It hadn’t been all bad. I was so lost and caught up in how Eleanor had treated Ella, and the problems between my parents, that I hadn’t realized all of the good. Carter and I had been really good friends, and not just a couple. I had two other close friends, Maryam and Sara, who I hadn’t spoken with since weeks before I left for Virginia. We had a huge falling out, and looking back I realized how stupid it was to throw away friendships like that. The argument must have been so minor, because now I couldn’t even remember what we had argued about; I’d been in a bad place and had let my emotions take over. Maryam and I had known each other since kindergarten, and had met Sara in middle school when her family had moved here from Spain. Her mom was an author who traveled in order to get inspiration for her novels. I had a few signed copies of her books, and pictures of Sara, Maryam, and myself as my only reminders of our friendship other than my memories.
We used to do the same thing that Ella was doing now—walk the boardwalk together, and shop. Every Saturday night was spent watching movies at each other’s house. Maryam always hosted the best movie nights though. Her mom was a great cook, and she had no siblings to constantly annoy us during the movie, unlike Sara and me. I wonder how they would react if I told them about the twins. Honestly, with the way I treated them, they probably wouldn’t care.
I bit my lip and dug my toes into the sand. In the distance there was a middle-aged man with a rotund beer belly who was throwing a Frisbee for a golden retriever, and I was instantly reminded of Carter and ultimately his question from the day before. He wanted to have another shot at us, but it had been so long since we were together that I didn’t even remember how to be a part of a couple. Everything was so easy before because we were friends. So with the extension of our friendship status into a couple status, nothing changed between us except the addition of showing affection.
Carter, being the athlete that he was, could eat constantly and we spent a lot of time hanging out at this little diner not far from our school named Neece’s Place. The owner, Mrs. Neece Jackson, was an old black woman who made it a habit of learning all of the names of her regular customers, who she always referred to as her extended family, in addition to her six kids who had all worked in the diner at some point. She knew that we were high school students, and she often gave us milkshakes on the house. Neece’s Place had an old style diner theme, with a main jukebox that consisted of old style songs. According to Carter and me, she had the best burgers and shakes in San Diego. That was where we had our first date, and it was unforgettable. He had spoken with Mrs. Jackson, who was a romantic herself, and had gotten permission to have our usual table set up with candles after hours so that when we arrived we were the only ones there. We both ordered burgers and fries, and then shared an Oreo shake. I couldn’t think of anything more thoughtful.
Carter was close with my family too. My parents liked him, and Ella had wanted him to be her boyfriend before he was even my boyfriend. Whenever we had a family outing, Carter, Maryam, and Sara were all invited along. They were my family too, in my eyes. My family had always been close knit. We did a lot of stuff together. Grandma would pack huge lunches, and we would all go for family picnics at the beach, with Ella and I bringing our closest friends along for the fun. That was before everything went haywire.
Now, I’m single, my best friend lives across the country, and my family has been split up. If nothing had changed, and we’d never moved away, then I would’ve eventually attended a college in California like I had planned when I was younger. I had always wanted to attend the University of California in Los Angeles, UCLA, as an art major, but now I had other options. I could stay in Virginia for school if I wanted to be closer to my dad. I could go to school with Violet even.
I really missed having someone to hang out with, and laugh and joke around with. Violet would be able to help me in this Carter situation right now, but we’ve both been busy. She’s spending the summer trying to work things out with Blake since she hasn’t fully forgiven him yet for cheating on her with Ella. We’ve been texting back and forth, but Violet also knows that I’ve been digging into my mom’s past to find out as much as I could about the twins. She’d told me to keep her updated on what I found, and after I met the twins for the first time I had sent her pictures of Taylor and Cameron and she’d freaked out. She called and we talked for an hour about the twins, and how Ella and I found them. I hadn’t had a chance to tell her everything about Carter and me. The most I had told her so far was about our past together and how I had bumped into him. She was annoyed at first that I never told her about him, but she quickly got over it. The next time we talked I was going to fill her in on everything. I couldn’t wait to see her at the end of the summer. I had so much to catch her up on.
I sat for a while longer just thinking about my past and future, and watching the beer-bellied man toss his Frisbee to his dog until they left. By the time Ella came back, I was ready to go, but also dreading being stuck in the house for the night with the possibility of having to face my mom.
Chapter 17
As soon as we entered the house we knew something was wrong. The sound of my mom wailing loudly was the first thing I heard. It was followed by my grandmother’s voice as she tried desperately to calm her down, but to no avail.
Ella and I shared a curious look before we locked the front door behind us and followed our mother’s pained cries up the stairs. Once inside the hallway I was able to see Grandpa standing in Mom’s doorway with a horrified expression on his worn face. He must not have ever experienced one of her panic attacks like Ella and I had. She gets all worked up, and sometimes it even goes so far that she has trouble breathing. Dad used to wrap his arms around her tightly, and hold her while smoothing down her hair until she calmed down. I didn’t think about what she did now, because I had assumed they had stopped when her depression problems had subsided.
Apparently they hadn’t, unless something in particular had sent her over the edge.
