Why didn’t you want more of me, Tawny?
Once she answered that, it would all be over and he could move on with his life.
Like it never even happened.
Chapter 7
Tawny scraped her plate, making sure to get all the last bits of whipped cream and strawberry juice before shoving the fork in her mouth and staring down at her empty plate with longing.
For weeks, she'd had nothing but waffles, strawberries, and whipped cream and she still couldn't seem to get enough of that sweet, tart combination to satisfy her cravings. Briefly, she considered raising the plate to her mouth and licking it clean, but then Suzette laughed at her from across the table and she looked up to find her friend still picking at her half-eaten eggs.
"What?" Tawny asked, glaring at her.
“You’re so frigging transparent. You know they do have more,” Suzette informed her haughtily. "You don't have to look at your plate like someone just died there."
She sighed and shrugged, letting Suzette off the hook for her teasing. Her friend had been nothing but a rock since she’d worked up the nerve to tell her about the pregnancy. Tawny had managed to keep it to herself for all of two days before she’d crumbled and fessed up everything. To her credit, Suzette hadn’t been angry at her series of white lies. Instead, she’d encouraged her to take her time and think about her options. Counseled her to talk to Luke. And, when she’d refused, instead of judging, she hugged her hard, and promised to be there every step of the way.
So far, she hadn’t disappointed.
Tears of gratitude welled up in Tawny’s eyes. Suzette was the only thing close to real family she had, and she was so lucky to have her.
Thoughts of Luke threatened to take over her brain and she shooed them away, focusing on her plate again.
"No, no way. If I eat any more, I'll explode." She put her hand on her stomach, still a little surprised but contented by the rising swell.
Suzette rolled her eyes, but then the waitress walked by and filled their water cups.
"Excuse me," Suzette drawled, "could we get another order of waffles with fresh strawberries and whipped cream? Maybe with some extra strawberries this time?"
"Suz--"
"Ssh," Suzette hushed her. "You need to get your fill. You're eating for two."
The waitress gazed down at her, and finally Tawny conceded. "Fine. Yes, more waffles please, but you can hold the extra strawberries."
"You got it, sugar.” The waitress walked back through the swinging metallic kitchen doors and Tawny followed her with her eyes, silently pushing down her guilt at adding to the woman's list of orders on an already busy Sunday morning.
Half the town was crammed into the diner, all sipping coffee and sharing gossip over the place's signature overdone eggs and underdone toast. She was on the point of changing her mind again, if only to give their booth to one of the people waiting outside, but then Suzette distracted her with more chatter.
"I can't believe today is the big reveal."
"Huh?" Tawny asked, then forked some of her friend's eggs off her plate.
"We get to find out the sex of the baby. Jeez, can you even believe it?" Suzette clapped her hands together in glee.
"No, I guess I can't." Tawny breathed deep out her nose, trying to calm her sizzling nerves. They would also get to see if everything was all right with the baby health wise so far, and every time she thought about it, she felt ill. “Time’s going by so fast."
"But you've thought about names, right?"
Tawny groaned and covered her ears. "Please, not this discussion again."
"Come on. How am I supposed to plan a baby shower when I don't know what the baby's name is going to be? Of course, I'm thinking Suzette for a little girl."
"Funny. I wonder why,” Tawny muttered.
"I'm only worried that living up to the name might be a lot of pressure for such a little person." Suzette pointed her fork at Tawny, then said, "You could go with a family name?"
"Absolutely not. I don’t even talk to most of my family. And besides, my mother is named Gertrude, my grandmother is Constance and my other grandmother was Philomena."
Suzette wrinkled her nose. "Well, Philomena isn't so bad. Phil for short."
"Drop it," Tawny said. She’d had months to get used to the idea of this pregnancy and still it sometimes seemed like a daze. Picking out names or cribs or tiny little clothes... it was all just so overwhelming. In fact, whenever she thought of her appointment this afternoon, of lying on the table and seeing the baby's heartbeat, of discovering whether the tiny little person inside her was a boy or a girl, she was torn between a wave of excitement and sheer, utter terror.
"You could name her after you,” Suzette offered.
"What makes you so sure it's going to be a girl?"
"You're right. It doesn't have to be a girl, but boys’ names are so much trickier. You could name him after your father?"
"No, I think not. My dad's name is Thaddeus."
"Seriously? Your parents are named Thaddeus and Gertrude? Where did they meet, the 1920’s?" Suzette grimaced and Tawny couldn't help but laugh.
"I was thinking maybe William. I like that name."
"Hm," Suzette hummed. "William could be good. It's a good, strong name. Or…Luke!"
Tawny's heart pounded in her throat at the sound of the name. "Luke? No, no way. Don't be stupid. I don’t want word to get out that he’s the father so that seems like a really dumb way to try to hide it,” she reasoned. Although some twisted part of her couldn’t help but picture a little Luke with blue eyes and dimples, and her heart skipped a beat.
"No," Suzette hissed, and then Tawny noticed how her friend's gaze was fixed at a point just over her shoulder. "I mean Luke. He's here. Standing in the doorway."
