by Graham Nash
The jury is still out on my long, strange trip with Neil Young. Neil has a big heart with two faucets on it: the hot and the cold. You never know which you’re going to get, and that’s one of the traits that makes him so interesting. But often Neil steps over a line that you cannot cross with me without expecting to hear me roar. A while ago, I poured my heart out to him in an e-mail about several things that had come between him and CSN. It was one of those confessionals, and I held nothing back. That’s the way it has to be between mates.
He answered me in few words, the crucial five of which were: “What a load of shit.” Quite the poet.
That hurt like hell. But several days later, he apologized for his hasty reply—he’d been devastated by the loss of one of his very closest friends, Ben Keith. I understood completely. Nevertheless, the ups and downs between us are not just emotionally draining; they can also be so disheartening that I feel my soul is being drained. On the other hand, I know I could always pick up the phone and hear that familiar voice say, “Hey, Willy—want to hear four new songs?”
Aw fuck! Here we go again.
It all comes down to the music.
—Graham Nash, 2013
Kauai, HI, and Manhattan Beach, CA
The cover of Earth and Sky, 1980 (© Joel Bernstein)
I dedicate this book to my mother and father. I owe them my life—in every sense of the word; to my sisters, Elaine and Sharon, whose belief in me was never ending; to my dear wife, Susan, without whom I may never have lasted this long; and to my dear children, whom I love with all my heart: Jackson and his partner, Melissa, Will and his wife, Shannon, and my lovely daughter, Nile. When I became a father, my life was changed dramatically for the better and was deeply enriched.
I am so grateful to have been married to Susan for the last thirty-six years. She is the love of my life and has kept my feet on the ground ever since the day I met her; a truly extraordinary woman. I thank you all for allowing me to be myself—I am so proud of you. I wrote this book for all of you, especially for Jackson and Melissa’s daughter and our new granddaughter, Stellar Joy. The world had better look out for this incredible young woman.
acknowledgments
I have had much help from many, many people on this long road and I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge and thank them.
First of all, my partner in my early life, Allan Clarke. We started this musical journey together and remain friends to this day.
Don and Phil Everly, whose music changed my life.
Tony Hicks and Bobby Elliott, the lead guitarist and drummer in the Hollies, and our producer Ron Richards. I learned much from them, as I did from one of my oldest friends, Ron Stratton.
Rodney Bingenheimer, who helped this story to unfold.
Cass Elliot, my muse, great friend, and mentor, who knew what I was going to do before I did and is largely responsible for one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.
David Crosby, my partner and great friend, and his wife, Jan. I may have been brutally honest in my descriptions of them in their past, but I’m delighted to tell you that they both came out of the darkness and into the light in a big, big way.
Stephen Stills, one of the finest musicians in the world; my compadre who has a great heart and soul.
Neil Young, the strangest of my friends. He remains true to himself, his family, and his music.
Joni Mitchell, my unforgettable inspirational mentor and girlfriend.
David Geffen, whose absolute brilliance guided the career of CSNY with love, cunning, and amazing skill. His business partner, Elliot Roberts, is one of the funniest men I’ve ever met. He’s the one man who really kept our spirits high.
Ahmet Ertegun, one of the classiest men I’ve ever met, who believed in us from the start.
I’d like to thank all my musician friends. I have made a great deal of music in my life and I am honored to have played and sung with all of them.
Jackson Browne and Bonnie Raitt: The world is a much better place because of you. I’m proud to be your friend.
I can say exactly the same thing for Tom Campbell and Margaret Holmes, and everyone at the Guacamole Fund.
Mike “Coach” Sexton, surely one of the great tour managers.
Jimmy Deluca who safely drives all our equipment to this day. Stanley Tajima Johnston, my producer and engineer for all these years.
Mrs. Sumiko “Baba” Masuda, my housekeeper and teacher.
Leslie Morris, my business associate and great friend for all those many years.
The lovely and soulful Rita Coolidge.
The calming, steadfast, and striking Calli Cerami.
My great friend Bill Long, Vietnam veteran, master builder, and road manager.
Rance Caldwell, John Gonzales, Mason Wilkinson, Jimmy Hatten, Kevin Madigan, Noel Casler, and Crook Stewart, crew extraordinaire.
John Bilotta, my master printer, and Christine Pan Abbe, who keeps Nash Editions running smoothly. Charles Wehrenberg, who first suggested the idea of starting Nash Editions.
Jane Tani, Jerry Rubinstein, and Gil Segel, my longtime business managers. And Todd Gelfand and Tyson Beem, my current business managers.
