didn’t know what she’d be doing next.
She missed hearing about Mac, seeing him. She sat up and picked another postcard, wishing she could just talk to him for a few minutes. Well, why not? Tossing the postcard on the bed, she hopped off her bunk and bundled up. She’d try again. It was after eight in Georgia, so Tommy would be in bed. It was Mac’s voice she yearned to hear, surely he’d be home by now.
It was still light as she walked from the sleeping quarters to the main lodge. No one was using the pay phone so she stepped up and began feeding it change. The phone rang four times before clicking to an answering machine. She debated leaving a message. But what would she say?
Hanging up, she called Charlene.
“Hi, what’s up?” she said when her sister answered.
“Not much, still working with Monica and loving it. How about you?”
“We did a lot of work on one of the trails today. It’s hard physical labor, but really satisfying and the views are spectacular. I can’t get over how different this part of the country is.”
“I bet. One day I’ll have to get out there and see for myself.”
They chatted for a few minutes then Sam asked, “Have you heard anything from Mac?”
“No, should I have?’
Sam sighed softly. “No, no reason. I just wondered. I tried calling him earlier, but it rang to the answering machine.”
“Did you want to tell him something?”
“No, um, I just was going to tell him about Mesa Verde. Glad your classes are going so well. I’ve got to run.”
“Thanks for calling, Sam.”
Sam hung up and gazed around her. She did enjoy being here. But she also began to realize it was a perfect vacation. Just like the others in the group. She wanted
to return home when the six weeks was over. She wanted to see Mac and Tommy and maybe even attend one of Charlene’s classes to see how she handled it.
She thought about the people she worked with at the Beale Foundation, hoping some of the men and women she placed were doing as well as Kristin was. Wondering if Timothy had found more sponsors for their grant program.
Mostly, she thought, as she slowly walked back to the bunkhouse, she wanted to see Mac McAlheny. To hear how his day had gone. To visit the zoo or someplace else with him and Tommy. To hold hands. Kiss. Share meals. Share a bed.
She blinked. Gazing over the beautiful landscape, Sam realized she loved Mac. She probably had from the first moment he’d rescued her from the drunk at the Black and White Ball.
She hugged herself and stared across the land. “I love Mac,” she said aloud, astonished. The wind carried the sound away. The breeze swept through her, chilling her in the colder evening air. “He never said he loved me, but that doesn’t change anything. I love him.” For a moment she wished he’d appear and ask her to marry him again. Or that she could change the past and realize sooner that dreams sometimes aren’t meant to come true. That life changes and new dreams replace old ones. The reality was she loved Mac and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. In Atlanta, vacationing in the west, doing everything together. With Tommy and maybe if they were lucky, with several more children to fill up the house and have it ring with laughter—and love.
“He never said he loved me,” Sam said once again to the sky as if to convince herself.
An old axiom her mother often said sprang to mind. Actions speak louder than words.
He had asked her to marry him. Was it for more reasons than simply because he needed a nanny for Tommy? Had she misread the entire situation?
She felt slightly sick at the thought. She couldn’t have.
Yet the man had a ton of money. He could hire three nannies if he wanted. But she was the one he’d asked to marry him.
She turned and went back to the phone, fumbling the money in her haste to get the call through. She had to talk to him. See if there was more than she’d thought. See if she could get a second chance.
She placed the second call to Mac’s home. When the answering machine clicked on, she rushed into speech.
“Mac, it’s Sam. Sorry you aren’t home. I really wanted to talk with you. I’ll be away from a phone most of tomorrow working, but will try you again about this time tomorrow evening. I hope you’ll be home.” She held on another few seconds, but couldn’t find the words to say what she felt. “So, maybe I’ll talk to you then.” Slowly she hung up and slowly walked to one of the overlooks and gazed off into the growing twilight. It would be dark soon. The stars would be magnificent in the night sky without the ambient light of cities. The pinpoints of light ranged from faint to bright. She would never tire of looking at the night sky here. Or the endless scenery. Or feeling the dry breeze caress her skin—even if it was cold. In summer it would be a pleasant relief from the heat. She did like this vast space. She had felt she was contributing as she worked on the trails.
But was it enough to build a life on? Her friends were in Atlanta. Her only family was there. And the man and boy she loved were there. How could she have thought she could jettison all that and build a life so far away?
Finally, growing cold, she returned to the bunkhouse.
The next day it rained. The volunteers met in one of the conference rooms at the lodge and the rangers gave more information on the history of the park, what was known of the ancients who had built the cave dwellings. Pictures of the ruins were displayed and artifacts explained. It was fascinating, but Sam couldn’t focus fully on the presentation. Glancing at her watch again, she was dismayed to find it was only five minutes later than the last time she’d looked. She was impatiently waiting for when she could phone Mac again.
How long would the day stretch out?
