by Matt Juhl
Tonya took Harper maternally into her arms and held her with all her strength. Then she wrapped her jacket around Harper’s trembling body while running her hands through her damp hair.
Staring at the devastation and bloodshed, the detective knew she failed. It was the worst feeling in the world.
Harper couldn’t bear watching them drive away. Instead, she buried her face into Tonya’s comforting shoulder, screaming and crying at the top of her lungs. It was all so senseless.
She had spent her life pining for comfort and stability, but mostly love. Those were all the things she’d found in Nik. Harper couldn’t comprehend that in a single instance, in one violent act of haste, she lost her true love.
Harper could not face the truth…she couldn’t accept that Nik was dead.
THIRTY-ONE
For Harper, the silence was maddening. Each tick of the clock was an agonizing reminder of her desolation. It was as if time was weightless, empty in its unbound injustice since Nik died.
She was reclusive in the days following the murder. Reality was far too grim for Harper to face anyone. With the curtains drawn in Nik’s bedroom, minutes spun into hours, hours into days. The nights were long, and her pillowcase remained soaked in tears. The hollows of her stomach ached, and her broken heart was shattered into thousands of irreparable pieces.
The vast emptiness burned so deeply within her soul that the hurt wouldn’t subside.
As painstaking as the time following Nik’s death was, Harper hadn’t fully grasped the magnitude of her sorrow until the afternoon of his funeral.
All the details of the horrific events, leading to the fateful night of his murder, had been splashed over the front page of the Silver Shores Chronicle. By the time of the visitation, everyone in town knew the startling truth about Traci Galva and Gage Black’s gruesome acts. More importantly, they were made privy to the personal hell that Harper and Nik had endured.
One by one, the darkly clothed residents crowded the church for Nik’s visitation. Each grieving citizen stood shoulder to shoulder to pay their deepest respects. The outpour of emotion was overwhelming and unexpected.
Throughout the visitation, Harper tried keeping to herself, but no one would allow it. One by one, she received hugs, condolences, and acceptance. Their kindness provided brief solace.
Never had Harper imagined such a response from people she thought would never support them. It genuinely touched her. How terribly she had misjudged them.
Still—even surrounded by a room full of people, she had never felt more alone.
Harper sought refuge in an empty corner, mindlessly staring into the bright sun as it burned through the stained glass windows. She ran her shaking hand over the thumb ring she gave to Nik on his birthday, remembering how happy it’d made him.
The unbearable pain would not subside, so she nervously bit her nails to keep from breaking down. Somehow she was able to drown out the apologies and kind words, hearing only the unsteady beat of her broken heart.
“How are you holding up, kiddo?” a familiar voice asked.
Harper lifted her sad face and saw Tonya, standing with the support of crutches tucked under her defined arms. It was the first time she’d ever seen the detective out of uniform. She wore a black knee-length dress that exposed her legs, one wrapped with a full cast.
“Detective Harris,” Harper whispered. She leapt from her seat and carefully hugged her. Thinking about everything the brave woman had done for them instantly prompted tears.
“Oh Harper,” she patted her back. “I’m so sorry.”
It was comforting to be near someone that understood her sorrow, someone to provide the reprieve she needed. “I’m real glad you came.”
“I needed to. I’ve never felt this affected by someone I’ve worked with, but Nik was such an incredible young man. I owe it to him to be here.”
“I know he would’ve appreciated it.”
Tonya forced a smile. “To be entirely honest, there’s another reason I came. I feel guilty.” She pulled away and stared directly at Harper. “All of this is my fault.”
“No it ain’t,” Harper said.
“If I would have caught Traci and Gage, Nik would still be alive. If I would’ve just been faster, I could’ve saved him.”
“Not only did you stop Gage, you killed him. He won’t be able to hurt anyone ever again. You put your life on the line for us. I don’t even know how to begin thankin’ you for that.” Harper cleared her throat. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine. This all started ‘cause I let Traci into my life. If I hadn’t, Aunt Faye, Mama, Pops, Brielle, Kendall, and Nik would all still be here.”
