I can’t answer. I only purse my lips and squint back tears, refusing to meet her gaze.
She sighs sympathetically. “I know it’s hard, Amber. But you can’t just sit in that tub all day. You’ll turn into a prune and eventually, you’ll get a urinary tract infection.” I appreciate the joke but I suspect that, at this point, laughing would hurt, physically. She rakes her chubby fingers through her wavy, blond mane. “Okay, I gotta get going. Back to the office,” she eases herself to her feet. “I’ve got a date tonight,” she announces, her cheeks slightly flushed. My eyes shoot up to her. I didn’t know that she was seeing anyone. Before I can decide whether I can afford to expend energy questioning her about it, she continues, “Anyway, I won’t be able to come check on you, but Ruthie or Nadia will come by, okay?”
I nod weakly.
“Okay, so I left you a spring salad in the fridge. Make sure you eat something…please, Amber. It’s been days…you need to eat.” With that, she strokes a wisp of my damp, dark hair out of my face and she’s out the door.
I lean back in the tub after scooping my goblet of cheap red wine off of the windowsill.
Operation Drink-the-Pain-Away continues in full force and effect.
Chapter 2
“It’s Saturday night, you know?” She flicks on the light.
I look up at Nadia where she’s leaning against the doorframe. “So?”
She rolls her eyes and folds her arms tightly across her chest. She looks like she just stepped off the set of a Pitbull music video in that sparkling skin-tight leopard-print mini dress accentuating her curvy figure and black stilettos that make her toned, brown legs look a mile long. Her thick afro is restrained by a gold headband and her full lips are red and glossy. She pulls a manila envelope out of the purse that’s hanging from her shoulder. “I did some searching around today. There’s not much out there on the job market, but I did find a few positions that might interest you.”
I don’t answer.
I can’t think about finding a job right now. I’m actually in physical pain. I can’t think about working.
…Even though I know that, sooner or later, I’ll have to.
“You can’t just sit in this bathtub and drink and cry all day, Amber. The world is still spinning ‘round outside of this room.” There’s a slight note of annoyance in her tone.
The water swishes in the tub as I sit up. “Look, Nadia – I appreciate what you’ve done for me. But you don’t have to babysit me. Especially if you don’t want to.” I don’t have the energy for Nadia’s tough love right now.
She looks at me and sighs heavily. “You’ve gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something. Talk to Spencer…be an adult about this. You just jumped to conclusions and made assumptions. What if you’re wrong?”
I ignore her, reaching for the wine goblet sitting on the windowsill.
“Whatever,” she sighs in frustration, pushing herself off of the doorframe. She lays the manila envelop on the bathroom sink. “I’ll see you later.”
I hear her heels click-clack on the way to the door. The door slams shut behind her.
She’s on her way to the club.
After all, it’s Saturday night.
I sink back into my own party – a pity party.
I guess I must have fallen asleep.
I hear my name being whispered again and again. My eyes flutter open.
Golden-brown hair. Blue-green eyes. Jawline covered in stubble. He’s crouched down next to the tub.
“Spencer!” I yelp. “What are you doing here?”
He ignores my question, swirling his fingers in the water that, hours ago, had been warm and filled with fragrant bubbles. “It’s cold, Amber. The water’s cold.” Concern etches in his forehead.
“How. Did. You. Find. Me?” I stress each alcohol-slurred word.
His eyes don’t meet mine. “I followed Hailey a few days ago. She didn’t know I was there.” He looks embarrassed.
“So, you’re stalking my friends, now, Spencer? Is that it? And I guess you pick locks now, too, because you surely don’t have a key…You’re a real class act, y’know that?”
“I’m sorry, Amber. I’m dying without you.” He shoves his entire right arm into the tub despite the long sleeves of his gray polo shirt. I feel his fingers graze my calf and then the sole of my foot. “Your skin is all wilted, beautiful. You need to get out of this water.”
“Spencer, you need to leave. I don’t want you here. You said you loved me and then you ruined my life. And now I’m starting to realize that it was all deliberate. You knew all along what you were doing?”
His fingers slide along my thigh. “Don’t say that. Please. It’s not true. I love you. I’m going crazy without you.” His index finger of his right hand runs along the inside of my thigh and an unexpected wave of arousal courses through my body. He eases to his knees. Our eyes lock.
I feel my resolve melting.
God – I hadn’t noticed how much I’ve been craving this.
Instinctively, I throw my thighs wide open and pull his hand to my core. His left palm cradles the back of my head. His fingers weave through my damp hair. His fingers run along my jawline. He tilts my chin up towards his face. “I love you, Amber.” Those are his last words before his lips crush down onto mine. His tongue laps into my mouth with soft, tender strokes. The fingers of his right hand work at my core and I feel my walls dissolving. A wave of heat washes through me despite the coolness of the water. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted him.
