by Casey Peeler
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. As long as I have you, there’s no need to worry.”
I look at the water as I say the next words. “I’ve just never had anyone besides Grandaddy and Cole care so much about me.”
“Rae, from this day forward, you will never have to worry about how I feel about you. I’m never leaving you. I’m your present and your future.”
“How do you know that?”
“I know I’ve never felt what I do for anyone else, and I can’t picture my life without you. It’s almost like I feel complete.”
He’s just explained how I feel about him. He’s the other half to my whole, and if I had pushed him away tonight, I would have never recovered. I begin to smile inside, because as another mountain in my life is created, an angel has appeared to guide me through.
Emmett
After the bottle of shine is empty, Raegan and I sit and stare across the water without saying a word. The night sky is clear, and the smell of fresh hay bales permeates the air. Just as I’m about to break the silence, Raegan beats me to it.
“I miss them, ya know,” she slurs as she hugs her knees. “People think I don’t remember, but I do. Just because I was five doesn’t mean I didn’t understand. I did. I remember the look on my grandaddy’s face, going to the hospital, and the men in suits. That’s what I can’t shake from my mind. The men in suits. They were so distinct and almost untouchable. That’s what scares me the most about Grandaddy being sick. I remember every move they made at the funeral, and I don’t want to relive that again. They were like the constant reminder that it was real. I mean, I don’t want Grandaddy to suffer, and I know he’s lived a good life, but I can’t face the men in suits. For me, that will make it real.”
I turn to look at her as tears begin to stream down her face as well as mine. In this moment, I feel her pain. I want nothing more than to take it away from her mind, body, and soul and insert it into mine.
“Rae, I still remember. The men in suits, that is, but what I remember the most is the look on your face when you were at the front of the church. You stood down there with a smile on your face, but when I looked you in the eyes, I saw how sad you were. It’s never left me, and as a child, I felt your fear. On that day, I knew I had to do something to make you feel better. That’s why I brought the bunny. I knew you loved Thumper. I thought it might make you smile.”
She turns to look at me while wiping her tears, and I have no idea what she is about to say. “Em, you don’t understand. When my world came crashing down, I didn’t know what to do. Grandaddy’s house had always been a fun place to visit, but on the way home from the funeral I realized it was no longer a fun place to visit. It was now my home. Em, I can still remember wanting my mama to tuck me in that night and having to remind myself that she couldn’t.” She takes a minute to collect her thoughts and then begins to speak again.
“Then, you showed up with that stuffed bunny. It was almost as if my mama sent you to me. The day you brought it, it was like I found a little bit of hope in this world. I realized people do love me, and that life would get better. You know what’s funny about all of this?” she says as she looks for an answer.
“What?” I reply.
“When things get hard and I want to give up, I hold on to that bunny and remember the moment you gave it to me. It’s almost as if I was trying to hold on to you even when you weren’t here. Like it was my guardian when you weren’t around. Does that sound crazy?”
Taking my arm and wrapping it around her shoulder, I pull her close. “No, Rae, it doesn’t sound crazy, but I never knew it meant that much to you.”
“Em, your sweet gesture gave me hope, just like you being here with me now does. I’m so glad you know.”
I feel a little bit better, knowing she is okay with me finding out about her grandaddy. I knew I couldn’t lie to her anymore, and I didn’t care if she pushed me away, because I wasn’t walking out of her life, ever.
As Raegan begins to get quiet, I hold her until she falls asleep in my arms, and then place her in the truck to take her home. Making my way up the steps, I’m met by Mr. Lowery. He shakes his head and tells me once I take her to her room to come and sit a few minutes with him. Something about this conversation tells me that things are about to change for sure.
Making my way back downstairs, I hear Mr. Lowery in the kitchen. I enter and see him pouring two classes of sweet tea. As he approaches me, he hands me a glass of tea and a bag of frozen peas.
“Have a seat, Emmett. I’m not sure what happened tonight, but you’re gonna need to get something on that eye of yours before it swells anymore.” I don’t answer, instead I place the frozen contents on my eye.
