by Martha Long
It lit me up, too. I could feel me insides going like the hammers of hell while he stood behind my chair, booming back at her in a wonderfully mellow French tone. It sounded like music to me. I could get a whiff of his aftershave and the animal male nearness of him. Jaysus! I wonder if I’m in heat! I felt even more girly than the Madame Bouclé.
Now, now, Martha! Don’t be vulgar. Where’s all this coming from? You are not usually so base! Cut them disgusting thoughts outa yer head this minute. I took in a slow deep breath to control my breathing, my heart and the rest of me innards. Ridiculous, Martha. A woman of your age! You have hit the thirties . . . On the other hand, someone once told me, or I heard it somewhere, women reach their sexual peak when they hit the thirty-mark. Right, that’s me. I haven’t missed the boat. Good! My days of living the life of a professional virgin are over! I thought, as I lifted my head to look up at him.
‘Ralph!’
‘Yes, Martha?’
‘Eh!’ I said, trying to think up something. What I wanted was to sit down on his lap somewhere without the jealous prying eyes of the Madame Bouclé staring daggers. I threw me eye, seeing her doing just that now the attention was off her. She sniffed and went back to her onions. She was now examining a long rope of them but keeping her ear cocked in this direction.
‘Are you all right, Martha?’ he said, leaning down to rest his hands on my shoulders, then whisper, ‘It is wonderful to see you. Did you sleep well?’ he said, leaning his face into me.
I went tongue-tied and smiled like a halfwit. ‘Oh, lovely, thanks,’ I finally croaked.
‘Have you breakfasted?’ he said, then turned to say something to Madame Bouclé. She shrugged and oui-oui’ed, probably telling him I ate most of the newly baked bread she was saving for later!
‘Trés bon!’ he said crisply, then bent down to give me a kiss on the cheek. ‘Good, Martha, I am glad you have eaten something. Would you like more coffee?’ he said, pointing at my empty mug.
‘Oh, yes, please,’ I cheered, flashing him an instant smile of delight.
He grinned back, rushing over to get the coffee jug and poured out mine, then one for himself, and sat in his place at the top of the table.
‘Oh, I forgot my bag,’ I said, wondering where did I leave it.
‘Stay there, Martha. Did you leave it in the sitting room?’
‘Yes, I don’t smoke in the bedrooms, or generally around the house. I am a creature of habit. I like to confine it to one room,’ I said, listening to myself babble as he disappeared out the door.
Bloody hell, Martha! Just try staying quiet if you can’t be intelligent. The man will think I am a right cretin! I took in a deep sigh, trying to calm myself down. Now, just relax, take it easy. It’s only Ralph!
OK, I sighed, thinking this is grand. But not exactly the greatest of comfort, sitting here with your woman taking everything in. I don’t think she could understand much, but she was taking in the pair of us laughing and me looking very cosy, trying to inch my way closer to Ralph. He didn’t seem to notice every grab I made for his hand on the pretext of telling him something. But she certainly did. Her eyeballs were getting plenty of exercise swinging slyly around, trying not to miss out on seeing anything.
‘I think I will just pop upstairs for a minute,’ I said, grabbing up my bag and making out of the room.
‘One moment, Martha!’ Ralph said, turning himself around and stretching his legs out for ease of comfort.
Oh, that lap looks so inviting, I thought, feeling the blood rush to me head. ‘Yes?’ I said, looking at him, trying to make direct eye contact, but I couldn’t, I was all in a heap. Worse than a young one out on a first date or a loony let out for the day.
‘Would you like to take a ride?’ he said, looking at me.
I stared, wanting to say, ‘Yes, please,’ with a double meaning. That thought made me nervous and I could feel meself letting loose. Suddenly my face broke into a huge grin and I started roaring with the laugh. But then it turned into hysterics. I could even feel my eyes watering with the heat on me from the shock of what I just did. But I couldn’t stop laughing the head off meself.
‘What? What is it?’ he said, half-smiling with his eyebrows raised and his face looking the picture of confusion.
‘Eh, nothing. I, eh, sorry!’ I babbled, turning to fly out of the room. I was up the stairs and rushing to find my bedroom when I heard him calling me from the bottom.
