I couldn’t care less that I was laying it on thick, but I was desperate. I hoped that I could appeal to his conscience, and as I’d expected, he caved like an avalanche under pressure.
He reached over to the board behind his desk that hung all the apartment keys and grabbed one, then handed it to me. I took it from him, glaring right into his face as I turned to leave.
“It’s about damn time.”
***
I hadn’t imagined seeing what I saw when I stepped through Juliette’s apartment door. Though her apartment was usually a tidy mess, this was something different altogether.
Trash lined every inch of the counter and tabletops—take out containers growing mold and attracting ants and other bugs. Clothes were strewn about the apartment floor and hanging over chairs and lamps alike.
Pile after pile of used, crumpled up tissues sat atop the bed accompanied with various bottles of pills. I walked to the bed and picked up the bottles, only to notice that one was open and empty. The rest sat untouched.
I couldn’t see Juliette in sight, so I walked to the bathroom and spotted her curled up on the floor. Unconscious.
I panicked, expecting the worst as I rushed to her side, shaking her furiously over and over. “Juliette, God dammit. Wake up!” I was barely holding it together when her eyelids began to flutter open. “Oh! Thank God!”
“Hey Say… Long time no see.”
“Don’t you freaking long-time-no-see me, Jules! Where the hell have you been and why the hell haven’t you at least picked up the phone and said, ‘Oh Saylor, no need to worry, I’m not dead or anything. Talk to you in a month’? You are so freaking lucky that I love you or I just might’ve killed you.” I couldn’t keep the flood of words from spilling from my mouth. I was relieved she was okay, but my heart was still beating a mile a minute and it was all I could do to keep myself from freaking out even more.
“I’m sorry, Say.” She sat up and rubbed her temples. “This was never about you. I just needed time. I hadn’t expected things with Beau to end so badly and I still feel like shit over it. All I can do is cry or sleep, and as of late, I’ve taken up residence on the bathroom floor because I can’t stop puking my guts out. I’m a mess, Saylor, and the last thing I wanted was to drag you into it too.”
Her admission caused me to soften, I could see how much of a mess she was. Her eyes had dark baggy circles, and lines from the tile were indented on her cheek from where she’d fallen asleep. Her hair was tangled and sticking up in various places as if she had stuck her finger in a light socket and gotten electrocuted. Her clothes weren’t much better, with stains and wrinkles as far as the eye could see.
What was going on in Juliette’s head that made her feel that she needed to go through whatever she was going through alone? Giving her a hard time would only make matters worse and I wouldn’t do that to her. She needed me.
“Okay… Fair enough. What happened with Hottie McHot Stuff?” I asked, not caring that it came out much blunter than I’d anticipated.
Juliette took a deep breath and spoke, her words slurring together into one big word. “Weslepttogether.”
My mouth dropped open. Of all the things I’d expected her to say, that definitely wasn’t it. She reached over and pushed my chin up to close my mouth.
“I know. Don’t give me that look, really. I totally get how stupid I was. Not only did I throw myself at the first hot guy that looked my way, but I was actually surprised when he left. You know, I never got that vibe from him, that he was the type of guy that would do something like that, but I guess I was wrong. It’s the first time I slept with someone since—”
“Don’t go there,” I interrupted. “No need to dwell on it.” The last thing I wanted was to reminisce on some of her most painful memories, only bringing it to the forefront of her mind even more than it already was.
“You’re right… It’s just… I enjoyed myself with Beau. He treated me like I was the only girl alive. He must have asked me three or four times if I was okay with what was happening. I could have stopped it at any point, but I didn’t. Had I known, I might’ve... maybe.”
Tears spilled down her cheek as she brushed them away. I sat, watching her struggle with her emotions and the demons that haunted her. Juliette is strong, much stronger than she gives herself credit for, but there comes a time when you need more than just strength to get you through the day.
I could see the hopelessness in her eyes, and my heart ached for her. I wanted to take away the pain and make her feel better. The girl who I’ve nicknamed the cyborg because she rarely shows any emotion couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t know what to do to help her. Juliette needed to face her problems, instead of running like she always does, but no matter how many times I’ve tried to help her see that, it doesn’t do any good. She needs to want to change and better her life; I can’t do it for her, and I’m beginning to learn that. How could I make her see it, though?
“And the bottle of pills?” I asked, addressing the question that I really wasn’t sure I wanted the answer to.
“I swallowed them all.”
I gasped, the room quiet enough to hear a pin drop.
“Don’t worry. They exited my body days ago. You know, the whole puking-my-guts-out thing.”
I could see Jules trying to make light of the situation to calm my nerves, but it honestly didn’t help. Tears filled my eyes as I imagined a world without my sweet and caring best friend, my better half in every single way. Truthfully, the world would be a dark and dreary place without her and that was too painful to think about.
“Why?” I asked. I was truly curious as to why she felt like she couldn’t go on another moment.