“Emmett, things have been rough around here for a while. I feel awful for making Sunshine feel like she has to keep it from everyone, but I was hoping that this would be a quick fix. Undoubtedly, it’s not going to be. I’m not exactly sure how long these treatments are actually going to work. I’m tired of her always worrying about me, and I want this to be between us and Cole. I want to watch her live. Can you help me do that?
In this moment, I know his secret is more than Raegan ever imagined. “Yes, sir. I’ll do whatever you need me to do, and I promise to always be there for her.”
Chapter 31
Raegan
With the sound of the alarm, my head begins to throb in rhythm. I think I’m dying. Why do I feel like I’ve been run over twice? Oh, no! Hurry! Hurry! I make it to the bathroom in the nick of time. As the contents spew from my stomach, I recall the events in the wee hours of the morning. I think I’m gonna die! There is a knock at the door, interrupting me.
“Sunshine, are you okay?” Grandaddy asks as he stays on the other side of the door.
“I will be. Might be slow moving, though,” I mumble.
“Okay, meet me at the kitchen table.”
“Yes, sir,” I say as I meet the porcelain throne, yet again. When I have nothing left to expel, I splash water onto my face, change clothes, pop a few pain relievers, and make my way to the kitchen.
“Rough mornin’?” he questions.
“More like the stupidity won last night. Why did I think that was a good idea?”
“Come here. Have a seat.” I do as he asks while he pours me a cup of coffee and makes me a breakfast plate. Oh gosh! I don’t know if I can eat this. “Raegan, I don’t agree with how you chose to handle this situation, but I’m thankful Emmett respects me enough to call me.”
“Did he…” I start to say, but I am interrupted by Grandaddy.
“Sunshine, you have yourself a man of his word. He brought you home, knocked on my door, made sure you were okay, and then he sat at this table with me and explained what happened last night. Like I said, I don’t agree with it one bit, but we all have to escape reality from time to time. For that, I’ll give you a pass this go round, but not again. Never drown your feelings with the liquid courage within a glass jar. It might feel good at the time, but it always comes back to bite you in the morning. I love you, and I will not let you make that your escape. It will only hurt you in the end.”
Taking a few bites, I begin to feel somewhat alive, and I assure Grandaddy that I will not do that again.
“You better hurry up, Sunshine. We gotta be at church in an hour.” Crap! I didn’t even think about that.
The entire time I’m listening to the preacher, I can hear my stomach churning as if it’s trying to tell the world what I chose to do last night. Enough already! At exactly noon, we walk out the wooden doors, and Emmett greets me.
“Rae, ’bout last night.”
I take his hand in mine, replying, “Thank you.” Those are the only words that need to be spoken. He kisses my cheek, and Grandaddy informs me that he is going out to eat with Joe. He then proceeds to ask Emmett if he minds taking me out for lunch and back home this afternoon. Of course, he doesn’t, and I can’t help but wonder what Grandaddy is really up to.
After Emmett and I eat lunch, we hang
out at my house. Since I no longer feel hungover, we take a ride over the farm and return to the spot where I spilled my entire bottled-up feelings from the past twelve years last night. He stops, and I glance over my shoulder at him.
“Whatcha thinkin’, Rae?” he questions.
“I’m thinking how did I get so lucky,” I say as I turn to face him.
“Rae, it’s not luck. It’s how our story was bound to play out. I’m almost certain three individuals are looking down on us and cheering us on.” The thought of my mawmaw and parents smiling down on me makes me feel alive.
“I guess you’re right. Sometimes I hope they turn their heads and don’t watch, though.” Emmett has a stunned look on his face. “Ya know, there are some things that parents don’t need to watch their children do.” As he catches on, I burst out laughing. He slides his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him.
“Yeah, I hope you’re right.”
“Wanna make them turn their head?” I ask with a wink.