Barry Ollman, friend and trusted advisor.
Pete Long, for his mathematical memory.
Michael Jensen, my dear friend and publicist for the last twenty-five years.
I give special mention to R. Mac Holbert who has been my trusted companion and advisor since 1969.
My longtime friend and manager Gerry Tolman. He was taken much too soon and is missed to this day.
My present managers and friends, Donald “Buddha” and Cree Miller. They are so together, so wise. Ask anyone who has ever dealt with them.
I’m writing this on the forty-fourth anniversary of meeting Joel Bernstein, archivist, teacher, historian, and great photographer, on February 1, 1969, the night Joni played Carnegie Hall. My life is all the richer because of him. He is my confidant and partner in music, photography, and life.
I owe a great deal of gratitude to Jillian Manus, my book agent. She was the first person to seriously suggest that I write this book and had the great wisdom to put me together with Bob Spitz, who faithfully took my words and made sense of them. Thanks to you, Bob, and to our editor, Peter Gethers.
Thanks also to jacket designer Michael Nagin, production editor Tricia Wygal, interior designer Lauren Dong, production manager Linnea Knollmueller, and everyone at Crown Publishers for their delightful interest and hard work.
Finally: to the Great Spirit of the Universe, for letting me live this life.
This is how I remember it.
I have tried to write Paradise
Do not move
Let the wind speak
That is paradise.
Let the Gods forgive what I have made
Let those I love try to forgive what I have made.
—EZRA POUND
index
Unless otherwise specified, entries in italics indicate albums. Those in quotes indicate song titles.
Abalone Alliance
Abbey Road Studios, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 6.1, 6.2, 6.3
Abrams, Joe, 3.1, 3.2, 3.3
After the Gold Rush, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 11.1
“(Ain’t That) Just Like Me,” 4.1, 4.2, 4.3
Albert, Ronnie and Howard
Alexander, Arthur, 3.1, 4.1
Allies,
Allman Brothers
“All You Need Is Love,”
“Almost Cut My Hair,” 7.1, 9.1, 9.2
“Almost Gone,”
Altamont
American Dream,
Anderson, Bill and Myrtle
Animals, 5.1, 6.1, 7.1, 7.2
antinuclear movement, 12.1, 12.2, 14.1, 14.2, 15.1, 17.1
Apple Records
Armatrading, Joan
Atlantic Records, 4.1, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 9.1, 11.1, 11.2, 12.1, 14.1, 16.1, 17.1
Baez, Joan, 9.1, 13.1, 14.1
Balin, Marty
Barbata
, Johnny, 10.1, 10.2
“Barrel of Pain,” 14.1, 14.2, 14.3
Barrett, Adrian
Beach Boys, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 11.1, 13.1
Beatles, 2.1, 3.1, 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4, 4.5, 5.1, 5.2, 5.3, 5.4, 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, 6.4, 6.5, 6.6, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 8.1, 10.1, 11.1, 17.1
reverence for
significance of
“Be-Bop-a Lula,” 2.1, 3.1, 14.1, 14.2
Bee Gees, 16.1, 17.1
Berlin Wall, fall of
Bernstein, Joel, 8.1, 11.1, 11.2, 11.3, 12.1, 12.2, 12.3, 13.1, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3, 15.1, 17.1, 17.2
Best, Pete, 4.1, 4.2
Be Yourself,
“Big Yellow Taxi,”
Bilotta, John
Bingenheimer, Rodney
Blackboard Jungle (movie),
Blakley, Ronee
Bocking, Pete, 3.1, 3.2, 4.1, 17.1
“Both Sides Now,” 8.1, 8.2
Boulter, Steve
Bradley, Peter
Braunstein, Michael
Bridge School, 16.1, 17.1
“Broken Bird,”
Brown, Nancy, 11.1, 12.1, 13.1, 13.2, 14.1, 15.1
Browne, Jackson, 11.1, 12.1, 12.2, 14.1, 14.2, 15.1, 15.2, 16.1, 16.2, 17.1, 17.2, 17.3
