John looked down at his hands that he was twisting together in his lap. He was nervous. He truly still loved Mom, but he was afraid of being hurt again. I felt bad for him.
“She hasn’t contacted me since she’s been back,” he said. It was more of an observation that he stated, rather than a question as to why she hadn’t.
I answered it like it was a question though. “She didn’t want to just show up and intrude on the life that you started without her. She didn’t know if you had moved on or not, and she didn’t want to come back and ruin everything for you.”
John regarded me for a moment, then sighed. “I don’t know.”
We sat in silence for a moment, the only noises coming from Cammie and Taylor, who didn’t realize or care that we were having a conversation that could possibly alter their futures. They were blissfully ignorant to the conversation going on around them. I kind of envied them for that.
Mrs. Symmes cleared her throat, gaining our attention. “Tell her the other reason why you’re so nervous.” She stared at her son with a knowing look on her weathered face.
John scratched his head and looked at the wall. He was silent for a second before he said, “I thought that Christine was going to end her marriage for me, and I had planned on proposing to her when she did.”
My eyes widened instantly at his confession.
John looked at me as he said, “I even bought her a ring. Then she told me that she wasn’t going to leave your father.”
I felt a twinge of sadness for him, and for my mom.
“That was then,” I murmured. “Things have changed.” I looked from Cammie to Taylor. “The only thing you can do now is move on from the past, and try to make the future how you want it to be.”
“She’s right,” his mom encouraged.
“If you want my mom to be in your and the twins’ lives, then you have to do what you can to make that your future.”
Chapter 25
The television was showing some boring golf tournament again. Grandpa was reclined back in his chair, watching the screen intently as some man stepped up to putt. He didn’t even glance in my direction as I entered the living room and came to join Ella on the couch.
Without looking away from the screen, he asked, “What are you girls doing tonight?”
“I don’t know,” we answered simultaneously.
Grandpa’s gaze remained on the television. “Really? You two aren’t going out with those boys again?”
Ella laughed. “Maybe, Grandpa. I don’t know if I’ll be seeing Shane today.”
“And why is that?” he questioned, turning to look at us. The station had gone to commercial.
“He has something to do with his parents,” she answered, shrugging. “Besides, sometimes it’s nice to spend time with you guys just relaxing around the house.”
Grandpa squinted at her. “So you’d rather spend time with your old Grandpa than with your boyfriend?”
Ella nodded, not even bothering to correct him about Shane. They weren’t official, but they had been spending nearly every day together for the past week since they had formally met in the diner.
Grandpa rolled his eyes in response. “You don’t have to lie to me, Gabriella. I was your age once. You won’t hurt my feelings,” he added with a hearty chuckle. Then he turned and focused back on the TV as the commercial ended.
I smiled at Ella, and she returned it. She’d told me how much she enjoyed spending time with Shane, and I was happy for her. I did my part as her older sister by warning her about his player status, but she hadn’t been worried. I just hoped that he didn’t hurt her.
Carter and I had been spending every spare moment that we had with each other. We had walked the beach and the boardwalk, and had even gone to the diner a few more times in the past week. I missed him so much when I was away from him, and that made me nervous for the emotions that I would feel if I ended up going back to Virginia for the year. I didn’t want to leave after I had reconnected with him, and we had made so much progress with our relationship again. It felt like we had picked up where we left off, and I didn’t want us to be separated again.
It had been a week since I’d spoken to John. The last time I had gone to his house, I thought I had managed to convince him to try again with my mom, but he hadn’t reached out to her yet. I hoped that he hadn’t changed his mind, for both of their sakes. They both would be so much happier with each other.
My mom has been seeing a therapist regularly again, and she hasn’t been spending as much time in her room as she had before. She’s been up early like she used to be, and she’s been baking again, and even helping Grandma make dinner some nights. She has been adamantly trying to get over her depression. I can tell that she isn’t completely there yet, but it’s only a matter of time if she keeps working on it.
I heard the sound of water running in the kitchen, and I stood up, thinking that it was Grandma. I wanted to ask her what she was making for dinner tonight. I headed into the kitchen to see my mom standing by the sink, holding the stainless steel tea kettle under the water.
“Hey Mom,” I said, coming toward her. I leaned on the counter as she shut the water off and went to place it on the stove.
“Hey sweetheart, want some tea?” she asked as she turned the stove on.
I politely declined. I wasn’t a big fan of tea.
She smiled and went to take a seat at the table.
“Where’s Grandma?” I asked. Normally at this time she would be preparing dinner.
Mom beamed. “I somehow managed to convince her to let me make dinner tonight.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “How did that happen?” Grandma never wanted to give up her kitchen. She loved cooking.
She shrugged in response. “Maybe she pities me.”
“That’s not it,” I said with a laugh. Then I thought about it.
Mom noticed the expression on my face as I realized that she was probably right. “Told you so,” she said.