‘Martha, shall we go soon? Is that all right with you?’
I went back down the flights of stairs and looked from the landing. ‘Yes, thank you, that would be lovely,’ I said, hearing myself sound like a Victorian mistress giving a polite thank-you to one of the servants.
‘OK,’ he said quietly, wondering what was coming over me.
‘I won’t be long,’ I said. ‘I just want to get my coat.’
‘Oh! That is down on the coat rack in the hall,’ he boomed up.
‘Yeah, thanks,’ I croaked, wanting to dig myself a hole and bury meself in it.
Fuck, that’s it. I’ve really gone and lost the run of meself. Oh, why could I not act like a grown woman? Jesus, I’m acting like I’ve lost my marbles. What must he be thinking of me? I nearly cried. Well, asking me would I like to go for a ride! Of course I bloody would! Oh, let it go. Now, decorum is everything with Ralph, so remember that. Act your age, keep quiet, don’t speak until he speaks, then think before you open your mouth, that way you won’t go wrong. Right, that’s the plan. Now! But above all, mind the diction, he hates nothing worse than poor diction and bad manners. All you have to do, Martha, is . . . just be yourself. Normally I can take myself anywhere. I generally do behave when I have to. So just be yourself, then you’ll be grand, I told myself as I took in a deep breath, sucking in my cheeks and puffing out my chest. Trying to get oxygen into me brain. It’s all that bleedin smoking. It’s killing my brain cells! I used to be able to handle myself a hell of a lot better than this! Right, now brush the teeth, comb out the hair, tie it up, and now for a bit of lipstick. Oh, will I change my earrings? No, keep the pearl. They’re real, so definitely more classy. Here we go, ready!
I took off and arrived down into the hall, seeing Ralph come back in through the front door wearing a long cashmere coat with a dark, multicoloured men’s silk scarf.
‘Are you ready?’ he said, letting his eyes sweep up and down the length of me. The skirt and sweater showed off my figure, and I was certainly not as thin as I had been up until recently. I managed to put on quite a bit of weight over the summer since I got out of the hospital. It’s just as well! Jaysus, I looked like a walking skeleton then.
‘Thank you,’ I said, as he stood holding out my fur coat.
‘Do you have a scarf?’ he said, looking at me wrapping the coat to me, then fastening the loops.
‘No,’ I said, pulling up the collar, feeling the softness warming the back of my neck and head. ‘I don’t need one,’ I said, looking up at him and smiling, feeling snuggled up inside my fur.
‘OK, Martha, we may go now. I have brought the car around,’ he said, leading me out the door and slamming it shut behind him. He rushed ahead and whipped open the car door, waiting while I drew in my legs, then slammed it shut before walking quickly round to climb into the driver’s seat.
I put on my safety belt, seeing him do the same. Then he started the engine and we took off down the avenue and turned right, driving through the village where I was supposed to stay.
‘Oh, thank you very much, Ralph, for collecting my suitcase this morning,’ I smiled, looking over at him. ‘It was a lovely surprise!’
‘Yes, you were sleeping like a baby,’ he said, looking over at me and grinning.
‘You really are very thoughtful,’ I said shyly, feeling a rush of heat and emotions running through me at how wonderful he is, and wishing I could be able to let it out.
‘Martha, I am delighted such a small thing can bring a wonderful smile to your face,’ he said softly, restin
g his hand for a split second on my knee.
I sighed gently, letting it out slowly, snuggling back into the comfort of my fur and the warm leather seat heating under me.
We drove on with a restful, companionable silence sitting between us. This is definitely going to be my year, I thought. Last year was the end of the dark days for me. God knows it came roaring in with a malignant violence. It nearly cost me my life. But here I am now, enjoying a golden time. No matter what happens from here on, I will never hit rock bottom, down and out like that, again. No, I am just back to my old self. Full of purpose and energy, knowing exactly what it is I am about.
