Rafael met her gaze over the top of Ginny’s head and smiled at her. He could rob her of her breath without doing much at all. Colby ducked her head and began walking with Ginny up to the house. “So, what did you think, chickadee, did you like Tanya?”
“She’s really nice, Colby,” Ginny said enthusiastically. “Paul should have at least come over to be introduced.”
“Really?” Colby’s eyebrow shot up. “Did you think so? I thought he might say something awful and mortify us—you know Paul.”
Ginny thought it over, then shook her head. “Girls think he’s cute. He’s been talking to quite a few of them on the phone and they always call him first. He never calls them. At night when you’re working he’s on the phone in the kitchen.”
“Your brother talks on the phone to girls while your sister is working?” Rafael asked quietly. There was no real expression in his voice, it was soft and calm like always, yet it held a wealth of menace.
Colby glanced at him, wondering how he could do that, not raise his voice or change his inflection, yet sound so frightening. “Paul is very young, Rafael. He’s only sixteen.”
“And when Armando was in the accident and left you to run the ranch and nurse him, you were what? Seventeen?” His black eyes moved broodingly over her face.
She took the back porch steps very fast, suddenly angry with him. “Paul helps out a lot, Rafael, and in any case, it isn’t your business.”
He glided along beside her in his silent way, irritating her even more. His hand reached the door to the kitchen at the exact same time as hers did. Colby jerked her hand away when his fingers brushed hers. “Do you think coddling that boy is going to make a man out of him, Colby? Ultimately, he has to run the ranch. It was your father’s dream to keep the ranch for the kids, but he wouldn’t want you running yourself into the ground.”
Colby was all too aware of Ginny’s wide eyes staring from one to the other of them, suddenly very grown-up. “It was my dream too.” Colby sounded defiant even to her own ears. She stalked across the room to the refrigerator and stared inside.
Rafael’s smile was very gentle. He put a hand on her shoulder. I have been in your mind, pequena. I did not see such a memory.
He had been in her body too. The unspoken words shimmered in the air. She whirled around and glared at him. “Then you darn well weren’t looking for it,” she snapped, hating that she knew what was in his pocket and that she would have no choice but to accept his handout. She was going to take his money and she had slept with him. “I wanted the ranch too. I did. I do.”
The memory is not there, querida, and you, more than I, know it is true. It was never there, no such memory, because you had no such desire or dream.
9
“Ben’s in a darn foul mood,” Paul greeted as he bounded through the kitchen door much like a half-grown puppy. He went straight to the sink and washed his hands. Colby was death on cleanliness. “I’ve gotta tell you, I was glad to see him go. Why’s he so bent out of shape? What’d you say to him, Colby?”
She spun around, glaring at him. “Say to him?” she echoed very softly. “And why would you think I said something to him? Ben is a man.” She made it sound like a dirty word. “That should tell you everything right there.”
Paul whistled very low under his breath. “Anyone call for me?” he asked hopefully. No one messed with Colby when she was in a man-bashing state. Someone or something had set her off and he was hoping it hadn’t been him.
“No, but I was hoping you’d leave Ben out there to get lost.”
Paul’s eyebrows shot up at Colby’s mood and then he glanced from his sister to Rafael speculatively. “So, I’m guessing you brought the loan papers. Has Colby seen them yet?” It was a good guess on his part after seeing the expression on his sister’s face.
Rafael extracted the papers and handed them to Colby. “No, not yet. Perhaps she could look these over while we get better acquainted.” He gestured toward the living room, herding Paul and Ginny in front of him to give Colby more privacy.
Colby froze, the sound of her heart loud in her ears. “Wait!” She sounded totally panic-stricken. She felt totally panic-stricken. She actually put out her hand to stop her brother and sister from leaving the room alone with Rafael.
