by SJD Peterson
Melanie came dashing through the door, ponytail flying as she tied on her apron. “Sorry I’m late,” she mumbled. “What do you need?”
“Can you get those spaghetti noodles from the pot?” I threw a handful of cut veggies into the bowl, grabbed the sausage, and glanced at Mel. The last couple of days, Mel had been edgy. “Are you okay?” I asked. “You seem a little flustered.”
“I’m late, that’s all.”
“You’re never late,” I pointed out. “You’re so punctual, it’s scary.” I was trying to make a joke, but Mel scowled at me.
“I’m just late, okay? It’s not a crime. Let it go.”
I couldn’t pursue it right then. It was the most hectic time at the restaurant, the lunch rush when office workers poured out of the nearby buildings and placed their orders. It wasn’t until well after two that Mel and I could take our own lunch. We sat in what was jokingly referred to as the employee lounge—a windowless alcove with barely enough space for the small table crammed inside it.
“You might as well tell me what’s going on,” I said. “I’ll only pry and prod until you do. So save yourself the annoyance.”
Mel hadn’t yet touched her food—she was still busy trying to massage the postrush kinks out of her shoulders. “I didn’t mean to snap at you earlier. It’s just that… I think I’m starting to get involved with someone.”
“That’s fantastic!”
“No. No, it’s not.” Mel propped her chin on her hands. Usually she appeared calm and in control, but now she simply looked overwhelmed. Her ponytail was a little lopsided, as if even such a no-nonsense hairstyle had proved too much for her to cope with today. “His name is Toby, and he’s very attractive, and he’s a student too. Who else would I have time to meet but another student? Anyway, this week we got assigned to work on a project together, except that we kept getting sidetracked talking about all these other things and one thing led to another and… well, last night I actually kissed him when we should have been studying. I don’t want to get involved with anyone. Relationships are messy, they take time. Time I don’t have. I have goals, Ben. I have things I have to do that don’t include worrying about someone’s feelings.”
“Why do you sound so miserable? Is it really so horrible to take a break from your studies once in a while and enjoy someone’s company?”
“No, it’s just that… I think about him all the time. He’s cluttering my head with crazy notions, and it’s affecting my studies.”
“Love at first sight, huh?”
“You know damn good and well that’s a bullshit fairy tale,” Mel grumbled. “I don’t even believe in true love, so I have no idea why I’m letting this guy mess my head up so badly.”
“Ah, it sounds like the unflappable Mel actually has a romantic bone in her body,” I teased.
Mel glared at me. “You’re not even the littlest bit funny.”
“And that tough exterior of yours is hiding a squishy softness.”
“I’m not talking to you anymore.”
“Are you writing his name all over your notebook among scribbled hearts and flowers?”
Mel covered her ears and closed her eyes. “La la la. I can’t hear you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her childish behavior. I’d have told her just how cute she looked, but she was ignoring me and it was time to get back to work. I let it go, but I’d definitely be bugging her about it later.
We were almost through the rush when Mel came hurrying back to the prep area. She seemed a bit more cheerful. “There’s someone out front asking for you.”
“Someone… someone for me?”
“Yes, and he’s gorgeous. And I do mean gorgeous. Let’s see…. Chocolate-brown eyes. Chocolate-brown hair too, except for some fantastic streaks of gray at the temples. Makes him look like he’s known trouble and survived. I like that in a man. And what a body….”
I gazed at Mel in dismay. “I don’t believe this. You’ve just described my ex.”
Mel raised her eyebrows. “Dude, if that guy really is your ex, I don’t know how you ever let him go.”
I was tempted to duck out the back door. I didn’t want to see Hugh. What was he doing here, anyway? I’d never told him where I worked!
At last, I peered out the small round windows toward the dining room. I couldn’t see him.
“It won’t hurt to talk to him,” Mel said. “He seems very charming and did I mention gorgeous?”