I looked out at the sights and sounds, breathing in the smell of the French countryside. It was very green with lots of trees and lush foliage. The houses were very different and cosy-looking, with not too many all looking the same. It’s lovely and clean, nothing like dirty aul Dublin, or the bogs out beyond the city! Jaysus, but it’s great for the tourists. Well, the Yanks and the Continentals love us! They think we’re quaint!
We drove out of the countryside and into a town, then Ralph slowed down. People were milling around, all looking busy and scattering in different directions. Some were walking and old men carried onions over their shoulders, wearing black berets. Old women moseyed along, carrying baskets of fruit and vegetables under their arms. Lorries carrying bales of hay got stuck in the middle of the road, trying to get past the cars and bikes, and mammies with kids, and old people walking out in front of them. I looked at the line of shops – bread and tobacco shops, and some with hams hung in the windows. They were all separate, specialising in one thing or the other.
‘Oh, today is market day,’ Ralph muttered, letting his eyes fly around, taking it all in. ‘Shall we stop here? Would you like to stretch your legs and take a look around?’ he said, looking at me, interested in what I wanted.
‘Yeah, yes, that would be great, Ralph, see a bit of the native life,’ I said happily.
‘OK, we need to find parking,’ he muttered to himself, while his eyes peeled along the street, looking to squeeze in somewhere.
We drove to the edge of the town then turned around. ‘We don’t want to go too great a distance,’ he said, as we looked back, not being able to see the town. We were practically out in the country again.
‘Here we are,’ he said happily, as a truck moved off and Ralph drove straight in, taking up the spot. He switched off the engine then looked around and climbed out, waiting for me to emerge on the other side. Then he locked the car and put out his arm for me to follow. I took his arm, putting my hand through and holding on.
‘Let us take a look inside here,’ he said, pointing out a big building. We walked into a big marketplace with stalls selling everything from fish to fruit and vegetables. It was like an Aladdin’s cave, with some stalls at the far end of the building selling clothes and jewellery, and others selling antiques. I could see stalls with old farm equipment, stools, wardrobes, chairs, even postcards from the last two wars.
‘Do you enjoy this sort of thing, Martha?’ he said, grinning at me as my head whipped in all directions.
I didn’t know what to look at first. I kept stopping and then moving on, while Ralph would wait patiently whenever I stopped.
‘Oh, yes, this is manna from heaven for me,’ I gasped, thinking I am in my element. Then I hit on a stall selling postcards from the Great War. They were sent home to relatives while the soldiers fought on the front lines.
‘Oh, they are written in French,’ I said, knowing bloody well they would be, but really meaning I couldn’t make head nor tail out of what they said.
‘Would you like to buy some, Martha? I can read them to you later, if you wish.’
‘Oh, yes, that’s a great idea, Ralph. Ask the man how much he wants.’
‘Just choose what you want,’ he said, moving in close to get a better look. ‘Here they are in a bundle. Would you like them?’
‘What? The whole bundle?’
‘Yes, of course, why not? Best keep them together.’
‘OK, ask him how much!’
‘Give them to me,’ he said, putting out his hand, letting me pick them up.
He handed them to the man, saying something in French, then he opened his wallet, pulling out a big note.
‘No, Ralph, how much does he want? I don’t need you to pay, thanks,’ I said, thinking he will consider me cheap if I leech off him.
‘Please,’ he said quietly, ‘allow me, it is nothing. Really, I would be happy to get them for you. All right?’ he said, smiling gently at me.
‘OK, you’re the boss,’ I said, seeing he didn’t mind and was quite happy about it.
I put the paper bag into my handbag and trotted off to see what else there was to see. Then Ralph stopped at a stall selling home-made sweets.
‘Choose something, Martha!’ he said, pointing at the rows and rows of gorgeous-looking sweets and chocolates.
‘No, not me, would you like some?’
‘Yes, and I think you would too. You are simply being abstemious. You need to put some flesh on those bones,’ he said, tapping my arse through the fur coat. Then he pointed to some bonbons and chocolates as he spoke to the stall owner. We waited while the man handed them over in a paper bag, then we went off happily again.
‘Here, open your mouth, Martha,’ Ralph said, landing a bonbon in my mouth, then popping one in his own and shoving the bag in his coat pocket. I linked my arm through his and he pulled away, taking me to him and wrapping me under his arm, holding me tight around the waist. I felt my heart lurch with the happiness as we walked on, side-stepping people in and out of the crowds.