I was about to ask her what she was going to make when the sound of the doorbell ringing caught my attention. “I’ll get it,” I said, making my way over to the door. I didn’t bother looking through the peephole, expecting it to be Carter. I pulled the door open, and my chin nearly dropped to the floor in shock.
Standing on the other side of the door was John. He was dressed in his work clothes, and had a nervous smile on his face.
“John?” I said, my voice rising at the end like I had asked a question.
“Hey, Lena,” he replied. “Is your mom available?”
I nodded my head, and stepped back so he could enter the house. “Mom, you have a visitor,” I called to her. From where I stood, Ella and I made eye contact. Her eyes widened as she saw John enter the house.
I closed the front door, just in time to see Mom stand up in the kitchen. She froze when she made eye contact with John.
He smiled at her, and walked to meet her. Ella jumped up from the couch and hurried over to stand beside me as we watched John stop in front of Mom.
“Christine,” he murmured, staring directly in her eyes.
Mom said nothing back, just stared right at him for a moment and then raised a hand to rest on her chest.
John reached for her free hand, stepping closer to her. “I don’t know where to start, or even what to say when I do start. I just know that I really miss you.”
Ella laced her arm through mine and hugged it close to her as she stared on in awe. Grandpa had even come to join us by the steps as we watched.
Mom opened her mouth to say something, but John raised a hand, halting her in her tracks. “Let me tell you everything I came to say, and then you can make a decision. If you start saying something then I’ll probably chicken out.” He let out an awkward little chuckle.
Mom nodded, and John continued. “Christine, over the past few months since I lost you, I’ve had a lot of thinking to do. I thought that I wasn’t good enough for you, and that you would never love me the way t
hat I loved you. I didn’t realize how selfish I had been until recently, when two girls with your smile showed up on my doorstep. I understand now that you had to make the decision that was best for the family you already had. It wasn’t a choice between James and me. I understand that now.” He raised a hand to Mom’s face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. “If you love someone you’ll set them free, and if they come back then it was meant to be,” he said, smiling at Mom like she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life.
The stairs creaked softly as Grandma descended them and joined us at the bottom of the stairs. “What’s going on?” she questioned.
Grandpa placed his arm around her and pulled her to his side, whispering into her ear.
Ella was squeezing my arm so tightly I thought I was going to lose circulation in it. I didn’t say anything though, because I knew how happy she was. I felt a bubble of elation swelling in my stomach as I watched Mom cry, and John stared at her with love in his eyes.
John tucked some hair behind Mom’s ear. “I love you, Christine. I want us to try again.” His words were spoken softly, but we all heard. My heart pounded in my chest. She deserved to be happy and in love.
“I don’t care what happened in the past. I want us to move on from that and be stronger because of it. I want to be the man you come home to, and the person who makes you smile even when you’re sad.”
Mom let out a breathy laugh as she swiped at another tear that was trailing down her cheek.
John beamed at her. “I want more than anything to have you in my, and the twins’, lives. We can start out slow, and take things one step at a time. It’s up to you, because I’m all in.”
Mom bit her lip as more tears flowed down her cheeks. “Are you done?” she asked.
He nodded.
She tossed her arms over his shoulders and hugged him close. She was sobbing now. Tears of joy. “Yes, I would really love that,” she said.
John hugged her back for a moment, and then pulled her away from him so that he could kiss her lightly on the lips. Then he said, “A wise girl once told me that sometimes you have to do what you can to make your future how you want it to be. I want my future to have you in it.” Then he pulled her back in for another hug, and I didn’t miss the wink that he tossed my way.
Chapter 26
“Ella?” I called as I tapped on her closed bedroom door.
“Come in,” she responded, her voice muffled.
I pushed the door open, smiling as I walked inside and closed the door behind me. She smiled back. We had been happy all day long, just thinking about Mom and John, and how they were going to have a chance at being together. It sounded sappy, but they were getting a second chance at love. It was exciting that she was going to get to be in the twins’ lives, and that so were Ella and me. Taylor and Cameron were going to forever know us as their older sisters. They would grow up under our protective wings, with two role models. That idea made me happier, but also sent a twinge of sadness through my heart. After I told Ella what I came to say, everything would be different.
“Hey,” I said, walking over to join her on her bed. She was sitting back against the headboard with her legs stretched out in front of her. I sat the same way, stretching my legs out next to hers and wiggling my toes.
“Hey,” she replied, giving me a curious look. She obviously had picked up on my odd behavior. That was one thing about having a sister. We had grown up together and we knew each other like the back of our hands. We knew when each other was feeling down, we knew how to make each other laugh and cry, and we knew when the other had something to say. “What’s up?” she asked, furrowing her thin eyebrows.
I sighed, feeling bad that I had made this decision. “I’ve decided that I’m going back to Virginia at the end of the summer.” There was no point in beating around the bush.
Ella’s face fell. “I had a feeling you would say that.”
I nodded, not knowing how else to respond to that.
“What made you decide to go back?” she asked, her eyes focused on her lap.