Rafael turned to look at her, his black eyes moving over her face with hard authority as she backed away from him. “What is it, meu amor?” He spoke gently, his voice like a velvet caress, but she shivered all the same. He was smoldering. Smoldering. She could feel the volcano swirling inside him as linked as they were. His eyes were on her, bleak and cold, yet burning with a terrible intensity. Fire and ice. There it was again. The paradox. She didn’t understand him. She didn’t understand herself. But first and foremost, despite what she might need or want or feel, she had to know that Ginny and Paul were safe from all harm. Rafael was a shadow in her mind and saw her fear.
“Colby?” There was a wealth of concern in Paul’s voice. “What is it?”
Be very careful what you say to the boy, pequena; I do not want him to fear me unnecessarily as you seem to fear me. The words purred in her mind, a soothing menace.
Colby’s hand went to her throat, a protective gesture, moved around to cover the mark throbbing so frantically on her neck. Are you driving me insane? I feel like I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t anymore. I’m different. I know I’m different. She was crying out the words, needing his comfort even as she was trying to drive him away with her accusations.
We will be alone soon enough, Colby, there is no need for all this fear. You and the children are under my protection. That is no small thing. If you do not believe in me, then believe in Armando. He sent for the family. They are men of honor. If they believed I would harm you, do you think they would allow such a thing?
I don’t know. They’re very loyal to you. She didn’t know. She honestly didn’t. How could she be so attracted to someone she didn’t even trust? How could she allow him to do the things he’d done to her body and still crave more? It didn’t make sense to her. And the Chevez brothers feared him. She sensed the uneasiness in them whenever the conversation turned to Rafael. He was much more than a man with unique talents such as Colby had. He was far more powerful. And there was a darkness inside of him she often caught glimpses of. As much as she was drawn to Rafael, she was also equally repelled, her sense of self-preservation kicking in strongly. He was taking her over, bit by bit, cell by cell. Her heart. Her lungs. It felt as if she couldn’t breathe without him. No one else looked at her with that burning hungry gaze. No one touched her with such command, such need. He was dominant in every way and something in her she couldn’t control responded to him, needed him, craved him, even when she wasn’t certain of who or what he was.
“Go over the papers, Colby.” Rafael sounded tender. “We will be in the other room. Ginny is interested in vegetarian soup recipes and I am quite good in that particular area.”
Colby stared at Rafael, almost afraid to make a decision. You won’t . . . she couldn’t actually form an accusation. What if he had directed their minds to do something harmful? Could he have done that?
His black eyes ignited with anger for a moment. Yes, I could have, but I did not. He turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.
Paul slipped his arm around Ginny’s shoulders. “I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on between you two, but he offered us a huge loan for practically nothing, Colby, and if we don’t get money soon we’re going to lose the ranch.”
Colby shrugged. “Well, maybe you’re being altogether too trusting, Paul. You ought to know by now you don’t get something for nothing. It never works that way.”
“Maybe so, Colby, but then again you’re the one who trusted Daniels enough to take the loan,” Paul snapped at her.
Colby winced as though he’d struck her. To her shock, her eyes actually brimmed with tears. Ginny ran to her, circling her waist with protective arms, glaring openly at her brother
.
“Do not let me hear you speak to your sister again like that, Paul.” Rafael’s large frame filled the doorway. He always seemed to materialize out of nowhere, moving unseen and silently to appear and take over. He looked directly at the teenager. “You are too old to yell out accusations when you do not have all the facts. Colby deserves far more respect from you.” There was a lash in the quiet strength of his voice. “Think before you speak, boy. I am quite capable of introducing you to the concept of manners.” Rafael stepped back in invitation to allow Paul to precede him, his gaze steely.
Paul looked defiant for a moment, his face slowly turning red. Ginny moved first, hurrying quickly past Rafael into the other room, pausing just long enough to give her brother one indignant look. Colby, for once, didn’t help Paul, staring down at the scuffed toes of her boots as if she couldn’t bear to look at him. As if he had hurt her so deeply with his accusation that she couldn’t face him or anyone else.