Hugh was extremely handsome and he most certainly could be charming, but I didn’t consider that a plus at the moment. I untied my apron, hung it on a hook, and walked out into the restaurant. My momentary urge to hide had vanished. I had never let Hugh intimidate me, and I wasn’t about to start now.
He was sitting at a small table by the window. I stood still a moment and just gazed at him, appreciating the dominant lines of his features, the way his hair waved back just so from his stubborn forehead, and yes, the rich chocolate depths of his eyes.
Hugh turned his head, our gazes locked, and I couldn’t very well stand there ogling him any longer. I went over to his table.
“Hello, Hugh,” I said coolly. “Let me guess. Uncle Johnathan managed to find out where I work and obligingly told you about it.”
Hugh gave a shrug that almost seemed good-natured. “I’m the detective this time. I went by your apartment building and spoke to your landlady. She was very helpful, for the right price.”
“I’ll have to talk to her about that. Maybe she can be just a little less helpful in the future.” I was suddenly more pissed at my landlord than I was Hugh. What if she had given that information to some deranged killer? Okay, that was a little dramatic, but the threat of a lawsuit might put a damper on her desire to do it again in the future.
Hugh nodded sagely. “A good idea. You can’t have her giving out information to just anyone for a hundred dollars.”
“Thank you, I’ll be sure to take care of that,” I assured him. “If that’s all, I really have to get back to work.”
“No, you don’t. Your friend Melanie said you had a fifteen-minute break coming up.”
Hugh was in good form today—taking charge of everyone and everything as usual. I pulled out the chair across from him and sat down. “I’ll give you five minutes, that’s all. I thought we agreed we weren’t going to see each other again?”
“You came to that agreement on your own, right after—”
I held up my hands to silence him. “No need to get into that. What do you want?”
“The first thing I want is to finish this sandwich. It’s good. Much better than the kind I make for myself.”
I drummed my fingers on the tabletop. “So… how’s my mother?”
Hugh had the grace to look a little abashed. “I wouldn’t know.”
“I’m sure you’ve spoken with her in the last twenty-four hours. It’s just too much of a coincidence otherwise. My mother shows up last night, butting into my life. Now you’re doing the same thing. Are you actually going to tell me there’s no connection?”
He ate a forkful of potato salad. “I’ll admit your mother woke me out of a sound sleep last night. But that’s not why I’m here.”
I glanced at my watch. “You have four minutes left.”
“Go out to dinner with me tonight, Benny.”
The way he said my name sent a rush through me. It always had, and I wished he wouldn’t call me Benny anymore. “I can’t.”
“Previous commitment?” Hugh asked in a suspiciously casual voice.
“Mother, of course, told you about what she supposes to be my love life.”
He set down the sandwich. “She did mention some guy named Jason. As well as someone else she referred to as ‘the mystery man.’ Sounds like you have a full social calendar.” He gazed at me intently, as if trying to see in me, searching for my secrets. I didn’t give up any.
I started to point out that Jason was just a friend but stopped myself. I didn’t need to explain myself to
Hugh. Glancing at my watch again, I pushed back my chair and stood. “Your five minutes are up,” I announced. “It’s too bad you wasted a trip all the way from Charleston.”
“Dinner, that’s all, Ben. I’ll wait until you’re off work.”
I curled my fingers around the back of the chair, remembering what had happened the last time I’d accepted a dinner invitation from him. “I have a rehearsal right after work.”
Hugh nodded. “Right. Your uncle told me you’d landed a part. Of course, you could have told me yourself. You have my phone number.”
“I didn’t think you’d be that interested.”
“I’m interested.” He continued to hold my gaze.
It took me a second or two to realize I was gripping the back of the chair a bit too hard. I forced my fingers to relax one by one. “So… I have a rehearsal.”
“I’m glad you got a part. I know how much it means to you, this acting thing.”
Somehow, I always ended up feeling defensive with Hugh. The way he called it my “acting thing”—there was just something dismissive in his tone.
