by Jessie Keane
‘All right, Ols?’ she asked her as the hammering and banging commenced.
Oli straightened. ‘Yeah. Sure. I’ve just…never been in here, not since before it all happened…’ Her voice tailed away. She wrapped her arms around herself, her face clouding.
Lily nodded. She was standing by the bed, over which the builder had thoughtfully draped a dustsheet. ‘You can come in, Ols,’ she told her gently.
Oli shook her head. ‘Nah.’ Her tone was light, there was a smile playing around her mouth, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She looked as if she was going to burst into tears.
‘It’s just a room, Oli. That’s all.’
‘It’s not just a room,’ said Oli, shaking her head firmly.
‘There’s nothing in here. Truly.’ Even as she said it, Lily was remembering her first foray back into the master suite since she had last seen it over twelve years ago. She’d been shit-scared, too. She joined Oli in the open doorway and Oli stepped gratefully back, out into the hall, and moved away, towards the head of the stairs.
‘Oli, you all right?’ asked Lily, hurrying after her.
‘Fine!’
Lily caught her arm at the top of the stairs. ‘No you’re not. What’s going on?’
‘I hate going anywhere near that room,’ gulped Oli. Now Lily could see that she was near to tears, genuinely upset. ‘I thought I’d try it, but…I hate it. It’s creepy’
‘There’s nothing there, Oli,’ repeated Lily firmly. ‘What, you think your dad would frighten you, hurt you? He never would, not while he was alive, and not now either.’
‘But I’ve…’ Oli bit her lip and turned away again, made to hurry off downstairs.
‘Yeah, what?’ Lily prompted.
‘Nothing, it’s nothing.’
‘Yeah it is. Go on. What were you going to say?’
Now Oli turned back towards her mother. Her face was distraught.
‘You’re going to think I’m mental.’
‘Oli.’
‘All right, all right. I’ve…heard things. Okay?’ And Oli was off, haring down the stairs and into the sitting room.
Lily hurried after her. Shut the door behind them to give them some peace from the noise.
Oli was sitting on the sofa, arms crossed over her middle, staring at the floor.
Lily sat down beside her, prised loose a hand and held it tight.
‘Oli? You’ve heard things? What the hell…?’ Lily was staring at her and starting to feel very worried, very spooked. ‘What have you heard?’
‘Noises.’
‘Noises? What noises?’
‘Um–well…’ Oli let loose a little bubble of laughter. There was more than a note of hysteria to it. ‘Voices.’
Lily sat back, her eyes fixed on Oli. She was aware of her heart, beating very fast, and that her stomach was rolling over like a fairground ride.
Voices?
What the…?
‘But the room’s kept locked, Oli,’ she reminded her daughter.
‘I know. So it don’t make sense, does it?’ Oli glanced at her, a glance full of desperation and puzzlement. ‘Unless…’
‘What, unless what? Unless there’s a ghost in the room? Come on, Oli. Get real.’
‘I know what I’ve heard.’ Oli was speaking through gritted teeth.
‘All right. So you’ve heard it. Or you think you have.’
‘I have.’
‘Recently?’
‘No. Not recently’
‘When was the last time then? Tell me.’
Oli shook her hand free and jumped to her feet. ‘God, can we just stop this?’
‘Just tell me the last time.’
‘Oh…about three weeks ago, I was coming in late, coming along the hall, and I heard it then. It was horrible.’ Oli shivered. ‘Frightening.’
‘More than one voice?’
‘No. Just one. It was like…like a child’s voice. Oh, look, can we drop this now? It really freaks me out.’ She glanced quickly at her watch. ‘Look, I’ve got to go. Got a busy day’
Lily reluctantly let it go. For now, anyway. ‘What’s on the agenda, then?’ she asked, trying to keep it light when Oli had in fact scared her.
A child’s voice in that room? For God’s sake, what was that all about? She looked at Oli and thought, Is something wrong with her? And that frightened her very badly. Worse than the prospect of any ghost. Had what happened here in fact unhinged her lovely daughter, was she–and, oh fuck, now she was seeing Alice Blunt in her mind’s eyes, Alice with her adult nappy and her scarred wrists and vacant eyes–was she showing early signs of some awful mental illness?
