His choice of words made her stomach flutter. “Ride.” She liked control. She was no baby to be held in his arms while traveling across the star-lit sky. She was going to have her eyes wide open and a smile on her face. She had been alive a long time and she believed in embracing each new adventure, each new opportunity to gain knowledge. And the threat of vampires hunting her was not going to diminish her joy in the novel experience one iota.
She climbed onto his back and circled his neck with her arms, laying her body down the length of his just as he had done when he rode the tiger. His muscles bunched, contracted. Warmth seeped into her body. Her breasts pressed into his back and ached with the need to be closer. She pushed aside the rising physical awareness of him. Nothing would mar this moment for her.
Vikirnoff let his breath out slowly. This was torture. Sheer torture. He could barely keep the beast in him leashed when her blood called to him, when every cell in his body demanded hers, when his lifemate was lying across him, her body imprinted into his skin, his flesh, his very bones.
The scent of her blood, the sound of the life moving through her veins called to him, tempted him when he was in such need. Hunger raged through his body and mind, but he forced control, called on a thousand years of discipline and emptied his mind of erotic images of her, filling it instead with the form of a giant bird.
A small sound escaped Natalya as his bones crackled and popped, stretching to accommodate his wings and the body of an owl large enough to race across the sky carrying a woman. Iridescent feathers covered his body and his hands curved into sharp talons to grip the balcony railing. Agony filled every cell in his body and flooded his mind so that he had to use every ounce of discipline he had learned over the centuries to hold the form of the owl. His body shuddered with the effort and for a moment his lungs burned for air as he came to grips with pain.
“This is fabulous!”
The uninhibited joy in her voice was worth the terrible agony in his body. It was worth every wrenching tear of his injured muscles and organs. He knew nothing of women and even less of lifemates. He was aware he was making every mistake he could possibly make, although he didn’t understand why. He had lived far longer, his experiences far exceeded hers, his nature demanded he protect her, yet she seemed to be offended when he attempted to impart wisdom or protection to her. But this—this simple thing he gave her and she was overjoyed. Her joy took away the pain as nothing else could.
Laughter bubbled up in her, spilled out as he sprang into the air and gained height, flapping his tremendous wings and circling above the inn. He cloaked them, preventing the townspeople from seeing them, although he was certain they would hear her laughing as bird and rider gained the skies.
He flew over the rolling hills dotted with a half dozen farms. The sharp eyes of the owl spotted a group of men heading back to the farmhouse, glancing uneasily toward the north. We need blood.
Natalya held on while the large bird swooped low and hopped from a hay sheaf to the ground. She slid off and watched Vikirnoff shift, entranced by the ease with which he changed. For just one moment she glimpsed pain in his eyes and then he was striding away toward the farmers. She kept an eye on the skies. The darker clouds spun and boiled but stayed far to the north. She could feel the continual pull of the mountain peaks calling her, drawing her to them. She couldn’t turn back, no matter the danger. It was rather like being one of the too-stupid-to-live teens in the late night movies, going to the very place where Freddie waited with his steel claws.
There you go thinking about Freddie again. How many times did you watch these movies? Vikirnoff’s voice held a gentle teasing note.
Natalya looked up at him with a quick grin. “That was fast. Have you heard the concept of savoring your food?”
He bent toward her until they were a breath apart. “Only when it is you.”
Natalya gestured toward the mountains. “I have to get there, Vikirnoff.” She wasn’t going to look into his eyes and get lost.
Maybe you are already lost and just do not know it yet.
“Dream on, buster.” She snapped her fingers. “Where’s my ride?”
It was easier the second time, especially with his hunger abated. Once in the air, Vikirnoff flew over the meadows and hills in a low flying pattern to allow Natalya to see the countryside from the air. She was a natural, fearless, moving with him, her body so tuned to his that she would begin to shift her weight at the exact same moment he needed her to.
