I don’t like the surge of jealousy that rises up when I think about that. Surely, she wouldn’t go out with someone. Although we didn’t talk about exclusivity, I just sort of assumed Mac is that type of woman. The type that only wants one man in her life.
For a moment, I think about calling her. Just to casually check in, see how things are going. In fact, I could probably make a pretense of calling about the Jackson case with an idea I have. Of course, I don’t have an idea, but I’m sure I could come up with something pretty quickly.
I walk back into the living room and grab my phone from the couch. Flipping into my contacts, I pull her up. A photo of her face shows up… asleep, head turned to the side. I took it in Chicago after maybe the second or third time we had sex. She drifted off into a light sleep, and I got up to go to the bathroom. When I got back, the peacefulness and delicate beauty of her face caught me off guard. I stared at her for an unreasonably long time, and then grabbed my phone.
She was splendidly naked on the bed, and I could have taken any number of photos of her for my private viewing later. But I didn’t. Just one photo… a close up of her face, and I’ve studied it a time or two.
My thumb hovers over her number, undecided on whether I should call her.
Then I ask myself… am I really calling because I want to further a connection with her, or am I calling to soothe my own ego?
The answer is clear because I am an ego-driven man, so I throw my phone down and walk back toward my bedroom. I’m just going to have to put Mac out of my mind.
I can’t keep thinking about her because when I do, it’s nothing but the most utterly fantastic thoughts. There’s not one thing that turns me off about her that I can think of, other than she loves reality TV. Outside of that, she is truly what could be considered a fantasy woman, and the more I dwell on that, the more I might be tempted to seek something more with her.
And more than anything… I cannot let that happen. That phone call with Marissa validated my position. Once you’ve been in love… deeply and irrevocably in love, and you have that love obliterated by the one person you thought you could trust above all else? Well, let’s just say that leaves a mark on your soul.
I will never let that happen to me again. I will never go through that pain… that humiliation. I will never be that stupid.
Thus, there can never be anything with Mac more than what we have right at this moment.
Chapter 11
“You didn’t have to be such a prick to my client in there,” Cal Carson seethes at me as we step out of my large conference room and into the marbled lobby of my firm.
Glaring back at him, I say, “From one prick to another, right Carson?”
The animosity between Cal Carson and me is so palpable that the air is thick with tension. It has nothing to do with this case we just settled. No, our tension started a few years before… when he used to be my best friend.
Best friends for fourteen years… through undergrad, law school, best man at my wedding, and so on.
It all fell apart and the “tension” started precisely when he fucked my wife, and confessed his sins to me. I promptly kicked his ass and let hate fill my soul where he is concerned. It was no consolation that my wife was already fucking around on me and that I knew about it. No consolation that our marriage was over in my mind, and I had already planned on leaving her. If anything, it was a million times more painful that Cal betrayed me with her, because in hindsight, while I could see Marissa doing that… it was just beyond comprehension that someone like Cal would do that to me. He was just so loyal and morally upstanding. I still don’t understand it, but I really don’t want to either.
Needless to say, that whole “best friend” thing doesn’t exist anymore, and I am left to suffer his presence. It kills me that his law practice and mine collide over and over again, since we are on opposite sides of the playing field. We’ve had several cases against each other over the last few years and while we manage to treat each other with cold civility most of the time, every once in a blue moon, my anger will get the best of me and I’ll be a real prick during our dealings.
“Gentlemen,” William McDaniel says soothingly, in an effort to mediate. He is, after all, the mediator for our case today. “The deal is done, so let’s just shake hands and call it a day.”
Cal sighs and starts to stick his hand out, because of course, he would be the bigger person.
He should be the bigger person after what he did.
Cocksucker.
But then something catches his attention over my shoulder and he exclaims, “McKayla!” with pure delight radiating from his eyes.
Turning around, Mac is walking into the lobby, her satchel slung over her shoulder. It’s the first time I’ve seen her since we parted ways Saturday morning and as expected, my body viscerally reacts to her. Heartbeat accelerated, palms itching, dick twitching.
She looks amazing. She’s more casually dressed today in a pair of wide-legged, gray trousers and a dove-gray silk blouse, complimented with a wide, patent-leather black belt and those fuck-me, mile-high black heels she wears all the time. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail that hangs low on her neck, which only showcases the graceful arch of her neck.
Cal pushes past me, intentionally hitting my shoulder, I’m sure, and walks up to her. My blood pressure spikes when I see her smile at him warmly, the same delight showing in her eyes. They look like two people that have a fucking crush on each other or something.
How in the fuck do they even know each other?
I watch as they speak for a few moments, their words traveling crystal clear over the marble flooring. The fucker asks her out to lunch and my eyes narrow as she accepts, telling him what a good time she had with him on Saturday.
Motherfucking cocksucker!
I’m going to fucking pound him into the dirt. It’s no less than he deserves, and he’s stepped over a line now that I won’t look past. I did that once with him. Not doing it again.
Not with Mac.
“Excuse me,” I mumble to William as I walk away, and head toward Mac and Cal.