No way.
Her pulse went wild as she tried to sit perfectly still. Silently, she warred with herself over whether to turn in her seat and see if he had seen her, or to ignore him with the hope that maybe, miraculously, he wouldn't notice her. She had to admit, the odds weren't good. The diner sat less than a hundred people total, and her booth was one of only ten or so along the wide glass walls that lined the front of the building. She was exposed from nearly every direction. She could, she supposed, head over to the bathroom, but then what if he saw her walking and noticed her bump?
She swallowed hard, then muttered through the seam of her tightly pursed lips, "Do not look at him. Do not make eye contact. Just keep talking.”
"That's gonna be kind of hard,” she murmured back, her gaze still locked over Tawny’s shoulder as she attempted her own version of ventriloquism. “He's headed straight for us."
"He's what?" Tawny practically choked, but it was too late. She felt him before she saw him. It was like the lights dimmed and the air had gone out of the room. Like, for some reason, all the noise in the place had dulled and she could only hear the deep rumble of his voice.
“Hey, Suzette, how are you?”
She could feel him looming over her but couldn’t bring herself to look up. Instead, she shifted the napkin in her lap higher and said a mental prayer.
“Hey, Luke, long time no see,” Suzette replied, a fake smile pasted to her glossy lips.
“Look, uh, would you mind giving me a minute to talk to Tawny real quick?"
"I..." Suzette stared at her friend, her eyes wide, but then she shrugged and gave him a shaky nod. "Yeah, uh, sure thing."
This was not happening. This was not happening. This could not be happening.
Any moment, she was going to wake up in her bed and find that this was all a terrible, awful dream. A dream with very vivid details, where he smelled exactly like fresh air and mown grass, but a dream all the same.
Tawny opened her mouth, but only a vague whimper came out as Suzette slid from the booth and made her way to the ladies' room on the far side of the restaurant.
This was it. The moment she'd thought would never come, that she'd hoped to avoid for the re
st of her days.
For the life of her, she couldn't think who might have tipped him off. It was true Suzette had a big mouth, but she never would have betrayed Tawny's trust this way. Was it possible that someone had seen her in town and mentioned it to him? That seemed far-fetched, didn't it? Especially since they hadn’t been an item and no one knew they’d slept together. Not to mention that she was a relative unknown, having spent nearly all her time in Alhouette at the college until graduation.
"Hey," he said, sliding into the place where Suzette had just been.
She wasn't sure, at first, if she'd responded, only that his eyebrows had pulled together and he was gazing at her with those intense eyes of his. Maybe it was her imagination, but she could have sworn that he could see right through her, to the bottom of her soul, and she wished that the table between them was three feet wider, if only to give herself the room to breathe. Still, he was here and this was happening. She had to own up to her choices, to her decision.
"I've been looking for you," he said. "I think we need to talk."
"Right. I get that. I...I'm sorry I didn't call." She searched desperately for how best to explain herself, but the words were tumbling from her mouth without her consent, as if the more she spoke the easier it would be to fill the deadly, awkward silence. “I know I owe you an explanation. I’ve just been going through a lot and I wasn't sure if you'd want to hear from me so I...so I…didn’t,” she finished lamely.
His eyebrows pulled tighter together and he shook his head. “You don’t owe me anything, Tawny. I just wanted to ask how come you never called me back and to make sure you were okay. I didn’t realize until way too late that you had never…” he trailed off and shrugged his broad shoulders, “I didn’t realize you were a virgin and it’s been bothering me that I wasn’t more careful. And, if I’m being honest, I kind of wanted to see you again anyway.”
He doesn’t know. Holy mother of god, he doesn’t know.
She nearly passed out with relief and rushed in to fill the dead air space. “I’m fine. Yeah, totally good.” She forced a grin and tucked a stray strand of hair behind one ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t call back. I didn’t want you to feel like you were on the hook or anything because of that. I knew what I was getting into and that it was just a one night thing.”
It wasn’t ideal. Any of this. Until now, she’d fooled herself into believing she could just keep this news to herself, but now, seeing him, she realized just how unfair that was.
Still, that didn’t mean she had to tell him today…
Luke’s gaze searched her face and she could feel her cheeks flushing.
“You feel okay? You look…weird.”
She took a deep breath, ready to rush forward with another wave of excuses when the waitress appeared in front of her holding a tray full of waffles and two bowls filled with fresh strawberries.
"I talked to the chef and he insisted you had enough to take some home with you, too. We don't want mommy or baby to starve now, do we?" She winked and Tawny's throat went bone dry.
"I," she choked, "um, thank you so much."
The waitress nodded then set off again, but Tawny barely saw her. Instead, she was focused on Luke.
Luke, who was no longer riddled with confusion, but was now flicking a shocked stare from her to the heaping plate of waffles in front of her and back again.
His normally tanned face was the same color as the pristine white counter beside them. His strong throat worked and, without a word, he reached out to take her hand, stood, and then pulled her to stand along with him.
With a thudding heart, she followed his gaze as it trailed lower, landing finally on the swell of her stomach in her T-shirt.