He picked the cave coordinates out of Natalya’s mind. She was so preoccupied absorbing the sensations of flight, she didn’t notice his intrusion, nor did she have any barriers up against him. And that bothered him. Why was she utterly vulnerable to him when she was obviously so strong? It made no sense and set off an alarm in him.
Vikirnoff took advantage of the situation to delve for the source of her compulsion, to find why she had no barriers and to try to find the meaning of the marks in her body the dark creature had left behind. The compulsion to go to the Carpathian Mountains and find a particular cave was very strong, urgent, and had been planted years earlier. A recent event had triggered the compulsion to become active, to draw Natalya to the cave for some hidden reason. He tried to find the event that might have been the trigger, but if Natalya knew of it, he couldn’t find evidence of it in her memories.
He found several places where it seemed her memories were wiped clean, as if she had suffered a terrible trauma and her brain had been damaged. He found threads of memories that led nowhere, suddenly ending abruptly in a dark void. He didn’t dare stay too long and he was getting tired trying to maintain too many things at once so he pulled out reluctantly to concentrate on enjoying the flight with his lifemate.
Vikirnoff banked and plunged downward to give Natalya an additional thrill, pulling up at the last moment before hitting the surface of the water and skimming the canopy of trees. She laughed out loud. He could actually feel waves of happiness flowing out of her.
She leaned close to the bird’s ear, but spoke telepathically. This is wonderful! Thank you so much, Vikirnoff. This is one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life.
He was grateful he was the one giving her the experience. Deliberately, he flew above the lakes and treetops, giving her a bird’s-eye view of the beauty of the country. The ice and snow sparkled, the mountains glittered. Sheep dotted the meadows and farms and churches and castles stretched out below them.
It is amazing is it not? Seeing it all through her eyes brought back forgotten memories of his childhood, his first flight over the exact same area he was taking Natalya. Of course, it looked a lot different then, much more wild and uninhabited. He had wobbled a bit, but he had soared nearly all night. The freedom had been intoxicating. I have you to thank for the memories. I have not thought of that in more centuries than I care to recall.
Do you call up dreams when you go to sleep?
No, we shut everything down. Do you?
Oh, yes. Everything I love about my childhood and my times with Razvan. All the things we did together, the things we learned. I had a relatively happy childhood. My mother died when I was about ten and a year later my father left us and we had to live with . . .
She trailed off, a frown replacing her smile. She fell silent. Vikirnoff waited, but Natalya didn’t continue the conversation. He touched her mind, but it was as if a door had slammed shut—or one of the damaged threads of memory had ended abruptly. He could feel her bewilderment.
I feel your distress. Is the memory of the loss of your parents so painful still that you cannot talk about it? He dropped low to skim through a meadow of wildflowers before circling around to fly back up toward the higher peaks.
Natalya bit down on her lower lip. She didn’t want to admit the truth. She forgot things. Worrisome things. What could she tell him that would make sense?
Vikirnoff began quartering along the ridge of the mountain, searching for an entrance to the cave in Natalya’s mind. It is difficu
lt to lie to one another. You may as well not try. If you prefer not to tell me the truth, silence is better than a lie.
Natalya appreciated the sincerity in his voice. She didn’t know what was wrong with her and she had no way to explain it. She resorted to teasing in an effort to bring back the fragile camaraderie between them. Oh, great, so if I take a few lovers, you’d know. That’s what you’re telling me.
If you decide to take lovers, ainaak enyém, be very certain they are men you consider enemies and wish destroyed. He sounded very calm, but she felt the bite of his teeth as they snapped together.
I’m going to have to really work at understanding the concept of lifemates and how you were able to bind us together. I really am very good at turning spells around. The ritual words have to be a type of binding spell. There must be a way to undo what you did. I’m fairly confident I’ll be able to figure it out.
Vikirnoff winced inwardly. It was evident that Natalya intended to be rid of him as quickly as possible, anyway that she could. She regarded him as an enemy of her family. Most of all she didn’t like him. And that hurt.
