by Erica Lynn
He did his best to swallow the lump in his throat as he opened the door.
“Hey, Boss.” Jason smiled and stuck out his hand. “Haven’t seen you in a while. Things are great, though. Running smoothly.”
“Perfect. Glad to hear it.” He stood there for a moment or two, neither man saying a word. Alec never felt out of place or awkward. He always found a way to blend into whatever environment he was in, but lately it was proving more difficult. Stassi had completely knocked him off his center, and the sooner he found her, the sooner he’d feel better.
He nodded to Jason and made his way into the hallway. The music from the living room somehow preparing him for what he knew he’d see when he turned the corner. She was there, he could tell. He could feel her.
Stassi sat on one of the couches by herself, wearing a spaghetti strap black dress with a glass of champagne in her hand, her mask covering her eyes. He’d seen her a few times before, and she’d always been so sexy to him. Enchanting, even. She seemed different now, though. The mask didn’t make her appear mysterious, or like someone who reveled in sexual freedom and was confident enough to express it. All those times he’d seen her. Fantasized about her. Now the site of her in it just made him sad, because even though nobody else knew, he did. She was hiding. Hiding in plain sight.
He glanced around the room as he walked toward her. He had to wonder out of everyone who came to these parties, all these people who found release in this atmosphere, how many of them were simply pretending?
“Well, hello there, handsome.” Stassi stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingertips tickling the skin just below his collar. “I hoped to see you here.”
“I’ve been calling you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.”
“How’s your dad?”
“He, um, he died.” Stassi’s eyes faltered behind her mask, as if she was lost for a moment, and then she was back. Her seductive smile tugging at his brain. His heart. His cock. “Let’s not talk about that, though, okay? I need you tonight.”
Stassi pushed him down onto the sofa and straddled him. She ran her hands over his chest as she rotated her hips in slow circles.
Alec dug his fingers into her hips as she ground herself against him. His thick erection bulged against his slacks, and a groan slipped out of his mouth each time she pressed her hot center against it. “Not here. Let me take you to the room.”
Stassi looked down at him as if she knew the words he desperately wanted to say, but didn’t.
Let me take you to the room so I can take off your mask. So it can be only us. So I can make love to you.
Stassi shook her head and pulled down the straps of her dress, her breasts tumbling free. “You know we can’t do that.” She reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom, then began to unzip his pants. She gave him a sly smile before she ripped the package open with her teeth, and her hand closed around his cock.
“We can if we want.” He clenched his teeth together as she rolled the condom down his length, then rubbed the head against the opening of her perfect pussy. “No one’s stopping us but you.”
Stassi slowed her movements and looked at him for the longest seconds of his life before she finally spoke. “You know why we can’t go back there. I wasn’t kidding when I said we needed to get back on track. I told you from the very beginning what the rules were, and you said you were on board. Have you changed your mind?”
Alec wrapped his arm around her waist and brought her down hard on his cock, a gasp erupting from her mouth as his pulsing erection filled her tight heat. He dug his fingers into her hips and moved her along his length as he found one of her nipples and sucked it into his mouth. It hardened to a delicious peak, and the way her fingers gripped his shoulders told him she loved it. He traced the curve of her breast with his tongue, then bit into the soft flesh.
“Oh, Alec.” She whispered in his ear so nobody else could hear his name. “Yes, just like that, baby.”
Her calling him baby infuriated him. Red hot rage built in his stomach, the taste of anger bitter on his tongue. Alec shook his head, then grabbed her and tossed her onto her back on the couch. She let out a surprised gasp as she bounced once on the cushion. He wrapped his arms underneath her thighs, pulled her closer, and gave her pussy one long, deep lick.
Stassi’s moans filled the room as she ground herself against his mouth.
Alec knew everyone had their eyes glued on them. To the couple on the couch. To the man who ravaged the pussy of the blonde woman while her tits bounced up and down for their enjoyment. So they could get their own rocks off to the sounds of her moans. Her screams. Her orgasms.
In that moment Alec hated himself. He didn’t have anything against this kind of thing, consenting adults should be able to do whatever the hell they wanted as long as it was safe and legal, but he was done. Somewhere deep inside him, sadness began to calm his fury. He had a feeling, a horrible, gut wrenching premonition, that this would be the last time he was with Stassi.
He slowed his tongue so it gently lapped at her clit, then he tenderly kissed it. Worshiped it. Worshipped her. He took in the way her legs quivered around his head, the way the muscles in her thighs tensed and relaxed beneath his fingertips as he kneaded her flesh. He relished the small sting in his scalp from where her fingers curled into his hair, pulling as she writhed beneath him. His dick grew impossibly harder as he took in every detail. The gasps that left her pretty lips. The softness of her skin. The scent of her arousal. Her taste. All of it. He tried his best to lock everything that was Stassi to his memory.
He knew what he had to do, and he hoped like hell she’d stay with him, but when did things ever play out the way you wanted?
He pulled her clit into his mouth and massaged it between his lips, then drank up every ounce of her satisfaction as she came. He continued to work her with his mouth, soft and slow, until she came down from her orgasm. Only after did he trail his tongue over the top of her pelvis, then on top of her dress, along each breast, and finally into her mouth as he slid into her again. “Is this what you want?”