‘Shall we go and eat something?’ he said, leaning close in to my face.
‘Yes, good idea, Ralph. Madame Bouclé’s bread and jam has worn off and I’m feeling starved with the hunger.’
‘OK, Martha, let us go,’ he said, heading us out of the marketplace.
We drove on, then Ralph pulled into the car park of a country inn.
‘Would you like to take something here? Or shall we drive on? Perhaps we could see what they have to offer here. But do have what you wish, Martha. Only I would caution, Madame Bouclé is right now, as we speak, slaving over her hot stove. So be prepared to save some appetite.’
‘OK,’ I said happily, opening the door and whipping myself out. ‘Actually, Ralph, I have an appetite like a camel.’
‘A camel?’ he said, grinning at me.
‘Yes, well, I can stock up on grub, eat enough in one go sometimes to keep me going for a whole month,’ I said, starting to babble again.
‘Oh, darling, you are funny,’ he said, coming around to take me in his arms and land a flash kiss on my lips, barely touching, it ended so fast. But I felt it nonetheless. It sent a ripple of heat and a buzz of electricity flying though my veins. Then he took my hand and walked me with him, side by side.
We went into the dark inn, which had tables in corners and lights around the walls. I could see waiters rushing around wearing black shirts and trousers, with long striped aprons. They carried trays in their hands held high in the air, balanced in the palm of one hand. Oh, yes, this is definitely the French way of life I’m getting to see, I thought, looking around happily, taking it all in.
A man in a black suit and white evening shirt came up, asking something in French. Ralph spoke to him, then the man put out his arm for us to follow. Ralph stood aside then smartly followed behind me as I took off after the waiter. We were shown to a little corner alcove then the menu was pressed into our hands. I had a look, not making sense of any of it. We finally settled on an omelette for Ralph and a fish chowder for me. Then he ordered a bottle of wine.
‘Do you have a preference, Martha?’
‘Yes, white, please. Otherwise, whatever you are having.’
I stared at the empty plate after polishing off the paté, half a basket of bread, followed by the fish chowder and now a plate of salad. All washed down with half of the bottle of
wine.
‘Oh, that was simply delicious,’ I mewled, thinking it will keep me going until dinner. Then I looked at Ralph to see him watching me with a grin on his face as he sipped his wine.
‘Good heavens! Where do you put it?’ he laughed, giving my belly a gentle poke.
‘I am telling you, Ralph. It’s hard to fatten a greyhound.’
‘Nonsense, you are more like a little poodle, my precious,’ he said, moving over to wrap his arm around me. ‘Would you like something more?’ he said, holding me and sipping his wine.
‘No, your Madame Bouclé warning is still ringing in my ears,’ I said, laughing happily.
‘This is nice,’ he said, lying back in his chair, resting me beside him.
‘Yes,’ I sighed. ‘Life can be a wonderful bowl of cherries.’
‘But not always, from all accounts given by the Sister . . . Can’t quite remember her name. Oh, yes, Eleanor. She filled me in on only the barest details. What happened to you, my sweet?’ he said quietly, moving away to take my hands in his.
I gently pulled my hands away, reaching down for my bag to get my tobacco. Then I lit up a cigarette.
‘It was toxic thyroid, Ralph, Graves’ disease. I was ill with it for years. It went undiagnosed. Then finally I was so ill they had to come up with something.’
He nodded quietly, staring with great concentration. I went on, quietly telling him the story of how it had all affected me.
‘Oh, Martha, if only I had known,’ he whispered. ‘How you must have suffered! You are so powerful, darling! You have iron running through your veins,’ he said, pulling me to him and stroking my hair. ‘I was away for so long . . .’ he said, not continuing what he wanted to say.
‘Did you ever think about me, Ralph?’ I whispered, looking up at him while my head rested back on his arm.
He stared at me, bringing his face very close, then let his eyes follow down to my lips.
‘Yes, oh yes! It is as I told you. In fact, I asked myself so many times . . .’