“I don’t know,” I answered, tracing invisible lines on my thigh with my hand. “I just feel like that’s my home now. Also, Dad is there and I don’t want him to be all alone. What if he feels like we chose to stay with Mom to have a complete family or something?” I would hate myself if Dad was all sad and lonely, feeling like he had been replaced by John, when that wasn’t the case at all. “You’re staying,” I stated. I didn’t ask because I already knew the answer. It was another thing that had made my decision so hard.
Ella nodded, causing her red hair to fall over her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” she began.
“No, you don’t have anything to be sorry for,” I said, cutting off her apology.
“I feel like I do.”
“You don’t.”
She looked up at me. “I just really love it here. I mean, we grew up here. This is our home. I want to be able to see Grandma and Grandpa whenever I want, and I want Cameron and Taylor to grow up with me around. Now that I know them, I can’t go back to not knowing them.” She stopped and smiled bashfully. “I also really like Shane.” Her cheeks flamed a bright red at just the mention of him.
I could tell that the two of them were getting serious and would probably end up dating. I just hoped that she wouldn’t get her heart broken. As far as I had seen though, for the past week they had been truly enjoying each other’s company. They were really similar and had a lot in common. He looked at her like she was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on, and she looked at him like he was a gift from God. I would have never imagined that they would be a good fit as a couple, but sometimes life throws you a few curve balls. At first Carter was a little weirded out by their rapidly forming relationship. Apparently Shane usually told him everything about his girlfriends, and he didn’t want to think about Ella in that way, but he’d said that something about Shane seemed different. In his past relationships he would be the type to kiss and tell at a moment’s notice, but with Ella he only talked about her respectfully. He thought that Shane was truly falling for my little sister, and I hoped he was right.
Ella let out a breathy sigh before she continued. “I just think there’s more for me here. Dad would understand. He wants us to be happy, and we’d still see him on holidays.” It sounded like she was trying to convince me to stay too with that last part, but it wasn’t going to work. I had already made my decision, and I wasn’t going back on it now.
Of course I was going to miss a lot of people. Ella and I had never been separated for more than a few weeks. I didn’t know how to live life without being an older sister. I was always watching over her, and trying to set a good example for her. Now she was going to be in another time zone, three hours behind me. Would we even see each other for holidays? Or would she go to Virginia, and I come back to San Diego? I didn’t want to worry about that now. I’m sure it would all get figured out.
Ella placed her hand on mine, squeezing it gently. “Can you imagine how different life would have been if we hadn’t grown up with each other?”
“Sometimes it would have been good to be an only child,” I joked, squeezing her hand back.
Ella pouted.
“I’m only kidding. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like to not have you around.”
“I know what it would have been like,” she stated.
“What?”
“Boring,” she answered, laughing lightly. Then she leaned over sideways and wrapped her thin arms around me. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
I hugged her back tightly, feeling like if I let go then I would lose a part of myself in the process. “I’m going to miss you too. We still have a few weeks though. Don’t get all sad on me now.”
Her only response was to squeeze me tighter.
***
I dug my toes into the wet sand and stared out over the ocean. The waves were gently crashing over each other despite the time of day. Nor
mally in the evening the waves began to get heavier as the tide came in. There was only an hour left before the beach was closed to the public. Not that that stopped people from coming on it.
The peacefulness of the ocean in front of me, and the beauty of the setting sun above, was what I needed right now. My emotions were going crazy. I was dreading what I was about to do now that I had made my decision for where I would be next year. I had no doubt inside that he was going to hate me forever after I told him. There would be no reconnecting again next summer. I made my choice and I was going to have to stick with it, despite the feeling of dread that was in the pit of my stomach. If only I could put him in my suitcase with me.
Just then I was brought out of my thoughts as Carter approached me. He was walking down the beach, staring at me with a huge smile on his face. He assumed I had called him here for us to hang out. I gave him a small, forced smile back as he joined me, taking a seat in the sand.
“Hey Little Snot,” he said, leaning in and kissing my cheek softly.
“Hey, Carter,” I responded, smiling for real now. He had that effect on me.
His body was turned so he was facing me. A curious expression crossed onto his handsome face as he said, “Wow, you didn’t react like you normally do when I call you that.”
I shrugged. “Maybe I’ve gotten used to the nickname and I love it now.”
“I seriously doubt it,” he said with a light chuckle. “What’s up?” He reached for my hand that was nearest to him and held it, playing with my fingers gently.
“Not yet,” I said, more for myself than to him. I didn’t want to have to let him go yet. I knew that it was unfair of me, but it could wait for a few more minutes, couldn’t it?
I leaned over and lay up against him, feeling his firm chest under my head. He brushed some of the hair off my face and kissed my forehead. He just held me like that for a while. He didn’t press me any further, or try to push me to talk. He just wrapped me in his arms and held me against his body. I felt comfortable and safe. Before I knew what was happening, my body was shaking with soft sobs, and warm tears were spilling from my eyes.
Scarlet Awakening (Sweet Secrets #2) Page 14