He turned that piece of information over and over in his mind. He couldn’t remember anything hurting him emotionally. Not a single incident. There must have been moments in his childhood, in his youth as a fledgling, yet this moment, this realization hurt deeper than anything he remembered.
What is it?
So she was tuned to him whether she wanted to be or not. She wasn’t touching his mind, yet she felt his sudden wrenching heartache.
I cannot lie to you either and I would prefer not to discuss it. He would prefer to do the things necessary for their survival. For Natalya’s survival. He didn’t need to turn into a pathetic romantic who expected his lifemate to be enamored of him. It didn’t matter whether she was or not. They were joined, two halves of the same whole. That was all that mattered.
Natalya nibbled on her lower lip, trying to puzzle out what was wrong. In the short time she’d known him, she’d come to realize Vikirnoff rarely showed emotion. Not in his tone, not in his expression, not even in what he said. Only his eyes were alive, raw power, hunger, desire, an intensity that overwhelmed her. She was grateful she couldn’t see them now. She didn’t want to see hurt or sorrow. Her stomach was tied into knots at the thought of it.
Neither one of us is very good at talking things out, are we? she asked. Her hands smoothed the feathers at the back of his neck.
I guess that is so. I never had much need to discuss feelings when I had none. I relied on my own judgment in battle, in every decision, in every way. Who was there to discuss things with and what would I discuss? If it was an apology, he knew it was a poor one. He honestly didn’t know what people talked about or how they did it.
You’ve spent a long time alone, haven’t you?
There was a small silence. Natalya feared he wouldn’t answer. She found she was holding her breath waiting.
Centuries. I have been cut off from my homeland and my people, sent out long ago to battle the vampire. When the darkness crouched too close, I found my brother and remained with him to ensure he did not succumb before I made the choice to end my life. That wait was long and the darkness spread until I was no longer certain who I was.
It was the simple truth. She heard it in his voice. A lifetime of honor and service told in three sentences. It did not convey the stark isolation, the emptiness of emotion and color, yet she felt it as surely as if she’d been there and she found herself weeping for him.
Do not think of something that will cause you sorrow, ainaak enyém, look beneath us to the world below and enjoy this time.
Natalya lifted her chin, allowing the wind to carry her tears away. You’d better not be calling me a “little slip of a girl.”
His laughter was low and sensual. She felt it in the pit of her stomach, lower still, a curling heat that spread throughout her body and pooled into a throbbing ache. I will certainly never make that mistake again.
She looked beneath her to the wild countryside they were circling. There were deep gorges cut into the mountain and she could see several entrances to caves. The meadows were a vivid green even in the gathering darkness. Wildflowers bloomed everywhere, in the valleys, clinging to the sides of the rock and valiantly decorating the plateaus. As Vikirnoff swooped lower she could see in the deeper depressions where water filled the basins forming a peat bog. The beds of moss were a vivid green, enhanced by several shallow pools. The moss beds wound their way around stands of birch and pine.
It is so beautiful.
Yes, but I feel uneasy. Do you not feel the subtle warning in the air around us when I drop into the mist near the peak of the mountain?
Vikirnoff circled around once again, flying straight into the white mist hovering around the mountaintop. Natalya stiffened as she felt the subtleties of magick weaving a web of fear through her. We must be close to the entrance.
Vikirnoff landed on the nearest outcropping, gripping hard with his talons and extending one wing politely.
She slid off of the extended wing, landing on her feet. The ground seemed to shake as she adjusted to land again. “This is definitely the place. The feeling of wanting to leave is much stronger here.”
Vikirinoff shifted shape a distance from her, knowing the wrenching of bones and muscle would be agony. He did it fast, not wanting to give himself time to think about it, clothing himself at the same time. Spots of blood dotted his white shirt and when he swiped his hand across his brow, his palm came away smeared with blood. Cursing softly, he breathed deep to ride above the pain and did another quick healing session to repair the damage the shifting back and forth caused. Once he was certain there was no trace of the blood on his body or clothes, he strode over to the boulder and paced around it, careful not to disturb anything should there be a trap.