“You can’t blame yourself—”
“Even that night, Traci wanted to kill me until Nik…” Harper held her breath, replaying that dreadful moment so miserably seared into her memory. “For whatever reason, he took that bullet and saved my life. I just can’t forgive myself for this. I should’ve died, not Nik.”
“Don’t say that. I know he loved you deeply. He wanted you to live, Harper. Nik was an incredibly brave man who knew exactly what he was doing, and you need to remember that. As for Traci, she was a mastermind manipulator, a psychopath. She would’ve killed anyone that stood in the way of getting what she wanted. The most important thing is that Traci and Gage are dead—and won’t be able to cause any more pain.”
It was something she’d thought about incessantly. However, rather than death, Harper wanted them to feel the devastation that had become her existence, to know what it was like to lose everyone that mattered and face a life of solitude. In her eyes, death was hardly vindication for their heinous actions.
“In spite of everything, you’re looking better.” Tonya rubbed her back. “I know Traci had roughed you up pretty bad.”
“I see you were banged up, too. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m getting by. This isn’t the first time I’ve taken a hit. It sort of comes with the territory.”
“But Gage shot you. Your leg is in a cast. It’s all my fault—”
“No,” she shushed her. “Like I said, this is not my first hit. I’ll be all right.”
Harper sighed. “And Officer Brown, how’s he doin’?”
“Leland’s gonna be just fine. He’s still recovering. They’re guessing he’ll be released from the hospital in the next couple of weeks.”
“I’m so thankful he’s alive…that both of you are.”
Tonya nodded. “Leland asked me to send his condolences.”
“Please thank him for me.” Harper swallowed hard. “There ain’t a lot I can do at this point, but I hope y’all know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done. I’ll never forget it.” Harper pulled Tonya into her trembling embrace. “Thanks for carin’ so much. I don’t have a lot of people I can rely on anymore, but it makes me feel better knowin’ that you’re around and that you saved me.”
It wasn’t the reaction she was expecting, considering her personal guilt for failing to prevent Nik’s death. However, for Harper’s gratitude, Tonya was eternally thankful. It brought her some peace.
The normally stoic detective wiped her damp eyes and cleared her throat. “Take care of yourself, kiddo. If you need anything at all, let me know. You’ve got my number. Just remember, Leland and I will always have your back. You’ll never be alone.”
Harper bit her lip. “I appreciate that.”
Tonya patted Harper’s cheek and hobbled away on her crutches.
At that same moment, Daisy Holloway brushed past Tonya and approached Harper.
Out of everyone, Daisy was the last person Harper expected to see, considering the unwarranted malice she harbored.
“Hey, Harper.”
“Daisy, I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I wasn’t sure if my coming would upset you or not, but I wanted to pay my respects. I’m sorry about Nik. I read about what happened to you guys. He was very honorable.”
“Thank you. I didn’t get
a chance to tell you sooner, but I’m sorry about Brielle. I know how much your aunt meant to you.”
Daisy looked around and pulled her cardigan over her shoulders. “Thanks. While we’re exchanging apologies, I owe you another one.”
“For what?”
She nervously played with the ends of her dark hair. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just gonna throw it out there. I was so mean to you and Nik.” Realizing she’d misspoken, she released a guilty breath. “Okay, I was a total bitch. I said a lot of hurtful things about you guys being together that I shouldn’t have said.”
“Yeah, you did,” Harper agreed.
“I’m truly sorry for the way I acted. From the moment you moved here, I was rude. When I saw you with Nik, my behavior was unforgivable. Deep down, I could tell you two made each other happy. To be honest, part of me was jealous. I’ve always felt alone.”
Harper turned her head in confusion. “But you’ve got all kinds of friends. Nik was all I had besides Mama and Auntie.”