Then, I feel my good sense surge against my primal urges. I should push him away. He’s hurt me. He’s lied to me. I can’t let him have me.
“Stop it!” I say, pushing him off of me with all of my force. His precarious position gives me an advantage over him.
“Amber,” he yelps as he falls back onto his behind.
I pull myself up so that I’m standing in the tub. This in no easy feat given that I’m blatantly wasted. “You need to leave.”
“You never gave me a chance to explain, Amber. I need to make you understand.” He’s begging.
I step out of the tub and march over to the front door leaving a trail of water and suds on the floor behind me. Spencer follows. I tug the door open and hide behind it to shield my naked body. “Leave,” I repeat firmly.
Spencer stands there, pain all over his face.
“I said to leave, Spencer.”
With eyes lowered to the floor, he steps over the threshold and back out into the hallway.
“This isn’t over, Amber. You will listen to me. You’re my whole world. You’re the only thing that matters.”
“Whatever,” I mutter as I slam the door shut and break down into a naked heaving pile on the floor.
Chapter 3
I pulled myself out of the tub this morning.
It sounds like a small thing. But given the state I’ve been in, I consider this a major accomplishment.
I’m dizzy and my head is throbbing.
I brace the edge of the sink to help keep my balance.
This is the first time I’ve seen my reflection in days. And I look awful. Eyeliner is caked into the creases of my eyelids. My bangs are matted to my forehead. There are dark bags under my eyes. Staring at my reflection is almost painful.
This can’t go on.
I get it – my heart is broken. But I can’t treat myself like this. It’s not healthy and it’s not fair…to me.
Okay…this part of the game is over.
I’m tired of being the victim.
I tug off the elastic band holding my ponytail into place and my hair falls around my shoulders, dank and clammy. I pull a few sheets of toilet paper off of the roll sitting near the toilet and blot the corners of my eyes trying to remove the makeup streaking my face.
I’m hurting…but I’m ready to take my life back.
And washing my hair is step one.
Chapter 4
I pull the terrycloth robe tighter around my weak
body as Oksana dumps the contents of the duffel bag onto the bed. She plants her fists on her hips and takes a step back.
Three wool sweaters, a pair of yoga pants, some dirty underwear and a pair of flip-flops. “Sorry honey. That’s all I could find. When Spencer’s people moved you out of the apartment, they took all of your other stuff. They did a pretty good job…I actually think they took some of my stuff, too.”
“Fuck,” I mutter. This is just my fucking luck. Mere days after allowing Spencer to move all of my belongings into the new condo, mere hours after beginning to work at Spencer’s company, we’re broken up. I have no home. No job. No Spencer. “Fuck.”
“I don’t think you can avoid it much longer, Amber,” Ruthie says from the couch in the corner where she’s perched up with her feet tucked beneath her. “You’re going to have to go back to the condo to get your stuff. You’re going to have to face Spencer.”
The idea makes me cringe.
I know that it’s inevitable but I’ve been trying to delay it for as long as possible. Trying to clear my head.
But now, the situation is becoming urgent. I’ve been sitting in a bathtub for a few days so I haven’t really needed an outfit, but now I’m painfully aware that my accessible wardrobe consists only of terrycloth robes from the hotel and the jumble of garments my former roommate has just strewn across the bed.
Oksana slips her cellphone from her pocket and checks the time. “Shit! I have to get back to Brooklyn. I have a shift tonight.” She bends to gather her jean jacket and handbag from the foot of the bed where she’d tossed them when she walked in ten minutes ago. She bends into the mirror on the wall and applies her frosty pink lip gloss, then smacks her lips together – a true Russian doll. “Okay, gotta go,” she says as she slips an arm into the jacket, her clunky platform sandals pounding across the floor on the way to the door.
I grab her wrist as she’s about to yank the door open. I look over to make sure Ruthie is out of earshot. The room is small though, so there’s no real expectation of privacy. “I’m really sorry, Oksana – about the way I left, with no warning. We were roommates – I shouldn’t have done that.”
Oksana shrugs and gives me a soft smile. “No worries, Amber, it all worked out. Spencer paid your rent for the remainder of the lease and I got a new roommate. So, I actually made some money out of the situation.” She looks slightly amused.
“What?” My mouth hangs open.
“Spencer didn’t tell you? He paid off the rest of your rent!”
“No – no, he didn’t tell me…but…you already have a new roommate?” Shit, I was hoping that I could eventually ask Oksana to move back in. I can’t keep up with this $130 per night hotel tab for much longer…especially since I’m unemployed and living off of credit cards.
“Yes, this guy I work with – Sam – he moved in yesterday.”
“Okay, then,” is all I can manage to say.