Emmett
Dang, that girl is going to be the death of me, but if I die loving her, I’d be happy with that. Then, the reality of my words set in. Death. I never want to leave her, and tomorrow, her world is going to change, either for the better or for the worse. Which one, we don’t know, but I know regardless of Mr. Lowery’s outcome, I’m not going anywhere.
After we make our way back to the house, I tell her I’ll go with them to the hospital in the morning. Of course, she refuses and says one of us needs to go to school. All of that has to do with appearances. If we are both absent, people will talk, and that’s what her grandaddy doesn’t want. She also informs me that she is going tomorrow to really get a feel for things. She doesn’t know if Cole and her grandaddy are trying to hide things from her.
******
When my alarm goes off, I make sure I hurry to get ready, so I can talk to Cole before I leave for school. After I knock on his door, he tells me to come inside.
“What’s up, Em?” he asks.
“I was just wondering if you would keep an eye on my girl today.”
“Of course, I will. How ’bout you not lay Jace out at school today?”
“I take it you heard about it.”
“Word travels fast in a small town,” he replies, and I laugh. He promises to be there for Mr. Lowery and Raegan. I can’t express how thankful I am for him. “Now, get out of here before you’re tardy.”
“I’m goin’,” I say as I make my way downstairs, grab a Pop Tart, and walk to my truck.
As I pull into the parking lot at school, I’m greeted by none other than Jace. Happy Freakin’ Monday!
“Jace,” I say as I shut my door. He doesn’t say anything; he just stands there. “Are you gonna move or what?”
“Are you gonna make me?” he smarts back.
“No, I don’t want any trouble.”
“Who said anything ’bout trouble? I just want to finish what we started.”
“Jace, there’s nothing to finish, but I am curious, though. What made you say that to Raegan? You know she’s not like that.”
Jace smirks as he takes a step forward. “See, that’s where you’re wrong. I just made up that shit, but the way you jumped my ass proved me right. Just wanted to clear this up for ya. You let the world know your business. I just left the bait.” Damn. What do I say to that? Nothing. I say nothing. I take a step to the left of Jace then stop. As I’m trying to talk myself out of doing something stupid yet again, Jace starts to laugh, and that pisses me off. Catching him off guard, I turn back to my right, grab him by his shirt, and push him backwards until he is pressed against my truck.
“You listen to me, Jace. You didn’t prove shit except how much of an ass you really are. If you think this will make Raegan push me away, you are wrong. Raegan is mine, not yours. Next time you decide to pull some shit like this, I’m going to make sure you never see the light of day. You got me?” I say as I push him hard against the truck one more time before turning to leave.
Chapter 32
Raegan
After feeding all the farm animals, I go inside to get ready for a day I never wanted to happen, but it’s reality. Grandaddy is sick, and this is the only way for him to survive. Once I’m showered and dressed for the day, I eat breakfast, and Grandaddy and I carry on our normal morning conversation as we wait for Cole.
As I finish washing the dishes, Cole walks inside the house. He looks so well put together, but when I look at him, I can sense he’s as scared as the rest of us.
“Mornin’. Y’all save me anything?” he asks.
“Yeah, your plate is on the stove,” I reply.
“Awesome,” he says, grabbing his plate and coffee and taking a seat at the table. “How are you feelin’, Uncle Dover?” he asks mid-bite.
“Healthy as a horse for now. Hurry up, or we’re gonna be late,” Grandaddy states.
Once Cole finishes his breakfast, we head out the door. Cole drives his truck, and before we know it, we are at Cleveland Hematology and Oncology.
I try to push my fears out of my head as we make our way inside the building. This isn’t going to be the hard part. I have a feeling the next few days are what is going to be tough.
As Grandaddy is taken back, Cole and I sit in the waiting room until he gets settled, and then we are allowed inside the room with him.
“Rae, are you hangin’ in there?” Cole asks.
“Yeah, I guess. How was Em this morning?” Because I would rather talk about Em than this.
“Worried about you. I told him not to clobber Jace today, and everything would be great.” He laughs.