“I didn’t realize until recently that I’ve been using the word ‘friend’ too loosely. After Aunt Brie was killed, nobody was there to console me, not even Mal. It made me open my eyes and realize how lonely I’ve been. No one’s ever really loved me, not like the way Nik loved you. You were lucky.”
“But you made us feel like we should be ashamed for feelin’ that way—that we were freaks just ‘cause we were straight.”
“All I can say is that I was wrong. I’m truly sorry for all the pain I caused.”
Harper released a ragged breath. “I’m sure Nik would’ve liked to hear that.”
“I just wish I would’ve done it while he was still alive.”
“Me too.”
“You know, Harper, people could learn a lot from the two of you, about bravery, about compassion, about tolerance…about love. I know I did. I’m just sorry for being too late.”
“Too late?”
“To realize how horrible I was to you both.”
“There’s no such thing as too late.”
Daisy frowned empathetically. “Unfortunately, I think we both know better than anyone else what a lie that is.”
She solemnly nodded.
Before turning away, Daisy put her arms around Harper and gave her a long embrace, solidifying her sincerity and her remorse.
Just as the last of the guests cleared the church, Harper folded her arms over her black, satin dress and wandered to the photo collages that Jett assembled. However, she hadn’t prepared herself to see the collection. Looking at the life in Nik’s striking face, throughout the snapshots, was like taking a dagger to the heart.
Of all the pictures, Harper lingered on one of Nik with both his father and dad. The three men were on their boat with arms locked around each other.
Nik had shown it to her once before, mentioning it was one of his favorites. It flooded her mind with all the moments and conversations they’d shared. Being inundated with those memories only magnified her sadness.
Just as she began turning away, a familiar picture stood out. Suddenly, her wide eyes gleamed under the light. She put her hand to her chest and leaned in closer to get a better look.
A smile crept across her face as she delicately ran her fingertips across its glossy finish. It was the photograph she and Nik took in front of the Ferris wheel on their first date. It was the only picture they’d ever taken together.
Tiny tears trickled down her cheek as she cherished its significance. Overcome with emotion, Harper struggled to catch her breath. It was an incredible surprise.
“Funny thing—I came across that one while I was looking through Nik’s things,” Jett said, standing behind Harper. “Look at my boy’s face. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him so happy. Honestly, that was probably the happiest he ever was.”
“You think so?”
“Definitely, I can tell.” Jett carefully pulled the picture from the memory board and held it out.
“I miss his smile.” Harper leaned in close to get a better look.
“You know, there’s something I’ve been meaning to say…you were right.”
“About what?” she asked.
“What you said that night in the kitchen, about how crappy I was to Nikolas and Patrick. You told me one day he’d be gone and I’d have nothing left, except my guilt. Your words have haunted me ever since, but not nearly as much until he died.” Jett pulled an ivory handkerchief from the pocket of his blazer and wiped his eyes. “Everything you said was true. I never had the chance to tell him that I really loved him or that I was a dumb ole’ fool for the way I acted. And now I’ll never get the chance. My boy’s gone.”
“When I said all those things, I had no idea something like this would ever happen. You can’t feel sorry for all that now ‘cause it ain’t gonna change any of it. You’ve just gotta remember him for who he was and be grateful that he touched your life. I know I am.”
“You brought life back into his eyes. It may have only been for a short time, but you did that much. That’s something I could never have done.” Jett looked down at the photograph and handed it to Harper. “Here, this belongs to you.”
“I can have it?”
“Of course you can. It’s yours. Nikolas would want you to keep it.”
Harper held it over her heart and closed her eyes. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“I think I do.”
“Thank you.” Harper buckled into Jett’s embrace. For once, she was at a total loss of words. All she could do was weep.
He put his hand on the back of her head and held her with candor, knowing she was the only connection he had left to Nik.
“There’s something else I want you to have,” he said.
