Spencer walks over to me and wraps me in his arms. I cry in wracking sobs against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispers again and again into my hair. He tilts my face up to meet his. His lips land softly on mine. “Forgive me. Please.” His warm hands skirt over my exposed shoulders and down my back and up my sides and goose bumps spread across my skin and I can’t tell if it’s because of the chill in the starless summer night or if it’s because my body yearns to join with his. I feel his erection rising against my leg.
“Spencer,” I mutter against his skin as his hand slips beneath the flared skirt of my floral-patterned dress. “I can’t,” I say although my body says otherwise. I’m instantly slick and swollen and yearning to feel him inside.
“You want this…” he says sounding only half sure of himself. “You love me…” He kisses me again and this time, my hands leap to his cheeks before my fingers find themselves laced into his hair.
He doesn’t break our kiss as he reaches down to unbutton his pants or as he wraps my legs around his waist or as he pushes my panties to the side.
He enters me.
Raw.
Hungry.
Lust bubbling over.
My back pressed into the concrete wall, he plunges into me over and over again. I dig my fingernails into his skin – god, I needed this. Spencer sucks feverishly on my neck and shoulder and chin. His movements are so urgent and deliberate like he’s trying to convince me, he’s trying to make the argument with his body.
“I love you, Amber…Tell me you love me, too.”
I can’t say it. Not right now. Not when I’m so confused.
“Say it, please, Amber. Say you love me.”
“I can’t,” I whimper against his lips.
“You can. Please.”
I don’t want this conversation. Not right now. So, I squeeze my scorching wetness around his throbbing cock again and again and he loses his words. His eyes roll back into his head. He gushes inside of me. Hot, hot lava gushing inside of me.
Spencer clings to me, his ragged breaths rattling my body. The evening air is becoming cooler by the minute. I’m shivering a little and it’s not just because of the chill in the air. The sex felt fantastic in the moment, but now that it’s over, it feels like I’ve made a mistake.
“I want to leave now,” I say in a firm, even tone.
Spencer looks into my face. In the faint lighting of the terrace, I can see the confusion in his eyes. “You want to leave?”
I nod as the tears gush down my face.
“Please, Amber. I just want to hold you tonight.”
I shrug out of his embrace. I readjust my underwear and the straps of my dress. I push past him and make my way to the front door, forcing a steady, confident gait. I press the call button and the elevator doors swing open almost instantly.
I glance up into Spencer’s downtrodden face one last time before the doors shut. I am haunted by his desolate expression.
I collapse into a sobbing heap on the floor as the elevator glides towards the ground floor.
Chapter 15
“Mom?” I yelp into the phone feeling like a wounded bird.
“Amber –“ I hear anxiousness in her voice. “Sweetie, are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in over two weeks.”
“No, mom. I’m not okay.” I’m crying helplessly into my phone. I avoid eye contact with the late night joggers circling the park trying not to draw any attention to myself as I curl up on the cold, wooden bench.
“My sweet baby. Talk to me.” The panic in my mother’s voice is palpable.
“I just – I’ve never hurt so bad in my life. I don’t know what to do – he hurt me, mom.” I feel pathetic crying like this in public but after my encounter with Spencer tonight, I feel raw and vulnerable and wounded. I’m teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown.
“I know, Bambi. I know.” I’ve never heard her sound so sympathetic in my life. My dad has always been prone to pander to my sisters and me when we whine while my mom is known for her unique brand of drunk, tough love. But she’s different tonight. She’s caring and soothing.
I feel myself nodding at her comforting words.
“I don’t know what to do – He’s been manipulating my life long before I ever met him – But now, I’m in love with him. I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m so sorry that he hurt you, Bambi. I know that you love him.”
“I do. That’s why it’s so hard. Because I want to be with him but I can’t trust him again. He’s been hiding so much from me.”
“Just take a deep breath, baby. Try to relax. You don’t have to decide anything this red-hot minute – but before you do decide, make sure you know the truth. All of it. You deserve the truth, Bambi. You deserve to have all your questions answered. And once you have the whole picture, then follow your heart. No matter what your head says, follow your heart.”
I nod at the wisdom of my mother’s words. “Thanks, mom,” I mutter. I wail into the phone – I must sound so pathetic right now to the joggers running past me.
My mother has reached the edge of her patience. “Okay, Amber Denise Roberts – enough with the crying. We are not weak women. We come from a long line of fighters. You’ve seen me go toe to toe with your father. I’ve shown you what it means to be a strong woman. Don’t roll over and let this man have his way with you. You go over there right now and demand answers. Get your answers…what do you lawyers call it? Due diligence?”
I chuckle as I listen to my mother’s harsh pep talk.
“Okay, mom.”