Please God no. Not Oli.
‘I’m having a hot paraffin wax manicure,’ said Oli, seeming relieved by the change of subject. ‘They’re great, you tried them?’ And then she realized the stupidity of what she’d just said and stood there looking awkward. ‘Oh damn, I’m…’
Sure I’ve tried them, Oli. We lags get manicures all the time.
But she just smiled. Oli was upset, she wasn’t thinking straight.
‘No,’ said Lily. ‘But I will.’
Oli nodded soberly.
‘Got your keys and everything?’
‘Yeah, got ‘em.’
‘I’ll catch you later then.’
Looking embarrassed, Oli nodded and quickly left the room–leaving Lily sitting there and wondering if her daughter, her darling precious daughter, was in the first throes of madness.
34
Just after the builder left, saying that the plasterer would be in within a week to skim the wall, Jack phoned. She picked it up in the kitchen.
‘Money’s running out,’ he said.
‘I’ll see you right,’ said Lily. Money–thankfully–was the least of her problems.
‘I know you will. You okay now?’
‘Yeah. Fine. All things considered.’ Lily still felt embarrassed that she’d weakened in front of Jack. ‘You?’
‘So-so. Monica’s still giving me earache; nothing new there.’ She could hear a smile in his voice.
‘You ought to get back with her,’ said Lily. ‘If you still love her. Which I think you do.’
‘Maybe. You could be right. But only after we’ve wrapped this case up.’
‘Wasn’t that the trouble in the first place? You working too hard?’
‘Hey, what do you want? Me romancing Monica, or helping you?’
‘Helping me,’ she sighed.
‘That’s all I needed to hear. Because I’ve got another one,’ he said. ‘Another one of Leo’s women.’
Lily sat down. ‘Right,’ she said.
‘Listen, I’ve been thinking this is maybe not such a good idea, you talking to these women on your own, or with me. Maybe I should talk to them first, what do you think?’
After I nearly took Reba Stuart’s head off, thought Lily, filling in the blanks.
‘Whether it’s a good idea or not, I’m doing it,’ said Lily, although she wanted to end this; she felt weary and worried the whole time, and the strong feeling of distaste–even sickness–she felt as each new flaw in Leo’s character was revealed, was draining her of strength.
‘I talked to Alice Blunt’s relatives,’ she said.
‘Okay. And?’
‘And Alice was anorexic, needy and mentally weak. To Leo it might have been a fling, a bit of light relief, but for her it was serious. Probably she clung on too hard and he said, whoa, what is this? It broke her when he dumped her, Jack. Broke her in two.’
Jack was silent.
‘You think the government’s putting out the loot for the clinic?’ asked Lily. ‘Only it’s nice. Good furnishings, nice grounds, even a lake. I just wonder.’
‘I can try and find out.’
‘Can you do that?’
‘Sure.’
‘This other one…’
‘Oh. Yeah.’ He sighed. ‘This one’s a bit closer to home, Lily. Might cause trouble.’
‘Wh
at, more than I’ve had already?’ Lily was almost smiling at that. Was he serious?
Leo’d had Reba Stuart, and dull Matt the accountant’s wife Adrienne, and he’d had poor deluded little Alice Blunt who’d worked in one of his offices back in the day. Now what?
‘What is it, some girl who worked in the club?’
‘It’s worse than that. You’d better brace yourself.’
‘Oh yeah?’ She was thinking that he was just building up his part, getting ready to stiff her with an ever-bigger bill.
‘Yeah. We’re talking shitting on your own doorstep here. Not very clever.’
Now Lily wasn’t smiling. She straightened and clutched harder at the phone. ‘Who is it?’
‘You know Julia, Leo’s cousin?’
‘Yeah, I know her. Of course I do.’ Leo had a large extended family, all fairly close-knit. Unlike her own. All she had left–apart from Oli and Saz–was her mother. She thought again that she ought to call the old bat. But really, she admitted to herself, it was the last thing she wanted to do. She had liked Leo’s big family when they’d first got married. Felt she was getting not just a man, but a whole clan too. Then, when it all hit the fan about Leo’s death, there had been a whole raft of drawbacks. You crossed one, you crossed them all. You killed one, they wanted you dead too.