Blood rushed to her head as she gripped the table for support.
Now what?
Chapter 8
“You’re…” he started, but didn't know what else to say.
What was the point in asking? The evidence was right there, staring back at him. Tawny was definitely pregnant.
The night at the lake came back to him in a rush and he finally remembered the thing that he’d forgotten.
Neither of them had thought to use protection.
Holy fuck.
Tawny was pregnant and it seemed almost impossible that the baby could be anyone’s but his.
"Luke," she said, but he held up a hand. He didn't want to hear it. Not in front of everyone. He had to get her out of here, away from the prying eyes of the townspeople, away from the bright lights and the chaos.
Taking a wad of money from his pocket, he laid it down on the table and led her by the hand to the door on the far side of the restaurant. As he went, he saw Suzette trailing behind them but he didn't bother to look at her. It was only when Tawny tugged him to a stop that he turned around to face her.
"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Suzette demanded.
"I don't need to answer to you. This is between me and Tawny.” He gritted his teeth. So, she knew about this too. One of Rex's close friends and she hadn't had the respect or the decency to tell him. Unless, of course, that baby wasn't his, after all.
“I didn't ask you who this was between,” Suzette snapped. “Get your hands off her."
"I would never hurt her, but this has nothing to do with you, Suzette. Back off." He hadn’t meant to bark the last few words, but he couldn't focus on that now – not when his mind was racing a mile a minute, thinking over all the ways he royally fucked up his life.
Finally, Tawny piped up. "Suzette, why don’t you go and pack up my waffles for me? I'll be along soon. It’s okay, really.”
Suzette looked like she wanted to argue, but either his own expression of fierce determination or Tawny’s look of resignation convinced her to go back inside. Once the little jingle of the doorbell sounded, he found himself hauling Tawny across the road toward the park benches a little ways away.
All the while, his mind whirred erratically, spinning out in every direction until he found himself practically struggling for breath. How could he have done this? To her? To himself?
It was like he could see his bike shop crumbling to pieces in front of him and, in its place, he was in yet another ramshackle house, another dead-end mechanic shop, an endless version of the life he’d been so determined to leave behind.
After all of his struggle and sacrifice, he was going to be just like his parents, scrimping and saving to care for children they couldn’t really afford. Busting their asses just to make ends come within an inch of meeting.
Then his throat was dry. Like sandpaper. His muscles so tense, he was quaking.
It wasn’t possible. How could it be? To ruin his entire life in one night? One mistake. A blip in time.
He saw them in his mind’s eye, he and Tawny, from an outside perspective. In the lake, their heads spinning, their hearts racing. She was a stranger. A girl he’d known for little more than an hour. And now…
He swallowed hard as he led her to the bench at the edge of the park, his gaze landing again on the swell of her belly beneath her pink cotton t-shirt. Her face was drained of every hint of color, but she didn’t tear her gaze from him. Instead, she stared straight back at him, as if daring him to say something. Anything.
She was carrying his child. This woman was going to be a mother. And he?
He was going to be a father.
“This is my baby,” he said, and though it wasn’t a question, she nodded.
“How…how far along are you?” He forced the words from his mouth.
“Almost four months.”
He closed his eyes and then scrubbed a hand over his face, a fresh wave of nausea assaulting him. She had to have known for a while now. A month? Maybe two? All this time, she could have made some effort to find him, to reach out. Hell, all it would have taken was one message from Suzette to Rex.
“When were you going to tell me?” he asked.
Tawny rolled her tongue over her bottom lip, the only sound the distant shrieking of ch
ildren playing on the swings behind them, but the trill of their delighted laughter only made Tawny’s silence that much more pronounced.
His heart thudded in his throat and he swallowed hard, clenching his fists. “You weren’t going to, were you?”
Again, she said nothing. Instead, she stared straight ahead, watching as the cars whizzed by on the street in front of them. In the distance, one of the children on the playground had started crying.
Finally, she shook her head miserably. “I don’t know how to answer that, Luke.”
“How could you?” He tried to remain calm, but his voice shook with untenable anger. If he’d known two months ago, maybe even three, then he could have…then he might have…he didn’t know what. But that didn’t matter.
The important thing was the question. The one that, deep down, he thought he already knew the answer to.
“And what is it about me that would make me so unfit to be,” he practically choked on the words, “a father?”
“Luke, don’t.” Her whisper was so soft that he could hardly hear her over the child wailing in the background.
“I mean it. Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me? What did you think I would do? Force you to get rid of it?” The prospect alone chilled him. Like he would even try to wrestle control over a woman’s body that way. But her face remained impassive.
“I didn’t know what you’d do. And I didn’t want you to try to get me to change my mind.”
“Well, you made sure I didn’t have the option to even try,” he shot back.
“Are you saying you would have asked me to get rid of my baby?” she asked, the expression on her face gutting him almost as surely as this news had.
“No. And if you’d given me the chance, you would have known that.”
“I don’t have to justify my actions to you.” She sounded annoyingly calm, but one glance downward was enough to let him know she was shaking.
Knocked Up Page 6