“Go back over there, Amber. Now.”
Make sure I have all my questions answered?
Hmm. I have tons of questions and if Spencer wants me as much as he says he does, he’ll have to provide answers.
Chapter 16
“The redhead,” I say firmly as the elevator doors swing open. Spencer is standing in the entranceway, shirtless and barefoot looking sexier than sin but I’m gonna keep my focus this time around. I need answers.
“The redhead?” He looks confused.
I push past him and march towards the kitchen at the end of the hallway. “The redhead – the receptionist at DisSpence. I saw you having lunch with her the other day. Have you slept with her? Is that why she hates me?” I spin around on my heels and turn to face him.
Disgust is splattered across his gorgeous face. “Felicia? She’s Chloe’s 19-year-old half-sister. She’s temping at the front desk for the summer. I would never touch Felicia.”
“Chloe’s half-sister,” I repeat mildly embarrassed that I jumped to conclusions. To hide my reddened face, I stick my head into the refrigerator and pull out a half-done bottle of wine and a box of chocolates. “I guess that explains why she hates me?”
Spencer offers a small smile. “She’s very protective of her big sister’s memory.”
Things are beginning to click into place for me, but I still have questions. “Wait – you said that you and Chloe didn’t have any family out here in New York when you moved.” My statement is really a question begging for an answer.
Spencer is pulling two wine goblets out of the cupboard. “Felicia was 16 when Chloe died. She was living in Philadelphia with her mother – Chloe’s stepmother – at the time. She’s at DisSpence for the summer. She’ll be back in Philadelphia to start school in the fall.”
“Oh,” I say trying to focus on his eyes but his half-naked body is beckoning me. I blush again. “Would you mind putting on a shirt? This situation” – I gesture to his muscular, bare chest – “is totally distracting right now.” Spencer grins wickedly before disappearing down the hallway. I pop a piece of chocolate into my mouth as I make my way into the living room and get comfortable on the sofa. Spencer returns moments later and sits next to me while buttoning up his light blue shirt.
He reaches out and holds my hand. “What else do you need to know?”
“Stella…have you slept with her?” My voice quakes a bit. I’m scared of the
answer to that question.
He shakes his head lightly from left to right. “No – I’ve never slept with Stella. She’s been there for me through some tough times. I don’t know where I would be without her support. When I was barely able to keep steady on my feet, when I was in rehab. Stella practically ran my company. She oversaw all of my deals. She handled more than just the legal aspects of my business – She may be small and laid back, but that woman is a force to be reckoned with at the negotiation table –“ we both chuckle “But I’ve never felt that way about her. She kissed me once, but I put a quick end to it because I didn’t want her to get hurt…and we’ve maintained our friendship and business relationship over the years. And I was there, front and center when she got married last year – Stella’s great but, we’ve never had sex.”
I sigh, relieved. It’s like a boulder has been rolled off of my shoulders. I take a long sip of wine. “So, you said you made Stella hire me at Cartwright?”
He hesitates. “That doesn’t mean that you weren’t qualified for the job, Amber. You were. You’re brilliant.”
“You’re not answering my question,” I insist.
“Okay…yes, I asked her to hire you.”
“But what if I didn’t accept. What if I had gone to work for another firm?”
He sighs. “I considered that…I was prepared to fire Cartwright and move my business to any other firm you might have chosen.”
“I think that’s manipulative and obsessive…and pretty creepy.”
He leans back into the couch and pushes his fingers through his hair.
“Spencer, what you did is not okay…”
“I know that. I’m sorry…but you can’t tell me that what we have isn’t real. Regardless of how it started…Everything you want, I’m prepared to give it to you. I am completely open to you.” He waves his hand, gesturing around the room. I know he’s referring to the boxes that have been opened and unpacked. I know he’s referring to the fact that he’s now willing to speak openly about Chloe. I know he’s referring to the fact that he made love to me without the barrier of a condom. “Life is so fragile, Amber. One minute, everything is perfect and the next, your whole world is crashing down around you. My net worth is approaching one billion dollars. Can you imagine that? But I would give it up in a heartbeat for one moment with the woman who makes me feel again…I would give it up for you.” I feel a wayward tear sprint down my face. He reaches across and swipes it away with his thumb. “That first day I saw you, it wasn’t just an attraction that I felt. It was a connection. You stirred up a part of me that had been stagnant for so long. I thought that I had frozen over forever. You will never understand how much I needed to find you. When Chloe died, I thought that I was lost forever. You’ve given me purpose all over again.”
I close my eyes tightly and take a deep breath. “You’re saying all the right things, but…”
“What? But what?”
I don’t know how to move forward from this. I don’t know how to move past the truth of what Spencer has done to manipulate me into his life.