‘Well–it’s her. It’s Julia.’
Julia was the beauty of the family, with long, thick, ash-blonde hair, a terrific figure, stunning blue eyes. She was like Nicole Kidman’s twin, Lily had always thought, whenever they had spotted her at family weddings, christenings, birthday parties. Julia was so arrestingly beautiful that people stared in the street. Her parents had fawned on her too much, and as a result her petulance and vanity were legendary.
Julia was strictly high maintenance, but then most of the women in their group were. These men–bad men, hard men, the sort of men who were used to running the show and pulling no punches–expected high maintenance from their women. Keeping a woman in an expensive manner was all part of the game, giving them extra kudos with their mates. If your wife or mistress was driving around in a Beamer and flaunting her designer labels, then you obviously had the biggest balls in Essex and your pals would pat you on the back and say, you old dog, good going. And what’s she like in the sack?
Lily had always found Julia to be tediously self-absorbed and thin on brain matter. She was like a great painting–fabulous to look at, but no better at conversation than a block of wood. A pretty thick block of wood, at that.
But men weren’t interested in conversation when it came to mistress material. Shit, they could get that from their mates. With women it was the looks that counted, and Julia had those in spades.
The last Lily had known, Julia had married Nick O’Rourke. Nick had been a bit of a playboy in the years after Lily, so when he settled suddenly for Julia, their whole social circle had been in a state of shock. Were they still married? Lily didn’t know and she didn’t want to think about it. She’d felt hurt when Nick married Julia, and the hurt had surprised her; she’d believed–all right, she had forced herself to believe–that the feelings she’d had for him were dead and gone.
So Leo had been boffing Nick’s wife. And if that wasn’t a motive to blow his brains out, what was? Nick had been sidelined by Leo over Lily. And now over Julia, too? How would any man take that, coming from a friend?
‘I’ve got to think about this,’ said Lily, feeling bewildered.
‘Yeah, well, take all the time you want,’ said Jack with a sigh. ‘So long as the payroll’s sweet, and you’re comfortable to continue with this, I’m in.’
And he hung up. At the same moment, the buzzer beside the sink started ringing off the wall. Someone was at the main gate. Lily stood up and walked towards it, her pulses picking up speed. It could be anyone. Si. Freddy. That contract killer Tiger some-fucking-thing-or-other. But she was safe now, wasn’t she? Safe behind large gates and a total lockdown system that could be activated at a moment’s notice. The only thing she didn’t have in here was a panic room.
Lily flicked the switch and spoke unsteadily into the mouthpiece. ‘Who’s there?’
And an angry female voice came back loud and clear. ‘This is Saz. Who is that?’
Oh Jesus, thought Lily. After a moment, she flicked the switch and let Saz in the gates.
35
Lily held the kitchen door open and Saz came storming in like a force ten hurricane. Her new husband, Richard, followed behind in silence.
‘What the hell is going on here?’ demanded Saz furiously. ‘Where’s Oli?’
Well, Lily had known this was coming. It had come sooner than she expected, though.
‘I couldn’t believe it when Uncle Si told me what was going on,’ Saz raged.
Ah, so Si’s responsible for this, thought Lily. He’d rung Saz and she’d come back to start world war three. Good old Si. You could always depend on that sneaky arsehole to put the knife in when you least expected it.
‘Well, believe it,’ said Lily calmly. ‘Because it’s true.’
‘You’ve got some damned front coming back here,’ said Saz.
Lily squared up to her daughter. Even as she did so she thought, My little girl, my lovely Saz. But all she saw in Saz’s eyes was hate. In every twisted line of her lovely face was disbelief, dismay, horror. That cut Lily like a razor, hurt her deeply.
I can do this, she thought, I can deal with it. I’ve dealt with worse. But the sheer hatred that was radiating out from Saz, from her own beloved daughter, was already sapping her strength, making her feel tired and hopeless.
‘And what’s happened to the gates? I couldn’t open the damned gates,’ Saz was ranting on.
‘That’s because we’ve changed the security codes,’ said Lily.
‘You what?’