“Colby.” He said her name softly, already sorry for lashing out at her. He wasn’t even sure why he did it, only that he didn’t like the way Rafael was looking at Colby, or the way she was looking back at him.
She shook her head without looking up. Paul followed Ginny into the living room. Colby unfolded the papers reluctantly and spread the offending document onto the kitchen table. It was strictly businesslike, legal and very fair. She could find no fault with it. Rafael had left her no way out, no logical reason to refuse him. The sum was for the amount of money she needed to pay off Daniels and enough to rebuild and even add new equipment. Colby didn’t have the kind of cash Daniels or De La Cruz had and she never would.
“Are you planning on scowling at it all day or shall we sign it and get it over with?” Rafael broke into her thoughts, leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded across his chest.
She glanced at him, a slight frown on her face. “I’m reading it over, looking for hidden traps.”
“It is not going to work, you know,” he said, his voice low.
“What isn’t going to work?” she retorted.
“Trying to start a fight with me. It will not run me off. You think to make me go back to my homeland. Do you not realize yet that it is too late for that?”
Colby pushed a hand through her hair and regarded him with serious eyes. “I know we need to have a talk, Rafael.”
He indicated the papers with a graceful wave of his hand. “Is it really so hard to decide? Would you have rather I turned my back on you and the children? It is only money. I would have given it to you, but you would not have taken it. Money means nothing to me, it never has.” He sighed, his black gaze fastened on her very expressive face. “You hate the fact that I offered the money, but really, querida, you had me either way. If I had not offered it, what kind of a man would I have been?” There was no note of censure in his voice, he simply was stating a fact.
Colby was instantly ashamed. It was true. She totally resented him either way. And she didn’t trust his motives. Rafael extracted a gold pen from his pocket and held it out to her, his dark eyes eloquent. Colby shook her head at the folly of what she was doing, but she took the pen. Her fingers brushed his, sent a frisson of awareness down her spine. He could do that, but was it simple chemistry? Colby didn’t know why she was so attracted to him. She thought he was cold, yet he sometimes burned with such intensity she melted around him. Which was the real Rafael? She thought him selfish and arrogant, yet he was first on the ranch helping nonstop in a crisis. He had sheltered Ginny in the midst of the crisis in spite of the fact that he had been in extreme discomfort. And he was offering the money at more than reasonable terms so they could keep the ranch. Had she been that wrong about him?
No, pequena, you were not so wrong about me. The words brushed in her mind almost tenderly.
Colby glanced up at him, startled. It was disconcerting to have him reading her every thought. “I guess we do need to talk. You need to explain to me just what is going on between us, because I don’t know what it is.” She wasn’t going to be put off. He had promised to talk with her and she meant to hold him to it.
“Do you really believe I have something to do with the problems on this ranch?” Rafael stirred for the first time, a lazy, casual move very reminiscent of a jungle cat as he straightened and moved toward her, immediately filling the entire kitchen with his presence.
The phone rang shrilly. They could hear Paul and Ginny both racing to answer it. Colby pushed open the screen door. She needed the night air, the wide-open spaces. She didn’t turn her head and she didn’t hear Rafael walking, but she felt him moving right behind her.
As they walked across the yard, his hand brushed hers. At once her heart went crazy, pounding wildly before she could prevent it. She glanced up at him from under long lashes, surreptitiously putting her hand behind her back. “Why did you come here, Rafael? Why are you here at all? You don’t belong here, do you?”
“My brothers and I rarely travel. We prefer to stay near the rain forest.” He glanced up at the looming mountain range shadowing the ranch. “We need the wilds. Even together we have always been solitary.”
His voice was very quiet, almost hypnotic. Colby found her gaze on the mountains also. Everything seemed so much more intense. Vivid colors in the night, the breeze bringing scents and sounds to her she had never experienced before. She inhaled deeply, drawing it all into her lungs. “Why do I want to be with you when I don’t even like you?” She didn’t look at him when she asked the question. “You know why, don’t you?” She knew things; she had always known things. She knew he wouldn’t lie to her about whatever was between them.