Natalya watched him coming toward her. He staggered, his hand going to his chest in an involuntary gesture, but he recovered immediately, walking as if he were fit and strong. He carried an edge of danger without even being aware of it. Had she not known he was so severely injured, looking at him now, she would never have known.
She sighed. She had so many issues to settle with him. First and foremost, the ridiculous spell that bound them together, but she could set all that aside for later and work with him if she could trust him. Every instinct told her she could, yet her mind churned with turmoil, guilt ever present and the sound of her brother’s voice continually admonished her.
“What is it, Natalya?”
His voice turned her heart over. That was the trouble. He had those eyes and that voice and she responded completely to him. “You looked into my mind to try to find who put me under compulsion, didn’t you, Vikirnoff?”
“Yes.” He wasn’t going to try to deceive her. He saw no need for it, and no need to apologize. If he was going to keep her safe, he needed to know who had put her under such a strong compulsion and why. “I did not have much time to find answers, but I have not yet finished.”
Natalya took a deep breath. What she was about to do might be worse than anything she’d ever done in her life. “Do I have memories of Xavier? My grandfather? Other than stories told to me by my father, I mean.”
Vikirnoff leaned against a boulder and studied her face. His gaze was focused, sharp, missed nothing at all. “That is a strange question, Natalya. Why would you ask such a thing? How could you have memories if he is dead?”
“I don’t know. I have disturbing dreams of him. He creeps into my dreams and when I try to remember my childhood with Razvan while I’m awake, I cannot. It’s hazy and distant and pieces are missing. I have been afraid for some time that my memories of him are buried.” She forced herself to look at him when she feared he might think she was crazy.
Vikirnoff was silent. She was nervous with him, attempting to trust him with something important to her, but more than that, he recognized the significance to his people. Xavier was a mortal enemy of the Carpathian people. He
had murdered and kidnapped and waged war for one purpose, one end. He sought immortality. Should Xavier be alive he would be planning another strike against the Carpathian people. It didn’t seem possible, but it had always bothered Vikirnoff that no body had been found to substantiate the claims of Xavier’s death. Vikirnoff needed to choose his words carefully and not alienate her. He knew he didn’t have the necessary skills to sweet-talk his lifemate. He only had the truth.
“Are you afraid Xavier is alive? That he is the one who placed you under compulsion? And that perhaps he tampered with your memories as well?”
Natalya sighed. “I don’t know. I can’t remember anything about him other than the stories told to me by my father, but I have dreams and they aren’t pleasant. Worse, my father disappeared when I was ten. Razvan and I couldn’t have lived alone, but I can’t recall those days, or who took care of us. I dream about them and Xavier creeps into every dream.”
“Do you suspect that he is alive?”
Natalya pressed her hand to her churning stomach. She did suspect Xavier lived, but that was crazy. She’d suspected it for some time. And she worried that he wasn’t the wonderful man her family had portrayed to her. Her dreams were often disturbing and Razvan and she suffered greatly at his hands. She had flashes of memories during waking hours that made no sense, memories of a shadowy figure that terrified her. She was afraid that man was Xavier.
“I don’t know,” she admitted reluctantly. “I know he was a dark mage and capable of controlling memory, but if he is alive and he didn’t want me to remember him and he was altering my memories, why didn’t he completely wipe himself from my mind? And what would be the purpose?”
Vikirnoff’s dark eyes moved over her face, drinking her in, devouring her. She was so beautiful to him with her strong will and her warrior ways. When she sounded so confused and forlorn, his heart turned over. “Maybe he could not. You have tremendous strength in you, Natalya. Could he have controlled your memory to some extent but perhaps found it impossible to wipe it clean?”
Christine Feehan 5 CARPATHIAN NOVELS Page 89