“What’s that?”
Jett pointed to the shiny urn. “I want my son to rest in peace. That’s why I’m giving Nik to you…to find his final resting place.”
“I can’t do that,” she insisted.
“Yeah, I know you can. Take him some place he’ll love. I couldn’t make him happy while he was alive, so this is the least I can do for him now. Please, do this for me. More importantly, do this for Nik.”
Overwhelmed, Harper nodded her head. “I’ll take care of him. I know exactly where he’ll wanna go.”
The breathtaking sunset rippled across the immense lake and shimmered against the steady waves. The crispness of the air was cleansing. It felt cathartic to Harper as she walked across the desolate beach, cradling Nik’s urn in her unsteady arms.
She stopped briefly beside the towering lighthouse, at the very spot she held him during his final moments. Its haunting magnetism pulled Harper to her knees in devastation. The immeasurable emptiness ran through her soul, making his absence incredibly real.
The beach was alive with memories, as if it was the fabric of Nik’s essence. His energy was intertwined in the elements.
“The service was real nice, Nik. Everyone in town was there, at least everyone I could remember. Along with your obituary, the Silver Shores Chronicle ran a big article about our story in the paper. They even called you their future intern, which was real neat. I thought you’d like to know that. We’ve been quite the buzz around town ever since, which is why I wasn’t surprised by the turnout. The response was overwhelmin’, but you deserved that respect. God, I can’t do this!” she screamed.
Harper squeezed her lips tenderly and stared off into the blazing sunset to gather her strength and collect herself. “It reminded me of a vision I had—and no I ain’t sayin’ I’m one of those psychics ‘cause I know you don’t believe in that junk,” she laughed through her cleansing tears. “Remember the night of Traci’s party, when I came to stay with you? Before all that, I was hidin’ in the balcony and watchin’ all the couples linkin’ arms. At that moment, I had this daydream of you and me, surrounded in a room of strangers. It was filled with light, and for the first time in our lives, we were truly accepted. No one was whisperin’ about
us. We were just Nik and Harper, and that was enough. Nothin’ else mattered. Ever since that night, I’ve wondered if that could ever happen, but today that moment finally came true for us. We were together in that church and nobody cared. No one made us feel like we were less than them. We were just us.”
Harper tightened her grip around Nik’s urn. “I wanted to tell you that ‘cause it reminded me of somethin’ I read in your journal. Now don’t go gettin’ mad at me—your daddy let me see it. Believe it or not, he’s even lettin’ me stay in your room for however long I need. I can tell he’s real sorry for everything.”
The cool breeze sent chills over her body as she thoughtfully gathered her words. “Anyway, I’ve read your entry over and over again. It makes me feel close to you, like you’re here. I can still see you sittin’ across from me on the beach, lost in thought with that damn pencil movin’ as fast as it could. I loved watchin’ you sit there, writin’, but I always wondered what was goin’ on inside your head. And now, I finally know...”
Harper pulled out Nik’s brown suede journal and read his last entry aloud:
“'Through the early morning light, I'm awoken to the sweetest sight. She’s tangled in my embrace, and she’s all mine. She's eloquent in her simplicity. She's the air I breathe and the life I've been missing. She's the reason I wake and the reason I sleep, so I can dream of her. And in these dreams…we are acknowledged. I can only pray that one day the world will dignify our love.
Sometimes I envision a life where man and woman could be together without fear of scorn. However, if someone loved any differently, they wouldn't be condemned for whom they are. It shouldn’t matter who you love, but just that you’re able to love.
No matter what happens, our world won’t change until we harness the capacity to show compassion and embrace our differences. That seems difficult to imagine during these times. Perhaps we can look at our progress, reflect on where we came from, and renounce our ignorance. If by opening our minds we were receptive to at least one awakening, then we would already be better than the people we've been. We would embody the true essence of humanity and create a world shielded from discrimination and hate.