“Yes…” Stassi panted as she grabbed the back of his neck with her fingers and brought her hips up to meet his.
“You want everyone to watch me fuck you? To watch me make you come?”
Stassi didn’t speak, only nodded her head.
Alec grabbed the sides of her face and brought her head down until she really looked at him, her own blue eyes seeming to question him beneath her mask. “Why?”
“Wha…what?”
“Why do you need this?”
Stassi stilled underneath him, her mouth slightly parted. “I…”
Alec brushed a few strands of hair away from her face, then cupped the back of her head with his palm. He laid his forehead against hers and slid almost all the way out, then right back in. Inch by hot, wet inch.
“I’ll tell you if you stop.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop making love to me. Just…quit.”
Alec pushed himself deep inside her, then stilled, like she’d asked. “Tell me,” he whispered against her lips.
“Because here I get to be invisible.”
Her admission caught him off guard, and he took a moment to gather his thoughts. “What?”
“I get to be invisible,” Stassi repeated, her quivering voice barely above a whisper. “Here I’m not the girl whose dad left her when she was six. The screwed up girl who wasn’t good enough for her parents, let alone anyone else. Who always ends up messing everything up, even when she doesn’t mean to. Who…who hurts people that get too close.” Tears began to leak out the bottom of her mask. “Here I just get to be the girl who gets fucked on the couch, and the one who gets to watch others fuck. No expectations. No broken hearts. Just fun.”
Alec’s heart ached for her. He didn’t know how to process the information. It was too much. Too sad. “It doesn’t look like you’re having very much fun right now.”
Stassi didn’t respond. Only laid there with a trembling lip and years of hurt and loneliness streaked across her cheeks.
Alec leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. “I don’t want you to be anyone you aren’t. I want you. I—”
“No. Stop. I’m not interested in who you think I am, and the last thing I need is for you to fix me. I’m not your charity case.” Stassi furiously swiped at her tears and glared up at Alec. “You can fuck me, or you can get off of me.”
Alec watched her face for any sign of hesitation, waited for her to soften, to kiss him…but it didn’t happen. He slowly pulled out of her, then sat up on the couch and did his best to fasten his pants over his erection. His body screamed to get back on top of her, inside her mouth, her pussy, inside any and everything she’d offer, but he shook his head against it.
Stassi pulled the straps of her dress back over her shoulders, her dress covering her breasts once again, then pulled her legs underneath her as she sat beside him. “Why are you doing this?”
Alec sighed as he cocked his head to the side to look at her. “I’ve done this before, you know? Pretended things were different than what they were. With my ex-fiancé. I looked past the red flags because I was so sure I was in love. That it would all work out in the end. It didn’t.”
“You were engaged?”
“Yes. A long time ago. I haven’t felt anything for anyone since then. Not until I met you.” Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, doing his best not to let his voice crack. “You want to act like this thing between us is only physical, like I’m some sort of party favor you can pick up from time to time when you get bored. I want more from you, from us, and I won’t settle for less. I can’t pretend I don’t care about you. I won’t. And I’m done acting like I’m fine with other men seeing you naked, hearing your moans. I’m sorry, but I’m not fucking built that way.”
“You said you were okay with it.”
“Yeah, well, I changed my mind.”
Stassi sat silently beside him, her teeth working on the side of her lower lip.
“Are you going to sit there and tell me I’m imagining things? That what we have isn’t special?”
Stassi shook her head as she wiped more tears from her cheeks and underneath her mask. “No. It’s real.”
“But you aren’t willing to try to make this work?”
She didn’t say anything for a long moment, then spoke so low Alec barely heard her. “I can’t be what you want me to be.”
Alec’s throat tightened as the words registered. He wanted nothing more than to shake her, to pull her into his arms and tell her it would be okay, to kick the fuck out of whoever did this shit to her. But she’d been right about one thing. She didn’t need him to fix her. She had to do that on her own.
Alec fisted his hands and stood, stopping only when he heard Stassi murmur from the couch. “What did you say?”
Stassi looked up at him, her blue eyes begging him to fight for something that she herself couldn’t. Please don’t give up on me, they said. Fix this. Somehow, fix us. But he knew he couldn’t.
“You said you wouldn’t leave.”
Alec let out a pitiful sigh, his voice barely above a whisper. “At least I showed up.” He turned and walked away from the couch. He’d only taken a few steps, but each one felt wrong. Like he was walking in quicksand. Going against everything he knew to be right and true. He couldn’t leave this way. Not like this.
He turned and closed the distance between them, wrapped his fingers around her elbows, and pulled her to her feet. He smashed his mouth to hers and demanded entry with his tongue, which after only a brief hesitation, she granted. He kissed her long and slow. He explored every inch of her mouth, the feel of her lips, the taste of her tongue as he swallowed down her muffled moans. And even though he didn’t want to, even though he could kiss her until the day he died and be thrilled doing it, he finally broke the kiss. Without another word he turned and walked away, a crying Stassi behind him, his soul destroyed, and his heart thoroughly broken.