Ella and I approached the doorway, gaining our grandfather’s attention. “What happened?” I asked, just loud enough for him to hear me over my mom’s wails.
Grandpa shrugged. “Your grandmother and I were downstairs and she just started freaking out. We ran up to see what was wrong and she was crying, and having a full-blown panic attack. Your grandmother has been trying to calm her down for a few minutes now.” His eyes were wide as he spoke.
I took in a deep breath of air, physically preparing myself for anything as I stepped into the bedroom. Mom was standing near her bed, breathing so hard that she was almost panting as she cried and tried frantically to speak, but her words weren’t forming coherent sentences. The only pieces I could make out were, “He,” intake of a shaky breath, “called,” exhale of shaky breath, “and th-they they w-went,” before she started crying harder. Her cheeks were flushed with red blotches, and wet with tears. Her green eyes were red rimmed, and her hair was frizzy. The first word that came to mind as I looked at her was frazzled.
I came closer until I was standing next to Grandma. She was talking in a shaky voice that made me aware of how nervous she was. She had her hands out in a surrendering motion as if she was afraid Mom was going to leap and attack her at any moment.
“Christine, you need to sit down and relax. Once you’re calm you can tell us what’s going on, and we’ll help you,” Grandma said.
“Y-you c-can’t help me-e-e,” Mom managed, raising her hands to grip them in her hair. Strands came loose from her ponytail, making her look even more unkempt.
Grandma nodded furiously. “How do you know that we can’t help you unless you ask?”
Mom squatted down, balancing on the toes of her feet and hunching her back over so that her head was resting on her knees. She looked so lost and helpless that my heart broke for her.
“Let me try, Grandma,” I said, gesturing for her to back away and give us some space.
She obliged instantly, moving to the doorway where everyone else stood wit
h wide eyes.
I squatted down next to Mom, placing a hand on her shoulder. She jumped a little, and tilted her head upwards to meet my gaze. She instantly began crying harder. A memory of my dad with his arms wrapped around her tightly came to mind. He used to talk in a soothing voice, hold her tightly, and then stroke her hair when she calmed down. I could do that.
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her body, which was convulsing from her violent sobs. I shifted so I was kneeling, and rested my head on her shoulder as I hugged her tightly. “It’s going to be okay, Mom. I don’t know what it is that made you sad, but we can work through it. We’ve gotten through stuff before, haven’t we? We’re a strong family. You’re strong.” I hugged her so tightly that my hair and shirt were growing damp from her tears. She continued to cry, but her head was now leaning on my shoulder. I continued to talk in what I hoped was a soothing tone. “Remember when I was younger, and I used to have bad days? You would always tell me that life is full of ups and downs, and when you’re down, you just have to find a reason to be lifted up. Then you would tell me all of the reasons why I should’ve been smiling instead of crying.”
Mom sniffled in response. I noticed a lull in her heavy breathing, and her sobs seemed to be less powerful, but I still heard and felt her crying.
“So here are some reason why you should smile instead of cry. First off, I love you. So does Grandma, and Grandpa, and Ella. We all want to see you smiling.”
“I-I love you t-too,” she said, gasping as she spoke.
“I know. Want some more reasons?”
She didn’t respond for a moment, then she nodded her head, causing me to smile. I felt like the roles had been reversed, and I was happy that I could make her feel better. “Well, you’re healthy, you’re alive, you always have Ella and me, both of your parents are healthy and alive, you aren’t starving, and you were born a winner because you beat out all of the other sperm and penetrated the egg first.”
Just like I was hoping she would, she let out a breathy laugh. I pulled away and looked at her face. She was still crying, but nowhere near as bad as when I first walked in. I offered her a smile, and stood up. My knees were hurting like hell in that position. Once I was standing, I reached down to help her up. She took my hand and let me pull her to her feet. Then she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands despite the fact that she still had tears falling from her eyes.
Ella entered the room, approaching us hesitantly. “What happened?” she questioned. I tossed her a glare. I didn’t want Mom to start freaking out again by remembering what had set her off. We could talk about that later.
Mom started shaking a little as she said, “John called me, and h-he said that you two went and saw the twins.” Her tears increased. “Why would you go see them? You girls j-just d-don’t understand.” She began stumbling over her words again, and I placed a hand on her shoulder to comfort her.
“What don’t we understand?” Ella asked.
I scowled at her, saying, “Leave it.” Then facing my mom, I added, “You don’t have to answer that, you should relax and we can talk about it later.”
In response to my statement, Mom shook her head. Her sobs grew heavier. “The r-real r-reason that we c-couldn’t k-keep the twins is b-because I thought t-that it w-w-would be wrong to t-take them from J-John. He’s their b-bi-biological f-father.”
Ella and I nodded simultaneously.
“We understand,” I said.
“We know,” Ella spoke.
Then, like I hadn’t wanted, she broke down again. Her tears came faster and heavier. She shrugged my hand off of her shoulder and began pacing back and forth. She looked angry now, mixed with sad. Her breathing was shallow and quick.
“Y-y-you,” she said, stopping and staring at Ella and me. “Y-you r-r-read m-my-my j-j-journal,” she stuttered, looking completely distraught.