Buffalo Springfield, 1.1, 6.1, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 8.1, 9.1, 10.1, 17.1
Bulgarian Choir
Burden, Gary
“Burning for the Buddha,”
Bush, George W., 17.1, 17.2
“Bus Stop,” 4.1, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 17.1
“Butterfly,” 2.1, 6.1
Butterfly,
“Bye Bye Love,” 3.1, 6.1, 17.1
Byrds, 1.1, 5.1, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 11.1, 11.2, 13.1, 17.1
Calvert, Bernie, 4.1, 7.1
Camil, Scott
Campbell, Tom, 12.1, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3, 14.4, 17.1
Capitol Records, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3
Carmichael, Jesse, 17.1, 17.2
Carnegie Hall, 8.1, 8.2, 11.1, 11.2
Nash’s mother’s ashes and
“Carousel,”
“Carrie Anne,” 6.1, 6.2, 17.1
Carried Away, 13.1, 13.2
“Carry Me,” 11.1, 12.1, 12.2, 17.1
“Carry On,”
Carter, Jimmy, 13.1, 13.2
Cash, Johnny and June
“Cathedral,” 13.1, 13.2, 13.3, 17.1
Chavez, Cesar
“Chelsea Morning,”
Cheney, Dick, 17.1, 17.2
“Chicago,” 10.1, 11.1, 11.2, 13.1
children, benefits for, 7.1, 16.1, 17.1
“Chippin’ Away,”
Clapton, Eric, 1.1, 2.1, 6.1, 7.1, 8.1, 9.1, 10.1
Clark, Dave, 5.1, 5.2
Clark, Gene, 5.1, 13.1
Clarke, Allan, 1.1, 2.1, 3.1, 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, 6.4, 13.1, 15.1, 15.2
engagement and marriage, 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4, 17.1
Nash break with Hollies and, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 15.1
Nash duo
Nash long-term friendship, 1.1, 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 3.1, 4.1, 5.1, 7.1, 17.1
Nash reconciliation
Clash
Clegg, Graham, 3.1, 3.2
Clinton, Bill
Clouds, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 8.4
Coasters, 3.1, 4.1, 4.2
Cohen, Michael, 4.1, 5.1
Cohen, Steve, 10.1, 10.2, 17.1
Colasurado, John
“Cold Rain,” 13.1, 15.1
Collins, Judy, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 9.1, 10.1
Collins, Phil, 12.1, 17.1
Columbia Records, 6.1, 7.1, 14.1, 14.2
“Compass,” 16.1, 16.2
Coolidge, Rita, 10.1, 10.2, 11.1
Coons, David, 17.1, 17.2, 17.3
Cosby, Bill
“Country Girl,” 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, 9.4
Cousteau, Jacques, 12.1, 12.2, 14.1
“Cowboy of Dreams,”
“Critical Mass,” 12.1, 16.1
Crosby, David, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 11.1, 11.2, 11.3, 12.1, 12.2, 13.1, 14.1, 17.1
arrests/conviction of, 11.1, 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 16.1, 16.2, 16.3
CD retrospective
children of, 12.1, 16.1, 17.1
Christine’s death and, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 12.1, 14.1
comeback appearance of
crisis intervention for
debts of, 16.1, 16.2, 16.3
deterioration from cocaine of, 12.1, 13.1, 13.2, 13.3, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3, 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 16.1, 16.2
drugs and, 5.1, 6.1, 6.2, 8.1, 9.1, 10.1, 11.1, 12.1, 12.2, 16.1, 16.2
guns and, 11.1, 12.1, 16.1
liver transplant
long-lost son of
marriage to Jan
Nash’s bond with, 4.1, 7.1, 11.1, 15.1, 16.1, 16.2, 17.1
Nash’s first meeting with, 1.1, 1.2, 5.1
Nash’s songs and, 7.1, 13.1
personality/style of, 6.1, 6.2, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 9.1, 9.2, 11.1, 13.1
prison parole of
rehabilitation of, 16.1, 17.1
schooner of (see Mayan)
Young and
Crosby, Django
Crosby-Nash duo, 10.1, 10.2, 11.1, 11.2, 12.1
Crosby, Stills & Nash, 8.1, 11.1, 14.1, 15.1, 17.1
Allies tour,
archival projects
benefits, 14.1, 15.1, 17.1, 17.2
Berlin Wall’s fall and
biggest hit single
continued relevancy of, 15.1, 15.2
Crosby’s son James and, 17.1, 17.2