“No, Hugh. I don’t think you do know how much it means to me.”
“Tell me about it, then. You’re the one who’s always saying we should talk more.” Now he sounded reasonable.
“I used to say that when we were together,” I reminded him. “Your timing’s a little off. Besides, I don’t think you came all this way to chitchat about my acting.”
“I came so I could invite you to dinner. That’s it. You’ll have to eat after your rehearsal, won’t you?”
“Sorry, I just can’t make it. But tell Mother I said hello.” I turned and walked toward the kitchen, making a supreme effort not to spare Hugh another glance. He didn’t try to call me back or follow me.
I wondered if it was really going to be this easy to get rid of him.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WHETHER IT was out of spite or that Jason was simply wearing me down, I’m not sure, but after rehearsal I finally agreed to join him. Not for dinner as he so often requested but for ice cream. I frickin’ love ice cream.
“Joyce isn’t going to be happy with your changing the layout of the set,” I told him as soon as we stepped out of the theater.
“It’s going to make things better. Joyce will just have to accept that.”
I slid on my sunglasses to shield my eyes from the late-afternoon sun. It was the perfect summer day, midseventies with a slight breeze. “I can’t wait to see how that argument turns out. Honestly, Joyce scares me a little.”
Jason bumped his shoulder against me. “It’s okay, I’ll protect you from the mean ol’ director.”
“I’m not sure you’d win in a head to head,” I teased.
“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“You’re welcome.” I shoved my hands into my pockets.
“You seemed a little distant during rehearsal. Anything you want to talk about?”
Jason Collins was the last person I could talk to about what had me on edge. I couldn’t very well inform him that my ex, a.k.a. the mystery man, had shown up at my job today. I couldn’t admit that I’d almost been disappointed when I left work and Hugh wasn’t outside waiting for me. No. I couldn’t possibly explain the mixture of anticipation and annoyance Hugh inspired in me. Hell, I didn’t understand it myself, so how could I expect Jason to?
Instead of answering, I pointed to the sign up ahead. “Is that the place?”
“Yup, the Blue Moon. Best ice cream in the city.”
I ordered a double scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough in a waffle cone, and Jason ordered plain vanilla in a cup. I briefly wondered if the boring choice said something about his personality but forgot all about it the instant I got a taste of mine.
“Man, this is delicious.”
“Told you.” Jason winked. “Hey, there’s a table.”
Two young girls were just getting up, and Jason and I quickly snagged the spot.
“We need to play the lottery. I come here all the time and I’ve never gotten a seat.”
“Mmm hmm,” I agreed, thoroughly enjoying my treat.
“You still haven’t told me what’s bugging you, but I bet I could guess.”
I doubt that. But I didn’t meet Jason’s gaze. I didn’t want to be having this conversation. I just wanted to enjoy the gorgeous summer day and ice cream, and not have to think or talk about anything unpleasant.
Not deterred, Jason continued. “Let’s see…. I know that you were married, that your family’s rich, that your mom travels around in a limo, and that you don’t get along with her very well. It really bothers you that I have so much information on you, doesn’t it?”
“I’m just trying to work out a few things in my life. I’m not secretive by nature.”
“Then tell me about my competition. Give me a fair chance.”
“I’m tired, that’s all. It was a busy day at work.”
“Okay, you won’t talk about yourself, so we’ll talk about me,” Jason said obligingly. “Did I tell you that last year I almost got engaged?”
“No, you haven’t mentioned that yet.”
“Well, it’s true. I was ready to buy the ring, but Morgan decided he wanted to go to Europe instead. Alone. Depressed the hell out of me—for a while, anyway.”
Every now and then, Jason would throw out some detail of his life for discussion. I already knew that his parents had split up when he was ten, that he’d had a lot of girlfriends in junior high but none in high school when he finally came to terms with being gay. I also knew he had three sisters and had majored in theater in college. He was an accessible person. I felt myself relaxing for the first time since Hugh had shown up at the restaurant.