She was probably angry now that we had reminded her we had read her journal and already knew her secrets. We knew the twins weren’t adopted, but instead that full custody had been given to their biological father, John.
She started shaking, and she was crying harder than she had been when we entered the room.
“Mom, please calm down,” Ella said. “What can we do to make you calm down?”
Mom’s mouth was open but only the sound of sobbing and wailing came out.
“Please, Mom,” Ella begged. She looked like she was on the verge of tears herself now. Her face was now a vibrant shade of red. “I’ll stay with you if you want. I’ll-I’ll go to school in California for a year and keep you company.”
She continued to wail, but she looked toward me. It was as if she was asking me to stay too. I didn’t want to, but she looked so devastated, and she looked like she really needed me here.
I felt tears well up in my eyes as I said, “I’ll stay too if you want.” I just wanted to calm her down, but it wasn’t working.
She started to freak out even more, and then she was breathing so quickly that she started to sway. I didn’t know what was going on.
She tried to talk, but all that came out was a shallow breath of air before she fell backwards with her arms out at her sides. Ella screamed, and I rushed forward just as Mom hit the back of her head on her bedside table, causing a loud banging noise and the lamp to fall off and shatter as it hit the ground not far from Mom’s face.
I dropped to my knees next to her body as she laid out on the floor. To my horror, there was blood beginning to pool around her head. My grandparents rushed forward with me, and Grandma screamed before Grandpa told her to call an ambulance.
As I hunched over my mom’s body, my vision blurry with tears, all I could think about was how she wasn’t as stable as she had appeared to be, and about what I would do if I lost her. If she makes it through this, maybe the best thing for her health would be if I made good on my statement and actually did come to live with her for the year.
Chapter 18
The car ride home was silent. My head was swirling with thoughts of what had happened, and what was going to happen. I could tell that Ella was lost in thought as well. She had her head pressed against the window behind the passenger seat, and was staring out of it with a doleful expression. In front of her, Grandma was crying silently, dabbing at her face with a tissue from the glove compartment. The only indication that she was crying was how she was constantly raising her hand to wipe her face. Grandpa drove us home, not even bothering to turn on the radio.
After Mom fainted last night, the ambulance arrived to rush her to the nearest hospital. We followed it to the hospital and then spent all night sitting in the waiting room while mom’s head was stitched up. She had a concussion, and had to stay at the hospital overnight to be monitored. Other than her stitches having to heal, and her concussion, she was going to be fine. We all slept in the waiting room until morning when visiting hours began just to see her before we headed home to shower and change. Then we went back to the hospital to wait for her to wake up so we could be there for her.
When she finally woke up, she complained of a terrible headache, but was happy to see us. She looked pale and thin in her hospital gown, and her head was wrapped in a large bandage to keep the stitches covered. At one point a nurse came in to change her gauze and re-wrap her head. Ella and I got to see the rows of stitches in the back of her head that held her purple, bruised skin together. Ella almost vomited at the sight. Mom asked me to take a picture of it with my phone to show her.
We stayed for hours, and even ate lunch in the hospital cafeteria. I didn’t like the idea of eating in hospitals. Something about the idea of eating food from a place where most of the people were sick in some way grossed me out. I know hospitals were very sanitary and followed all sorts of health regulations, but that didn’t ease my mind or my queasy stomach.
Finally, a few hours later, Mom decided to get some rest, and sent us home against our will. I was tired, and had an uncomfortable kink in my neck from sleeping aw
kwardly in the chair in the waiting room. Last night I’d only gotten about two hours of uninterrupted sleep. I woke up at three in the morning to call Dad, hoping to catch him before he left for work. I filled him in on what had happened with Mom, and about how she was in the hospital, and we spoke for a while. He mainly consoled me, saying that I did a good job calming her down the first time, and that her accident had been no one’s fault when I confessed that I felt guilty for not anticipating her fall. After talking for a half hour, he had to hang up to leave for work, but sent his love and said that Mom would be all right. He wanted me to keep him updated, so I texted him the picture of Mom’s stitches, and information about her being all right.
When we pulled into the driveway, everyone piled out of Grandpa’s car and headed inside. I followed Ella up to her room and shut the door behind us. She swiped her hair out of her face and sighed. Without her makeup, she looked young and innocent. She walked over to her dresser and pulled out a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top for herself, then tossed me a pair of cotton shorts and a shirt as well. We changed in silence. Then Ella climbed into bed, turning on the lamp on her bedside table while I turned off the main light and then joined her. We laid under the covers on our backs, side by side staring at the ceiling.
Ella broke the silence with a sigh. Then she said, “I’m glad Mom’s okay.”
“Yeah,” I replied with a nod. “She really freaked me out.”
“Tell me about it,” she mumbled. “I thought she was going to die. There was just so much blood.” She made a gagging sound.
It had seemed like there was a lot blood. I was thankful that Grandma had cleaned it up fast before we went to the hospital because the smell made me feel sick to my stomach.
“I know,” I said, closing my eyes and just staring at the back of my eyelids for a moment. It felt good to rest them.
Scarlet Awakening (Sweet Secrets #2) Page 10