Chapter Thirteen
Stassi sat down and buried her head in her hands as a sob escaped from her throat and echoed through the small bathroom. Monday morning had proven far more difficult than she’d thought. She hadn’t been to work for more than an hour and she was already a mess. The weekend had been awful. She’d cried constantly, something she never did, and today wasn’t turning out to be very different. It was too much. Her father, her mother, Alec… Alec. What the hell was she doing? Alec was…nice. Too nice for her, that was for damn sure.
Stassi knew who she was. She was a runner. It wasn’t a great trait, but it was the truth. When relationships got too hard, family, friends, whoever, she ran. For a long time she’d told herself she just didn’t put up with any bullshit. That it was her way of making sure she didn’t get hurt, but lately she’d begun to realize all that was a lie. Smoke and mirrors. The truth was she was a coward. A rotten apple who hadn’t fallen far from the tree. Hadn’t even tried.
The door creaked open and she heard a small whisper, “Stassi?”
She quickly wiped off her soaked cheeks and tried as best as she could to make sure her eyeliner hadn’t puddled into a globby mess underneath her eyes, and just as she was about to open the door, she stopped still. She’d assumed it was Lacey, but the appearance of two clunky combat boots proved her wrong. A small knock on the stall sounded in front of her.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Stassi took a deep breath and stood, smoothing the front of her dress shirt and slacks. She slid open the lock and put on her best smirk as she faced Gigi. “Knock much?”
“Stassi…” Gigi’s sympathetic expression was like a punch in the gut.
“Seriously.” Stassi tried to sound sure of herself as a tear slid down her cheek. Traitor. “I’m fine.”
“Okay. Good. Great.” Gigi looked in the mirror and ran her fingers through her bangs as she spoke, “But you know, in case you were wondering, it’s okay to not be fine.”
Dammit. Another sob broke free from somewhere deep in her chest, and the next thing she knew Gigi had her arms wrapped around her. Stassi stiffened at the contact, unease coursing through her. Her hesitancy didn’t deter Gigi in the slightest, she simply tightened the hug until Stassi returned the embrace.
They stood there for what felt like an eternity. Stassi sobbing and Gigi squeezing her, assuring her everything would be okay.
“Why are you doing this? I’m not even nice to you.”
“I know. Maybe that’s why. I know how it feels to be lost and not have someone to talk to.”
“Oh, please. You have Lacey.”
“Yeah, well, there are some things even sisters don’t talk about.” Gigi released her grip and backed away, gently running her hands up and down Stassi’s arms. “Look, you know that night I was just trying to look out for you, right? I know we haven’t talked about it since then, and we both seemed fine walking around being ass-hats to each other, but I was telling you the truth when I said Chris came on to me. It wasn’t the other way around.”
“I know.”
Gig’s eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed as she stared Stassi down. “Excuse me?”
“Yes. And I’m sorry. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew you didn’t try anything with him. You wouldn’t do that to me.”
“Then why have you been so awful to me? I should kick your ass for that.”
“Feel free to try it, half pint.”
“Oh, cute. Yeah, that’s super clever. Take you long to come up with that one?”
“Honestly, it was easier to pretend to believe him.” Stassi closed her eyes and went back to that night at the party. Gigi’s cheeks a scarlet shade of pissed off as she recounted the way Chris had pushed her against the wall and tried to stick his tongue down her throat. He, naturally, denied it all. He’d said Gigi had been the one to initiate the kiss, had pulled him into her and was now trying to spin it so he was the bad
guy. Stassi had known in the moment he was a liar, but she couldn’t face it. She hadn’t been ready to. So instead she’d lost a friend. “I keep going over it in my head, and at the time it was such a big deal…you know? I was so furious with him, with you for being so damn hot, with myself for choosing him over you, knowing what he’d done.”
“And now?”
“Now. Ha. Now it seems like the most pathetic story in the world. Dammit, Gigi, I’m sorry. I really am. Chris…he had this way of making me feel so good about myself. He made me feel beautiful.”
Gigi’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What? Stassi, you are beautiful. You’re practically, like, Goddess Barbie.”
“I don’t feel that way most of the time.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” Stassi chewed her bottom lip and really thought about the question. She knew the answer, deep down she knew, but for the first time she was ready to say it out loud. “You know when you see someone, and you don’t find them to be the most attractive? But then you get to know them and suddenly they’re the sexiest person you’ve ever met? Their humor or their kindness just completely changes their outside appearance?”
Gigi nodded, but remained quiet.
“Well, I feel like I’m the opposite. I think most people would find me reasonably attractive when they see me. Not everyone, but most. And to be honest I work damn hard to make sure I stay this way, because when this fades, when people really see what’s inside, they’ll…”
“Leave?”
Stassi tried to speak, but her voice caught in her through, so she nodded instead.
“Why would they leave?”
Stassi shrugged and looked in the mirror. She was a fucking mess. Eyes puffy. Nose red and runny. Even her lips looked swollen. A disaster. For once she looked how she felt. “Why wouldn’t they?”