At lunch, as she listened to the conversation swirl around her, she considered calling now, while he was still at work. Only, she didn’t want to talk to him there. She wanted time enough and privacy. She had to wait. But patience was proving hard to come by.
She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, but if there was any chance she could renew their relationship, she wanted it. Mostly she wanted to hear his voice.
One of the women who worked in the office came in the lunchroom and headed for Sam’s table.
“You have a visitor,” she said, resting her hand on Sam’s shoulder.
Sam looked up in surprise. “I do?”
“Waiting by the fireplace in the main room. Lucky you,” she said with a friendly smile. She waved at the others and left.
Sam excused herself from the table and headed out. No sooner had she stepped into the main room than she wondered if her eyes were playing tricks.
“Mac?” She wanted to fly across the room right into his arms. But she drew a deep breath and walked across the space slowly. He watched her as she approached. He wore dark cords and the jacket he’d worn to the zoo. Her heart began to race.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.”
“I’m glad you did,” she said, drinking in the sight of him. Her fingers still longed to trace that dimple, to thread through his hair. Her eyes could drink him in all day. Whatever he was doing here was fine with her.
“Come sit down by the fire,” she said, leading the way to an empty sofa before the cavernous fireplace that contained a couple of logs burning merrily. She sat on the edge of the leather furniture. He shed his jacket and sat beside her.
“Are you liking it?” he asked.
She nodded. She should say something. She felt like an idiot.
“It was hard to tell from all those postcards you’ve sent,” he said.
“I know, I should have sent more than that one to Tommy, but I was having trouble writing what I wanted to say.” She wondered what he’d think of all the crumpled ones in her wastebasket right now.
“Too busy every minute?”
“Too uncertain what to say,” she replied.
He started to say something, then shook his head. “So tell me about your day. Obviously you’re not working in the rain.”
“We might have if a project had been important enough. But we’re restoring some of the trails and today was too wet to work effectively. So we’ve spent the morning in a classroom setting learning more about the park. Most days, when the weather’s good, we’re out early, working all day until time for dinner.”
She went on to describe their tasks and how she was learning so much. She tried to infuse her voice with enthusiasm but trailed off after a minute.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” Tell him now! her inner voice urged. But she couldn’t find the right way to open the subject.
“I won’t be staying long. I just wanted to see you since I was close. See how you were doing.”
“I’m fine. I still can’t believe I was offered the position, but I’ve met a lot of people from all around the country. We all work well together.”
“It paid off, then,” he said.
“What did?”
“Getting you the job.”
“What?” She stared at him. “I don’t understand.”
He shrugged. “I thought Charlene would have explained. She helped me fill out the application because she knew all the personal information. That’s why you were chosen. I thought once here, it’d be easier to get a permanent job than applying from Atlanta. They’d know you, what you can do.”
She felt her heart drop. He hadn’t wasted any time after her refusal getting her out of Atlanta. He didn’t love her. He had moved on. And had practically sent her away.
“Oh. I didn’t know.” It hurt. She’d been bubbling with possibilities since she’d realized how much she loved him. Now it was as if he had shut the door on a future together when he told her that.
This c
hanged everything. Had she been given a second chance? Was there a possibility he might still want to marry her? It was so important, she had to do it just right. But what if she had misread every indication? What should she say? Just blurt out, I’ve changed my mind—I love you and want to marry you? What if he’d changed his in the meantime? She bit her lower lip.
“Where’s Tommy?” Great, bring up the excuse she’d used to refuse his proposal. Pangs of guilt flooded through her. “I miss him,” she said. How could she ever have thought he might be a burden? He was a precious child bringing joy and delight to everyone who met him. She’d thought about their evenings together when lying lonely on her bunk at nights.
“Staying with my parents for a few days. I pick him up tomorrow night. He’s doing well with Kristin. She’s teaching him sign language.”
She nodded. “I called your house last night, but there was no answer.” Tension rose. How could she broach the subject? Time was ticking away. Would he stay long enough for her to say what was in her heart? It might have been easier on the phone. But she wouldn’t trade these moments together for anything. She wished she dared reach out to touch him. Wished she knew the future, knew if he’d be open to building a relationship with her.
“I wasn’t home, obviously. Kristin had the evenings to herself with us both gone. Maybe she went out with her daughter.”
Sam nodded again, gazing at the fire. She cleared her throat. Maybe something would come out if she’d just start speaking. If she could think with the blood pounding through her. Her throat was dry. Words evaporated before she could voice them.
He stood. “I’ll give Charlene an update when I get home. She’ll want to know you’re looking good and love this.”
Sam stood and reached out to hold his arm. “You just got here. You can’t leave.” Time was running out, and she felt as dumb as dirt. Rubbing one palm against her jeans, she tried to come up with the words that would keep him here.
“I wanted to see you. Make sure you were happy. I’ve a long drive back to Colorado Springs,” he said, taking her hand in one of his, brushing the back with his thumb.
Nanny to the Billionaire's Son Page 17