“Ohmygosh! Cole, it was crazy! One minute everything was okay, and the next, all crap broke loose. I don’t know what I would have done if it got bad.” Before we can finish our conversation, the nurse calls us back. I look toward Cole, and he takes my hand in his and squeezes it.
As we walk through the door to the large room full of recliners, all I see is white. Everything is bright, sterile, and white. Then, I notice all the people in the chairs. Each of them is covered with a blanket, and the majority of them look feeble. I spot Grandaddy on the right side, and my heart shatters as I see him surrounded by cords and monitors. He smiles at us as we approach.
“Wipe that look off your face, Sunshine. If you are gonna mope, I’m sendin’ ya to school. You got it?” he says with a little attitude.
“Yes, sir.” I smile because at least he doesn’t have one of those blankets. “How are ya?”
“Okay, now that they’ve quit stickin’ me. I guess I shoulda got that port-a-cath thingy. Oh well, I’ll just have new battle wounds.”
“Anything we can do, Uncle Dover?” Cole asks.
“Yep, get me that fishing magazine outta your truck. I’m gonna be here about two hours they said. Y’all might want to find something to pass the time.”
That’s easy for me. I pull out my kindle and begin to read Jillian Dodd’s newest release.
“Whatcha readin’?” Cole asks.
“Adore Me.”
“Is that the one about Moon Boy or somethin’?” Cole questions.
“Yup. Still don’t know, but I’m hoping it’s Aiden or Brooklyn. Who knows?!” I say.
“I don’t get you girls and your books,” he says as he shakes his head.
“Me either,” Grandaddy chimes in.
We spend the next two hours reading, talking, helping Grandaddy stay comfortable, and making the nurse laugh. I believe she’s gonna remember us, for sure. Once Grandaddy is finished, they check his vitals, and we make our way to the truck. Grandaddy begins to walk slower than normal. I don’t say a word; I just put my arm in his for support.
“I love you, Sunshine,” he says.
“I love you more, Grandaddy.”
Once we arrive back at the farm, I help Grandaddy get comfortable before going to school. Cole is going to keep an eye on him until I get home today. Thank goodness, cheerleading is over for now.
“Are
you sure you’re okay?” I question before leaving.
“Yes, Raegan, I’m fine. Now, get on to school before I drag you there myself.”
“I gotcha. I’ll be home after school. Call me if I need to pick up anything on the way.” He nods, and I kiss the top of his bald head before telling Cole to call me if anything happens. I leave and put the truck in the wind.
I arrive halfway through third block, and have totally missed lunch. Dang, I’m gonna be starving by three o’clock. Pushing it to the side, I pull my notebook and pencil from my bag and take notes like a mad woman.
As the bell rings to end the day, I exit class to head to my locker, but come face-to-face with Jace instead.
“Hey, Jace, how are ya?” I decide to be a Southern Belle and play nice.
“I’m good. Have you seen Emmett today?” he prods.
“No, I came in late today. What’s it matter to you anyway?” I ask.
“Ask your boyfriend,” he says and walks away. That was totally weird, and for some reason I feel as if things have gone from bad to worse.
Rounding the corner, I see Emmett waiting on me at my locker, and a smile develops across my face.
“Hey, Em,” I say as I wrap my arms around him in a tight squeeze. “Gosh, I missed you.”
“I missed you, too,” he says, but I can tell his mind is elsewhere.
“He’s doin’ okay,” I say into his ear.
“Good. Rae, I need to talk to you.” Oh gosh. I feel my stomach begin on a rollercoaster ride.
“Sure. Is everything okay? I mean, I ran into Jace a few minutes ago and he said to ask you what was wrong with him. Why would he do that?”
He doesn’t reply. Something’s not right. What is he not telling me? Is he gonna break up with me. What have I done? Then, my mind stops spinning out of control as my eyes land on Jace across the hallway. That POS! He’s up to something. I get my nerves under control as we make our way to my truck.
“Hey, why don’t you meet me at the creek? I don’t want an audience,” I say. Emmett looks at me like he’s caught off guard by my reaction. “Plus, I gotta get home to Grandaddy.”