“I’m sorry about your engagement,” I said with true sincerity. “But you really do seem to have recovered.”
“So maybe he wasn’t the right man for me. Morgan, that is. But he’s all in the past. After him came George.”
“Wait a minute. I thought your last boyfriend was someone named Dennis.”
“Right. But George was post-Morgan and pre-Dennis.”
“Did you throw George over, or was it the other way around?”
“Ben, I’ve told you I never throw a man over. Too risky a proposition. I just hang around until they get tired of me. I like seeing you like this, by the way.”
“How do you mean?”
“Smiling. Enjoying yourself. I’ve watched you this past week, and it’s occurred to me that you don’t enjoy yourself a lot.”
I frowned at him. “What a strange thing to say. Of course I enjoy myself. That’s the whole point of my new life.”
Jason took another bite of ice cream while he studied me. “Just the way you say that, ‘the whole point of your life.’ It’s like you’re frantic, racing around even though you haven’t figured out yet where you’re going.”
I had much preferred it when we’d been talking about Jason. “I beg to differ. These days I know exactly where I’m going.”
“And where’s that?”
With one simple question, Jason had me asking myself whether I really did know. I knew I wanted to act and that I had to grab my chance while I could. Beyond that, I wasn’t sure.
I didn’t have an answer to his question, so instead I held up my cone. “I’m going to the gym after I eat every last bite of this.”
Jason raked his eyes over me, then smiled. “Now, that I’d like to see.”
“Well, watch.” I took a big bite and munched happily on a chunk of cookie dough.
“That’s not what I meant. I was talking about you in the gym, all sweaty, muscles bulging.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. I was a runt. There was nothing bulging on me except when I popped a boner. “Bulging muscles? You really are a charmer.”
“Happiness looks good on you. My new mission in life is to make you laugh as often as possible.”
We finished our ice cream, making small talk and laughing. For
a little while, not a single negative thought popped into my head. It was fun and I was truly enjoying myself. Jason really was quite charming.
But of course, Jason couldn’t help himself from prodding me on the walk back to the theater. “So, what’s the deal with this mystery man?
“I should have known,” I muttered. “You’re just had to ruin my happy vibe, didn’t you?”
“Mystery man doesn’t make you happy?”
“I didn’t say that….” My voice trailed off. We’d reached the outside of the theater, and I glanced around. Then I glanced around again, more carefully.
“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?” Jason asked. “The man who never shows up.”
“Of course not,” I insisted.
“He doesn’t make you happy.”
“Who?” I asked absently.
“The man who never shows up,” Jason clarified. “That’s what I was talking about earlier, how you don’t seem to enjoy yourself very much. It must be because of him.”
“Right, the mystery man,” I said in a caustic tone. “Look, Jason—”
“If you’re going to tell me your life is complicated, I’ve already heard that part.”
“You won’t let a person get away with anything, will you?” I said ruefully.
“Not when I’m interested in a person.” He moved closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders. It seemed a casual gesture, and I even felt comfortable with Jason’s arm around me. But how comfortable should I get with him? Was it really fair to encourage Jason’s advances when my head was so screwed up and my heart…? Well, my heart was just as messed up.
“Ben.” It was Hugh’s voice. Low, deep, resonating along my nerve endings. I twisted around, slipping away from Jason’s half embrace.
I started to curse him out but snapped my mouth shut at the last second. Hugh constantly sneaking up on me was getting old really fast. It didn’t matter that I was excited to see him and that part of me was jumping for joy. It was just proof of how mental I’d become. For a few seconds, I glared at him, even though his face remained in shadow. It wasn’t really necessary to see him. I felt his presence. Hugh strolled confidently toward me, his eyes boring into me. He dominated my senses, my emotions. When the silence threatened to grow awkward, I did my best to get myself back under control. No small feat, but I was supremely proud of myself when my voice came out clear and strong as I said, “Jason, this is Hugh Bayard. Hugh, Jason Collins.”