Rafael moved beside her in silence, his body fluid and powerful. She could feel his power. They walked past the large garden she had worked so hard to maintain. She noted absently that Paul had forgotten to water it. As soon as the knowledge shimmered in her mind, Rafael waved his hand and the water began to flow into the irrigation hoses. He did it casually, almost as if he didn’t notice he did it.
“Why do I need to touch your mind with mine, to see you, when I’ve never needed a man in my life at all?”
His hand brushed hers again and this time their fingers tangled together. “Do you really want the answers to your questions, Colby? You must be very sure it is what you want. The answers you will get are not what you are expecting.”
She stopped walking, her body very close to his. She had to tilt her head to look up at him. Colby took a moment to think it over. She sensed he was going to reveal something monumental, something terrifying. Was she strong enough to take it? Colby needed to know. She took a deep breath and nodded. “I think I have enough mysteries in my life right now without this one. Tell me the truth.”
His hand framed her face, his fingertips unbelievably gentle as they brushed her face. “I look at you, Colby, and I see the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. Inside and out you are beautiful. I know you better than anyone else could ever know you, because I can see into your thoughts and read your memories. The very light in you, your tremendous capacity for loving, humbles me.”
She looked at him steadily, trying not to drown in the depths of his black, black eyes. Looking at the intensity, the hunger there, it was impossible not to believe what he was saying and his words robbed her of her breath, of her ability to stay focused. She shook her head to ward off his spell. “Tell me about your life.” She found she was holding her breath; she didn’t want to hear about Rafael and other women. She wanted to know about him. Who he was, what he thought, what mattered to him.
“You matter to me. Ginny and Paul matter to me. Honor matters.” His black eyes, dark and brooding, moved over her face. His fingers drifted down her silken curtain of hair before reluctantly releasing her. “Honor is the only thing I had left to me, Colby, before you came into my life.” He looked away from her, avoiding her eyes to look up at the high shadowy peaks surrounding them. “I belong in the rain forests, up in the mountains, far from people, where it
is much safer for them . . . and for me.”
Colby kept her eyes on his face, determined to know the truth. There was something truly solitary about him, something so alone it touched her heart. She had an overwhelming desire to gather him into her arms and comfort him. “I don’t see what is so wrong with needing your own space. Sometimes, there is such a bombardment of information overwhelming me that I can barely hang on. You are much more sensitive than I am, I can tell. If you read minds, the emotions must be overwhelming.”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose thoughtfully, shaking his head at her. “Naturally you would give a plausible reason for my behavior. But it is not so, pequena, I do not have the excuse of being bombarded with emotions. In truth, although I can read minds, I felt nothing at all until I met you.”
Colby continued to walk. The soft breeze was soothing, a perfect backdrop for serenity when she was struggling to understand what Rafael was telling her. “I don’t understand. How could you feel nothing? You mean you never fell in love? What? What does that mean?”
“I mean it in a literal sense, Colby,” he continued gently. “Touch my mind, look at my memories.” He didn’t sound ashamed, he sounded matter-of-fact, as if he casually discussed his sins every day, not as if he was bearing his soul to her, as if he was ripping his heart out and handing it to her.
He knew he could no longer continue without her. He knew he was too selfish to end his life, and in any case he had all but tied her to him. He had no idea of the consequences to her should they be separated. He had not officially bound them with the ritual words but he had exchanged blood with her on two occasions. She was partially in his world. And she needed him. She was lonely in the midst of her beloved family. And they were using her up, her generous, compassionate nature and unique gifts. Without those talents, it would not have been possible for Colby to run the ranch on the defective equipment as she had been doing these last few years.
Christine Feehan 5 CARPATHIAN NOVELS Page 55