‘You heard me, Saz,’ said Lily, struggling to keep her voice low and even. ‘I’ve moved back in.’
Saz’s jaw nearly hit the floor. ‘Are you mad?’ she demanded. ‘You think you can just swan back in here when you, you killed Dad, you shot him dead?’
‘Catch up with the latest, Saz,’ said Lily. ‘I didn’t do it. Somebody else did.’
‘As if I’d believe that,’ snorted Saz.
Lily stared at her daughter and frowned. ‘Why would you disbelieve it, Saz? Is it so easy to think that I’m a villain?’
‘I don’t want you here,’ said Saz, quivering with rage.
‘Saz…’ said Richard. Lily thought he was a handsome young man, with treacle-coloured hair flopping over his kind blue eyes. He looked awkward and unhappy. She almost pitied him. It was easy to see who was going to wear the trousers in this relationship.
‘Oh shut up, Richie,’ Saz snapped. ‘Stop being so bloody reasonable.’ She turned her attention back to her mother. ‘And as for you…’ Saz was literally twitching with rage. ‘…I want you out of here, right now.’
Lily felt anger start to ignite in her gut. I want you outfrom Saz. I don’t want you coming back here from Alice’s brutish brother. What the fuck are you playing at from Nick O’Rourke. Stand in line and wait your turn from the screws inside.
That’s how they all see me, she thought. As someone who’ll do as she’s told.
The old Lily, the sweet, accepting Lily she had once been, that Lily would have said yes, okay. But twelve years inside had changed her massively. Yes, she had been a model prisoner. Stayed out of rucks, mostly. Kept her head down. Railed against the injustice of it all, but only to herself, only ever to herself. Wondered all those long days and nights, who did this to me? But she had stayed out of trouble inside and she had done the time. Now, she was out. And where had being the nice, biddable little woman indoors ever got her?
No-fucking-where.
Well, she wasn’t about to make that mistake again. That old Lily had died inside. This new one was Lily reborn, remade, forged in the fires of misfortune. And this Lily was not about to take any shit, not from anyone.
‘
You want me out?’ Lily put her hands on her hips and stared at her daughter. ‘Okay. Here it is. Let me lay it out plain for you. Oli doesn’t want me out, and she owns half this place. So I’m staying.’
Saz surged forward. ‘You cow,’ she snarled.
‘Saz…’ Richard made a restraining move, but Saz sent him a poisonous glance and he backed down.
‘No, Richie, I’ve got to say this,’ she said, whirling back to face Lily. ‘You never once got in touch to say sorry or to explain what happened, or to plead your innocence.’
‘I tried to get in touch lots of times, Saz,’ said Lily wearily.She’d already had this conversation with Oli. That fucking rat Si had a lot to answer for.
‘Oh yeah. Like hell.’
‘I did. Si fielded all my calls.’
Saz looked at Lily as if she was something nasty she’d just stepped in. ‘That’s a lie. You’re lying. Uncle Si wouldn’t do that. He told me that you never once tried to get in touch with me or Oli. That’s the truth.’
Lily shook her head, suddenly feeling exhausted. This was starting to really wear her down. ‘Your Uncle Si’s a bastard,’ said Lily. ‘And rotten to the core. If we’re talking truth here, what about that?’
‘You bitch,’ said Saz, and half turned and grabbed at something behind her on the worktop.
When Saz turned back towards her, Lily saw what was in her daughter’s hand.
It was a knife.
For God’s sake. Lily stood there, dumbfounded. Couldn’t react. Couldn’t even think. Her daughter had attacked her first with a bouquet of flowers, knocking her off her feet and onto her arse amid crowds of onlooking wedding guests, and now she was trying it with a knife? She couldn’t even begin to take it in. And not believing it, not wanting to believe it, made her slow.
Saz was coming at her with the knife raised.
Richard grabbed Saz, pulled her back. ‘Saz, no!’ he yelled.
Fuck’s sake, thought Lily dazedly. She meant to do it. She was going to cut me.
The pain of the knife going into her flesh could not have been more painful than what she felt now. That her daughter, the beautiful girl she’d carried for nine long months and finally, amid sweat and blood and tears and agony, given birth to—her daughter, her lovely Saz, had been going to knife her.