“I don’t know. It felt right. I wanted a way out from all the pain and hurt I’m constantly being put through. While deep down, I know Beau didn’t mean to hurt me, he did and I really hate to admit that. Me swallowing the pills really wasn’t only about him—it’s about everything. Gosh, Say, I’m unlovable and you know it. Besides you, no one has ever paid any attention or cared about me. Not a single person in any of the fifteen foster homes I was in and not anybody else since then. I’m alone.”
She wrapped her arms around her knees pulled to her chest and let the tears fall, not putting a second thought to suppressing them. I slid up beside Jules, leaning against the bathroom wall, and pulled her into a hug, trying my best to comfort her.
I understood the pain that Juliette was going through. I don’t have parents either. I was dropped off at a hospital when I was two hours old, or that’s what I’ve been told by the multiple social workers who worked hard to place me in home after home over the years.
I was scrambled around—nobody wanted a mouthy brat like me. I was told I was too defiant and disrespectful. I didn’t mean to be; it’s just how I’ve always been. If I don’t speak when a thought pops into my head, I’ll forget it and I hate forgetting things. I never took abuse like Jules. I fought back and I knew the way I was being treated was wrong.
Juliette isn’t a fighter in that way, though. She’s shy at times and caring, always thinking before she speaks. She lets people treat her bad in hopes that someday people will surprise her and change. They never do. She’s experienced worse things than I have but still keeps pushing forward.
She’s gentle and I’m rough. It’s why we get along so well. Since we met, I’ve tried my best to protect her, because she needs a protector, but sometimes it’s too hard of a task even for me.
I wanted Juliette to be happy and I was more than ticked off that Beau hurt her. I swore if I ever saw him again, he’d be lucky to be leaving with all his appendages intact.
And that, that’s a promise I’d gladly fulfill.
BEAU
It had been weeks since I’d last seen Jules, and everyday I felt awful for leaving her like I did. In the moment, it’d seemed like a good idea, but since then I questioned it more times than not.
How could I, as Alpha, willingly put my entire pack at
risk? My mind and heart were tearing me in different directions, causing even more turmoil between the wolf and man.
Was I doing the right thing?
Every waking minute since I arrived back at the pack reservation, I threw myself into my Alpha duties. Training the pups, prepping my warriors, checking boundaries, upholding pack law, the list goes on. I’d even taken a two week trip to visit my mom. Still, Juliette’s image crept into my mind.
How long would Jules plague me? But, did I really want it to stop?
SAYLOR
I curled up in bed beside Juliette, who’d finally drifted to sleep. My mind was still reeling over everything we’d talked about. It was hard to wrap my head around the fact that my sweet, loving, beautiful best friend—who ignores and avoids men—had a one night stand and almost succeeded in committing suicide over the guy leaving.
I knew she struggled with depression and anxiety. She always has. Well, as long as I’ve known her at least, but I didn’t know she’d go that far. Ending your life is irreversible. Everyone goes through their my-life-sucks moments, but to go that far? I just couldn’t comprehend it.
Jules went to counseling one, two, sometimes even three times a week, in hopes that many of her problems would dwindle and she’d be okay. I always thought three times a week was excessive, but maybe she really needed it after all.
I love her and I would go to the ends of the earth for her, but I couldn’t fix her. I couldn’t magically make her better, no matter how much I wished I could.
As I looked down on her sleeping, I began to pray. I don’t know if there is a God or a heaven, but for her sake, I hoped there was.
I prayed for Juliette to find a light in the darkness of her life. I prayed for hope and guidance in helping her the best way I could. And most importantly, I prayed for my wonderful best friend to no longer hurt from her past trials and tribulations, learning to cope and move on.
JULIETTE
The second I opened my eyes, I felt an overwhelming nausea advancing up my throat. I sprang from the bed and ran to the bathroom, Saylor following close behind me. What little was residing in my stomach made its way from my mouth. It was complete and utter torture.
When I was younger, one of my biggest fears was throwing up. Every time I got sick, I tried to force myself to keep it down, which only resulted in me getting even sicker. Even now, I still get the heebie jeebies from it. It’s disgusting and, in an effort to never get sick, I eat an abnormal amount of gummy vitamins. It really does help.
“Ugh… Not again. Kill. Me. Now,”
I muttered as I wiped my mouth and rested my pounding head against the wall, urging the defiant pulsing to go away.
“How long has this been going on?” Saylor motioned to the toilet that I’d just had my head drooped over.
“Too long… Probably around a week. I freaking take a bite or drink of anything and I’m rushing in here. And this,” I wave my hand around in the air, like a fairy would do with a wand, “is exactly why I’ve taken up residence on the cold, hard floor.”
A sigh escapes my lips as I breathe in and out, working on settling my queasy stomach. One glance at Saylor and I instantly regretted saying a word.
“What?” I ask, bottling the eye roll I so desperately want to make.
“Now excuse me for being the voice of reason for the first time, like ever. But I believe you, my friend, should see a Doc,” Saylor said.
I shook my head as hard as I could, only making the pulsing worse. One of the things I hate almost as much as throwing up is doctors. After the many times they’d failed to come to my rescue as a kid, I didn’t trust them. Never have, never will.