It’s unsettling.
But I don’t know how to say that because his manipulations have been successful – I’ve fallen in love with him and I can’t just let him go.
Instead, I say, “Hold me.”
And his body inches closer to mine. He pulls me into his chest. He holds me in silence until I drift off into sleep.
Chapter 17
I wake up in Spencer’s bed the next morning. He’s in the mirror adjusting his tie. He sees my reflection in the mirror.
He turns to face me. “Hi…” His voice is soft and tentative.
“Hi…” I say running my fingers through my disheveled bangs.
Spencer comes around the bed and kisses me tenderly on the lips. He cups my face in his palm and smiles softly at me.
His warmth feels misplaced. I haven’t recovered yet. Not yet.
I shrink back from his touch. “I need some space to think about things…I’m gonna go back home to my parents’ house for the next few days. Until I start my new job.”
He cocks his eyebrow. “Okay.” The fact that I have a new job is news to him but he knows that now is not the time to discuss it.
I continue. “And when I come back, we’ll find a therapist. And we’ll go see him together.”
He nods slowly despite the reluctance creeping across his face.
“We’ll go to NA meetings once a week,” I continue.
He nods again.
“We will take it slow. We will take our time with this relationship. I need to learn how to trust you again. And you need to make sure that you are truly able to move past your heartbreak over Chloe’s death.”
He sinks into the bed and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t like what I’m saying but I’m setting out the rules we’ll need to follow if we want to move forward.
I soften my tone. “When I get back, I’d like you to go look at apartments with me…”
His eyes shoot up at me and his expression becomes stern. “Amber, I’ve given you a fully-furnished condo with a breathtaking view of the city. Why do you need to go rent an apartment?”
“Because I’m not a kept-woman, Spencer. You can’t keep throwing your money at me and trying to solve all of my problems. I’m an intelligent, independent, autonomous person…and I need to start acting like it…The fact that I’m in love with you is no excuse to behave otherwise.”
He sighs deeply but he doesn’t object again.
I push back the sheets and pull myself to my feet. I try to smooth out the wrinkles in the dress that I’ve been wearing since yesterday.
Spencer stands too and kisses me affectionately on the forehead. “I have meetings this morning. I have to go. Stay as long as you need to. Your clothes are still in the walk-in closet.”
I nod. “Thank you, Spencer.”
He kisses me again on the side of my face before grabbing his suit jacket. He stops at the bedroom door. He turns back to look at me. “I’ll miss you, Amber.”
I smile softly. “I’ll miss you, too.”
Chapter 18
“You don’t like your dinner, Dylan?” I ask as I try to pry a spoonful of vegetable mush into my nephew’s mouth. Dylan purses his lips tightly and squints his eyes trying to swat the spoon away with his tiny hands. “I think that’s a no,” I laugh turning to his mother.
“Oh, give me that,” Eden moans grabbing the spoon and elbowing me out of the way. “Dylan, you’re going to eat now. Open wide for mommy.” She manages to push the spoon between his lips but he retaliates by spitting vegetables all over her lily-white blouse.
She shrieks. “Dylan!” She grabs a towel from the highchair where he is sitting and wipes her clothes frantically as she runs out of the room. “Now I’m gonna be late for my date. How am I ever supposed to find you a new daddy if I’m always covered in spit up and milk stains?”
I laugh heartily as my father walks into the kitchen. He pats Dylan on the head affectionately. “Are you being a bad boy, Dylan?” The baby squeals with delight, enjoying the attention. My father sits down beside me and takes the spoon. He brings the spoon to his own mouth and makes exaggerated eating noises telling Dylan how delicious it is. He pushes the spoon back in Dylan’s direction and the baby takes a tentative first mouthful. Before long, Dylan has found his rhythm and is eating without fuss.
“Wow, dad. I’m impressed,” I say leaning back in my chair.
“Dad’s still got that magic, I guess,” he says smirking at me. “So, how are you holding up today, sweetie?”
I sigh. “I’m enjoying being at home…but I miss him.”
He smiles at my confession. “Of course you do, honey. You care about him.”
“But he betrayed me, dad.” I’m arguing against my own emotions.
“He did some stupid things, Bambi. That’s what happens when you fall in love. You do stupid things. He wasn’t trying to hurt you. It’s just that love beats the logic ou
t of a man sometimes.”
I fiddle with my ponytail as I absorb my father’s words. “What should I do?” I ask in a small voice.
“You should follow your heart…Be careful, but follow your heart.”
Chapter 19
I’ve only seen Spencer twice in the week since I’ve gotten back to New York.
I’m serious about taking it slow.
Amber Nights - The Esquire Girls Series - Amber's Story (Books 1, 2, 3 & 4) - Box Set Page 22