“Anyway, gotta go,” Oksana says laying a sticky peck on my cheek, “And call your mother – She’s driving me crazy trying to figure out where you are.”
“Please, please don’t tell her where I am,” I beg as I wipe Oksana’s lip gloss off of my face.
“I won’t. I promise,” Oksana says earnestly. “And I’m sorry I told her you were working at Spencer’s company. I really am sorry about that.”
I give Oksana’s hand a little squeeze. “I know, Oksana.”
With that, she slips out the door. “I’ll call you,” she says as she shuffles towards the elevator.
I drag myself back across the room and toss my body across the bed.
Ruthie’s voice is small. “Hailey and I talked about it…you can move in with us for a while…until you figure out what to do…living in a hotel room is pretty expensive.”
I prop myself up on my elbows and look at her in the dimming light as the sun sets for the evening. “Thanks, Ruthie. You guys have done so much for me. I don’t know what I would have done without you…I think that I’ll have to take you up on that offer.” An inelegant yawn barrels through my lips.
She just smiles. She eases to her feet. “Well, I guess that’s my queue to leave…I’ve gotta get to the gym anyway. We’re doing spinning class tonight.”
I get up to walk her to the door.
Ruthie gives me a quick hug at the door. “You should probably just talk to him, Amber. You haven’t gotten his side of the story. All your rage is based purely on speculation. Maybe he has an explanation.”
“He’s a liar. He deceived me. You’re supposed to be on my side, Ruthie,” I groan.
“I am on your side. And I think that talking to him may be in your best interests.” With that, she walks out the door and I’m left all alone in the dark.
Chapter 5
“How was your date, by the way?” Ruthie asks Hailey as she sinks into the kitchen chair next to me two nights later.
“Ugh – please don’t make me relive that trauma,” Hailey groans bitterly as she grabs three plates from the kitchen cupboard.
“That bad?” Ruthie asks pulling her long blond hair into a messy ponytail.
Hailey doesn’t answer. She only frowns and shudders softly, apparently shaking herself out of an awful memory.
“Okay, dinner is served,” Hailey announces proudly, slipping a plate in front of me before sliding one in front of Ruthie. She stands back and puts her hands on her hips waiting for our compliments.
“What is it?” I ask as politely as possible. My credit cards are officially maxed out, I have no job and no place of my own, so I’m not trying to ruffle feathers by turning up my nose at Hailey’s culinary offering. Besides that, I can’t really remember my last meal and I’d be a damn liar if I said I wasn’t starving.
“Steamed tofu sticks with peanut sauce, Chinese cabbage and vermicelli,” she says with a smile. “Go ahead. Taste it!” she coaxes me.
Though I want to resist, the grumble of my stomach leaves me little choice. I pick up my fork and dig in. “This is actually good,” I say between mouthfuls.
“Yeah, it’s good,” Ruthie concedes, “But I still think it would be better with some meat.” She scrunches up her nose at Hailey as she pulls her hair free of her ponytail.
Hailey just rolls her eyes at Ruthie as she sinks into a chair at the small circular kitchen table with her own plate. “If you don’t like eating vegan, then you’re gonna have to start cooking for yourself, okay?” She turns her attention to me. “So, I’ve set up the futon for you. I put a few extra pillows and blankets.”
“Thanks…both of you. I really appreciate your help,” I say lowering my eyes to fight back tears.
Ruthie tosses her hair over her shoulder as she reaches over and squeezes my hand. “That’s what friends are for, sweetie!”
I smile at her. “And just f.y.i.,I spent most of the day looking for work. I sent résumés to all the firms Nadia found for me the other day. Plus, I applied for a few in-house internships as well. And as soon as I get my last check from Cartwright, I’ll chip in for rent.”
“Don’t be silly, Amber. Just focus on getting back on your feet,” Hailey reassures me. I look around the apartment. It’s hardly as glamorous as Spencer’s penthouse or the condo he gifted me, but it’s a roof over my head at a time when have no other options. “Oh, by the way, Spencer dropped off some of your stuff this afternoon.”
“What?” My eyes bulge.
“Yes. Sorry, I forgot to tell you.” She eases to her feet and goes into the other room. She reemerges with a moving box. She sets it down near my feet.
“Spencer knows that I’m here?” I ask leering at her.
Hailey looks unapologetic. “He cares about you, Amber. Her just wants to know that you’re alright.”
I sigh as I lean forward and use my dinner knife to slice the packing tape open. I push the cardboard tabs aside and pull out my favorite black business suit, a navy blue pencil skirt, some blouses and gym clothes as well as shoes and toiletries. At the bottom of the box is a
white envelope. I carefully rip it open. Way more than a few $100 bills sail to the floor. There’s also a letter. I pull it out and unfold it. I read the words out loud.
Amber Nights - The Esquire Girls Series - Amber's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set Page 19