When I reach them, I take her elbow in a firm grasp. “If you’ll excuse us, Carson, I need to talk to McKayla about an urgent matter on a case.”
Without waiting for a response from him or her assent, I push her through the lobby, back down the main corridor, and straight for my office. I’m not that gentle with my pushing, the anger welling up in me like a hurricane.
She was with fucking Cal Carson on Saturday? When I had been contemplating calling her?
When we get to my office, I open the door and push her in.
She pulls free of my hold, spinning on me in anger. “What is your problem? Pulling me out of the lobby and manhandling me to your office like you own me?”
“What the fuck are you doing with Carson? You were with him Saturday?”
Mac takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. I can almost visualize her counting down from ten to calm herself. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I met him in the law library and we had coffee. He helped me out with a Memorandum of Law.”
Okay… now I can relax.
Coffee. That’s all it was. Coffee.
I’m so fucking relieved, I almost laugh out loud but then decide against it when Mac’s eyes narrow at me. “Where were you this weekend since we’re… you know… all sharing and shit?”
Yeah, I’m not sharing. Not sure why she thinks this is a sharing moment for me. Besides, I’m still pissed that she spent time with Cal and apparently is going to lunch with him. “None of your business.”
“What? You demand to know what I was doing, but you don’t share what you were up to?”
“That’s right,” I sneer at her viciously, when what I really want to do is kiss her. “I’m twisted that way. Stay away from Carson. He’s bad news.”
Mac’s face goes red, and she starts to take a step backward.
Oh, hell no. That won’t do at all.
“You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. It’s a two-way street. I have no say so in your plans, then you have no say so in mine.”
I can’t help myself. I’m in full-blown asshole mode. “I do when it comes to Cal Carson. He’s off limits.”
“Off limits?” she practically yells at me, and then drops her voice immediately, sliding a hesitant gaze toward my door. She hisses at me when she says, “You want to talk about off limits, how about you taking Lorraine out to dinner tonight? She’s in her office right now, getting all dolled up for your date with her. Let me make the same proclamation you’re making about Cal. She’s off limits. Stay away from her.”
Quite a mouthful, Mac.
“Are you jealous?” I ask with a smirk, trying not to laugh. I had completely forgotten about my dinner meeting with Lorraine tonight.
“Doesn’t matter if I am or not. You say I can’t see Cal, well, I say you can’t see Lorraine. Cancel with her.”
Okay, that’s not so funny anymore. I can’t cancel with Lorraine. It’s a business meeting that has to happen tonight, as I can’t let that woman run loose around my law firm another day. She’s wreaking all kinds of havoc around here, and Bill and I are ready to put an end to it. Thus the reason for me taking her out for a dinner meeting.
“Not going to happen,” I tell her firmly.
“What? You won’t even consider my feelings?” she asks in a small voice.
“Not where this is concerned. It’s none of your business.” I know that’s such a fucking dick thing to say, but again… still pissed she seems to like Cal and she’s having lunch with him. I’m not giving in on this one.
“Then Cal is none of your business. We’re even.”
Fucking Cal. I hate that motherfucker.
Lunging at her, letting fury rise a little too high, I grab her shoulders and pull her in close to me. My voice is deadly when I say, “You’re trying my patience, Mac. Words don’t seem to work on you. Let me try something else.”
I kiss her with so much energy and pent-up frustration, it’s an almost orgasmic release. My tongue goes in swiftly, roaming around her mouth, stroking her. She immediately melts into me, her body sinking into mine, and I get a full-blown erection, which pushes into her stomach.
I pull her closer and kiss her harder, my fingers digging into her shoulders and I’m sure that’s going to bruise tomorrow. When Mac groans into my mouth, I feel like screaming, “I’m king of the world,” but I’m smart enough to keep quiet, knowing she would not appreciate that.
When her fingers curl into my shirt, I start to lean down to pick her up, intent on depositing her on my desk and fucking her quickly. But that doesn’t happen because Mac tears herself away from me.
I stand there, looking at her, while my chest heaves with the exertion I was pouring into that kiss. I want her so bad right now that I’d promise just about anything to have her.
But I can see that look in her eyes. She’s getting ready to deny me, and that makes my blood boil.
“Enough,” she says accusingly. “Stop doing that to me. I’m not your puppet.”
“You are if I tell you to be.” This is me… trying to get back control of the situation.
I think for a moment that statement might cause her to cry, but she does nothing more than suck in a lungful of air and let it out slowly. “Listen… I won’t see Cal if that is what you want, but I want the same thing with Lorraine. I don’t want you taking her to dinner tonight. Are we agreed?”
Okay, she’s clearly missing the part where I’m in control. I call the shots. This is sex… sex only. She has no say-so in what I do, and yes, I realize with absolute clarity that I am being a hypocritical asshole. I know I am. I know I’m asking something of her that I refuse to give back. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong and I know it.
But I’m still an asshole, and I’m sticking to it.
Any psychologist worth his merit would say I’m sabotaging this thing I have with Mac, because I’m too fucking scared to give in to it.