“Nope. Nada. Not happening. You can’t make me.” I puckered my bottom lip, acting every bit as childish as I sounded.
“And what if you’re still sick from all those pills that you stupidly tried to put into your body? What if you damaged your stomach? What if your stomach is collapsing from the abundance of drugs?”
The more she talked, the more I realized that the voice of reason left the building, never to be seen or heard from again.
“Saylor. Chill. I’m fine. I took the pills almost seven days ago, and I haven’t kicked the bucket yet. So, something tells me I’ll survive.”
“But…”
“Okay. If I agree to go to the doctor, will you freaking stop with the guilt trip and all the pity looks? You’re making me feel worse than I already do.” I glared at her as I gave in, knowing how worried she was. I was only doing it for her, so I hoped she appreciated it.
“It might be tough, but I think I can manage that.” Saylor held her pinky in the air, as a mock pinky promise, a smile of victory sprawled across her face. She knew she won this battle and I had no doubt that she wouldn’t let me live it down.
JULIETTE
I sat next to Saylor in the waiting room of the E.R. Outdated magazines were scattered on all the table tops and the news—that no one really paid attention to— played on a small, old television found hanging in the corner. The room was overcrowded with people who were bleeding from various orifices, coughing, sneezing, and, in my honest opinion, spreading more sickness than actually being helped.
I lost track of how much time we’d been waiting. I started considering just getting up and walking out. I didn’t want to be here. I knew I didn’t need to be here; there was nothing wrong with me.
“Juliette Mitchell,” a nurse with orange hair and freckles called out from behind two white double doors.
We stood up and followed her. I vaguely listened as she spoke, not really paying all that much attention to the words that spilled from her mouth. About all I retained was her name. Kelsey. She didn’t say another word as the three of us walked down the immaculate white hallway and entered a small room.
I sat up on the leather table designated for patients—which took up the majority of the tiny room—the tissue paper crinkling with every move I made.
The room was a typical hospital room. Various monitors were displayed, along with a supply cart with various medical instruments.
I hated it here.
“Doctors and hospitals give me the willies.” Saylor shook as if she’d felt a shiver go up her spine.
“Hey. Don’t you start! I’m only here because your ridiculous self is forcing me to be here. You have no room to talk.” I felt my temperature rising as I got more and more irritated. I was the one about to be seen by strangers and she’s complaining.
“Oh boo hoo. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it!” Saylor countered with her favorite childhood comeback, which only gave me an excuse to roll my eyes at her for what had to be the millionth time.
The nurse cleared her throat, only reminding me that she hadn’t left yet. “I have a few questions for you. Please answer them to the best of your ability and it will help us to determine what is wrong.”
I could only nod in response before she continued.
“So, it says on the paperwork that you’re here today because you’ve been getting sick lately. Can you tell me a little bit more about it?”
“Uh… Yeah… Can’t keep anything down,” I said. The last thing I wanted to do was elaborate. If I mentioned that I’ve been sick since I tried killing myself, there was no doubt they’d put me on a twenty-four hour suicide watch and then I’d be stuck in this God forsaken place. No thanks.
“And how long has this been going on?”
“About a week.” My short responses didn’t go unnoticed, though she didn’t push further. I was grateful for that.
“Has anything changed in your life recently that could be affecting your health now?”
“Nope. Not a thing.”
Lie. One night stand and a suicide attempt.
Kelsey nodded and scribbled away on the clipboard she held in her hands.
“Have you drank any alcohol or done any drugs recently?”
A very loud snort came from Saylor’s direction and it only gave me free reign to glare at he
r, but she either didn’t care or took no notice. “That would require Jules to leave the confines of her apartment, so the answer would be a no.”
“When was the date of your last menstrual cycle? And roughly how long did it last?”
Oh God.
The minute she asked and my brain registered the question, an instant panic went off within me. I jumped off the leather table, taking the crinkled tissue paper with me. I reached in my bag and grabbed my phone, flipping immediately to the calendar. My heart sunk. Please tell me this is wrong. But it wasn’t. I was late, very late. How had I not realized?
“Shit.”
"Fuck. Please tell me what I’m thinking is wrong,” Saylor said. The one curse word that she always refused to speak, barreling from her lips, in only a matter of recognition.
Tears welled up in my eyes and I tried my best to suppress them. Damn tears. I couldn’t stop crying and I was so tired of it. My voice sounded meek and small—even to me. “I was supposed to get my period over two and a half weeks ago.”
“Holy. Hell.”
Kelsey stood back watching us, not speaking a word, no doubt giving us a moment. I was freaking out. Saylor was freaking out. I felt sick to my stomach over the revelation, barely able to move or form a coherent thought.
“My recommendation is that we get a urine and blood test, Juliette. It should rule out whether you are pregnant or not, as well as any other symptoms you may have.” I nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak. This couldn’t be happening. “I’ll send my lab technician, Miles, who will set up your IV and draw the blood. When the results are ready, the doctor will come back and discuss them with you. Do you have any questions for me before I leave?”
Make A Wish (Dandelion #1) Page 4