CSNY music compared with
Daylight Again album/tour,
eponymous first album, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, 11.1
honors awarded to
inception of, 1.1, 7.1
member interactions
name order of
1977 return success, 9.1, 12.1, 13.1, 13.2, 13.3
1984 tour
1990s successes
normal routine of, 8.1, 13.1
politics and
primacy of music for, 17.1, 17.2
turnaround of
unique sound of, 7.1, 8.1, 17.1
Woodstock anniversaries
Young’s addition to, 8.1, 9.1
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, 9.1, 11.1, 11.2
debut performance
Doom Tour (1974), 11.1, 12.1
downward slope of
first album (see Déjá Vu)
friction among, 9.1, 10.1, 11.1, 11.2, 12.1
as open marriage
politics and, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 11.1, 17.1
recording reunion attempt
re-formation of, 16.1, 16.2, 16.3
Rolling Stones cover,
tour (2006)
Woodstock and, 9.1, 9.2
Young’s contribution to
CSN (album), 13.1
Dance, Jan, 14.1, 14.2, 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 16.1, 16.2, 16.3, 16.4, 16.5, 17.1
marriage to Crosby of
pregnancy of, 17.1, 17.2
rehabilitation of
“Dark Star,” 13.1, 13.2
Dave Clark Five, 5.1, 5.2
Davis, Miles, 5.1, 5.2, 8.1, 9.1
Davis, Spencer, 6.1, 6.2
“Daylight Again,”
Daylight Again, 14.1, 15.1, 15.2, 15.3, 16.1, 16.2
“Dear Mr. Fantasy,”
“Déjà Vu,” 6.1, 9.1, 10.1, 12.1
Déjà Vu, 9.1, 9.2, 9.3, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 10.4, 16.1, 17.1
Delsener, Ron
Dick Cavett Show (TV show),
digital technology
Diltz, Henry, 8.1, 8.2
disco, 13.1, 16.1
“Doctor Will See You Now, Mr. L, The,”
Doerge, Craig, 11.1, 12.1, 13.1, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3
Doherty, Denny, 5.1, 5.2, 5.3
Dolphins
Donovan, Debbie, 7.1, 9.1, 9.2, 11.1, 12.1, 16.1
“Don’t Be Denied,”
“Don’t Let It Bring You Down,”
“Don’t Say Goodbye,”
Dorothy Chandler Pavilion, 11.1, 13.1
Dowd, Tom, 8.1, 8.2
Drummond, Tim, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3
Duganne, Jack
Dylan, Bob, 6.1, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 10.1, 11.1, 12.1, 14.1
Earth & Sky, 14.1, 14.2, 14.3
Eccles, Rose, 4.1, 5.1, 5.2, 5.3, 6.1, 6.2
Nash marriage breakup, 1.1, 6.1, 7.1, 7.2, 8.1, 9.1
Elizabeth II, Queen, 17.1, 17.2
Elliot, Cass, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 8.1, 8.2, 9.1, 11.1, 14.1
death of, 11.1, 16.1
Elliott, Bobby, 4.1, 4.2, 5.1, 5.2, 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, 7.1, 7.2, 15.1, 15.2
environmentalism, 9.1, 12.1, 13.1, 14.1, 17.1, 17.2, 17.3, 17.4
Epic Records, 7.1, 7.2
Epstein, Brian
Ertegun, Ahmet, 7.1, 7.2, 7.3, 8.1, 8.2, 8.3, 8.4, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 12.1, 14.1
Escher, M. C., 7.1, 7.2, 8.1
Everly Brothers, 2.1, 3.1, 3.2, 3.3, 3.4, 3.5, 4.1, 8.1, 11.1, 13.1
CSN sound and, 7.1, 8.1
Hollies’ songs and
importance to Nash, 17.1, 17.2
“Everybody I Love You,” 9.1, 9.2
Eye to Eye (Nash book), 12.1
Faithfull, Marianne, 6.1, 6.2
Farm Aid
Fedora, Tom
“Field Worker,”
Filo, John
“Find the Cost of Freedom,” 10.1, 11.1
Finnigan, Mike, 14.1, 15.1
Fogelberg, Dan, 14.1, 14.2
Fonda, Jane
“For Free,” 8.1, 16.1
“For What It’s Worth,” 6.1, 11.1
4 Way Street, 10.1, 10.2, 11.1
Fourtones, 3.1, 3.2, 5.1, 17.1
Frampton Comes Alive!,
Freddie and the Dreamers, 3.1, 4.1, 5.1
Freed, Alan, 5.1, 5.2
Furay, Richie, 7.1, 7.2, 9.1
Fury, Billy, 3.1, 4.1
Garcia, Jerry, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1
Garfunkel, Art, 5.1, 7.1, 12.1, 12.2, 14.1
Geffen, David, 7.1, 8.1, 8.2, 9.1, 9.2, 10.1, 10.2, 10.3, 11.1, 11.2, 11.3, 12.1, 17.1
Gentle, Johnny, 4.1, 4.2