I’d have to agree.
I try one more time to get us back on track. Back to just sinful fucking and no questions. “I’m taking Lorraine out to dinner tonight. I can’t cancel. But then I’ll be over to your apartment after.”
The minute the words are out of my mouth, I know they are not well received. Still, I’m a little surprised when she says, “Then I’m sorry, Matt. This freak of a fuck show is over.”
“What?” I ask in confusion, because I thought we’d just fight some more, then maybe have great makeup sex. I mean, Mac likes it as much as I do.
“You heard me,” she says with finality. “I can’t do this anymore. If you want my resignation, you have it. Just let me know. If not, I’ll show up and do my job well. But as far as you and I are concerned… we’re done.”
What. The. Fuck?
I stare at her in disbelief, trying to call her bluff. My conscience is telling me to give in, to tell her the truth about Lorraine… that it’s just a business dinner. My conscience is also telling me to tell her about Cal. About how black his soul is and if she doesn’t want to be with me, at least don’t be with him. He’ll hurt her. I know it, and I don’t want that to happen.
I plead with her… with my eyes, because my mouth will not open and say those things. It stays shut, because I’m still controlled by my past. I’m convinced, if I let her in… just a tiny bit more… I’ll crack wide open and become completely exposed. I’ve spent years forging these steel walls around me, and I can’t open them back up… not for anyone. Certainly not for a woman I’ve barely known for a few weeks.
I. Just. Can’t. Do. It.
So, I just stare at her and I watch the determination in her gaze solidify. It’s done. I’ve lost her.
Mac turns around and walks out of my office without a backward glance.
***
For the third time tonight, I pull my arm back across the table to dislodge Lorraine’s hand. She’s been painfully flirting with me since we’ve arrived at the restaurant, and I’ve been trying to put her off by extoling Mac’s virtues. I know she doesn’t like Mac and the more I talk highly of Mac, the more she’s forgetting to flirt with me.
Not that it’s a chore to talk about Mac’s great virtues, but I will admit… it’s a tad painful given what went down just an hour ago in my office. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I won’t be seeing her tonight… or any night thereafter.
And the insane thing about that?
I knew that was going to happen when I refused to just tell her the fucking truth. I knew I was driving her away.
I am one seriously twisted dude, who apparently loves misery.
Pushing my plate away, because honestly, I have no appetite, I decide to cut to the chase and let Lorraine know about her fate.
“Lorraine… I know Bill has talked to you twice since you’ve started with us, about the problems we’ve been having with your behavior toward other attorneys and staff.”
I pause and gauge her reaction. Her pulse starts pounding at the base of her neck and her face goes a little red, but she doesn’t say anything.
“We haven’t seen any improvement, frankly, and we don’t believe that Connover and Crown is a good fit for you.”
This, of course, is an understatement. Although I’ve never seen it, apparently Lorraine is a certifiable slave-driving bitch. She’s managed to piss off every attorney she’s worked with so far with her bitchy, entitled attitude. She’s caused some of the staff to break down in tears.
And while I found it fucking hilarious, she apparently pulled that shit on Mac last week, repetitively ordering her to get her coffee. One of the attorneys watched this take place and to
ld me that when Lorraine told her to go get her some coffee, Mac leaned over, grabbed her stomach, and moaned piteously. Told Lorraine she had diarrhea and couldn’t do it, running off to find a bathroom. Apparently, that same attorney saw Mac ten minutes later and asked how she was. She apparently grinned, gave a wink, and confided in a low voice, “I’m perfectly fine. But that’s the best way I’ve found to keep her off my back.”
Fucking. Hilarious.
But completely unacceptable that Lorraine is treating her peers that way. And yes, Mac is her peer now, not her employee.
Bill talked to Lorraine twice about it in the form of a performance evaluation. Each time, she acknowledged the problem and said she would get it under control. She lasted about a day, and then went back to being a monster to everyone. Honestly, I think there’s a mental issue there, but it’s not my place to get into that.
Now we’re done trying and it’s time to part ways.
“We’re willing to buy out your existing cases and offer you a severance bonus. Or you can walk with what you came into the firm with, but no severance. If you choose the first option, I’ll ask you to stay for thirty days to help transfer the cases over to Bill permanently and that will also give you time to look for a job.”
I pause and push an envelope across the table. “Here’s a detailed proposal of the case buyout. Of course, the clients will need to agree to come with us, but I’m sure we can work that out.”
She doesn’t say anything, her face getting redder. She takes the envelope, peruses it briefly, and then turns her eyes to me. I expect her to argue or plead to stay on.
Instead, she surprises me when she says, “I accept the first option to buy my cases out. I’ve sort of come to the conclusion that life in a large law firm is not for me.”
My eyebrows shoot up, because I was confident this was not how it would go down. I’m greatly relieved so I give her a true smile and lean my arms on the table. “Excellent. How about we order some champagne and drink to new ventures for both of us?”
Confessions of a Litigation God: A Legal Affairs Full Length Erotic Novel Page 10